Chapter 42 #3
In the depths of my fractured soul, I know that every inch of her was made for me.
I wasn’t even living before she came along.
I barely existed, one minor inconvenience from checking out completely.
Only now am I able to recognize how badly that would’ve hurt Col and Dayton.
But I couldn’t see past my own pain to understand that my actions were affecting more than just me.
It’s difficult for me to acknowledge that I have people in my life who care when I don’t feel that I’m deserving of it.
“What do these mean?” Andi asks quietly, grazing her finger over the tattooed slashes covering my skin. I stiffen reflexively, not wanting to discuss something so dark right now. I don’t want this moment to be tainted with the pain of my past.
“Later,” I promise, not missing the way her lips press together in frustration.
I’ve skirted the topic so many times now; I’m surprised she hasn’t flat-out confronted me about my evasiveness.
If anyone deserves the right to know what happened, it’s Andi, but I can’t bring myself to rehash everything so close to the anniversary.
My sanity’s already balancing on a fucking tightrope, and one wrong misstep might have me freefalling into old habits I can’t afford to revisit.
I’ve come too far, and relapsing would put my relationship with Andi in jeopardy, which is something I refuse to allow.
The thought of losing her makes me sick.
Needing to change the topic, I turn the faucet off and sink beneath the water.
Widening my legs, I take Andi’s hand and help guide her over the edge, sighing when she settles in front of me.
Her back nestles against my chest, and I swear nothing has ever felt as right as having her in my arms. It’s incomprehensible to think I might have never had the chance to know her if it hadn’t been Raiden she confided in that day at the Farmer’s Market.
Somehow, the stars aligned in my favor and brought me an Angel.
My eyes track her fingers as she traces the branded S on her wrist. The scars littering my body, both real and fabricated with ink, likely reminded her of her own.
I gently stop her ministrations, bringing the damaged skin to my mouth and pressing a reverent kiss directly over it.
“You belong to me, Angel,” I promise her, knowing the connotation behind my claiming is rooted in pure love.
“You belong to Raiden.” Another kiss against her puckered flesh.
“You belong to Colsen.” And another. “You belong to Dayton.” I lick my tongue across the scar she hates with every fiber of her being, needing her to understand that not one inch of her isn’t desirable to me.
I want all of her, all the time, for the rest of my fucking life.
“I love you, Angel. You make me feel like I have something worth living for. And for the first time in a very long time, I feel like I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. That’s you, baby.
My goddamn Angel, sent to drag me back from the depths of Hell.
” Her head falls back against my shoulder, eyes closing in contentment.
I press a kiss to her pulse point, inhaling the scent that’s unique to Andi, like bottled sunshine.
“I love you, too,” she whispers, twining our fingers together and placing them on her abdomen, a grin forming as the baby starts to move.
“Hey, little love,” I speak aloud, stroking my thumb over the taut skin of Andi’s stomach.
“Sorry for all the commotion earlier.” Andi snorts, her elbow connecting with my side and making me grunt.
“I can’t wait to meet you. We’re going to be the best of friends, you and me.
I’ll definitely be your favorite.” Andi’s chuckle causes the water to ripple around us, making me realize the temperature has dropped considerably.
I snag the bottle of body wash from the edge of the tub and soap up the loofah she uses.
Once I’ve cleaned every inch of her, I drain the water and start the shower.
Lathering my hands in Raiden’s overpriced shampoo, I take my time washing Andi’s hair, my cock perking up as she groans from how good it feels when I massage my fingers into her scalp.
After adding conditioner and rinsing it out, I wrap my arms around her, swaying us back and forth beneath the spray.
I could stay like this forever, but the sound of a certain toddler babbling to himself echoes through the baby monitor.
“You finish up, and I’ll get breakfast started,” she tells me, brushing aside the wet strands of hair obscuring my vision.
Standing on her tiptoes, Andi seals her lips to mine, her tongue demanding entrance that I eagerly grant her.
Backing her against the wall, I barely contain the urge to sink inside of her once again, but she pulls back before my dick can do the thinking, placing a kiss directly over my racing heart.
“I really do love you, Briggs. Don’t ever forget that,” Andi professes.
Every agonizing second I’ve spent debating my life’s worth culminates in this specific moment in time.
If I hadn’t been too much of a coward to put a bullet in my head, I wouldn’t know what it feels like to be loved by her. Thank fuck for small mercies.