Chapter Four
Jasper
A relentless tapping hit my foot, causing me to crack my eyes open.
I flinched the moment I did, the morning sun piercing me like a million needles into my brain.
I groaned and clutched my head, but the tapping on my foot remained.
I glanced up, only to see Forrest looking down at me.
His arms were crossed over his chest, but his face . . .
Nope, I couldn’t cope with his sympathy or censure right now.
I tried to sit up, but there wasn’t a part of me that didn’t ache.
I guessed sleeping on a concrete floor would do that.
“Shit,” I said when I managed to shuffle myself into a sitting position.
I leaned back against the wall and took a deep breath, fighting the nausea that was springing up within me.
I glanced up, only to see Forrest heading into the break room.
The smell of coffee brewing immediately drifted into the main body of the barn.
A snort and a breath of warm air came from above me.
I lifted my hand and immediately found Henry’s velvety muzzle.
I gritted my teeth against my raging hangover and looked up at him.
All I could see were clouds of white air from where his warm breath hit the cold, and his teeth as he nibbled at my fingers, searching for treats.
“Sorry, boy,” I said, my voice barely making a sound. “I promise next year will be different.” I moved again, exhaling deeply when every part of me protested. Forrest chose that moment to reappear, an insulated coffee cup in his hand.
“Black, just like your soul,” he said, a wry smile pulling on his lips.
He was dressed in jodhs, a Knighton Equestrian black puffer coat, and riding boots.
He had a beanie on his head. He was ready to train.
This was what Forrest and I did for years when we were at home and not on tour—trained together every morning.
Being an eventer, Forrest was a seasoned show jumper too.
Other days, I’d continue to train in the arena, but he would move on to practicing cross country alone, or ride dressage with Felix.
Forrest sat down beside me and tapped his mug to my own. I took a sip of the scalding liquid and sighed as the caffeine hit my tender stomach, giving it a smidgen of life.
Forrest looked beside him and lifted the almost empty bottle of Macallan into the air. “Christ, Jas. Not even Oban?”
I rested my head against the wall and smiled at Lady Aurelia prancing around the stall opposite us to get my cousin’s attention. “Your princess awaits,” I said, and Forrest smiled.
“Let me just talk to drunken Uncle Jas, darling, and we’ll get you ready for jumping,” Forrest said to Aurelia.
It always made me laugh how much of a soft touch Forrest was with his prize mare.
He was an unmovable force with everyone else, a bit closed off and serious, except for when it came to his girl.
A few silent minutes passed, then Forrest said, “You were meant to find me last night, Jas. Or at least Genny.” I froze.
“We came looking for you.” Forrest motioned around the barn.
“I don’t know why I never thought to check in here.
” He shrugged. “Maybe it’s because it’s the middle of winter and it’s fucking freezing outside. ”
“Whisky keeps out the cold,” I said, and cleared my throat to try to warm up my voice. My head pounded, and I tried my best to remember what the hell happened last night and how I ended up in here.
I shifted again, and the smell of vanilla and roses drifted up my nose.
At that, a slither of memory slipped through from last night, and I felt my fingers tingle.
I glanced down at my hand and balled it into a fist. As I did, I clocked the Knighton Equestrian–branded equine robe laying over me like a blanket.
Turquoise eyes and long raven hair swirled in my memory, coming back in dribs and drabs. But I couldn’t put those pieces together to form a coherent picture. Then from the depth of my unconscious, I whispered . . . “Angel.” My heart seemed to stop in my chest. I searched all around me.
I hadn’t been alone last night. I clutched the robe in my hands and brought it to my nose. Rose and vanilla, and a soft hand in mine.
“You okay there, Cousin?” Forrest asked.
“Was I alone this morning? When you found me?” I asked.
Forrest’s eyebrow rose. “Oh, tell me more, Cousin,” he said, dryly.
I shook my head and pressed a thumb into each of my eyes. I tried to think, but my brain was whisky-fueled mush right now. An angel . . . I shook my head. That couldn’t be right, right? I shook my head again.
“Jas?” Forrest said. “You okay? You’re shaking your head a lot.”
I took another sip of my coffee and said, “Pretty sure I hallucinated an angel was here with me last night.” My confession was met with pure silence.
I risked a glance at Forrest.
“What the hell, mate? I say this because I love you, Jas. But I think it’s about time you get some help.
Real help. Professional help.” He shook his head.
I entertained that Forrest was probably right.
He sat up straighter. “You didn’t add a few shots of absinthe into your bender last night, did you?
You know that shit can make you have some really vivid dreams.”
I sat forward, resting my arms on my knees. I released a sardonic laugh and remembered taking a few shots of the green fairy in my study before the whisky. “Yeah, I did, now that you mention it.” Forrest laughed harder.
I laughed too, but when Forrest’s humor died and he put a hand on my shoulder, all hilarity vanished. Forrest squeezed my shoulder and said, “Seriously, Jas. I’m really worried about you. We all are. You’re spiraling, Cousin.”
“I know,” I said, and ran my hand down my heavily stubbled face. The reality was, I wasn’t handling shit well. I needed to sort myself out. I had two extremely successful businesses to run, and I couldn’t let my family down again.
The barn door suddenly opened, and Felix and Atticus stepped through.
Felix’s eyes latched on to mine, exuding his concern.
But Atticus just laughed out loud, making me wince at his usual booming volume.
“Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, what do we have here?” Atticus said and came to stand before where I sat with his older brother.
“Fuck off, Atticus. I can’t cope with you today.” He was dressed in all black—he always did, to match his horse. Atticus put his hand over his chest like my words had wounded him, but nothing hurt this fucker. He was Teflon.
“Your words,” Atticus said, “are like bullets to my heart.”
I released an exasperated sigh and ignored his shit-stirring grin.
Felix sat down on my other side, moving the bottle of Macallan out of the way. His gaze met mine, and he nudged my arm. That was Felix-talk for giving me his support. I nodded back at my middle cousin. I was okay.
“So?” Atticus said, standing in front of us all. “Seeing as though we are all here, which is a rarity these days, shall we have a morning hack?” His eyes bored into mine. “Like old times.”
I swear Henry whinnied in support. He loved riding out with the other horses.
We had acres and acres of trails to keep the horses fit and their toplines strong.
I wanted to say yes. Even hungover and feeling like I’d puke at any moment, the thought of just taking a moment of joy for myself clawed at my brain.
But then the darkness within me pulled my excitement back down and reminded me that I had more important things to be doing these days.
“I can’t,” I said, and I swore I felt disappointment pulse off all three of my cousins in a suffocating tidal wave. “I have to go.” I got to my feet, still holding on to the robe in my hand.
“Whose is that?” Atticus asked.
I looked to the robe and my pulse fired off into a sprint again. Rose and vanilla . . . “I don’t know,” I said. “It was over me like a blanket when I woke up this morning.”
“Oh, shit,” Atticus said, fixing his usual teasing smile back on his face “One of the grooms has seen you passed-the-fuck-out on the barn floor.” He laughed. “Good job they’ve all signed an NDA.”
My heart sank. Was that who the angel was?
A groom. Shit. I worked hard at keeping myself away from the staff and riders.
I couldn’t be arsed answering the same questions about retiring or being a freak show as the Grand Prix champion who was now a recluse.
And I would never fool around with a staff member.
That’s a scandal I wanted to keep far away from.
Forrest and Felix got to their feet too. I held my coffee mug up in a salute and focused on tamping down my dizziness. “I’ll see you all later.” I gave Henry a kiss on his nose, then headed to the back door.
“Jas! Are you sure you’re good?” Forrest called out, and I looked back at my best friend, only to see Felix and Atticus watching me in concern. I hated it. They were my family. My blood. I never wanted them to worry.
“I’m good,” I said. “I just have a long day of meetings ahead of me.”
It was true. I was in the Knighton Equestrian offices all day today.
Meeting after meeting awaited me as we launched the new season.
It took me until I was almost back on my wing of the family home to realize I still held on to the robe.
And as the scent of rose and vanilla washed over me once more, I knew whoever I saw last night must have been real.
I just had no idea who my mystery angel was.
“Tommy,” I said, and my driver looked at me in the rearview mirror as we drove out of Golden Oaks. “Can you stop here, please?”
“Of course, sir,” Tommy said, and I opened my car door before he could.
Leon was in the outdoor arena to my right, and I needed to tell him of some new mares that were arriving later today.
Even though there was a slight chill in the air, one could almost mistake today for a spring day.
The sun was bright, and the first signs of winter breaking were creeping in.