Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Jase
Past
The jukebox was still going, with an old Alan Jackson tune echoing across the empty tables.
It was past midnight, and the lone stragglers left were nearly falling asleep along the bar.
I should’ve finished running inventory or balancing the books, anything to keep busy.
Instead, I stared at the same bottle of bourbon on the counter, Monroe’s laugh still stuck in my head.
That forced laugh she gave me after I’d joked about her being pregnant. The flush in her cheeks as she brushed it off too quickly. I’m not sure what drove me to say it, but something unexpected settled in my stomach after her startled reaction.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I turned as Bailey slid onto a stool across from me, sipping her drink like she’d been watching me brood for the last ten minutes.
Billie and Monroe had left for the night just over an hour ago, and Bailey had disappeared into our shared office until now. “Just tired,” I lied, stacking the bottle back onto the shelf.
My ever so inconspicuous sister, prying like it was her job, raised a brow in question. “That’s a load of crap. You were staring a hole straight through that bottle of bourbon like it had the answers to life's most daunting questions.”
I topped off her glass of margarita with a pitcher that hadn’t been used, leaning against the bar. “Do you talk to Monroe much these days?”
Her brows shot up in amusement, yet she seemed a bit confused too. “Monroe Bishop? My best friend, who I just spent the night drinking with across from you?”
“Yeah.” I kept my tone casual with no explanations. I realized too late what a fucking stupid question it was, but I didn’t know how else to bring the woman up. I wasn’t thinking straight tonight. I hadn’t been in some time.
Bailey let out a sharp laugh, and that’s when I realized she might be a little more drunk than I’d thought. “Since when are you interested in Monroe?”
“I’m not,” I answered too quickly. “Just wondering how she’s holding up now that Nash is back in town.”
“Uh-huh,” she replied, unconvinced as she took a sip of her margarita.
“She’s fine. Busy with work, still bosses Monty around on their projects.
She’s working with the guys on the remodel of the ranch, trying to pretend Nash’s return hasn’t put a damper on her mood much like it has to the rest of us. ”
I nod, not giving her much else to go on, but I can sense the wheels turning in her head trying to make sense of everything.
Bailey and I have never been incredibly close.
We’re two years apart and have different interests and hobbies.
We only just started spending more time together now that we partnered up to open and run Stingers, though most of our partnership is due to us running separate parts of the bar.
She takes care of the front of the house, running the bar, the kitchen, hiring our employees and making sure everything runs smoothly night after night.
I take care of the back of the house, focusing on running the books, purchasing and stocking up inventory.
I even recently started working on securing a partnership with a local distillery I had yet to share with her, and I knew she'd been annoyed that I'd seemed less present recently.
“You’re a terrible liar, you know that?” I shot her a look, but she didn’t back off. “Seriously, Jase. You’ve spent years avoiding anything about my friends, and now suddenly you’re asking about Monroe?” She grinned, shaking her head. “Should I be worried?”
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “Forget I asked. I was just trying to spark up a conversation, sis.”
Yet even as she laughed and changed the subject, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was going on with Monroe, and I couldn’t decide if I was crazy for wanting to figure it out, or if I’d be crazier to let it go.
It was nearly two in the morning when I stepped out to toss the last of the trash out and noticed a car I didn’t recognize alone in the empty parking lot.
No one should still be at the bar at this time, which meant this person was passed out drunk in their car, or they were sleeping in it.
I wasn’t against someone living in their car or using our lot to park overnight, but with my sister living in the upstairs apartment, I had to be wary of anyone who might be a danger to her.
Even if Nash was living with her.
I admit it was a stupid plan on my part, but guilt was a heavy burden to make sense of. The guilt wasn’t only because of the years wasted. It was the fact that just a few months ago I had done the same thing that led me to exile him.
I fucked his sister.
I wasted so much time hating Nash for what he’d done, though when I saw the look on my sister’s face after all these years, she still looked at him the way she always had.
I always used to joke that Bailey was in love with him.
She had hearts in her eyes for him and had planned their wedding in her diary since she was sixteen.
I never imagined he felt the same way or had any interest in her.
Though being around Monroe made it all make sense, because I felt the same way about her.
As I approached the silver sedan, I suddenly felt uneasy. I caught sight of a woman bent forward over the steering wheel. From this distance, it didn’t look like she was moving.
“Monroe,” I said as I tapped on the glass. She startled, and her hand flew to her chest as she rolled down her window.
“Shit, Jase, you scared me.”
She still looked beautiful, even with the imprint of the steering wheel on her forehead and cheek.
“Sorry, I thought you had passed out or something.”
Running a hand through her tangled hair, she yawned. “No, just tired.”
“I thought you’d gone home?” I was suddenly nervous to be around here after what we’d said earlier tonight.
There was something about Monroe that made me feel like a teenage boy with a crush instead of a grown man who was typically charming and smooth with women.
However, since the night we spent together, I saw Monroe in a different light.
More than just my sister’s best friend, she was a sexy and sensual woman I couldn't resist.
Monroe shrugged, trying to play it cool, but I could tell I affected her too. “That was the plan, but I think I fell asleep.”
“We need to talk about us,” I said, unable to move past our conversation and the way she’s been avoiding me.
Much as she did then, she remained silent, her expression shifting from uncomfortable to annoyed. I was not used to being ignored by women, but Monroe was trying everything in her power to avoid me.
“Can we talk?” I asked once again, leaning closer to her, enough to smell the vanilla in her shampoo. “About what I said—I’ve been thinking about…” Good lord, what the hell was wrong with me? I’d suddenly become a blubbering idiot.
“Jase,” she interrupted, and I instantly heard the weight of her voice. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
She sighed, resigned. “Don’t make this into something it’s not.”
“Monroe, that night—”
“Was a mistake.” My jaw tightened, the muscles flexing involuntarily as a knot formed in my stomach by her blunt remark. How easily she said the words when they felt nothing like that to me.
“It didn’t feel like one.”
She rolled her eyes, refusing to meet my gaze. “It felt good. That’s not the same thing.”
“I think it is.” I leaned in closer and ran my fingers over the mark on her cheek, forcing her to look up at me. My pulse quickened slightly. “I think it felt right.”
She shook her head, her breath coming in shallow pants. “You’re crazy.”
“Maybe,” I admitted. “But I keep thinking about how it felt waking up next to you. How calm and quiet everything was. How right it could’ve been if we’d just let it.”
This conversation felt too personal to have through the window of a car in the middle of the night, but since she was avoiding me, I wasn't sure when I'd have another chance.
“Let it?” Monroe’s voice rose slightly, her brows furrowing and mouth forming a straight line.
“I can’t just let myself believe in something that doesn’t have a future, Jase.
There’s too much history between us, our families.
That night was a terrible mix of alcohol, lust and loneliness at the same time.
That’s not the foundation of something with a future,” she quipped.
I looked at her, really looked at her. Big blue eyes that held so much pain and distrust. There was a hopelessness that made my heart ache, but a flicker of hope within them too. One that only I could see. “What if we don’t pretend it didn’t mean anything?”
She swallowed the knot in her throat, so tight I could see it as it moved. “I’m not built for this.”
Opening her car door, I took her hand in mine, pulling her out.
This time she didn’t resist as I dragged her closer, my hand resting at the small of her back, the other still holding her chin in place when she tried to turn away.
Our mouths were so close I could feel her hot breath against my lips. “Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not.” Her voice cracked. “People leave, Jase. They always leave.” A tremor ran through her, starting in her clenched jaw and vibrating down to her fingertips.
My chest felt tight, a heavy weight pressing down, making it difficult to draw a full breath. “I didn’t.”
Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes and threatened to spill over. “You would’ve if I hadn’t.” She blinked rapidly, fighting to maintain some semblance of composure, but the effort only made her face flush an uneven red.
“Then let me prove you wrong.” Silence stretched like a tight wire between us.
I was so close. I saw the flicker of want in her eyes she was trying to bury.
“I want to take you out. Dinner. No alcohol, maybe we can keep our clothes on this time,” I said with a teasing wink, hoping to lighten the mood. It didn’t work.
Looking up at me confused, she drew her brows together. Fuck, she was breathtakingly beautiful. “You’re serious?” She asked, unsure of my motives.
I was aware of the reputation I had. Even before my relationship with Indy, I wasn't known to keep a girl around for more than a few dates. That’s if they got a second.
And after Indy, well, let's just say that, contrary to what others believed, I didn't enjoy sleeping my way through the southern border of the country.
“As a heart attack.”
She bit her lip, eyes glassy. “Why?”
My eyes dropped to her lips, and I licked mine in response, the memory of her taste so present in my mind as my arms held her close.
“Because I don’t want that night to be the only one,” I admitted something I had never said out loud to myself. “Because you matter more than that. You’re worth more, Moonshine, and you make me feel like maybe there’s something better than just drifting through life with no purpose.”
Her eyes grew wide in surprise, and fuck, I’d surprised myself with that one.
Since when have I felt this way? I could see it in her eyes.
She wanted this as much as I did, but there was something stopping her from saying yes.
Instead, she pulled away, and this time I couldn’t get myself to stop her.
Not when she looked at me with so much pain in her eyes.
“You don’t know what you’re asking for,” she whispered, and the way her voice cracked nearly broke me.
“Try me.” I tried to reach for her, but my hand fell as she turned and got back into her car.
“Goodnight, Jase,” she said as she turned the engine on, rolled up the window and drove away.
I didn’t follow her, but I didn’t drive away either.
I just stood there in the dark and watched her disappear into the night, like a dream I wasn’t ready to let go.
Even though she was trying so hard to push me away.