Chapter 12
Andilyn
The sun has yet to rise, but I’m restless.
I’ve tried everything I can think of to keep my mind from wandering into dangerous territory–pacing the floors, a hot shower, I even attempted to operate the television–but the quiet is too disconcerting to stay idle for very long.
I keep getting these phantom waves of panic, causing me to jump at every sound.
I’ve grown so accustomed to the threat of Tobias suddenly appearing that it’s become second nature to busy myself.
My days were mapped precisely, filled with chores or Convocation, so I find it strange to have so much free time on my hands.
Realizing I won’t be going back to sleep anytime soon, I grab my newly acquired shoes and slip out the door.
I don’t have a key, but it’s early enough that no one should be out and about.
If nothing else, taking a walk should burn some of the excess energy I have.
It’s amazing what a few days of not being run ragged can do for you.
As I’m traversing the courtyard, the sound of hurried footsteps makes a quick approach behind me.
I whirl around, flattening my back against the wrought iron fence.
“Whoa,” a deep voice cautions, their bulky form visible despite the darkness.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. I’m usually the only one awake at this hour.
You been hidin’ from me, Andi Girl?” A ballcap sits atop the stranger’s head, but the hood of his sweatshirt adds a second layer of concealment.
It takes me several seconds to process the sound of his voice, the pounding of my heart in my ears drowning out what should’ve been easily recognizable.
“Dayton?” I squeak out, my nerves still rattled.
”That’s the name I was given at birth, but you can call me whatever you’d like.
” His flirtatious joking is so reminiscent of all the times he’d say something horribly inappropriate during one of our phone calls.
I’m so happy to see him, to finally meet him properly, that I throw caution to the wind and all but leap into his arms.
“Damn, girl. This is the kind of welcome a man can get used to,” Dayton chuckles, drawing me closer, to the point that my feet leave the ground altogether and I’m dangling in the air.
I’ve dreamed about these arms, not that I’d ever confess to doing so.
His ego’s big enough. The sheer volume of muscle enveloping me feels even better than I imagined it would.
More than anything, I feel so incredibly safe cradled against his chest. Tears prick my eyes, the secret I’m carrying on the verge of bursting free, because I know Dayton would act as a sentry between me and the rest of the world.
He wouldn’t push me to accept the truth until I was completely ready to.
“What the hell are you doing out here this early, all by yourself at that?” His heated question has me wiggling free of his grip, but then I’m forced to look him in the eye, those bright blue irises pinning me to the spot.
Folding his arms across his chest, he shifts his feet so his stance appears more intimidating and lifts a brow expectantly.
“Taking a walk?” I respond, but the pitch of my voice makes it seem as if I’m asking instead of telling.
“Wrong answer,” Dayton deadpans.
“Excuse me?” Now it’s my turn to quirk a brow in question. I have to press my lips together to keep from outright laughing. “Interrogating me at the crack of dawn feels more like something Raiden would do, not you.” In fact, he’ll be facilitating the first of many in just a few short hours.
“True,” he chuckles, his stiff posture relaxing, but only marginally. “But you had no idea who I was when I first approached you. I could’ve been anyone. A slimy reporter or even a hired hitman those fucking freaks sent after you.”
My throat grows tight, but I push past the fear clogging it and ask, “Are you?”
“Not the point, and you know damn well I’d never hurt you, but that doesn’t explain what you’re doing outside alone.” His invasive questioning chafes my newfound independence in the worst way.
“Taking a walk,” I firmly state, once again, the slight bite in my tone unmissable.
Between the two of us, I’ve always been the one quick to anger, but Dayton can give as good as he gets.
There’d be days when I was irritated for no other reason than I was pissed at the universe for giving me such a shitty hand in life, and without being obvious, Dayton would needle me about something mundane until my irritation boiled over and he ended up on the receiving end of my anger.
He’d purposely make himself my verbal punching bag, just so I could exorcise my demons.
I could say whatever I wanted, in whatever tone I wanted, and didn’t have to fear for my life for showing any sort of emotion outside of being meek and docile.
He created a safe space for me to be everything I couldn’t be–mainly mouthy and indignant–in the presence of Tobias.
It’s the only way he knew how to help me at the time, but I don’t want us to revert to those coping mechanisms. They were born out of desperation, and we have better options available to us now that I’m not forced to play a part, pretending to be someone I never was.
Dayton shouldn't be relegated to being an outlet for me to vent my frustrations, so I take a calming breath and mentally shake off what’s become my natural instinct to respond defensively where he’s concerned.
“Like hell,” Dayton scoffs, picking up a gym bag he’d discarded by his feet.
“It’s too dangerous for you to be roaming around before daylight, in a place you aren’t familiar with.
Let’s go.” He doesn’t wait for my response, just turns on his heel and heads for the gate that leads to the public sidewalk.
I gape after him, wondering if it’s even possible to reroute my brain’s response to snap at him for ordering me around.
Deciding today isn’t the day to work on that particular issue, I pivot, going the opposite direction and purposely ignoring his command.
“No thanks!” I throw out, careless of the early hour and any neighbors in the vicinity who might be sleeping. Once my feet hit the cracked pavement, it takes concentrated effort to keep from sprinting away. But this flicker of defiance welling up inside of me refuses him the pleasure.
“What the fuck?” Dayton mutters, scrambling to shoulder his bag as he runs after me.
His pinky alone could overpower me, but so be it.
“Jesus, hold on, will you?” I jolt to a stop and spin on my heel, causing him to stumble over his feet to keep from slamming into me.
Hands on my hips, I glare at the man who’s always had a way of making my temper spark at the drop of a hat.
From ice-cold one minute to fiery hot the next, no one’s as well-versed as Dayton in the art of provoking me.
“Shit, that didn’t come out right,” he sighs, brushing a hand over his short brown hair.
“I’m just scared, Andi. You’re finally here, in the flesh, and a part of me still thinks this is all a dream.
And then I find you wandering around, outside of the sun’s operating hours, and all those fears come surging to the forefront. ” I deflate at his explanation.
“I get that I haven’t been a part of the real world for a very long time, but that doesn’t mean that I’m naive to the dangers that still exist. I understand that Veritas isn’t the only thing for me to be wary of, and truthfully, I had no intention of leaving the courtyard.
I only did all of this,” I explain with a wave of my hand, generalizing the situation.
“To prove that you aren’t the boss of me.
” I lift my chin, sniffing indignantly, but I refuse to meet his eyes because all pretense of being annoyed will be forfeited when I inevitably smile at the ludicrous way we’re both behaving.
Thankfully, Dayton is the first to break, a snort of laughter escaping him.
Reaching out, he fists the front of my shirt and tugs me towards him, hugging me tightly while resting his chin on the top of my head.
“Old habits die hard, huh?” he questions quietly.
“Yeah, but they need to, though.” I sigh, extracting myself from his embrace.
“I didn’t mean for this to turn into a whole ordeal,” Dayton admits apologetically.
“I know.” I nod in understanding. “Truthfully, I just needed some fresh air.” I smile sheepishly.
“I get it,” Dayton responds, his gaze going distant.
“It’s a lot of change, all at once. It makes sense that you’d feel a bit claustrophobic and want to take advantage of being able to come and go as you please now.
Just…” he trails off, biting his bottom lip in contemplation.
“Could you maybe let one of us know before you go anywhere?” He reads my thoughts before I can even voice them.
“Not like that!” he rushes to say. “We have no desire to control you, Andi. We want to keep you safe, and unfortunately, the next few weeks are going to be intense, to say the least.”
I think about what he’s asking, knowing it’s not unreasonable, but trauma doesn’t exactly lend a helping hand to rationality.
I know they’d never cage me the way Veritas did, but my body’s fight-or-flight response doesn’t know the difference; it simply recognizes the feeling of being controlled and associates it with all the times that Tobias would manipulate a situation to get whatever end result he desired.
Every fiber of my being rejects the idea of placing myself in a similar position, of giving someone else authority over the decisions I make, but I tamp down the hysteria threatening to overwhelm me and allow logic to lead the way.
“I can do that,” I agree, my exhale shaky, but I’m confident in my assessment of the guys. We’ve spent seven months cultivating a friendship that most people couldn’t form over a lifetime.