Chapter 19
Claudio let out a long sigh of relief as soon as they came through the portal at Veritas.
It had been a long and exhausting week. Nothing had actually been terribly difficult in the end, but the general wear and tear of being out in the field had a price.
He was getting old enough that being the one sleeping in the tent and keeping an eye out was more exhausting than it used to be.
And it had been three days since he’d been able to have more than a wash with a cloth and a pot of water.
Charms helped, but were not remotely the same.
Ahead of him, Gabe dismounted, more cautiously than usual.
Claudio was now certain he was favouring his bad ankle, and equally wondering what it meant that Gabe was letting him see it now.
Gabe turned over his shoulder. “I propose we see to the horses and then have the conversation that needs having in the baths.”
“The baths?” Claudio swung off his horse, landing smoothly.
The Veritas baths were a delightful bit of restorative decadence, modelled on the ancient Roman mode with more hot water than anyone might possibly want.
His bath at home was excellent, but here he’d be able to go in fully to his shoulders and have room to stretch as the various tight muscles released.
After a week sleeping on a bedroll, he certainly didn’t have the willpower to say no.
“Entirely private, I wrote ahead about food and space. Besides, you don’t want to go home until we’ve talked. Silvia knows Alexander’s retiring now. He told her Wednesday.”
Claudio snorted. “Figures.” Other men— or Claudio himself, a few years ago— would have argued. There was no point to it, and besides, Gabe was proposing the sensible thing. He added after a moment. “Glad to take your tack, too.”
Gabe nodded once, which was another sign about his ankle. The process of putting the horses away took half an hour. Gabe went ahead to see about the food and get the water warm while Claudio did an initial bit of tending the tack.
Gabe’s saddle and bridle were in good shape.
He must have oiled it wherever he’d gone to on his own.
Claudio’s took a little longer. The Edgartons still had a stableman— and woman, these days— but Penelopes took care of their own gear whenever possible.
That Gabe had left Claudio to take care of his was a particular sign of trust and recognition of Claudio’s level of skill and attention.
By the time he made his way into the bathing room, the room was half steam. “Me,” Claudio called it out clearly, just in case there’d been some misunderstanding.
“Wash up, I’m in the soaking tub. Water’s delightful.” Gabe sounded more relaxed, at least. He’d set the lights comfortably low. That would make the conversation a little easier. Claudio had certainly shared these baths with him often enough now, and with Orion too.
All of them had enough experience of the Schola baths, which worked on the same principle.
This was an intimacy, but a known one. With all the resonance of the homosocial bonding of the Romans, as Isembard had put it at one point.
And besides, the water and the warmth and the stretching, not to mention the range of bath oils, were all good for what ailed hard-working men and women.
A few minutes later, he’d got the day’s mud off his skin, scrubbing down thoroughly, and then he padded across the floor to the soaking tub.
Gabe was in the corner, immersed up to his chin, arms stretched out, left leg stretched out along the seat in front of him.
Claudio settled into the diagonal corner, not bothering to repress the groan as he lowered himself into the water.
Gabe gave him about thirty seconds, then said, “Food to your left. Egg, bread, some pickled carrots from the pantry, beer, and one treat. I’ve got two hours before Rathna and Rowena get home, maybe a little longer.
” Which put a cap on how long Claudio could reasonably linger.
They’d want the baths when they turned up if they were out somewhere on a Saturday right before May Day.
Before Claudio could ask about that, Gabe added, “Bedford Square is being a diva again. No real problem, but she needed a talking to apparently, the sort that takes a bit, or she’ll get sulky. ”
“One of these days, I need to remember to ask you about why you gender portals particular ways when we’ve actually got time to get into it.
” Then Claudio sucked in a breath. “Right. To lay out the points, best I have them right now. How do I go about deciding about this? How do I talk to Orion about it? How do I talk to Isembard and Thesan about it? How do I talk to Hypatia and Cammie? And,” He took a deep breath.
“And how do I deal with my mother?” Gabe just waited, and Claudio added after a moment.
“Everyone has their own biases about it. You included.”
There was a nod. Claudio could see that through the steam.
Then there was silence. Gabe was going to make him talk, then.
That needed fortification. He twisted to peer at the food before blinking.
There were two squares of chocolate there.
A definite and unexpected treat, that. Though also a sign that he was going to need buffering.
He took a swallow of the beer, nibbled two of the carrots, ate half the roll, and then felt himself able to put words together in a sensible order.
“You’ve never suggested I Challenge. Not with words, but not otherwise.” This was the hard part to admit. “When we first came up with the seat theory, in Munich, Orion asked. That night, when he insisted we talk through it.” Bless his friend, who’d been right there to tackle the problem.
“Ah.” Now Gabe sounded definitely amused, and that was good. “What did you say?”
“Orion wondered if I’d ask you. I said something like, ‘gods, no. I might get an answer’.
” That made Gabe laugh out loud, and more than just briefly.
Claudio would have, in other circumstances, been smug about it because it was a particular form of praise from Gabe.
But there were other things that needed saying.
“It’s not as if I haven’t thought about it. Of course I have. But the Tower?”
“Mmm.” Gabe stretched a little, then leaned forward to put more of a stretch into his leg.
Despite that, Claudio was absolutely clear that Gabe was paying utter attention to him and his every reaction, subtle and overt.
Having been Gabe’s apprentice had taught him that early and with frequent reinforcement. “What would you have said?”
Claudio shrugged. “There are the more pleasant answers. The way a person might like to see themselves.” This was the trouble with their theory.
And a big part of the reason, as Claudio understood it, that no one on the Council who knew about it had brought it to public discussion yet.
The way someone was and the way they saw themselves often didn’t match.
The best solution they had for his mother was that she was the Fool.
She would be furious at the idea, even though the archetype of the Fool in the Howard Tarot was about the journey.
Worse, as far as they could tell, she’d got stuck somewhere en route, in a pattern of facing the world that worked, so far as it went, but didn’t change or improve. Especially improve.
Claudio himself had protested that Orion was absolutely not a fit for Temperance.
Gabe had proposed a particular mode— the wounded Fisher King of myth and legend— and the balance that required.
Claudio had not yet been able to come up with a good counter for that one, and given Orion had held that seat for four and a half years now, wasn’t likely to.
Then he added, “I’d like to aspire to the Star, maybe.
Or Strength or the Sun. I know, I know.”
“Have you considered, Claudio, that you have walled yourself off from feelings? Consistently and competently, but to a large extent? And that what it takes to alter those walls is, in fact, the impact of the Tower falling?” Gabe’s voice was gentle now.
Not with anything like pity. Gabe had little patience for pity.
It was a good thing he was immersed in hot water, because that sent a shiver down Claudio’s entire torso.
The water meant it was not a complete physical shock, and it also meant Gabe couldn’t know for sure how Claudio’s hands had clenched painfully.
The thing was, Claudio had been thinking about that for most of the week since he’d had that bolt of realisation.
He thought of a dozen things he wanted to say, discarding them just as rapidly.
“It’s shattering everything I was taught to be by my parents.
Which is, yes, a large part of the point. ”
Gabe nodded once in acknowledgement, then bent forward, his face almost in the water, to stretch more, before he rotated sides and did the other leg.
Claudio took a moment to do something similar before he reached for the plate again.
Gabe waited until he’d had a bit more food before saying, just as deliberately as everything else, “But not everything you’ve learned from everyone you’re close to.
” Which pointedly left out not only Claudio’s father but also mother.
Claudio snorted. “No. Though that brings me back to how to talk to them.” He waved a hand because the timing was at least mostly simple.
“I’m out at Fairlight for May Day. The morning and afternoon have obligations, but we’ll have some quiet in the evening.
Cammie and Duncan and Kenna are staying out there for a little.
I’m just there for the day. On duty on Tuesday. ”