Chapter 15
We stayed like that for a long time—me sitting on the kitchen counter and Ryder still buried inside me. We were both breathing hard against each other’s mouths, and I was still riding that euphoria high.
His hands were still locked on my hips like he was afraid I might try to disappear the second he let go, but I had no plans to run. Not now. Not ever.
Eventually, he pulled out of me carefully, and I glanced down to see how slick his semi-hard cock was, my pussy juices catching the light and sending a rush of heat through me. I was frozen there, just watching as he tucked himself away, and then he gripped my waist to help me off the counter.
My legs were unsteady, but he kept his arm wrapped around my waist as he led me out of the kitchen and to the living room couch.
When he sat down, Ryder pulled me right onto his lap so I was straddling him again, me completely naked while Ryder was dressed and looking dominant as ever.
We were chest to chest, and he had one heavy arm locked around my waist. His other hand settled at the back of my neck, his thumb stroking slow and possessive.
Neither of us spoke for a long while, and I rested my forehead against his, closing my eyes. For a while, the only sound was our breathing and the quiet tick of the old clock on the wall.
“I don’t know how to feel about any of it,” I said finally. “The years you watched me. The things you did… my father,” I whispered. I was still waiting for the horror that Ryder killed my father to consume me. It didn’t.
He didn’t react to my words, just kept that steady touch on my skin, rough and careful at the same time. “Don’t have to decide anything right now,” he said. “Or ever.”
I let his words sink in before responding. “I already have.” I swallowed. “I’m not turning you in. I can’t. Part of me is still sick over how relieved I feel that he’s gone, and how you made sure he could never come after me again.”
His arm squeezed a little tighter around me.
I thought about all the emotional and physical abuse I experienced at the hands of the man who was supposed to love and protect me above all others.
Ryder knew what I allowed him to see, but I never told him how bad it got sometimes.
In the past, I could never utter the words, too ashamed and afraid to say them out loud.
“He used to lock me in the closet when he got real bad. Sometimes for hours. A few times overnight. I’d sit in the dark listening to him smash things and yell about how I looked too much like her…
how I was ruining his fucking life.” My throat burned.
“I used to pray someone would come to rescue me. Anyone.”
Ryder’s hand stilled completely. “Should’ve taken you out of there,” he said, his voice low and rough.
“I was a broke teen with nothing to offer, but I had a hard head and a willingness to live under a bridge if that’s what it took to keep you safe.
Told myself I was workin’ on a way to get you out.
I was fuckin’ scared, Lila. Scared of makin’ it worse for you and really fuckin’ scared of never seein’ you. ”
He was quiet for a second, and I sat up straighter, staring into his dark eyes.
“One time while you were at school, I went over there and tried to man-up and put a stop to all the shit he was doin’.”
A buzz of shock rippled through my blood. Ryder had done what?
“Was a teen and your dad was a big motherfucker. He beat the hell out of me. When you asked me what happened, I lied and said I got a busted lip and bruises from fightin’ with some guys in town. You believed me.”
His thumb brushed slowly across my shoulder, and the memory of what he was talking about slammed into me so hard that it felt like I was right back in that moment all those years ago.
“The only time I’ve ever lied to you and feel like a piece of shit for doing it.” His fingers started moving again, slower now, almost careful. “Never forgive myself for a lot of shit, Lila.”
I didn't realize I was crying until Ryder reached up and brushed a tear from my cheek. “I hated this place for so long,” I said. “The land, the house, everything that reminded me of him. That’s why I was so ready to sell it when I came back. I thought if I got rid of the ranch, I could finally get rid of him, too.”
“And now?”
I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips but forced myself to pull back before I allowed myself to get lost in the taste and scent of him. “Now, I don’t want to leave. Especially not you.”
A low sound rumbled in his chest, and I knew it was a combination of approval, possession, and absolute pleasure that he’d gotten his way. It almost made me smile.
“Good,” he said. “Cause you’re not going anywhere.”
I let out a tired breath that was almost a laugh. “You can’t just decide that.” I was teasing more than anything.
“Watch me.” His dark gaze was serious and unflinching. They were the same eyes that had watched me from a distance all my childhood and never once looked away. Never judged or shamed me.
“This place has been yours the whole time. Just kept it standin’ until you were ready to claim it.
You want to keep both ranches separate, fine.
You want to put them under one name, we can do that.
Hell, baby, if you want to burn the Shaw house down and build something new, I’ll light the match myself.
But you’re stayin’, sweetheart. Here. With me. ”
The words should have scared me. Instead, they settled inside of me so deeply that the relief was instant.
I reached up and touched the scar that cut across his jaw. “You’ve been taking care of me my whole life without me knowing. I don’t know how to catch up to that.”
Ryder caught my hand and pressed a rough kiss to my palm then held it there against his mouth for a second longer than necessary.
“Should’ve taken care of you better. Should’ve done it all my life.
Biggest mistake and regret I have, darlin’, but I swear to everything unholy and holy, I’ll spend the rest of my life makin’ it up to you. ”
He cupped both my cheeks and kissed me long and deep. When he pulled back, I was panting and ready to be claimed by him once more.
“You don’t catch up,” he said. “You just let me take care of you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
I slid off Ryder’s lap, his hands trying to grip me in place, but I shook my head no with a sly smile curving my mouth.
My eyes pinned his as I unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans.
He was hard when I freed him, twitching in my hand.
When I looked down, the vein on the underside of his cock was bulging, leading a trail up to his swollen, purple head. I had to have him in my mouth.
So I sucked him in. He tasted like sweet and sour candy.
Different flavors exploded on my taste buds.
I licked him like a lollipop, dragging my tongue up and down his length, lapping and stroking, spitting and twirling around his tip.
Ryder let out a sound purely primal, he eyes flaring with desire, one hand pulling my hair, the other gently pulling and tweaking my nipple.
Doubling down, I swallowed his cock, gagging, saliva stringing from my mouth on every backward stroke.
My pussy clenched, drops dripping down my thigh.
I couldn’t get enough of him. And Ryder couldn’t get enough, either.
He guided my head, pumping into my mouth over and over again.
I reached down a rolled his balls in my hand. That did it.
Ryder pushed my head all the way down his cock and came, his body shaking and stiff.
Barely able to breath, I let his cum shoot down my throat until every spasm waned.
I pulled back ever so slowly, letting my tongue run a soft path along his length, teasing that glorious vein, cleaning every single drop of fluid off him.
I raised from my knees and sat back on his lap, kissing him lightly on his lips. Ryder just stared at me, unable to speak. Lust and wonder flashed across his eyes.
Outside, morning light started pushing against the windows, but neither of us moved. The truth of everything still sat heavy between us. Hell, it might always be there as a silent passenger. But I knew it wouldn't crush me.
It was just something we were going to carry together.
I rested my head on his chest and closed my eyes. His arms stayed locked around me, solid and unyielding, like he’d already decided the conversation was over and the decision was made.
“I’m not selling the ranch,” I whispered. Ryder’s hold tightened just enough that I felt it in my bones.
“Damn right you’re not.”
For the first time in my life, this house and the land under my feet didn’t feel like a prison I was trying to break out of.
It felt like the only place I had ever truly been kept safe.