Chapter 31
COVER THE UNDERCUT: PIT TO MATCH RIVAL STRATEGY
Idon’t sleep much, not because I don’t want to. My brain just won’t shut off long enough to let me.
I smile down at the weight on my chest. Christin has no such problems as she drapes her upper body across mine. One of her legs is tangled with mine beneath the sheets while her arm wraps around my ribs like she’s making certain I wouldn’t dare shift away from her.
Not again, I think to myself. Never again.
The early morning light catches the highlights in her dark, luxurious hair. She’s warm, soft, and completely unguarded. I’m still amazed that somehow, even after everything that happened, she trusts me enough to let me hold her in her sleep.
Carefully, I comb my fingers through her hair, smoothing it away from her face.
She makes a quiet sound in her sleep and murmurs my name.
God, I love her. Not in the terrifying, debasing way I was raised to think love was supposed to feel, but in a way that makes me want to hold onto her forever so she won’t disappear.
This is the kind of love that settles into the marrow of your bones until you can’t remember a time it wasn’t a part of you.
I try to hold onto that feeling without letting my past intrude, but eventually my mind shifts where it always does when things feel too good. Back to Ashbourne Vale. Back to Hawthorne Manor, where they killed my love daily within ancient stone walls.
Was there anything I could have done that would have made me enough for them? I wonder.
My body must be transmitting my tension because Christin shifts against me. Her voice is sleepy when she breaks through the noises in my head. “You’re thinking too loudly again.”
A chuckle escapes me. “I didn’t mean to.”
She lifts her face slightly until our eyes lock on each other. “You tense when your head goes somewhere bad. Plus, your heartbeat changes.”
The fact that she notices things like that makes me want to never let her go. Instead, I lean down and press a kiss to the crown of her head. “Go back to sleep, Chris. It’s still early.”
She exhales softly before pushing herself up enough to look at me properly. Sleep still clings to her features. “Thinking about your family again?”
That’s my woman—smart as a whip. “Unfortunately.”
Her fingers smooth across my chest, grounding and distracting all at once. “Nightmare?”
“Just remembering my childhood. I can’t call it a nightmare since I’m awake.”
Concern flickers across her face. Then she tries to lighten the mood. “You know, racing fans everywhere would be deeply disturbed by how morose you can be before eight in the morning.”
I huff out a quiet laugh. “Yet, you stay.”
“I love you. You could actually bray like a donkey, and I’d be here. Though some would absolutely consider it questionable decision-making on my part.”
“Mm.” I brush my thumb along her hip beneath the sheet. “I’m grateful for it anyway.”
“You don’t have to earn being cared about every second of the day, Leo.”
“Logically, I know that. Emotionally? I’ve never experienced it before you.”
Her eyes narrow slightly. “That sounded suspiciously like a platitude.”
“I’m an athlete. Media training.”
“You’re impossible.” Her mouth twitches before she settles back down against my chest.
For a minute, neither of us speaks. I listen to the soft rhythm of her breathing and try not to think about how close I came to losing this. Losing her.
“My family made love feel transactional.” I swallow hard before finishing, “There was always a condition attached to anything that involved attention.”
She rubs her hand over my chest in comfort but doesn’t interrupt.
“Now, I wake up with you sleeping on top of me for no reason other than that you want to be here. It still feels a little too good to be true.”
Her expression shifts immediately, something soft and aching across her features. “Leo…”
“No, it’s fine. I’m just…”
“Just what?”
“Trying to figure out how someone like you happened to me.”
She props herself up on one elbow fully now. “That’s the problem.”
“What is?”
“You still talk about love like it’s something destined to be taken from you.”
My lips part in shock.
“You act like people caring about you is some kind of statistical anomaly instead of…” Christin gestures between us. “A direct result of who you are.”
I blink rapidly to hold back tears. I look away because I don’t know how to respond to her words. Her fingers catch my jaw gently, guiding my attention back. “Listen to me. You are not hard to love.”
“You really believe that?” I ask before I can stop myself.
Her brows snap together even as her voice gentles, “Leo.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just…” I shake my head once. “No one’s ever loved me the way you do.”
“That sounds like their failure. Not yours.” Christin leans up and kisses me softly. Tenderly. Not passionate enough to divert me from our conversation, but enough to make sure I feel every ounce of love she’s pouring into it.
I eagerly reciprocate. Any time, any possible way I can tell this woman I love her, I’ll take it.
When she pulls back, her forehead rests against mine. “You got a second chance because you earned one. Remember that. If your heart had been different, I wouldn’t be here.”
I close my eyes briefly at her honesty. “God, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Eventually Christin glances toward the clock before groaning softly. “We have to leave this bed soon, don’t we?”
“Only if we really want to.”
She shoots me an admonishing glance. “Leo, you have a race.”
“I’m aware.” My hands slide along her back lazily. “I’m reevaluating my priorities.”
A quiet laugh escapes her. “And?”
“You continue to rank alarmingly high.”
“That sounds dangerous for your career.”
“Probably. Still worth it.”
She rolls her eyes even as color rises slightly in her cheeks. “So, I take it we’ve passed the part of today where you carry around aristocratic trauma like it’s a prize?”
I bark out a laugh at that, the sound startling even me. “Chris, one of these days I’m going to record you before coffee.”
Her face scrunches up. “Now why would you say something mean like that?”
I brush my lips against hers. “Because you are absolutely adorable.”
“Say that at the track and I’ll force you to have an extra tire change,” she warns.
I smirk. “I take it back. You’re terrifying.”
“Yet, you love me anyway.”
“Yeah,” I say quietly. “I really do.”
For a moment, we just look at each other, sharing in our reconnection and what it took for us to get here. She brushes another quick kiss against my mouth before rolling out of bed with a groan. “Now get up before Dario calls threatening your life over your failure to wake up on time.”
I groan dramatically, reaching for her wrist before she gets too far. “Five more minutes.”
“Leo.”
“Three?”
She leans down to kiss me one last time. “It’s time to get ready.”
I watch her walk toward the bathroom, smiling like an idiot despite myself.
For the first time in a very long time, thoughts of my family don’t follow me when I get up to face the day.