Chapter 26
TWENTY-SIX
“It’s for the best,” I tell Yuki as we drive into the city. He picked me up earlier. I lingered, watching Nikko longer than I should have. I made my decision last night, but it still hurt. Knowing it will hurt him even more kills me.
I warned him that this wouldn’t end well, but he didn’t listen, and we both got lost in it.
Yesterday was a reality check I needed. My life isn’t easy or simple, and it isn’t made for good people like him. I was a fool to think I would be allowed such weakness and happiness. It’s something I can’t afford, a luxury I am not allowed.
He could have died yesterday because of me.
His father would have lost his son. His gym would have lost their champion.
Our lives are so vastly different. I’m not worth it, but I knew he would stay until it got him killed, so I made the decision for him.
Each mile we put between us and the gym, though, is like a hammer to my fragile heart.
“Are you sure?” Yuki asks, echoing my confused sentiment. “You care for him—”
“And that will get him killed,” I snarl.
“I can’t afford to be weak, not right now.
Someone is targeting us. First, the business, and now this.
If Nikko stays with me, he will end up dead.
I can live with him hating me, but I can’t live with his death on my soul.
I’m a mafia leader, Yuki. I don’t know who the fuck I thought I was playing house with him. ”
He sighs. “Sir.”
“Enough,” I bark as I look away, knowing he sees too much.
It wasn’t easy to walk away. Nikko has wormed his way into my life, and knowing he is gone now hurts more than it should. Yesterday was like a dream. I was so happy, but now I’m cold and dead once more. I left that happiness with him.
“Sir, you deserve to be happy,” Yuki comments as I turn my murderous gaze on him. “It’s Nikko’s choice if he wants to be a part of your life or not. You shouldn’t make that decision for him.”
“I’m protecting him,” I protest.
“Maybe he doesn’t need your protection. If you’re both hurting, then is it really worth it?
He could die tomorrow—a bus could hit him, or he could die in the ring.
He takes a risk every moment he breathes.
I think he would agree that it’s worth the risk to be by your side.
” My eyes shoot daggers, and he sighs. “Just think about it, but until then, I will do as instructed. I will keep my eye on him and make it known you are not associated with him in any way. I will make sure no one goes after him.”
Nodding, I turn away again. Nikko would stay with me, would pretend it was okay, and he would either end up dead or hate me for the trouble I bring into his peaceful, perfect life. No, I can’t do that.
I care too much about him to ruin him like that.
Faiz was right. I’ll never be truly happy. No one will ever understand me like he did. How could they?
I’m on a rampage, and I know it. All those carefully built walls are gone, and my meticulous, quiet control has disappeared. I need to figure out who tried to kill us and end it before they go after Nikko again. With his life on the line, I can’t be calm and calculating.
I am stripped of all the jewels, wealth, and nice suits I hide my monster behind.
I know my father regrets putting a gun in my hand when I was a teenager, but I am thankful for it now because I am using it to keep Nikko safe. I bring it down across this worker’s face, and his whine of pain fills my ears as I stand above him.
Tugging my suit back into place, I nod at my guards.
“Stand him up again.” They do as they are told, knowing better than to question me.
I haven’t been easy to be around these last few days, so they stay silent and follow orders, hoisting Walker to his feet while he coughs and bleeds.
One eye is sealed closed, his lip is split, and his cheek is ripped open.
I simply stare at him before I step closer and press the barrel of the gun to his chin.
“Tell me who,” I demand. “Someone paid you in cash for those unsilenced, stolen guns. I want names. I want details. If you tell me, I’ll let you live.”
“I don’t know,” Walker whines again. It’s the same thing he has been saying since we burst in here. We found the car the same day I walked away from Nikko. It was burnt. Yuki is looking into that lead, but the guns inside? There’s only one person who sells pieces like that.
This worker here specializes in repurposed, stolen military weapons. They are untraceable and perfect for your drive-by needs.
“No? Maybe your life doesn’t mean that much to you. How about that of your wife or children?” His eyes widen, and his face pales. “What do their lives mean to you?”
“You wouldn’t dare,” he replies. “They are off-limits—”
“So was mine!” I roar in his face before calming.
“You rewrote those rules when you broke them, so I’m simply following your lead.
” I hold my hand out and accept the phone from Yuki.
He protested against this, but I don’t care.
I hold it up to show the camera feed of the worker’s house, displaying his wife putting snacks on the table for his kids.
“Information for their freedom. Your choice.”
“You bastard,” Walker spits. Blood covers my face, but I just blink through it, letting it slide down my cheeks. Let it show everyone the truth of what I am and will always be.
“You have no idea,” I murmur. “Don’t make me kill them.
I don’t want to, but if I have to so I can keep my own family safe, then I will.
I will be the monster you fear if I have to be.
I will be the killer you all hate and fear.
You sold the guns that were aimed at me and someone I care very deeply about.
I want names, or I will start with your wife and I will make you watch. ”
It’s a lie, but he doesn’t know that.
I don’t hurt innocents. It’s a bluff, but it works. I find people who are not afraid of their own demise only fear one thing—the deaths of their loved ones because of them.
It’s something I learned the other day.
“I don’t know names,” Walker finally says. “They came in with half a mil, said they needed some automatics, no traces back.”
“Don’t treat me like a fool. I know you keep records in case of issues,” I caution.
He nods and looks at his computer. “There. Their faces are in there.”
“Yuki,” I order.
“Yes, sir.”
We are silent, locked in a battle of wills, as Yuki looks. “Got it, sir.”
Lifting the gun, I press the barrel to Walker’s forehead. “If you ever sell to an enemy of mine again, we will be right back here. The only difference will be your wife and children will be dead. Is that understood? I will make you understand true fear and heartbreak.”
“Fine, fine, please, just leave them alone.”
I nod at my guards as I step back, but I’m not satisfied. Lifting my gun, I shoot both of his legs without looking. “A physical reminder, in case you forget,” I tell him as I put my gun away and walk toward Yuki.
His face is expressionless, but his gaze is not. He looks sad—sad it’s come to this, that I’m having to get my hands dirty.
“Sir.” Yuki offers me a handkerchief. I ignore it and walk toward the car.
The blood dries on my skin, staining it.
Let the world see what I’m willing to do to those who stand against me.
When I don’t speak, he sighs. “It isn’t anyone we recognize, but that doesn’t mean anything.
I will put out feelers and find out if they are hired killers.
I will give you names as soon as possible. ”
“Good,” I murmur as I slide into the car. “Is Nikko okay?”
“It seems they are leaving him alone or hiding. Word has traveled that you are angry and searching for those behind the attack. They could simply be lying low, but we’ll keep the protection detail on him from a distance so he doesn’t suspect anything.”
I nod, happy about that. I can’t be who I need to be if I’m worried about Nikko.
The idea of him seeing me now horrifies me. He would be disgusted, but I don’t care. I’ll keep him alive no matter what.
“He looks . . . tired,” Yuki remarks, and I whirl around. “He isn’t sleeping. He’s in the gym all day and night practicing, barely eating or going out.”
“As long as he’s alive, he can get over anything.”
“What if he doesn’t get over you?” Yuki murmurs.
“What if you go too far this time, sir?” My eyes meet his, and he purses his lips.
“You aren’t like this. You use other tactics to get what you want.
When everyone else goes low, you stay true.
You defeat them with money, power, and intelligence.
You never get your hands bloody. You let them ruin themselves. ”
“They tried to kill him, Yuki,” I argue.
“I know,” he murmurs. “But can you really live with what you are becoming? Could your father? Could Nikko? I will be with you no matter what, but they wanted more for you. We will find who did this, and we will make them pay, but not this way. Let’s show them what true power is. Let’s not give them anywhere to hide.”
“I can’t lose him,” I admit, and Yuki sighs.
“I know, sir, but you can’t lose yourself either.
You have worked so hard to be who you are now.
Don’t let them ruin that or they win. Let me dirty my hands for you, not the other way around.
We will win, sir, I will ensure it, but the right way—a way you can live with.
” I stare into his pleading eyes, and I know he’s right.
I don’t want to be a killer. I never did. I just want my family safe.
“Okay,” I concede, and he blows out a breath of relief. “You’re right, we’ve gotten this far my way, so let’s not revert back to my father’s. I’ll defeat them the same way I have conquered everyone else who has stood in my way. I just . . . lost myself for a moment.”
“Everyone does.” He hands me wipes. “But it’s time to come back. We need you. Your father needs you. Nikko needs you.”
I startle at his name, a reminder of what I left behind. I’ve tried my best to forget him, to stay busy so I don’t remember the way he held me in his sleep, as if he were afraid I would disappear on him. I promised nothing but sex, but I still think about him.
I look at the bracelet around my wrist and my heart aches.