Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Monroe
Past
The earth smelled wet from the storm that had just ravaged the town. One powerful enough, it felt as if it lasted an entire year.
There were no bodies packed into wooden pews in a crowded church, or faces I hadn’t seen in years offering pitiful stares and meaningless condolences.
There were six people standing beside me in a circle around the three-foot hole in the ground.
My hand immediately fell to the soft curve of my belly.
I still wasn’t showing, but inside I felt like I was.
All I wanted was to make sure my little bear was okay.
It had been an emotional week. From finding out my father was ill and near death, to confronting him when my brothers tried to force me away—and for good reason.
He died right before my eyes, the same day I forced Nash to take me to see him.
I passed out from the shock of it all and the overwhelming emotion that hit me like a tidal wave.
That’s when Nash rushed me to the hospital, and the truth about the pregnancy I had tried so hard to hide came to light.
It’s as if the moment Jase found out about our baby, it was a catapult of all my perfectly crafted secrets falling apart.
Luckily, there wasn’t enough time for my brothers to dwell on the fact that their baby sister was pregnant and, worst of all, was refusing to confess who the father was.
Not when they had a funeral to plan and a ranch to finish remodeling.
I'd been ignoring all of Jase’s calls, texts, and attempts to contact me. I’d seen him the day my father died, but thankfully Nash, who was clueless, served as a buffer.
There was no one around to pretend Franklin Bishop was some kind of hometown hero.
Monty stood to my right, jaw tight as he looked down at his feet, while Theo stood to the side, a good two feet behind everyone else, shifting nervously.
To my left, Beau lifted his head toward me, soft eyes and too much heart looking my way as he shifted nervously beside Nash, who was pretending not to hold Bailey too close.
Bailey’s eyes were red and watery as she reached in and wrapped her arms around my middle. I was slightly taller than her in the boots I was wearing and rested my head just above hers. Billie and she hadn’t left my side since the moment my life imploded before me.
I wiggled out of her embrace. The raw emotion she elicited was too powerful. I could feel a crack in the dam holding back the wave of tears aching to tear through.
My brothers wore black like armor, watching me like guards posted at a gate, and beside them he stood, his gaze refusing to meet mine.
Dressed in black slacks and a crisp button-down with the sleeves rolled up, he was impossible not to notice, even in my state.
He hadn’t said a word to me all morning, and it’s not like I was expecting him to.
I was the one ignoring him, and we rarely talked before, so there was no reason for us to talk now.
At least not in front of my brothers and friends.
Maybe he’d resigned to the idea of us. It was better this way. The last thing I needed was for someone to suspect him. Not now, when everyone’s emotions are running high. Though after I ran from him the night he found out, Billie saw the truth written on my face.
She couldn’t believe it, yet didn’t seem surprised. I’d sworn her to secrecy, and she agreed, though not before making me promise I wouldn’t wait too long to tell Bailey. I knew Bailey wouldn’t have any issues with it, but I was still somehow hesitant.
I shook my head, refusing to even go there, but from my periphery, I couldn't help but notice how Jase’s eyes followed me when nobody was watching.
Except for Billie, no one knew that the baby inside me carried his blood, King’s blood.
In this town, among my family, that kind of secret would tear through us like lightning.
“Moe,” Billie whispered as she appeared beside me and took my hand in hers. She placed a tissue in my palm, but I refused to wipe my eyes. I was afraid the tears would fall without stopping if I did.
He was gone. A man I spent my whole life trying not to hate but failed. Because to me, he was a ghost long before they put him in a casket. He was nothing more than a terrible memory that would forever be imprinted on the back of my mind.
How was I supposed to grieve for someone who regretted my existence? How was I supposed to mourn a life that meant nothing to me?
These were the questions I grappled with as I thought of my father’s casket lowering to the ground.
As a family, we decided to skip his funeral service and instead gathered in the front yard of our childhood home, burying the last of our memories of him.
Only I had brought nothing to bury, it was because there was nothing he’d ever given me that meant something.
My entire life I believed he hated me, and I grew to feel the same way about him.
As the realization washed over me, a heavy weight settled in my chest, making it difficult to breathe.
A weight I couldn't carry any longer. My heart pounded with a mix of disappointment and anger, causing a dull ache to spread throughout my body.
My hands trembled with an intensity I was determined to keep in.
The indifference I was trying to show had failed me as Monty tossed the first item—an old, worn-out hat into the ground.
The aftermath of this would leave me raw and vulnerable, grappling with the harsh reality of the lie I had told myself.
I was not okay, and the more determined I was to hold it all together, the easier it was for me to fall apart.
Monty was the first to speak, noticing my current state. “Are you ready to go inside?” His unruly wavy hair, which was a bit overgrown, hid beneath the black cowboy hat he wore. All of my brothers, Jase included, had one on, and it was surely a sight to see.
We were outdoors, but the earth seemed to close in on me, suffocating me with the grief I refused to let in. Tears spilled over and washed away my carefully constructed facade.
I decided I wouldn’t mourn my father. I would mourn the little girl forced to grow up without one.
“Not yet,” I whispered, unable to look away though I knew I had no business staying.
“Are you sure, sis?” Beau added, his voice low, as if I’d break if he spoke too loudly. “We should go in. It looks like it’s about to start raining again. None of us have any business staying out here longer than we’ve already had to endure.”
I gave a short laugh that came out harsher than I’d planned. “Don’t treat me like I’m made of glass, brother. These tears are fake. The hormones are causing them, not any genuine pain or grief on my part.”
Nash took a step toward me and placed a hand on my shoulder, immediately sensing the lie I told myself.
“You don’t have to be okay, Izzy.” I hated that he was determined to use the stupid nickname he gave me when we were little.
Especially since it had been all but seven days since I’d forgiven him for leaving without a goodbye ten years ago.
“I’m not okay,” I said flatly. “I’m just not pretending Franklin was something he wasn’t.”
Theo turned his head, finally joining us. Compared to his usual smooth as silk voice, this time it was uncharacteristically gravelly. “Say what you need to, Monroe. You don’t owe him silence. You don’t have to pretend you cared for the bastard. None of us do.”
As I spoke, my voice was shaky, and I took a deep breath to steady myself.
“He wasn’t a father. He was a man who gave me his last name and then spent the rest of his life making me feel like I’d never earned it.
He never once cared if I made it home from school in the rain, if I ever ate dinner or had a good night's sleep. He let you take me away. I won’t cry for a man who doesn’t deserve my tears. ”
Monty reached for me and pulled me in close under his arm.
This was what safety felt like. “He didn’t let me do anything, Monroe.
I would have taken you from him even if I had to kill him myself to do so.
” That hurt more. My father never even tried to stop Monty from taking over my guardianship and moving me out of our home after my mother left us.
“He knew he wouldn’t have been able to stop me,” he added, reading my mind.
“You don’t have to pretend he meant anything to you,” Nash said, making me look around at all the people gathered here because we were a family.
My brothers, despite being unbearable, loud, impossible, I knew they would never again leave me behind.
I loved them, and they adored me, even when I lied to every single one.
My two best friends had been with me through everything, and would keep any secret I asked.
My eyes flicked to the edge of the fence where Jase stood, watching me with that look he wore that made my breath hitch.
He looked like he wanted to take the weight off my shoulders if he could, but I knew he wouldn’t dare come close to me.
Not with my brothers here, but we hadn’t had a moment alone.
Suddenly I felt this overwhelming guilt for avoiding him when all he wanted was to be there for me. Though not a word was spoken for the rest of our time out here, just the gravity of a group who’d survived some of the worst days and were still here. Something in me knew the worst was yet to come.