Chapter 17
Vee
This was the last place I wanted to be.
Even sitting here in my car outside the Hellions Clubhouse, I contemplate texting Ash and feigning some kind of illness. A stomach bug or something that I don’t want to spread to her. She’s hugely pregnant and close to her due date. It would be a great excuse not wanting her to become ill.
But I don’t.
Because my best friend in the world wants me here.
It seems like a lifetime since I’ve been here, even though I know it hasn’t.
The clubhouse looks the same as always—dim lights, scarred wood, the scent of smoke and motor oil soaked into every wall.
Bikes line the front of the building. My eyes scan through them, looking for two in particular.
Hank’s and Luke’s. I know Josh has one, but I haven’t seen it.
The only times I’ve seen him he’s had his truck.
A flash of light shining through my windshield draws my attention.
The front door to the clubhouse opens, and out strolls Hank.
He’s alone. Heading straight for his bike.
He’s moving fast, his leather jacket hanging open, a black long sleeve shirt underneath.
It’s as if the cold means nothing to him.
I watch as he swings his leg over his bike, settling down on his seat. He takes his helmet, lifting it up to put on his head. Where did that come from? Was it in his hand the whole time? Then his eyes lift and lock onto mine.
For one fragile second, we are the only two people in the world. No club. No betrayal. No ending. No ultimatum hanging over my head to make a decision. It’s just us. Hank and me.
Then, just as quickly as he looked at me, he turns away, puts on his helmet, revs his bike and then rides out of the parking lot. My heart caves in on itself. The only bright side is he didn’t have a girl under his arm, or riding on his bike.
The ache in my chest spreads until it’s hard to breathe. All I want to do is start my car and go home. Not to Luca's clubhouse. But to my apartment. How did I even think I could see them and feel as if I wasn’t dying?
I take a deep breath. Calming my nerves. Then open my door. The sooner I get in there and make an appearance, the easier it will be to slip out and leave.
Each step across the parking lot to the door feels like quicksand. It takes every ounce of energy I have to trudge forward. When I get to the door, I freeze. My hand is on the knob, but I can’t turn it.
“Get it together, Vee. All you need to do is go in and find your girls. Hang out for a few then leave,” I mutter.
Opening the door, I step inside. My mouth drops open as my eyes drag across the room.
It’s been turned into a Christmas wonderland.
Lights are strung carelessly across the beam, blinking in soft colors that feel so wrong in the building.
A decorated tree stands in the center, pretending to make this place of violence and debauchery a home.
All I can do is stand there, hands tucked into the sleeves of my jacket, taking in the sight before me.
There are no club girls here tonight. No wild sex taking place in view for everyone.
Instead there are bikers, with their ol’ ladies and kids and friends of the clubs.
My eyes scan the room, looking for Josh and Luke.
I don’t see them, but that doesn’t mean they aren't here.
Ash comes out from down the hallway and practically runs toward me when she sees me.
“You came,” she squeals.
“Well, you did threaten bodily harm and never be able to see my nephew if I didn’t show up,” I remind her.
“It got you here. Didn’t it?” she gloats proudly. She takes me by the hand and takes off across the room toward Arizona, dragging me behind her.
Arizona steps away from Bash and Jace long enough to give both of us a hug.
“Sorry guys, but I’m stealing her. We need girl time,” Ash coos.
She moves in between Arizona and me, looping her arms through ours and guides us over to the couch.
We’ve barely sat down when Ryker, Colin, and Knox step in front of us with drinks and plates of food in hand.
They don’t hang around, they just set them down on the table in front of us and leave.
“You girls have your men trained well.” I mean it as a joke, but damn if the words aren’t true. “And I swear you move faster than us and you’re nine months pregnant.” I add trying hard not to show how jealous I am of what they have. What I want: Love.
“Ash, why am I here?” I question her.
“What do you mean?” she asks.
“Look around. It’s ol’ ladies, girlfriends, kids and club members. I am none of those.”
“You can’t believe that.”
I just shrug my shoulders and bite my lower lip.
“Look here, Veronica. Whether you believe it or not, you are family. Whether you’re dating one of the knuckleheads in this club or not. You are my sister.”
“Mine too.” Arizona pipes in before changing the subject, thankfully. “Are you ready for your little man to come into the world?” She asks Ash and all I can do is scan the room as I reach forward and pick up a wing off the plate and take a bite.
“Excited and fucking nervous. Ryker had me watching childbirth videos to prepare me. All it did was frighten me more.” She blows out a breath.
“Seeing what this little guy is going to do to my vagina, I told him there wasn’t going to be anymore.
It was like something out of a horror movie.
Thank God Mack wasn’t there. If he saw how big my opening could get, I swear he’d try to have them all fucking my hole at the same time.
” Arizona and I can’t help but double over laughing at the mortified look on her face.
I vow to never, ever look at any video of a birth.
“They're not here,” Ash says softly, placing her hand on my knee.
“I’m not looking for anyone,” I lie again.
“Yes, you are,” Arizona adds. “Hank’s at the club tonight.” She picks up a bottle of beer, taking a sip, before speaking again. “Bash let it slip.”
“Luke is at the tattoo parlor working tonight and Josh,” Ash clears her throat. “Josh is working at the hospital. I also made sure not to tell them you were going to be here.”
“Seriously, I wasn’t looking for them. I was taking in all the decorations.” Another lie.
“Whatever, let that be the story you tell yourself,” Ash scoffs. “Besides, would it be so bad to see them here tonight? You’d be forced to talk.”
“It’s better than a bar,” Arizona adds. “Aren’t you supposed to go back to work soon, anyway?”
“Nope. No way would I be talking to them if they were here. And actually seeing them at Hell’s Desire would be better. I’ll be busy working so I won’t have the time to entertain them.”
“Uh huh,” they both say in unison.
“I can tell you what is going to happen. Me, excusing myself to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.
” I discard the half-eaten wing on one of the plates and stand, making my way across the room toward the bathroom.
My plan is to hide in there for a few minutes then sneak out of the clubhouse.
Once I’m safely back at Luca’s, I’ll text Ash and Arizona with some excuse why I had to leave.
Maybe they’re right. At least here, if I had to face them, it would be quick and polite. There wouldn’t be any yelling. Well, not on their part… I don’t think.
I make my way to the bathroom, not that I need to use it, but because I need a break.
Some time to myself to breathe and regroup.
There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that my two best friends wouldn’t bring up those three men.
But I hoped they wouldn’t. Ash is so excited about Christmas, and I thought her full attention would be on that and her upcoming birth.
I still can’t believe she is going to be a mom.
That Ryker, Kaleb, Mack, and Colin are going to be fathers.
I never thought I’d see the day they would settle down and have a family. Much less with the same woman.
A knock at the door tells me my time of solitude has come to an end.
“Just a sec,” I shout loudly, not even sure if they can hear me over the Christmas music playing.
Opening the door, I see a woman. She’s not familiar, and I know she’s not a club girl; they are banned tonight. “All yours,” I say sweetly as I slip past her. She smiles and disappears inside.
Stepping back out into the room, I see Ash and Arizona still on the couch, talking, Jace and Colin seated with them now.
I stay close to the wall and work my way to the kitchen. From there I’ll slip out the back door and make my way around the building and disappear. Once I’m off the property, I’ll message both of the girls and let them know I left. Tell them I’m sick or something.
My eyes are so focused on Ash and Arizona, making sure they don’t notice me that I run smack into a giant wall. Large hands grip my arms, holding me in place.
My eyes drift up and see Bash.
“Sorry,” I mutter.
“No problem. I was actually looking for you.” He lets go of my arms and steps back.
“You were?” My eyebrow raises in confusion.
“I know when we talked about you coming back, we decided after Christmas was for the best. But I was wondering… could you actually start before then? Like Christmas Eve?”
I debate for a minute. “Yeah. I can.”
“You sure?” he asks. “I don’t really have anyone but Javier and Carlos. The girls aren’t really working out behind the bar, and Arizona said she would, but we are hoping to spend our first Christmas together.”
I force a small smile. “You don’t have to explain. I get it. Let the people who have families be with them. That’s what Christmas is about, right? Family. The children.”
He nods slowly, then meets my eyes. His mouth opens, then closes.
“I’ll be there, all festive and everything.” I start to walk away, but he takes hold of my arm.
“For what it’s worth,” he says, “those fuckers are losing out on the best woman to ever step into their world.”
My throat tightens. My body freezes.
“Thank you,” I whisper. They’re the only words I can manage to form,
He clears his throat, and I know there’s more coming.
“But we also can’t have tension in our club. We’ve already had too much discourse to add more to it. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
I nod. I get it. I’m the problem. I’ve caused the animosity among three members because I couldn’t choose who I wanted to be with.
I didn’t make my feelings known before it escalated to the point it is.
“I hate how things are.” I don’t give him a chance to say anything more.
I turn and head straight to the kitchen and out the door.