41. KATIE
Chapter forty-one
KATIE
L oren offers to take me to his office at the university in the morning and I jump at the chance. He has access there to restricted records about Travelers. I tell him I’m just curious about how many others have come from Earth– to see what happened to them, what they might have left behind.
I don’t tell him that I am creating my own map of entry points. So far, I have three areas where people seem to show up, and one of them is just outside of Halvassa. Thank God I remember most of my college Spanish, because I have all my notes saved in my phone en Espanol – which I doubt they could translate if they were found.
Loren opens my car door for me, waiting until I’m buckled to close it gently and settle himself in beside me. He feels like a knight, the kind that might actually have worn armor and carried a sword. I want to make a joke about riding in on a noble steed, but I don’t know if he’d get it.
Did they have knights here?
Do they ride horses?
I’ve never thought to ask or find out– not that I’ve had time. It’s been a whirlwind of a week.
The gap between our worlds feels large. The cityscape outside my window is so similar to any major metropolis back in the US, yet wholly foreign.
“My office is just there,” he says, pointing to a second story window right before we pull into a covered parking deck. He slides out of the car, a low-slung model that looks like a cross between the classic James Bond Aston Martin, and a 70s T-top Corvette. It’s the color of ripe plums– a color that must be among Loren’s favorites.
The Royal University looks more like a medieval castle and less like the red brick college I attended in North Carolina. The walls are a thick gray stone– similar to the Conservatory. Each of the buildings that hug a paved central semi-circle are like massive rectangular fortresses.
“Are you defending against invaders hellbent on stealing all your knowledge, or are these walls for keeping the students prisoner until they pass their exams?” I joke as we walk toward the second of the five imposing stone buildings.
Loren grabs my hand, pulling me to walk beside him.
I should shake him off to keep a healthy distance, but his grip is firm, comforting. Like an anchor in the midst of a rolling sea.
“The three central buildings are the original palace of the High Kings and Queens of Savolinna. They built a more modern palace in what is now the Old Third Ward about three hundred years ago. These were designated to house the growing university, which had been split between three monasteries across the country.”
He points to a statue in front of the main building. The figures of two men and two women made of some kind of highly polished silvery stone gleams in the morning sunlight. One man sits in a regal chair– probably a throne– while the other three flank him. All are fixated on a massive open book in his lap.
“That’s King Gearharrt the Wise. He brought the disparate monastic colleges together to form the central Royal University. His Omega, the woman on the right with her hair unbound, Queen Hildegard, was an incredible scholar and pushed to allow women of all designations to receive an education– even Omegas. Because of her, the Conservatory in Halvaasa has the best distance learning program in the country– even on the whole Continent.”
The whole Continent . I hadn’t even stopped to consider that this country would be just one of a number of nations, on likely more than one Continent. Oh God, could there be humans here that landed somewhere else? Could our way home lie in another country? I tamp back a wave of anxiety. We traveled to Halvassa, so our way back logically begins in Halvassa. Surely.
Loren beams with pride. His love for his university, and the effervescent joy he has just being on campus wraps around me as a nearly tangible force. I can imagine him fanboying over some obscure bit of Savolinnan history, the way my dad would get animated over a new Star Wars release.
“Omegas can matriculate?” I ask, both to get a bit more information out of him about how society works, and because his enthusiasm warms me from head to toe.
“In a manner, yes. Omegas can take distance learning classes– we use a digital system to allow them to attend lectures from the Conservatory. For those who need to complete lab work, we have hours reserved in the labs where only Omegas and approved tutors– supervised by an all Beta guard detail– use the buildings.” He swipes a metallic disk across a tiny dot to the right of the doors. They unlock and silently swing open– such advanced tech in such an ancient-looking building.
“We don’t have as many Omegas going into science lately,” Loren continues, pulling me down a carpeted hallway and toward a flight of polished marble stairs. “A few still pursue medicine, but with the Omega sickness, more and more Omegas don’t want to bother with studies. So many are worried that they’ll get sick before they can find packs and bond, so they forgo further education.” He sighs.
There still are so many questions bubbling up inside me. But I swallow them back. The Omega sickness is not my concern, not right now. I feel for the Omegas who are facing an illness without cure– really I do. I’ve been trapped in a hospital room. But I always knew I’d get better and walk again. The prospect of illness without end… I swallow thickly.
Loren gently rubs his thumb over my knuckles, soothing the tension that had wound its way into my shoulders.
“All of you were tested for the Omega sickness as soon as they knew you were unregistered Omegas. No signs of it at all, and none of the genetic markers.”
He hesitates, and I can hear the unsaid words: except for Molly Beth. Her weak lungs make her susceptible for everything .
He tugs me close to him, untangling our hands to loop his arm over my shoulders as he swipes the same metal disc in front of another door. It’s the third on the right, next to what appears to be a display of gruesome looking swords and axes.
“This is my office. It’s attached to one of the private collections of Traveler artifacts. You might be able to find something from Earth here– and if you do, I’d love for you to give me notes for our documentation. We interview all the Travelers that we can, but most of our information about these artifacts is still shaky at best.”
He pulls me inside, the lights automatically turning on as we enter.
The room is magnificent. The walls are the same deep steel gray not-quite granite as the outer walls. The floors are criss-crossed with plush rugs in deep reds and blues. A large fireplace dominates the whole left side of the room, with three high back chairs pulled comfortably around it. I immediately imagine Callum and Max there with Loren, sipping brandy before merrily crackling flames.
On the right side what must be Loren’s desk is pushed under a high window overlooking the grounds. The desk is cluttered with stacks of paper in distinct piles, all held down by various objects. Beside his desk is a collection of weapons: a tall pike, a double-sided axe, two rifles that look like black powder muzzle loaders, and a truly massive sword.
I look from them to Loren, and raise my eyebrows in silent question. What is the gentle professor doing with such a collection? Surely these aren’t all from Travelers?
He sighs. “In addition to being the foremost on Traveler lore, I am also a weapons master.” He fingers the barrel of one of the rifles.
“Really?” I can’t imagine the stoic professor using any of these weapons. Loren is big enough to heft the sword, and strong enough I’m sure, to wield it. His height and broad shoulders would make him a truly intimidating force, paired with the sword– or any of the weapons. But the idea of him using such a blunt tool sours my stomach.
“Yes. When I was in the military, I was a strategist. Part of my… particular skill set was in weapons analysis. I was called in to evaluate new weapons, to gauge how they could be used in battle. And to test them.”
His jaw tightens. Those blue eyes, so clear, now cloud with the pain of memory. I know it too well. I want to take his glasses off, to see him without the delicate shield of glass between us.
“Oh Loren.” I move to him without thinking. I can feel his pain, his regret and sorrow as though they were words he’d spoken aloud. Soldiers know the weight of guilt well. I press one hand flat against his chest, feeling the thump of his heart. It’s rapid at first, but begins to slow with my touch.
I remember Aurelia saying that Omegas could soothe their Alphas. Seeing my new biology in action– action I have chosen, rather than the emotional rollercoaster the last week– is a strange delight. I should find it unnerving, but I don’t. I like that I can both feel Loren’s pain, and ease it. It’s a heady kind of rush.
“I am a man of honor, Katie. My father is a General, my grandfather was the Commandant of the whole Savolinnian Army. I was taught that honor and duty to Pack and country come above all else,” he swallows, looking away from me. “But it was dishonorable, how we tested some of the weapons we discovered. My fa– my commanding officer wanted them used on prisoners of war. As examples in more ways than one.”
My stomach aches. I had heard about what some soldiers did to prisoners. How they humiliated and abused them as punishment or to feel powerful in a war that no one could truly win.
“There are days when I wonder if I am a monster; then there are days that I know I am.” He turns his gaze on me, serious and unflinching. “If I told you all that I have done in war, do you think you could still be my Omega? If I told you all the people that I killed in the border skirmishes, could you forgive that part of me? Is it worth forgiving?” The last words were barely more than a whisper, as though meant only for himself.
“You’re more than the warrior,” I say, repeating similar words that had been said to me by a therapist after my surgery. “You are more than whatever happened to you on the battlefield. I’ve seen it,” I say, pressing my fingers against his cheek.
He nuzzles into my palm. It’s too much closeness, I know that. I am crossing a line I will probably regret later, but everything in me aches to give him comfort. My Omega biology keens like a living thing in my chest, wanting to soothe Loren. Wanting to strip away all this anguish until he is bare.
Thinking about Loren bare sends a different kind of tingling throughout my nerve endings.
Desire rushes through me, every pore of my body opening up and screaming for Loren, for the promise of his tongue and fingers and cock. All of a sudden, I swing from a comforting companion to horny teenage girlfriend, ready to dry hump his leg if given half the chance.
WTF body, slow down.
I need control. I need to think rationally .
I push myself away, trying to step out of the embrace, to force distance between us as my hormones throw me for another loop. My skin prickles with heat, my core tight with need.
“Easy, Love,” Loren whispers, petting my arm. “You’re perfuming; it’s natural and nothing to be ashamed of. You felt safe with me–that’s good.” He steps closer, running his fingers up to my elbow. “We don’t have to go any further than this. Just don’t run away from me.”
There’s a playfulness underneath his calm tone.
“I’m not running, just taking precautions,” I rasp. “Omega biology is a needy bitch.”
He laughs, a true deep belly laugh, clutching me to his chest. I can feel the rumbles beneath my cheek, and the tension in my shoulders relaxes. I do want Loren. God I want to fuck him right now.
But I can’t risk getting attached. And I don’t want to break his heart when I leave. My tender professor.
“Good, because another of the major Alpha instincts is to chase.”
“What?” I ask, pulling back from him.
He flashes me a purely wolfish smile. “Alphas love to chase– didn’t they cover that in your biology 101 class? It’s one of the primal instincts that’s hard to shake. It’s why Omegas are kept locked up– when an unbonded Omega tries to run, even the strongest Alphas can’t help the itch to chase. We’re descended from wolf shifters, after all.”
“And you would chase me?” I ask, wanting to lighten the mood with a bit of teasing.
“To the edges of Amaata, and beyond the stars,” he says, gently cupping my cheek. I know he means it. Oh, God, he means it and I want him to mean it. My chest seizes up because no one, no one has looked at me with the hunger and longing and care that Loren is looking at me with right now.
But I can’t let him… I’m going to hurt him. To break his precious heart and God help me, but I want some tiny glimpse of what being loved by this man would be like. Even if I hurt us both in the process.
Am I a terrible, terrible human being for indulging my horny Omega desires?
Yes.
Am I going to do it anyway?
I bite my lip. I should say no. I should pop this balloon of lust and refocus back to finding out more about the portals that brought Travelers to Amaata in the first place. I should focus on finding a way home.
But the part of me that has been lonely for a long time, the part of me that wants to be taken care of instead of always being the one to do the caring— that tiny part of me wants to let go with Loren.
“If you want me so badly,” I whisper, desire and need making me braver than I really feel. “Then you’ll need to catch me.”
Then I bolt, running as fast as I can through the open doorway.