Chapter Nine
Alice
T he events of the day roll through me like thunder clouds before a contentious storm.
I stare up at the ceiling of my borrowed room, sleep evading me as Braxten lays only steps away on the couch.
I’ve never yearned for the safety of his presence more than I do right now. I had been so close to breaking down and asking him to sleep with me tonight, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, not when I was already feeling so vulnerable. Besides, the last thing I wanted to do was add to his stress.
Things were so bleak after Craig’s visit, everyone quiet and subdued.
Among that quiet though was also anger. I could sense it in Braxten the most. See it in the rigidness of his body, the tight set of his jaw, the pinched vice of his clenched fists.
It made me feel horrible, knowing my situation was the cause.
Sighing, I turn over and burrow in closer to my pillow. Sleep eventually finds me, but it brings no peace. Only a nightmare. It drifts from the deepest parts of my memory, pulling me into its terrifying darkness. There’s no escaping it or the truth it unveils…
Cold metal snaps around my delicate wrists, creating a spine stiffening sound as I’m shackled to the whipping post that has become my eternal damnation.
Heavy black boots echo on the concrete floor behind me, my naked flesh recoiling at the feel of his dark presence.
“You’ve been a bad girl again, Alice. It’s time for your punishment.”
My head lowers in shame, soul crumbling in despair while I await the pain that will be inflicted.
I am the outlet for his rage and the demons he keeps locked inside. I pay for sins that are not my own.
He cracks the whip on the ground, making me jerk against my restricted chains, and it has fear rattling deep in my bones. “What do you have to say for yourself?”
“I’m sorry.” The unwarranted apology weeps past my lips, a sense of powerlessness leaving with it.
“Not yet, but you will be.”
I brace myself for that first strike, but no matter how prepared I am, no matter how many times I’ve been through this, there is no preparing for this kind of agony.
It’s life shattering.
I bite my tongue, the metallic taste of blood filling my mouth as I fight to silence my cries. Lash after lash, the pain swallows me whole and I am no longer able to help myself. A desolate scream shreds my throat and bounces off the walls, drowning me in the fiery pits of hell.
I bolt upright on a blood curdling scream, despair gripping my chest in an unforgivable vise. My hands run along my body as I fight for breath, a cold sweat blanketing my skin. I expect to find blood, but all I’m met with are a battered heart and desolate tears.
“Alice!” My name rings out behind the bedroom door seconds before it crashes open with a thundering bang, almost ripping off its hinges.
Braxten charges into the room like an angered bull, taking in the dark surroundings of his room before rushing to my side. “What’s wrong?” he asks, grasping my shoulders. “What happened?”
I open my mouth, but am unable to speak past the fear that clogs my throat. It robs me of breath, hindering every part of my soul.
“Breathe, baby.” Braxten’s hands lift to my face, his forehead resting on mine as he coaches me through whatever is happening right now.
My eyes fall closed, the warmth of his touch along with the soothing baritone of his voice bringing the calmness my frantic heart craves.
“That’s it. Just breathe.”
The air in my lungs begins to regulate, exhaling past my lips at a normal pace. My eyes reopen, colliding with the strength of his.
“You good?” he asks.
I nod.
“Talk to me. What happened?”
The evil I just faced taunts my conscience, the scars on my body burning all over again with the truth. “I-I remembered something,” the confession escapes me on a broken whisper.
Braxten’s calm demeanor shatters as he grasps my shoulders once more, his grip firm yet gentle. “What is it? What do you remember?”
I hesitate, unable to speak the horror I just faced, to explain how the scars on my body came to be. “He…He hurt me, Braxten. He hurt me really bad.” A sob rips from my chest, the sound exploding through the room.
A heated curse flees him before he pulls me against his chest, letting me cry out all the pain tainting my soul.
“It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. I promise.”
After the letter we received today, I’m not so sure any of us are going to be okay when this is over.
Leaning back, he brushes the hair from my wet cheeks. “I know you’re scared right now, but I need you to think really hard. Is there anything about him that you remember? Anything distinctive that could help us figure out who he is?”
I shake my head.
Defeat fills his expression and it kills me to know it’s my fault. Not only did I bring this threat to him and his family, but my memory holds the answers we all seek. A memory I’m starting to hope never returns. Not if its filled with memories like the one I just had.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Don’t,” he grits. “Don’t say that. This isn’t your fault.”
“But it is. The letter said—”
“Fuck the letter,” he snaps. “Fuck the letter and fuck him.”
My head lowers, knowing he doesn’t understand.
“Look at me!” His sharp order has my weary eyes snapping to his. “That letter changes nothing, do you hear me? Everything still stands the same. I’m going to take care of this, I promise.”
The knot in my throat aches further. “If anything happens to you or your family, I will never forgive myself.”
“Nothing is going to happen to us. I’m going to find the son of a bitch and take him out before he even has the chance.”
There is no arrogance in that statement, only confidence.
His hand moves to my cheek in a comforting gesture. “I got you, Alice. I swear it. I just need you to trust me. Can you do that?”
Covering his hand with my own, I lean into his touch. “I do. More than anyone in this world.”
Relief fills his expression before he pulls me against his chest again. “Good. That’s good.”
I hug him back, soaking in the solitude of his arms, never wanting to leave their warmth.
“Will you stay with me?” I ask, no longer holding back. I need him too much right now.
He doesn’t hesitate. “Yeah, Wonderland. I’ll stay for as long as you want me to.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to say forever, because I only feel safe when he is near, however, I manage to hold that part back.
With his arms wrapped around me, he lays us down to face each other, his lips only inches from mine.
Moonlight cascades through the bedroom window, highlighting every strong feature he possesses.
From his angled jaw, to his sharp cheekbones, to eyes that command attention at a moment’s notice and portray strength from the demons he has had to overcome.
“Tell me more about you,” I whisper, breaking the silence.
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything.” It’s the truth. The more I am around him the more I yearn to know. I want to know the good, the bad, and the in between. I want it all. “Start with your job. What made you choose it?”
“My father.” There’s a note of respect and admiration in his answer.
“He was a sniper in the military. The best there was. He taught us to shoot only days after we came to live with him and the moment he placed that gun in my hands.” He pauses with meaning, shaking his head.
“There’s no words to describe it. It’s like everything that was missing inside of me just fell into place. ”
The deep emotion behind that response blankets the room with a knowledge that only serves to intrigue me further.
“It wasn’t just about learning how to shoot. It was about protecting ourselves and each other. Holding that machine in our hands, knowing we had the ability to take a life gave us our power back. We were no longer vulnerable.”
A sharp pang infiltrates my heart to think of him or his brothers ever being vulnerable.
“So why did you stop?” I ask, remembering what he told me the other night on the porch.
“Justice doesn’t want to leave Ryanne and Hannah which is understandable, especially with another child on the way. If one of us stays back we all do. It’s a pact we made long ago. The three of us stick together, no matter what.”
The confession is a reminder of the bond they all share, bringing the memory of the encounter with the brunette at the diner today.
She seems a little innocent for the likes of you and Knox .
The embarrassment and jealousy I felt in that moment is something I had no right to feel and I know it, but I couldn’t seem to help it.
Maybe it’s because for a short time that morning while Braxten and I walked into that boutique holding hands, I felt normal.
Like I was just a girl out with a boy who maybe, just maybe, felt this same connection that I do.
It gave me hope that he saw more than the bruises, that he saw more than the lost, battered girl I am.
Those dreams were obliterated the moment that brunette approached.
She was everything I’m not and it was a harsh slap back to reality that I needed.
Until… Finders keepers.
Those few words had me falling down the rabbit hole again, lost in the Wonderland that brought me to this man. A world that I wouldn’t mind living in for the rest of time.
“We might not do missions anymore, but we still do our part,” Braxten continues, bringing me back to the conversation. “Instead of taking out the enemy we build the very machines that destroy them.”
It takes only a moment for realization to sink in. “You build guns?”
“Yep, and some pretty bad ass ones at that.” The pride in his voice is strong. “As much as I miss the shot, it’s the next best thing. It’s also good to be home more. My father’s getting older and needs our help here, though he will never admit that. The old man is a stubborn bastard.”
I have no doubt Thatcher is just as happy to have his sons home. The love they all have for each other is palpable.
“I think it’s wonderful you all have each other.” There’s no stopping the envy in my voice, it seeps through every word.
“You have us too, Alice.”
As much as I wish that were true, this is his family and I have no idea who mine are. After the nightmare I had I’m not so sure I want to know either.
“Would it be awful if I didn’t remember?” The question drifts through the dark room on a broken whisper. “I don’t want to remember what happened to me, Braxten.”
His arms hug me closer, wrapping me in a protective blanket.
“No, it wouldn’t be bad. You don’t have to remember anything if you don’t want to, because the truth is what happened in the past doesn’t matter.
Only this. The here and now. This is what matters and I promise from here on out, you won’t know fear or pain again. Here with me, you will always be safe.”
The conviction in that promise burrows deep in my soul, sealing not only my fate, but the monster who continues to lurk, threatening to ruin it all.