Chapter Seventeen #3
Sage left the room and shut the door behind her. Jasper was unmoving, watching me. When he made to come to me, I held out my hand to stop him. “Please,” I said, embarrassed by the tears I felt building behind my eyes.
“Angel,” Jasper said, panic in his tone. “What the hell did they say?”
I looked into his dark eyes. He was so fucking beautiful. “That we were fucking. That it was the talk of all the riders, and you only sponsored me because I was a pretty face—that one came from Camille.”
Jasper’s teeth gritted together, and his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “That’s bullshit—”
“And that I’m a shit rider, and the only thing that keeps me on this tour is Huxley.”
“I told you not to listen to them! They’re poisonous. Everyone in the industry knows it. You told me you could handle it if they said anything to you.”
He did tell me that, and I did say that too, but it didn’t mean that they hadn’t hit some kind of hidden nerve within me.
“They have no proof we’re together,” he said, inching closer. I could see he wanted to hold me, but I couldn’t, not right now. I needed space. Ever since I came to England I’d been consumed by this man. This was the first time I didn’t want to fall into his arms.
“They had a picture,” I said.
“Of what?”
“Us walking along the river in Shanghai.”
Jasper frowned. “What were we doing?” he asked.
“Talking. That’s all.”
“Then they don’t have shit!” he said, voice raised.
Jasper came closer still, and I could smell his cologne.
Usually it comforted me, but not right now.
“I’ll protect you. I’ll get more guards for you.
Is that what you’re worried about? Someone coming for you because of the rumors?
I swear nothing will happen to you. I won’t let it. ”
I shook my head. An attack from whoever was targeting Jasper hadn’t even crossed my mind. No, it was my pride that was hurt.
“Hallie—”
“They said everyone thinks I’ve fucked you to get my place. And that you do this often.” I met Jasper’s eyes. “Do you? Will you tire of me once you’ve fucked me enough times and throw me aside? Will you take Huxley from me and leave me to find another sponsor?”
Jasper reared back like I’d just hit him. “Did you honestly just say that to me?” His voice was cold, and his posture became shuttered.
“I did. Camille was only too open with how easily you brushed her aside.”
Jasper laughed without mirth. “I didn’t give a flying fuck about Camille!
It was a stupid one-night stand that I immediately regretted.
You . . .” He trailed off, then lost his anger to say, “You were the game changer.” Jasper shook his head, then said, “If you think all this between us has been some twisted game for me, me playing with some younger woman to get my kicks, then what the fuck, Hallie. You don’t know me at all. ”
Jasper left my room, and I stayed standing in the same position for God knew how long. My chest squeezed, just replaying that devasted look on his face. The disappointment that I’d believed anything those two had said to me, when I’d been warned numerous times what and who they were.
Needing air, I left my room and climbed the staircase to the roof. There was a twenty-four-hour pool up there, which I was hoping at this time of night was deserted.
I opened the door and let the humid Spanish air stick to my skin. It felt like the Texas and Florida heat and made me feel like I had a little bit of home with me. Thankfully, the pool was empty, and I turned to the rail that overlooked the city of Madrid. I leaned over and closed my eyes.
What the fuck, Hallie? I thought to myself.
I felt someone beside me. I exhaled, knowing who it would be. But when I opened my eyes, it was to find Atticus. He leaned over the rail too, looking just as despondent. “Hallie,” he said, smiling. But his grin didn’t hold any of its usual spark. It looked kind of sad. “Fancy meeting you here.”
I huffed a laugh. “I needed air.”
Atticus nodded and looked out over the city. Silence stretched between us until I said, “I had a run-in with Alexis Hobbs and Camille Dubois tonight at the club. Jake McGowen was there too but didn’t really get involved.”
Atticus turned to me. “What did they say?” Like Jasper, fury immediately engulfed his face. It was clearly a Knighton trait.
“That I was fucking Jasper to get to the top on a Knighton horse.” I relayed everything else they said too.
“They’re a plague on this tour,” Atticus said. “And we’re all convinced that Alexis is into dodgy business, just none of us can prove it yet.” Atticus narrowed his eyes at me when I didn’t say anything back. “You didn’t let them get to you, did you?”
“I didn’t intend to,” I said, but shrugged. “Apparently the thought of being accused of sleeping my way to the top was nothing to being told it in reality.” I sighed. “I’m thinking I might have a little bit of impostor syndrome.” I smirked. “Who knew?”
Atticus looked utterly confused. “Hallie, I say this because I mean it, you’re one of the best riders I’ve ever worked with. And I’ve been doing this my entire life. We have seen the best of the best walk through Golden Oaks’ gates, and you’re one of the top. Easily.”
The tightness in my chest began to slacken, only to be replaced by intense guilt. “Thank you,” I said, and meant it. I dropped my head to my folded arms on the rail and said, “Jasper saw me when we came home, and I pushed him away.”
Atticus faced me. “I’m going to say something that Jasper would most certainly kill me for.
And as a younger cousin with residual trauma from the way Jasper and Forrest used to bully me as a child, that’s saying something.
” Atticus smiled, and I could see the love for his cousin in his expression.
“But Jasper . . .” Atticus thought of what to say.
“He is the rock of our family, you know?” I waited for him to continue.
“He’s the one who has always shouldered the heaviness of our family business, our name, and reputation.
He was the best rider, the best son, and the best big brother.
Because as much as he’s my cousin, I see him as my brother. We all do.” My heart began to melt.
“We’ve had a lot of loss in our family.” He shrugged.
“Felix says it’s because the universe must balance out.
We have a lot in material wealth and success, so those privileges must come with bad things too.
” He sighed. “I don’t know. But for whatever reason, we’ve lost too many loved ones, and the man who held us all together?
Jasper. He helped raised us, cared for us, taught us to ride.
If we had a problem, we had one hundred percent faith that he would fix it. ”
I could see that. He’d been that way for me too.
“But as I’ve grown older and lived my own life, I’ve realized what that had to have cost him, you know?
Who is there for Jasper when he needs help?
Who is there for him when he crumbles?” Atticus tilted his head in my direction.
“I’ve never seen him relax like he does when he’s with you.
” My throat clogged and tears built in my eyes.
“With the attacks . . . He didn’t trust anyone, he fell into a dark place that none of us could pull him from.
But you did,” he said, and a tear tracked down my cheek.
“I know he’s worried he’s put you in harm’s way, but Hallie, you’ve changed his life.
” When more tears fell, Atticus said, “Shit, I didn’t mean to make you cry. ”
“No,” I said. “You didn’t . . . I . . .” I shook my head and wiped my cheeks. “He’s changed my life too.”
Atticus gave me a small smile. “I know he comes off all cold and brooding, but under that hard shell is a man with a big heart who would die to protect those he loves.” Atticus stared up at the sky, but said, “But he’s the biggest star in this industry, and with it comes pressures that we couldn’t even imagine.
And people who would do anything to bring him down. ”
Guilt and shame shrouded me. I must have hurt him so badly. He’d warned me of what Camille and Alexis might do, and I played right into their hands—at the expense of his heart.
“Thank you,” I said, and wrapped my arms around Atticus. He hugged me back, then said, “No problem.”
I went to walk away, when I said, “You didn’t go back to that woman’s hotel, did you?” The woman he’d been with at the bar. The one Sage watched him leave with, a flicker of hurt in her eyes.
Atticus shook his head and gave me a sad smile.
“She has a big heart too,” I said to Atticus. “The biggest.”
He knew who I meant. His expression softened as he said, “I know . . . I know she does.” Atticus turned back to look at the view, and I climbed down the stairs.
Making sure the floor was clear but for our guards, I knocked on Jasper’s door.
When he didn’t answer, my heart sank. I opened my door and walked into my suite, only to find him pacing the living room.
He froze when he saw me, caution in his expression.
But when I ran to him and sank into his embrace, he held me and lifted me in his arms. Carrying me to the bedroom, he stripped me of my clothes and laid me in my bed.
He climbed in beside me, and I said, “I’m so sorry. ”
“Ssh,” he soothed and kissed my hair. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “I am now.”
I breathed in his mint and sandalwood scent, and any concern I had for Alexis and Camille’s gossip melted away. I felt foolish that I’d let them hurt me this way—us this way.
“Sleep,” Jasper said, and my eyes grew heavy. “I’m going to keep you safe, Angel. I promise.” As I drifted off to sleep, I thought I heard him add, “Just don’t give up on me, please. Stay by my side. Because I don’t know what I’d do anymore without you.”