Thirty-Five Teagan
Thirty-Five
Teagan
“Y ou don’t have to stay, Lyric. You can go back to Memphis. You have a business to run and a man and little girl who adore you,” I say when Lyric tells me she’s extended her visit.
We’re sitting at the kitchen counter sipping cappuccinos I made us after our walk. The other Gems left on Sunday. They are returning on Friday to attend the tennis tournament. Since she’s a wealthy heiress, Wynter graciously agreed to pay for each of them to be there so I would have backup since it’s unlikely I’ll be playing doubles with Dominic.
A smile spreads across Lyric’s lips. “I know I don’t have to stay, but since I hired help at the ballet studio, they can hold it down this week. Besides, those pesky reporters are relentless.”
Lyric and I went out for a long walk at Papago Park earlier so I could clear my head and finally stop crying about Dominic and everything that went wrong. It was great until it wasn’t. At the end of the track, some of the media hounded us all the way back to my car. They seem intent on finding out what’s going on between me and Dominic. Apparently, several have shown up to the country club trying to interview staff and club members. I’m told they were booted off the property, but not before someone spilled the beans about our training.
Speculation has been running rampant online, wondering if I’m making a comeback. Why would I after the treatment I received? And if that wasn’t enough, one of them had the poor taste to rerun the video of my meltdown. I’m thankful that mental health is more prominent these days because the TV station received backlash virally for airing such a private moment. I received a personal phone call from the chairman, apologizing for the intrusion and stating there would be a public statement as well.
Nonetheless, the attention has made it impossible for me to leave my home, let alone go into the office, because media are camped out waiting to get a sound bite from me or one of my team. The only good thing is that today Brett closed on another country club deal. Williams & Associates is back in the black.
“I really appreciate you doing this. I feel like I’m under siege.”
“Have you thought about issuing a statement?” Lyric says. “It might clear things up and get them off your back.”
“And say what? It’s not like Dominic and I are together. And I’m not returning to tennis.”
“Aren’t you, though? There’s still the tournament.”
“Which I’m sure I won’t be playing in,” I respond. “There’s no way Dominic will turn down being front and center, in the spotlight, at the tournament on Saturday.”
“Teagan… I’ll say this again. You’re being much too hard on Dominic. As soon as he realized his mistake at the award ceremony, he pulled back. He’s been here with you training week in and week out. Why can’t you give him a little slack?”
Because I’m afraid to let anyone in. What has love ever done for me? Other than the Gems and the sisterhood I’ve built with them, love has been lacking in my life. My father always made me feel less than and not good enough because I wasn’t the son he envisioned. And although my mother was around, I always felt as if she was downtrodden and too afraid to show her feelings. As I’ve gotten older, she’s shown me affection, but it was hard-won and a long time coming.
Then there’s Dominic. When we met I was so desperate for love, I latched on to him like a lifesaver thrown to a drowning person. When it all blew up in my face, I was shattered and unable to move forward. I confronted him because I couldn’t understand why he didn’t love me as I loved him. I had no idea we had an audience. The shame and embarrassment from having my emotions shown for the entire world to see caused me to retreat into myself and hide behind my father. He was only too willing to take over and control my life.
“You don’t understand,” I say, finally answering Lyric’s question.
Lyric reaches for my hand. “Explain it to me, Teagan. Sometimes you’re closed up like a tortoise. Let me in and share whatever it is you’re feeling.”
Her words give me pause and I know she’s right. I sigh heavily, and the words spill from my lips. “I don’t feel worthy of love. If my own father couldn’t love me, why would Dominic?”
My words surprise her and she’s silent, so I continue. “You’ve always had the Taylors, Lyric. Amazing parents who love and support you, no strings attached. I’ve always felt like I had to earn my father’s love and even then, I was never good enough. With Dominic, I thought I had to be his equal. Show him I was worthy to stand beside him. And even though tennis has been out of my life for some time, when this tournament came along, all those feelings came roaring back. He’s a champion and I’m a nobody.”
“That’s not true. You’re fucking Teagan Williams, an extraordinary human being, entrepreneur, friend and sister,” Lyric replies fiercely, “and I won’t hear you speak otherwise.”
I squeeze her hand. “You’re biased.”
“Because I love you. And I think it’s entirely possible Dominic does too. I think your fears stem from your childhood and your past, but at some point you have to let those go and focus on the here and now. Dominic wants to be with you or he wouldn’t have stuck around for this tournament. He did so because you’re a part of it. Why would he steal the spotlight? He’s had it for over a decade. Did you ever think he was helping you shore up your confidence?”
“I never thought about it like that.”
“Because you’re being a negative Nelly and quick to think the worst of him.”
“He hurt me.”
“Forgive him, Teagan. Forgive yourself so you can be with the only man you’ve ever loved.”
Lyric’s advice isn’t without merit. Later, when I’m in my home office, I think about what she said. Forgiveness. Is that all it would take to help Dominic and I move forward? It seems so simple, yet hard to do. I’ve had years to develop the impenetrable shell that protects me from getting hurt again.
My doorbell rings and I glance at the camera to see it’s my parents. What are they doing here in the middle of the day? I’m almost to the door when Lyric appears. “I’ve got it. It’s my parents.”
Lyric’s mouth forms an O. “I’ll make myself scarce.”
I open the door. “I’m surprised to see you.”
“Hello to you too,” my father states with a huff.
“Russ,” my mother warns. “Hello, darling.” She comes to me and wraps her arms around me. “We’ve seen some of the news coverage and thought you might need reinforcements.”
I smile. “Thanks, Mom. C’mon in.” They walk inside and I glance behind them. Most of the reporters have left, but there are one or two still lurking on the sidewalk. “I appreciate you coming by, but I haven’t been alone. The Gems came this weekend for my Broker of the Year award and Lyric is still here.”
“That’s right.” Mom smiles. “Congratulations again. I’m so proud of you.”
My father tsks and I sense his displeasure at the mention of my successful real estate career.
“Would you like something to drink?” I inquire.
My mother shakes her head. “No, thank you. I was hoping we could talk.”
“Of course.” I lead them into the living room Lyric vacated and they sit on the sofa while I plop down into an armchair. “What’s up?”
My mother looks at my father and then back to me. “Well, we wanted to talk to you about the past, about when you left tennis.”
I frown. “Do we have to? Watching the news reports is making me relive those unpleasant memories all over again.”
“It’s important you have all the facts about what happened back then,” my mother says. “Isn’t that right, Russ?” Once again, she stares at my father, waiting for a response. I’ve never seen this sort of interaction between them. Usually, he’s in charge and my mom is sitting back as a participant.
“What’s going on?” I glance back and forth between them.
My mother coughs and my father suddenly speaks. “After your injury, Dominic came to see you.”
“I know and I sent him away.” I remember that moment when I learned the odds of me returning to tennis professionally were impossible.
“What you don’t know is he came back, time and time again,” my father replies. “And I sent him away. I told him you needed to recover and would be better off without him.”
“You did what? Wait—what?” I can’t comprehend what he just said.
I jump to my feet and begin pacing the tile floor. He came back? Dominic came back for me? All this time, I thought he abandoned me, and instead my father sent him away.
“You sent him away!” My voice rises to near hysteric proportions.
“I was doing what was best for you. You were in a bad headspace,” my father returns. “You needed peace and stability, not having Dominic flit in and out when you couldn’t be a part of that world anymore.”
“And of course, you knew best.” I can’t believe his audacity. “All this time, you let me believe he abandoned me. It was because of that misconception that I confronted him and had a very public meltdown. If I had known…” My voice trails off and my breaths come out in short pants. All of this is my fault. I went after Dominic, guns blazing, accusing him of the unthinkable, when it was my father interfering in my life. He set about a chain of events I could never have envisioned.
That’s why my father didn’t want me to speak to Dominic—because he didn’t want his lies exposed.
But why didn’t Dominic tell me?
Why did he let me nail him to the cross without defending himself?
He tried and you shot him down each and every time.
He kept saying I didn’t know everything, but he never told me the truth. Why not? Shock reverberates through me and my knees turn to jelly.
My mother rushes toward me. “Teagan…” She guides me back to the chair, crouches beside me, and I hear her voice, but it seems to be coming from far way. “Put your head down…let the blood get to your brain.”
Slowly, I recover. Heavily, I lift my head.
Regret is etched across my mother’s face. “I’m so sorry. We should never have kept this from you, but given everything that’s happened, I thought it was incumbent upon us to come clean.”
Tears streak down my cheeks. “If I’d known…it would have changed everything.”
Dominic and I could have been together. All these years I wasted being angry at him when I should have been angry at my father for constantly controlling my life.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I implore.
My mother’s eyes are rimmed with red. “I should have, but I let your father take the lead in this family, in our lives, but not anymore. I realized I have to stand up for myself, for what’s right. I couldn’t let this continue. I knew we had to tell you the truth. I know I’m not innocent in keeping you from the man you were meant to be with.”
“You think that?” I cry.
My mother nods. “If you can find your way back to each other after all these years, then it was meant to be. Who am I… Who are we —” she glances at my father “—to stand in the way of true love.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “I can’t believe this. It upends everything I’ve thought about Dominic. I’ve wronged him.”
“I know.” She nods. “I just hope the truth helps. I understand if you’re upset with both of us. Maybe in time you can find it in your heart to forgive us for the mistakes of the past.”
Forgiveness. It’s what Lyric was preaching to me earlier. It seemed so much harder to do then, but now? Knowing what I do, it changes everything .
“I need time, Mom, to process all of this.”
“Absolutely. I don’t expect forgiveness immediately. I just hope you know how much we love you. Don’t we, Russ.”
Once again, she gives my father a hard stare. I don’t know what’s happened between them and I don’t care. I’m happy to see my mother has found her own voice.
“That’s right,” my father says. Even now, he can’t say the words I love you , but what I’ve realized in this moment is that I don’t need him to say it. There’s only one person I need to hear say those three words.
My father glances at his watch. “We should go.”
All I can do is nod.
My mother rises to her feet and so does my father. “We’ll see ourselves out.”
She squeezes my shoulder and then I hear the chime of the front door as they exit. A loud sob escapes my lips. If I got it so wrong about what happened in the past and my father’s machinations were behind our breakup, then I incorrectly accused Dominic of wanting the spotlight for himself at the Desert Smash, just like Lyric said. I was wrong like I have been about so many things. Dominic was at the award ceremony for me. He stayed even when I pushed him away. I should have trusted my feelings and my gut instinct that Dominic cares for me, loves me . It doesn’t have to be one or the other. It’s possible for me to have my own spotlight without diminishing his.
Several seconds later, I hear the tap of feet and Lyric approaches me. She’s wearing a leotard, tutu and ballet slippers. She must have been practicing. “Teagan, what’s wrong?” She wraps her arms around me as sobs wrack my body.
“Everything, Lyric,” I cry. “You were right. I was so wrong about Dominic and I’ve ruined everything.”
He must hate me after the horrible things I said to him. I misjudged him time and time again.
Can he ever find it in his heart to forgive me and take me back?