Chapter 39
Hank
I’m leaning against the wall, beer in hand as the doors of the clubhouse open and close as brothers filter into the building for church.
I’m going to need all the liquid courage I can get for what I’m about to do today.
It’s been a week since Vee was taken, and I’ve kept my distance just as she’s asked.
Well, more like I haven’t talked to her or let her see me. But I’m there at her apartment building every night. I keep my motorcycle hidden out of sight as I watch for hours at a time to make sure that no one tries to seek revenge for Hiram and his son.
No one has. And I’m relieved about that. Luca was sure no one would, but I needed to know for certain. If anything else were to happen to her, I don’t know what I’d do.
Each morning I make sure to get three coffees delivered to her apartment. One for each of them and leave it at her door. I also have her favorite pastry delivered as well. Blueberry muffin, warmed just a little so that it’s still hot when she gets it.
She hasn’t messaged me. But then again, I’ve never told her that they came from me. The guys have to know, and if they told her, she hasn't reached out to me. Not that I expect her to. This is about me making up for being an ass not only to her but Luke and Doc as well.
I have a lot to make up for. Even if Vee doesn’t want me, I want her friendship back.
I don’t want her looking at me with hate-filled eyes.
Her never wanting to talk to me or see me I can learn to live with.
Hating me, looking at me the way she has been, I can’t.
Low voices rumble around me as brothers talk to each other.
Chairs scrape across the floor as people pull them from the tables to sit down.
The sounds pull me from my thoughts. I see the door open and Ash steps inside, little Jacey in her arms, her men surrounding her.
My heart pounds because speaking with her is something else I need to do. One for information I need and the other to apologize to her.
I push off the wall and walk over to them before I can talk myself out of it.
“Hey,” I say, lifting my hand, rubbing the back of my neck. “Can I talk to Ash for a minute?” Then I add. “By herself?”
Mack, Ryker, Colin and Kaleb look between each other, as if they’re having a silent conversation. They give each other a nod and turn their focus back to me.
Mack reaches over and gently takes Jacey from her arms. “C’mon, little man. Let’s go see your grandpas.” Then he heads across the room toward Earl and Sam.
“Yeah, sure. If she wants to,” Kaleb says, then looks at her for confirmation. She nods and they each give her a quick kiss before heading off in the same direction as Mack.
Ash waits for them to leave before raising her eyebrow at me. “What do you want to talk about, Hank?”
I gesture toward the small table tucked away in the corner. It keeps her within her men's eyesight, yet gives us a little privacy for our conversation. She nods and follows me over. We sit down across from each other as I take a deep breath, dulling the noise around us until it’s just me and her.
Here goes nothing. Please let this go well.
“I want to apologize,” I tell her.
She tilts her head slightly, confused about what I'm saying. “For what?”
My fingers drum on the table for a second while I gather my thoughts. This is fucking harder than I thought it would be.
“Once… when I was talking to Ryker,” I say slowly, “I said something that might’ve sounded like I thought your relationship was wrong.”
Her expression doesn’t change, but she listens.
That’s good. I mean she hasn’t jumped from her seat, wrapping her hands around my neck trying to strangle me.
Nor has she called over the guys to kill me right in front of her.
The worst would be if she told her father what I said.
Earl would castrate my ass, and that’s just for starters.
“That’s not what I meant,” I continue quickly. Not wanting her to get the wrong idea. “I just meant… it’s not for me. At least it wasn’t somethin’ I ever pictured for myself. But I never meant it to sound like what you and your men have isn’t real.”
For a second she just watches me. Then she gives me a warm smile. I lean back in my chair with a sigh of relief.
“What we have isn’t for everyone,” she says simply. “And that’s okay.”
Relief washes through my chest.
“Thank you,” I say quietly. “You and the guys… you’re like family to me. I would never do anything intentionally to hurt you.” I clear my throat. “I wish I could have it. That it wouldn’t bother me seeing my woman with another man, regardless if we are all together or not.”
“I know,” she says. She reaches across the table and takes my hand in hers, squeezing it. “You’re forgiven for what you said.”
“There’s something else I want to ask you,” I say.
Her eyebrow lifts again, and I can only imagine what she must be thinking I’m going to ask.
“I was wonderin’ if I could get your therapist’s number. I know she helped you a lot after… everything that happened to you.” I swallow. Because admitting what I’m about to say is huge for me. “I need to work on myself.”
She shifts in her seat, not saying anything at first, her eyes soft but sharp like she’s processing everything I’m saying.
“You love her still, don’t you?” she asks gently.
God, do I love her. I never stopped. If only I had been enough for her. If only I could accept her with the three of us.
“Yeah.” My voice comes out rough. “I just need to figure out how to handle… cope with… her being with them too.” I run a hand over my head, feeling my newly growing hair beneath the tips of my fingers.
“And I need to learn how to communicate what I’m feeling better.
Because the way I handled it before…” I shake my head. “That can’t happen again.”
Her smile grows. “She loves you too.”
My head snaps up.
“And for what it’s worth,” she adds, reaching out and squeezing my hand again, “I’m rooting for you. For the four of you.”
Something in my chest twists tight with hope and fear all at once. Me and them with her. Can I figure out a way to come to terms with that? And will she still want me when I do
“I’ll message you her information,” she says.
“Thank you.”
We both stand, pushing our chairs back. She heads across the room toward her father just as he calls for church to start. All the patched members file into the meeting room.
I wait for a minute and then I follow them into the room.
Normally, I sit at the front but today I take a chair at an empty table toward the back.
I place my hands on the table and drop my head as I replay everything in my head.
I think about what I’m going to say because the next part is going to be brutal.
Then two chairs scrape across the floor as Luke and Doc take a seat on either side of me.
“Hey, man,” Doc greets as Luke gives me a nod before taking a swallow of the beer in his hand.
“Hey.” There’s an awkward pause, then I speak again. “How’s Vee?” I ask finally, not sure if I even have the right to know.
Doc sighs. “She’s doing good. Healing well mentally and physically.” He glances at Luke before continuing. “She’s wanting to go back to work.”
“What?” The word comes out louder than I mean it to. “It’s only been a week.”
“That’s what we told her,” Luke says with a small huff. “But you know how hard-headed she is.”
Yeah, I do. She’s one tough pistol.
Doc leans forward, elbows on the table. “We actually wanted to talk to you.”
My stomach tightens, not knowing what he’s going to say. Does he want me to stop delivering the coffee? Has he found out that I’m watching the house at night? Are they planning to kill me and feed me to the pigs at Cassie’s farm?
“She doesn’t want to see you,” Doc says carefully. “But we can’t always be there with her. So we wanted to ask you to keep an eye on her when we can’t.”
“But don’t crowd her,” Luke warns me.
“You know I will always look out for her,” I say immediately. “You didn’t even have to ask.” They both nod as though they expected that answer.
It isn’t even a question when Vee’s safety is involved.
We sit there in silence, and a few minutes later the door opens and Earl, Sam, and Javier step into the room, heading straight for their spots at the front as the officers of the club.
“Church is starting,” Bash shouts from the door, for the last minute stragglers who rush to get inside, dropping down in whatever empty chair they can find.
Earl calls the meeting to order and starts going over old business.
Runs that are planned for this year, repairs that need to be done at the clubhouse, and upcoming business opportunities.
Kaleb stands and gives updates on how the tattoo parlor is going, followed by Bash with Hell’s Desire and lastly Colin with the garage.
I hear the words, but my mind keeps drifting, thinking about what I’m about to do.
Just before Earl wraps things up, I push my chair back and stand.
“Pres,” I say. Every head in the room turns to face me.
Earl looks at me for a moment before nodding. “You got something to say, Hank?”
I take a deep breath.
“Yeah, I do, sir.”
The room goes quiet.
“I owe every one of you an apology,” I start. My voice echoes through the room because it’s so quiet. “My behavior lately has been unacceptable. I brought my personal life into club business, and that shouldn’t have happened.”
I glance around the table, meeting the eyes of my brothers one by one.
“I don’t know if everyone knows, but I love Vee with everything I’ve got,” I continue. “And when she told me she loved me… and two others.” I gesture toward Luke and Doc. “I didn’t know how to handle it.”
A few guys shift in their seats, but nobody interrupts me, letting me say what I need to.
“In the heat of the moment, I said things about her that weren’t fair.
That aren’t true. And I want Doc and Luke to know how sorry I am.
When Vee is ready to talk to me, I’ll apologize to her as well.
” I swallow hard because I’m not done. “I also want to apologize to the brothers in this room who are in a similar group dynamic.” I don’t need to say their names; they know who they are.
“The way I talked… it might’ve sounded like I think what you have isn’t real.
” I pause for a moment and take a deep breath. “That’s not how I feel.”
Silence fills the room. My body goes weak as I lower myself back down into my chair.
Nobody moves or speaks, most likely unsure of how to react to what I’ve said.
Then Ryker suddenly stands up. He claps his hands together once, the sound loud in the quiet room, then again. “Well, damn,” he says with a crooked grin. “’Bout time the teddy bear got his head outta his ass.”
A few chuckles ripple through the room, and Ryker points a finger at me as he laughs.
“You better hope your woman forgives as easily as we do.”
The brothers erupt into a fit of laughter, and Earl calls the meeting to an end.
I did it. Fucking spilled my guts in front of my brothers, spilling out my heart for them.