Chapter 2 #2
"Hank told me he loved me today, but I couldn't say it back.
Not because I don't love him," I clear my throat as the tears build in my eyes. Fuck, this is even harder than I thought it would be. The fact that I could tell Luke I love Hank, but I couldn’t say those three words to him, when he needed to hear them is disheartening.
"So, you love him. Okay. You're here to tell me what we had is over. Guess I should've got shot instead of him." For the first time since knowing Luke, I feel wounded by his words. I've hurt him.
"First, don’t ever fucking say that again. It would kill me if you were hurt. But there's more I need to tell you." I shift, angling my body toward him, knowing I need to get this out, all thoughts of the tattoo long forgotten.
"What more could there be, ‘cause you're in love with my brother, Vee? You're endin' what we had. Shit, I actually thought we had something. That even though it wasn't an official declaration of you bein' my ol' lady, that's what you were."
"You wanted me to be your ol' lady?" Shock takes over, mixed with some anger. He never mentioned this to me before. Never even gave a hint he wanted any commitment.
"Why are you just telling me this now?" If he had said this before, would things be different? Would I have taken care of Hank after the shooting? Gotten close to him? Developed feelings?
"I don't know. But I guess it doesn't matter, anyway. You're in love with Hank, and I'm left in the cold."
All the emotions swirling inside me are so overwhelming I can't think.
I swing my legs off the table, sit upright, fight the tears and look him dead in the eyes. He needs to know the truth.
"You're a fool. I didn't say it back because I'm in love with you, too. I didn't think you felt the same. To me, I was just your hook-up. A friend with benefits.”
“Like what you love us both? Do you think we are Ash and her guys? Or Arizona and her? Not everyone is them.”
“It doesn't matter.” I interrupt him.
He opens his mouth to continue what he was saying, but this is my time to speak my piece.
“No, I’m not done talking. You’re going to listen while I finish talking.
Hank told me very clearly that he won’t share.
That it was him or no one. Now you tell me you want me, that you always have.
I won’t come between the two of you. I won’t choose, and I won’t be heartbroken. So, screw both of you."
With those final words, I dart up, throw back on my shirt, then frantically grab my bag and rush from the shop, my tattoo not even halfway finished while willing myself not to cry. It’s okay, I’ve had enough of them done that I know what to do. I’ll wrap it when I get home.
“VeeVee,” Luca calls my name as I rush past him, his eyes shooting from me to where Luke stands.
“It’s fine. I’ll call you later. I just don’t feel well.” There's no need to bring him into the shitstorm I caused. He’d want to be my protector, even beat the shit out of the men causing my heart to break. I can’t let that happen.
I just want to be alone. Away from everyone so I can process and think.
I've been holed up in my apartment since leaving the shop earlier today. I’ve been on my couch wrapped up in a blanket, the television playing in the background.
But I couldn’t tell you what was on it. My eyes hurt from crying.
It’s all I’ve done. My chest hurts, but the pain reminds me how stupid I was to let my heart fall so hard for three men.
Luke has been messaging me nonstop since I left, but I’ve left them all unread. I’m not ready to talk to him or read what he has to say.
His words, the pain in his eyes, told me everything I needed to know. All I’ve caused is trouble and heartache.
The only one I've responded to is Luca, letting him know I'd give him all the details of what was wrong with me tomorrow. He didn't like the answer, but finally left me alone.
My phone pings, alerting me to another message. I almost ignore it, but check who it is, just in case. Seeing that it's Ash, I answer. I’ll never not take a message or call from her. Not with everything that’s happened to her.
Ash: Vee, what's going on?
Me: Nothing. Why?
Ash: Are you sure? You've barely spoken to me outside of work, and even then, you always seem distant. When I was visiting Kaleb at the shop, I overheard Stone talking to Luke about you rushing out.
Me: I'm fine, I just didn't feel good.
Ash: Want me to come over?
Me: No, I'm fine. Plus, I don't need our little momma getting sick.
I see the dots bounce up and down, then disappear. Then a moment later, the same thing happens. This goes on a couple of times before a new message finally comes through.
Ash: Have I done something?
Ugh. I knew it was coming. She's right. I have been avoiding her ever since that night.
How can I face my best friend when I know my scum of a father was involved in her kidnapping?
She doesn't speak about it to me. I know she's been seeing a therapist, and that woman has done wonders in helping her cope with what happened.
Not just with what my father did to her, but everything else as well.
Ash hasn't given me all the details. Only the guys and her therapist know. But how do you ask your friend if the man who is your biological father raped her? I can't do it, so I've avoided her. Well, that and the fact that seeing her pregnant rips my heart out.
Ash: Are you there?
Me: Yeah, sorry. I've just been busy trying to reconnect with Luca. We have a lot of time to make up for.
Ash: Okay, I get that, but don't forget about me.
Me: I won't. How about we have a girls’ night? Me, you, and Arizona.
Ash: Perfect.
Me: Ok. GTG. Luca is here.
He's not, but I can't message her anymore.
I drop my phone on the cushion beside me and pick up the remote, turning on the television. There’s nothing I really want to watch, so I scroll aimlessly through the guide until I find a movie I've watched a million times: Pitch Perfect. It's the only thing that seems to calm my racing mind.
Hank and Luke fill my every thought. I've pushed them away, keeping them at arm's length, but never fully letting them in since finding out about Luca and my father.
Now, knowing they both want something with me and knowing for sure that Hank doesn't see a relationship like Ash and her guys have, I can't continue. I need to end it with both of them. However, after today, maybe it’s already over.
When I was taking care of Ash after they rescued her, I felt like something was blossoming with Josh, too, but thankfully I've let that fizzle out.
Once she was taken again, my only contact with Josh was when he came to check in on Hank.
It was nothing more than friendly banter between us.
Lingering looks here and there. Or maybe, I just created something more in my head than there really was.
But then, not three weeks after that night at the club, the one where I almost lost Hank, my world fell apart.
I had no one to confide in, to share my feelings with.
No one to even help me process all the emotions I was feeling.
Ash or Arizona would have been there with me in a heartbeat, but each had their own things going on in their lives, and well, the guys, that was a whole other can of worms I wasn't sure how I was going to handle.
It's best this way. Causing a rift in the club between brothers would be a mistake. They are better off without me. All of them, including Ash, too.