Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
NELL
“Sarah!” Nell yelled, her hands already reaching out to catch her, supporting the unconscious weight of Sarah’s frame before she fully realized what was happening. “Help, I need help!” she yelled.
A second set of hands appeared, helping her lower Sarah’s limp body to the ground as she reached for her purse.
When she had first learned about Sarah’s shellfish allergy, Nell had done her research.
She was always careful to make sure something like this never happened when they were together.
Every restaurant they’d eaten at and every meal they’d ever shared, Nell had gone out of her way to mitigate this very risk, including today, when she had called ahead to inform the restaurant about the allergy.
Rage welled up inside of her. This shouldn’t have happened.
“She’s having an allergic reaction. She has a shellfish allergy. Call 911,” she barked at the worker who had helped catch Sarah. Her hands found what she was looking for, and she pulled out the cylindrical EpiPen, the plastic of the autoinjector cool in her hands.
Time felt like it was ticking by unnecessarily slow, forcing her to look at Sarah in this state. It was cruel. How long could Sarah be down like this? Her skin was already so pale.
She removed the cap of the injector with shaking hands, trying to recall the instructions of the countless videos she had watched. She chanted the instructions in her head. Position. Press. Wait.
She glanced at Sarah’s face, and a bluish tint was forming at the corners of her mouth. Hives had spread across her ashen cheeks. Nell’s heart was pounding so loudly that she was positive it could be heard all around the greater Seattle area.
“Hold on, just hold on for me, Sarah,” she muttered shakily, as she positioned the autoinjector against Sarah’s thigh.
All the instructions had said the injector was powerful enough to go through clothes.
Inhaling quickly, she swung her fist, pulled the pen back, and brought it down against her thigh, pressing down on the top of the pen. A loud click filled the air.
“One . . . two . . . three,” she counted out loud, as the medication dispersed.
Her heart was still racing as she massaged the injection site, trying to help the medication disperse faster.
“Ambulance is on its way,” a voice called. She didn’t know who it came from; she only had eyes and attention for Sarah.
Seconds stretched out for an eternity until, finally, Sarah drew in a raw, shaky breath.
“Sarah? Can you hear me?” Nell reached out and cupped her cheek gently, her thumbs brushing over her pale skin as the color started to return. She watched as, slowly—agonizingly slowly—Sarah’s long eyelashes fluttered open, and a soft gasp of air let Nell know Sarah was breathing again.
“Nell?” Her voice was raspy and frightened in a way that didn’t feel like it belonged to someone as powerful as Sarah.
“I’m here,” she assured her, squeezing her hand. “You’re okay. Help is coming.”
Sarah’s eyes were filled with confusion as she came to. She coughed, trying to sit up, but Nell eased her back down. “Stay still until the paramedics get here, please.” She patted her cheek gently. “And don’t you dare scare me like that ever again.” She spoke in a low voice, meant only for Sarah.
“That’s awfully demanding.” Sarah smiled weakly. Even now. Even when she had just gone through the wringer, Sarah still found time to banter with her. Nell loved that.
The paramedics arrived, crowding around them, but Nell didn’t move. She refused to, not wanting to let go of Sarah’s hand. After the third ask from the paramedics, she backed away, giving them just enough room to work.
Nell stood, her folded arms wrapped tightly across her body, making sure to remain in Sarah’s line of sight as she watched the paramedics take her vitals.
It was only then that she really felt the pounding of her own chest. Now that she didn’t have to be strong, she could finally let herself feel the full effects of her fear.
Fear of losing Sarah, fear of a life without her.
“She’s allergic to shellfish,” she said, forgetting whether or not she had already said it. “She lost consciousness, and I was able to administer her EpiPen. One dose in her right thigh.”
“How long was she unconscious for?” one of the paramedics asked.
She blinked at the woman who was looking at her expectantly.
“I don’t—” She didn’t finish her sentence, cut off by her thoughts.
She knew logically that Sarah had been unconscious for no more than two or three minutes.
Still, those minutes had felt like years of moments she and Sarah would never get to have together, and Sarah’s voice from that night in Vegas drowned out the rest of her thoughts.
I can’t picture my life without you in it.
“Ma’am? How long was she unconscious?”
She shook her head, trying to clear the endless loop of Sarah’s words now running through her mind. “Two, maybe three minutes,” she said, looking at Sarah, who was currently engaged with the other paramedic, running through a series of tests. The paramedic scribbled something down on a clipboard.
“She’s stabilizing. Let’s get her moved to the gurney. We’re going to have to take you to the hospital for observation. Rebound reactions can happen even hours later.”
“Observation?” Nell echoed shakily.
“Standard protocol for anaphylaxis. IV fluids, antihistamines, monitoring for at least four to six hours to make sure she doesn’t have any delayed reactions.”
Nell nodded as she watched the paramedics move Sarah onto the gurney. She followed them out the door, and when they loaded Sarah into the back of the ambulance, she didn’t ask permission before climbing into the back to be with her.
Sarah was still mostly out of it, groggy and unfocused, her hands resting at her side. Nell took one hand in hers.
“You scared the hell out of me,” she whispered.
Sarah’s eyes fluttered as she looked up at her, still a little hazy, and she looked at Nell—really looked at her for a second—before her eyes drifted closed again. “I didn’t mean to scare you,” she said quietly, squeezing her hand back.
She watched Sarah closely the remainder of the ride to the hospital, her stomach still in knots, her mind still racing. But Sarah was okay. She was okay. And that’s all that mattered to Nell.
They arrived at the hospital a short while later and were quickly whisked into a room by the ER staff.
Paramedics rambled off Sarah’s information to a nurse.
Her vitals were retaken and recorded, and Sarah was given an antihistamine.
Gradually, the hives covering her body had begun to fade from an angry red to a light pink.
Nell smiled as Sarah’s voice cut through the quiet, stronger now but still carrying her quintessential dryness.
“Stop hovering,” she said, as Nell fluffed her pillow for the fifth time since they’d arrived.
But she saw the way Sarah’s lips twitched, telling her she didn’t mind being fussed over.
“I’m not hovering,” she said, dragging one of the standard-issue hospital chairs closer to the bed. “See. Right now, I’m sitting. How can one hover from a seated position?”
She caught Sarah’s eye roll, but Sarah didn’t argue.
The glass door separating them from the rest of the ER slid open, and a nurse entered—the same woman who had been there earlier.
“Just need to do a quick vitals check. Still feeling okay?” She looked at the monitor, scribbling notes on the tablet in her hands.
Sarah nodded her head as she answered. “Yes, I’m feeling much better. The itching is starting to die down, along with the hives.”
“Good. We’ll keep you a few more hours just to make sure there aren’t any secondary reactions.” The nurse smiled at them both before leaving the room, closing the door behind her.
The steady beep of the heart monitor persisted, a rhythmic backdrop to the chaos of their day.
“You really don’t have to stay with me,” Sarah said, not looking directly at her. “I’ll sleep for a few hours and have Kelly come pick me up. I’m fine, really.”
Was she serious right now? “I’m not leaving you here alone.”
“Okay, then.” Sarah smirked. “If you’re not leaving, we should probably talk about how you were trying to break up with me at the restaurant.
Which is wild, by the way, considering we’re not even dating.
” She looked at her with those expectant hazel eyes that demanded answers.
“Do you want to tell me what’s actually going on? ”
Hearing Sarah’s version of what happened, Nell winced. “Do you have to make it sound so cruel?”
“I mean, you did ambush me. You showed up unannounced at my house after saying nothing to me for weeks, took me to dinner, and then tried to end things? For future reference, don’t waste your time like that.
A phone call would have been sufficient.
” Sarah folded her hands in her lap, still smiling, still looking right at her.
“What’s going on? We went from Whistler to this, and I’m not exactly sure how we got here. ”
Nell looked down at her knees, the chair creaking beneath her as she leaned forward. “I thought you were falling in love with me,” she admitted quietly.
Sarah’s expression didn’t change; she just tilted her head slightly to the side, waiting for Nell to continue. So she did.
“After Vegas, you started looking at me differently. And then Whistler . . .” Nell waved her hand vaguely through the air. “Things felt different, and I panicked.”
“Why?”
There was her Sarah—the one who always had a question to ask.
She braced herself for what was coming next. Taking a measured breath as she calmly explained herself, like she had done with other women she had found herself in this position with before.