Chapter 33 #3
He wrinkled his nose. “Now wasn’t it nice having sex on an actual bed last night instead of a mattress on the floor?”
“I’m still not convinced. At least a mattress doesn’t bang into the wall and make a racket.”
Leo almost choked on a piece of chicken. He gulped down some water, then returned the glass to the coaster. Coaster. I owned fucking coasters, thanks to him.
“Are you complaining about my skill?”
“My only complaint is that we don’t nearly do it enough.”
Leo’s mouth fell open. “I was giving you time to recover. Sometimes it gets rough between us, Sergei.”
“Do you hear me complaining? I like it, alright? Feeling trapped and helpless beneath you while you’re pounding inside of me. I’m right where I want to be.”
“Good.” He looked me dead in the eye. “Don’t go eating too much then. Later, I’ll help you to prep and pop a butt plug in while we watch that movie I bought. I’ll edge you the whole time.”
Ah shit. How was I supposed to give him the disappointing news?
Leo paused with his fork halfway to his mouth when I didn’t reply and studied me. “What? You’re not into that?”
“No, I am.”
“Then why did you go silent?”
I glanced down at my plate. “Sorry, Leo, but I have to go to the club tonight. I won’t be able to watch the movie with you after all.”
Leo lowered his fork. “I thought you took the night off.”
“Yes, but turns out that there’s a guest popping in and I should be there.”
Leo didn’t respond right away. He looked at his plate, his expression that carefully blank one he erected as a shield. I hated being the reason he put it on.
“If you don’t want me to go,” I said quickly, “I won’t.”
His eyes snapped to mine. “No. It’s your job, and you should go, but maybe I can go with you.”
Every muscle in my body tightened. “No.”
Emotions flickered across his face before he hid it, but not fast enough. Hurt. “You don’t want people to know about us?”
“What? No.” I pushed my plate aside, frustration rising because I’d already fucked this up. “That’s not it at all. You’re the catch in this relationship. Why wouldn’t I want people to know about you?”
“Then what is it?”
“Maxim is the guest I mentioned.” I reached across the granite counter for his hand.
“I don’t want you exposed to that part of my world more than you already have been.
” I tried to find the right words but knew I was probably doing a shit job of it.
“Maxim being there changes everything. His security, the people who might approach him, the conversations happening behind closed doors. It’s not somewhere I want to bring you. ”
Leo watched me for a long moment, then he leaned forward, his voice calmer than I expected. “When I chose to be with you, I accepted that this is your world, Sergei. It’s naive of you to think I can be with you and not be involved.”
My chest tightened. “But I can lessen the degree to which you are.”
“I’m not stupid, Sergei, and I don’t want you to treat me like it. You want me to love all of you? Then show me all of you. Why hide a huge part of your life from me?”
“The last time I killed someone, you freaked out.”
“Are you going to kill someone tonight?”
“That’s the thing. I don’t always know, but I’ll do it if it’s necessary.”
Leo inhaled deeply, then let the breath out slowly. “And that’s a part of who you are. I deserve to see it. I’m not going to be in another relationship, Sergei, where it feels like we are living two separate lives. I know you’re worried about me being around Morozov, but I’m not afraid of him.”
“You should be.”
“I can handle him.”
My laugh was slow and dangerous. “You think I’m dangerous, but he’s a lot more dangerous than me, Leo.”
“I have a dead husband in a cemetery that says I know how dangerous he is. This isn’t about confronting your boss, Sergei. I’m just asking you not to shut me out of this part of your life. I’d rather know what I’m getting myself into than be confronted with another surprise.”
I looked down at his hand over mine, at the fingers that had patched wounds, held scalpels, touched me with impossible gentleness, and I realized there was no version of this where I kept Leo untouched by my world.
Not if he was going to be in my life. Not if I wanted him beside me for more than stolen dinners and quiet mornings.
I still didn’t like it.
I probably never would, but I understood.
“Okay,” I said.
His eyebrows lifted slightly. “Okay?”
“You can come with me.”
Some of the tension left his shoulders, though suspicion remained in his eyes. “That was easier than I expected.”
“I’m not happy about it.” I squeezed his hand. “You will need to stay close to me at all times and preferably not talk to Maxim.”
“Okay.” He smiled down at his food, and the warmth slowly returned to the kitchen.
But beneath it, the worry stayed.
Because bringing Leo to the club meant bringing him closer to Maxim, closer to the life I had built in blood and loyalty, closer to the one place where my love for him and my duty to Maxim collided.
It was the true test of whether he could really love all of me and not just the gentle side of me he saw when I was with him.