Chapter 34 #2
“Shit, I didn’t mean that. I’m so sorry.” Raiden drops his forehead to mine, our heavy breaths skating over each other’s lips.
“It’s okay if you did. It’s true,” I croak, unable to leash my heartache.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have feelings for four different men, and the thought of choosing between you, knowing I’ll lose the other three, makes my chest ache.
I’m sorry he broke me. I’m sorry…I’m sorry…
” I keep repeating myself, knowing it'll never be enough for all the damage I’ve caused.
“Shhh, minha luz. I need you to breathe, baby.” Raiden presses his hand against my chest, right over my racing heart, then cups my cheek with the other.
He waits for my eyes to meet his before speaking.
“You are not broken. You’re fucking perfect, and I don’t ever want to hear you speak about yourself like that again.
” I shudder, certain that’s an impossibility.
“As for Mia,” Raiden starts, his thumb stroking a tear from my cheek.
“She’s my sister.” I gape at him, feeling like an absolute idiot.
His smile is pure satisfaction, knowing I’ve shown my cards and revealed exactly how I feel about him.
“I’ve known since the day I met you and spent the following seven months bartering with a God I’m not certain I believe in anymore that I want forever with you, Andilyn Adams. I want to build a life with you that isn’t tainted with bad memories and triggers around every corner.
I want you, minha luz. I want Hudson. And I want this baby inside your belly.
” The desperation coating his every word makes my knees weak.
“What does that mean?” I whisper, needing to know the answer as badly as I need to feel his lips pressed against mine.
“What does what mean?” he queries, brows dipping low as he scans my face. I repeat the phrase he uses as a term of endearment, butchering the pronunciation because I lack the accent that makes it sound so hypnotizing.
“It means my light,” he responds softly, his thumb tracing the curve of my bottom lip.
I had no idea that such innocent places could be erogenous zones.
“You burst into my life during a really dark time for me. I was questioning my entire existence–my choice in career, the place I’d decided to call home, everything.
I’d worked so hard to carve out the path I’d set myself on, and it seemed like all of my carefully laid plans were beginning to fall apart.
And suddenly, on a random afternoon when I was feeling especially sorry for myself, there you were.
“Anytime those doubts try to grab hold of me and shake my confidence, I think about you. I think about how strong and capable you are, how much brighter my days are when I get to spend even the tiniest amount of time with you. How I’d move Heaven and Earth to erase what you’ve gone through, but also knowing it’s shaped you into the amazing woman you are, and I wouldn’t change a thing about you.
When it feels like the walls are closing in and darkness shrouds every corner of my mind, I follow the only light I can see, and it always leads me back to you. ”
What do you even say to a declaration like that?
No words I could string together would be adequate enough to truly convey how much this man means to me, and following such a heartfelt speech, I’m scared to even try.
But I can’t allow him to think I don’t reciprocate his feelings, so I open my mouth, prepared to bleed myself dry if that’s what it takes, but the words that escape me shock both of us.
“I love you.” My eyes flare wide, panic clawing at me for giving voice to something I can’t un-say. Sensing the backtracking I’m about to do, Raiden’s jaw flexes with frustration.
“Don’t you dare say it,” Raiden growls, pressing our bodies as close as he can, considering there’s a baby between us. “You don’t get to tell me you love me in one breath and take it back in the next. So say it again, minha luz.”
The way he can read me so well should be terrifying.
I know what it’s like to have someone privy to your inner thoughts because you’ve granted them access to the most private parts of yourself, so they can anticipate what you’re going to say and do.
Even worse, I know what it’s like to have someone you trusted with those feelings use them against you and to their advantage.
But Raiden has never once evoked the fear response that Tobias did.
His unwavering loyalty is one of the many reasons it’s been so easy to fall for him, so when he’s asking me for something I can freely give, it’s impossible to deny him.
“I love you,” I repeat, my voice more steady this time.
“I love you, despite everything I’ve been through.
You’ve shown me what it’s like to have a family, one that doesn’t come with conditions.
I wouldn’t have any of this or even know any of the people who’ve come to mean so much to me if it weren’t for you. ”
His nose scrunches in mock regret as he mutters, “Should’ve thought that through, and maybe I wouldn’t be vying for your attention.” He chuckles, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
“You have my attention, Raiden,” I promise him, my hand settling against his side. But…”
“I’m not the only one,” he finishes for me. I wince, knowing I can’t deny his claim.
“I’m sorry,” I respond weakly. “I love you so much, Raiden. But I think I love them, too.” He inhales raggedly, then takes a step back.
That tiny amount of space he puts between us feels like a chasm.
I steel my spine, waiting for the inevitable moment he breaks my heart.
Not that I can blame him; I can’t even begin to fathom how painful it’d be if our roles were reversed and he was the one telling me he had feelings for three other women.
I practically had a breakdown when I thought he was involved with his sister.
For fucksake, Andi. You really know how to get yourself into the deepest of shits.
“Minha luz, not a single thing about our journey to this point has been conventional. I’ve already concluded that I’ll have to share your affections if I want to remain a part of your life.
So let me be perfectly clear.” Raiden takes another step back, his fingers slowly unbuttoning his dress shirt to reveal a drool-worthy abdomen.
Chef’s kiss to his parents for creating such a masterpiece.
“Would I prefer to be the only one who knows your body intimately? Obviously. Is the fact that I’m not going to deter me from claiming every inch of you?
Not a chance in hell. Strip, minha luz.”
I gawk at him, completely taken aback by his response and take-charge attitude, even though I shouldn’t be.
Raiden has always possessed a level of dominance that calls to me, urging me to drop my troubles at his feet and quieting the incessant chattering inside my head.
Doing as instructed, I slowly lift the baggy T-shirt over my head.
It belongs to Briggs, and something about that excites me.
I’m not sure what it says about me that I’m turned on even more by the knowledge that Raiden is divesting me of another man’s clothes, but I’ll revisit that revelation another day.
I’m braless, so when I drop the fabric to the floor, I’m completely bare aside from the plain black panties I’m donning.
In a moment of insecurity, I drape an arm across my chest, feeling exposed and less attractive in my current state.
“Don’t hide from me,” Raiden insists, stepping closer to free my breasts and stroke his thumb across my nipple.
I whimper, overly sensitive and desperate for his touch.
“You’re perfect. Every inch of you.” His fingers trace a path down my side and across my stomach, emphasizing the change my body has undergone in such a short amount of time.
Dropping to his knees, a position that’s becoming rather common for him, he gently slides my underwear off.
With his face perfectly placed in front of my center, he leans forward and runs his tongue along my slit.
“Raiden!” The unexpected move catches me off guard, my fingers twining in the short strands of his hair as my entire body is inundated with pleasure.
“Fuck, you taste like heaven, minha luz. Come fuck my face, baby.” He tugs me closer, his hands gripping my ass as he places one of my legs over his shoulder, baring me to his waiting mouth.
He wastes no time with pleasantries or easing me into this abrupt shift in our relationship.
The way his tongue moves can only be likened to a starving man finally indulging in the meal he’s been fantasizing about for months on end.
Sliding his hand down the back of my leg, his thumb probes my entrance from behind, barely entering me.
He dips the digit in and out, teasing me with the idea of something filling me but leaving me wanting.
The moment he presses in a little bit farther, his tongue flicks my clit in a series of rapid strokes.
I come screaming his name, my legs turning to jello as I rock my hips against his mouth, dragging out the aftershocks.
I can now confirm that his stubble feels deliciously decadent against my sex.
“That’s it, baby. Ride my face like you own it,” Raiden rasps, his voice drenched with need.
I tighten my fingers in his hair and yank his head away when the drag of his tongue becomes too much.
He groans, those dark brown eyes rolling in ecstasy, clearly enjoying a bite of pain with his pleasure.
“In the shower, minha luz. I’m not even close to being done with you.
I won’t ever be.” Unable to deny this man a single thing, I follow his lead, surprised there’s any hot water left.