Chapter 38
Andilyn
“Are you sure about this?” I ask Col for the millionth time.
“Yes, Sunshine,” he smiles in answer, never once getting annoyed by my repetitive questioning.
“We’ll head to Covey for Hudson’s therapy session, and then meet you and Dayton for lunch before the three of us ditch his ugly mug.
We’ll go shopping for The Village, and then visit Royce at work.
” We’ve gone over the plan repeatedly, but it’s the first time one of the guys is taking Hudson out alone.
I know they’re competent and trustworthy; I just have this fear of something going wrong when I’m not there.
Even if I were, I’m no more equipped to handle a crisis than any of them are, but my anxiety doesn’t seem to care about something as pointless as facts.
“Right here,” Dayton deadpans, pointing a finger at his chest.
“Don’t care,” Col snarks in response.
I’m trying not to read too much into it, but the two of them have been making passive-aggressive remarks to one another since our dinner Friday evening.
All weekend, their typically playful banter has held an undercurrent of hostility, and it’s impossible not to assume it’s because of me.
I don’t want to come between a friendship that’s spanned the majority of their lifetimes. More so, I won’t.
“Okay, that’s enough from you two,” Briggs intervenes. It’s dystopian that he’s the voice of reason right now. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go instead?” Dayton scoffs, gearing up to argue his case, but I place a calming hand on his arm to keep this from devolving any further.
“No, Dayton and I will be just fine, Briggs. I promise. Plus, it’d be nice to have you all accompany me at some point; that way everyone’s up to speed on what to expect when I go into labor.
I can’t predict when or how that’ll happen, much less who I’ll be with, so I think it’s better to err on the side of caution and have all of you prepared, just in case,” I explain, knowing my logic is sound, but Briggs tends to march to the beat of his own drum, rationality be damned.
“Fine,” he concedes, arms crossed in agitation.
His pouting could put Hudson’s to shame.
“Call me as soon as you’re finished. I want to know every detail.
And take this; you’ll need it to cover the visit.
” He hands me his black Amex card, the other two watching on curiously as my cheeks flame bright red from embarrassment.
I hate that I’m so dependent on them financially.
I’ve only just accepted that it’s okay for me to lean on them emotionally, so accepting more feels greedy.
I hate that we’re on uneven ground with the imbalance of our financial situations.
“Thank you,” I whisper, pressing my lips to his cheek. “I promise to pay you back as soon as Seth’s accounts are relinquished.”
Even the money I do have doesn’t belong to me, but if it allows me to keep caring for Hudson, and one day this baby, I’ll happily accept it.
The advance Roy gave me as a means to prove I had income to CPS has gone to stocking the apartment with food, since Raiden had been footing the bill for weeks now.
Despite his disgruntlement, I insisted on taking over the responsibility of my living expenses.
I’m just grateful that Hudson’s medical care hasn’t lapsed in the wake of his father’s death, thanks to coverage he received during his short stint in foster care, and will continue to get until the adoption is final.
“Don’t sweat it, Angel. I like taking care of you,” Briggs admits, his cheeky wink making my stomach flutter.
“Alright,” Col voices, grabbing the diaper bag I made sure to fill with doubles of everything he could possibly need, then lifts Hudson off his feet. “We need to hit the road, just in case there’s any traffic.”
I step towards the two of them, marveling at how similar they look.
I don’t know how it’s never occurred to me before now, but their blond hair–Colsen’s more wavy than curly–definitely makes them look familial.
However, the real kicker is Hudson’s one green eye that’s only a shade darker than Col’s.
They could pass as father and son, and my chest twinges with a mixture of sorrow and relief at the revelation.
No one would question their connection if they were seen in public together.
Not the other parents at Covey, or even one day–years down the road–kids at the park or school.
It’d be a small bout of normalcy, where strangers don’t feel the need to pry about something that isn’t their business to begin with.
I shake those thoughts away, knowing I’m getting ahead of myself.
Who even knows if the guys will still be a part of our lives in a few years?
As much as the thought of them not being around pains me, I can’t make them stay.
Leaning forward, I blow a raspberry against Hudson’s neck, making the toddler squirm and squeal, and tell him, “Be good for Col, okay? And then we’ll go see lots of big tractors!”
“Tah-ter?” Hudson questions, attempting to mimic the word.
My eyes widen, a smile lighting up my face.
I’m truly astonished at how quickly his speech has been improving since we joined Dayton at the football field last week.
He more so copies us than verbalizes his own thoughts, but any progress is better than none.
“That’s right, buddy,” Dayton cheers as Col twirls them in a circle.
“Okay,” Col pants, trying to steady himself and shake off the dizziness. “We really do need to go. Are you sure you don’t want to come along?” He turns to Briggs, his trepidation about leaving him alone for the first time written all over his face.
“Positive,” Briggs grits out, having told him that several times already.
I completely understand Colsen’s worry, and his mother-hen personality only exacerbates it, but making Briggs feel inadequate or like he can’t be trusted with his own thoughts for company is a recipe for disaster.
He’s more likely to fly off the rails from being suffocated or the constant expectation that he’s going to do something to jeopardize his recovery.
I can’t attest to how bad things were before my arrival because Briggs has been a completely different person since that day he stumbled into Raiden’s apartment thinking it was his, but I can sympathize with Col’s concern and acknowledge that Briggs has to earn their trust back.
Unfortunately, that won’t be a quick or easy process.
“Suit yourself,” Col mutters, squeezing my hand as he heads for the door.
I smile, waving bye to the two of them, wondering if this immense feeling of protectiveness will ever fade to a manageable degree.
It’s a byproduct of Veritas for the most part, the urge and responsibility I felt to keep Hudson safe while we were trapped and at their mercy, and everything that’s happened after has only intensified my need to protect him at all costs.
But the last thing I want is to become so obsessively protective that I can’t relinquish control, even to those I trust, and the first step to avoiding that is allowing Hudson to go with Col today.
Even if I have to remind myself a thousand times that nothing bad is going to happen simply because I’m not there.
“I need about twenty minutes to get ready. Will the two of you be okay in the meantime?” I raise an eyebrow, heavily implying that leaving them alone together is a risky move.
“We’re good, Butterfly. Take your time,” Dayton promises.
With one last glance at the two of them, I head towards Raiden’s bedroom and begin rummaging through the closet.
He couldn’t take off work today, not that he needed to, but I could tell it bothered him when both Col and Dayton took a personal day to be here.
He’s made a point of sleeping next to me every night now, regardless of how late it is when he finally comes to bed.
Being sandwiched between him and Briggs has given my overactive imagination an excessive amount of filthy material to fantasize about, but I’ve kept my hands to myself, insisting we have that long overdue conversation before anything more happens.
Every time I think to bring it up, something happens, shifting my focus elsewhere.
The entirety of our weekend was spent at Seth’s house, removing the remaining contents in preparation for closing tomorrow.
We packed several boxes of keepsakes and chose to donate the rest to The Village.
I know Seth would have been glad that his and LeAnna’s things went to someone in need, but it was difficult letting any of it go.
Thankfully, Royce and Rita were able to keep Hudson.
After a multitude of discussions, we all agreed that coming back to his former home posed too much of a risk to the progress he’s made.
Focusing my attention on choosing an outfit, I grab a pair of leggings and an oversized cable-knit sweater, quickly dressing before making my way to the ensuite.
I brush my teeth and run my fingers through the chestnut strands of my waist-length hair.
Adding a few swipes of mascara to my eyes, a gift from Rita, I can’t help but stare at the dueling colors of my irises.
When I was younger, I thought the anomaly made me unique.
But then that uniqueness endeared me to a group of religious zealots and changed the entire course of my life, making it difficult to admire the otherwise intriguing shades of caramel and azure without being bombarded with a host of painful memories.
Twisting the cap back on, I place the tube aside and fortify my mental walls, ensuring those thoughts are locked away before rejoining the guys.
“Ready when you are,” I call out, finding the two of them staring daggers at one another. I pretend to be ignorant of the tension, knowing now isn’t the time to begin dissecting our many issues.