Chapter 42
Vee
The minute the apartment door opens and Luke and Josh step inside, something in my chest drops straight to the floor.
I know something’s wrong before they even say a word.
Their faces are too serious, and they don’t have their usual smiles.
Instead, their lips are clenched and their eyes are strained.
My stomach twists violently and my hand goes to it on instinct, palm pressing protectively over the precious life growing inside of me. I’ve just started to have a little swell in my belly. I’m not sure if it’s normal, or I’m just going to have a large baby.
Or twins. God, I don’t know if I’m ready for two babies.
They come and sit down on the couch, one on each side of me, as they lean forward, resting their arms on their thighs.
“Hey…” My voice comes out shaky and soft. “What’s wrong?” It’s taking everything in me to keep it together.
They exchange a glance. The kind that I’ve become accustomed to seeing them do when they are deciding who’s going to be the one to speak. My heart starts racing so fast I swear I can hear it beating.
“Baby,” Luke says softly. “We need to talk to you.”
The words hit me worse than any accident could. My vision immediately blurs. Of course. I knew this would happen, eventually. That Luke and Josh would realize having a baby was too much. It wasn’t something that was planned or even talked about.
Two men. A baby. A life none of us planned.
Panic floods my chest so fast I can barely breathe.
“Oh God,” I whisper, closing my eyes, hoping that when I open them, this will have been a dream.
They shift their bodies toward me but I shake my head quickly, tears already spilling down my cheeks.
“It’s okay,” I choke out. “I get it.”
“V—” Josh starts to say, but I cut him off. I don’t need to hear the words I know he’s about to say.
“No,” I rush out, wiping the tears away, that have managed to fall. “I understand. I do.” My voice cracks. “You didn’t sign up for this. None of you did.” My hand tightens over my stomach. “But I’m keeping the baby. I just want you to know that.”
Their eyes widen and they both sigh heavily.
“I don’t care if you don’t want to be part of its life.” I hold back the sob making its way up my throat. “I love this baby already and I won’t—”
“Baby, stop,” Josh says quickly, his hands reaching out cupping my face, tilting it toward him. “That’s not it. You need to stop automatically thinking the worst when we want to talk to you. You know we love you. Now and always. Nothing will change that.”
My eyes drift over to Luke who's nodding as he speaks. “Not even close. We can’t wait to see your belly swell with our baby. To watch him or her grow up.”
I blink at them through tears. “Even if it’s twins?”
“Even if it’s twins,” they say in unison.
“Then what is it?” I ask, voice trembling. “Because you both look like someone died.”
They glance at each other again.
Luke takes one of my hands in his while Josh takes the other. Their touch grounding me, soothing the panic I was in.
“Hank contacted us,” Josh says.
“Hank?” I ask again, unsure if I heard him correctly. I look to Luke for confirmation, he nods.
“He says he has something for you. Something he wants to show us,” Luke tells me.
“Us?” I repeat weakly. “I don’t understand.”
“We asked what it was,” Josh adds. “He didn’t say. Just gave us an address to meet him at.”
I immediately shake my head. I can’t. There’s no way I can stand in front of him and listen to what cruel things he may have to say to me. Nor do I want to see whatever woman he may have hanging off his arm.
“No.” My answer flies out before I can stop it. “I can’t,” I whisper, panic clawing back into my chest. “I can’t have him tell me he doesn’t want to see me again. Or that he hates me. Or—”
Tears start falling faster.
Josh wraps his arm around me and pulls me closer, brushing them away with his thumb.
“Just give him a chance, baby,” Josh tells me. I shake my head again but he continues gently. “He still loves you, Veronica. Just listen to what he has to say. If you still don;t want to see him after that then you don’t have to.”
My breath catches and my chest aches so bad I feel like I’m having a heart attack.
“And as much as you try to hide it,” he adds softly, “I know you still love him too.”
Luke squeezes my other hand. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But I think the two of you should talk. We’ll leave if it gets to be too much for you, no questions asked.”
Silence stretches between us.
Memories of Hank crash through my mind—his laugh, his arms around me, the way he looked at me like I was the center of the world.
But that was before I told him I also loved someone else, too.
And then he walked away from me. He shattered my heart and if I’m being honest, I still haven’t recovered.
Can I do it? See him? Listen to whatever it is he has to say? What does he want to show us?
I swallow hard. Luke says that if I want to leave, I can. But I owe it to myself to gain some closure, and maybe this is it.
“Okay,” I finally tell them.
“I’ll message him that we’re on the way,” Josh says, leaning over on the couch slightly so he can pull his phone out of his back pocket.
He types something on his phone and he gets a message back almost immediately.
The drive feels endless even though it's only about twenty minutes away. My palms are a sweaty mess and my stomach is doing flip-flops. I just hope I don’t puke.
When we finally pull up in front of a house, I stare at it through the windshield, confused.
“Where are we?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” Luke admits from where he sits beside me in the driver's seat. “This is the address he gave us.”
It’s a beautiful old house with a wrap-around porch and a swing hanging from one of the banisters. It’s a cream color, and there's a white picket fence around the yard, except for the driveway. In the front is a bay window.
It’s a house I would’ve loved to grow up in.
That somehow makes my nerves worse. Has he already moved in with someone else?
“Let’s do this,” Luke says as he opens his door. Josh is already opening my door for me, and takes my hand, helping me out.
We walk up the porch steps together, and Josh knocks on the door.
Heavy footsteps sound from inside, getting louder the closer they get before the door opens. And there he is. Hank. For a moment the world just stops.
He looks tired. But then I shake it off. I shouldn’t care if he does. But I do.
“Come in,” he says, stepping back to give us space to enter.
Luke and Josh glance at each other, doing their weird mind communication again.
“We can wait outside while you two talk,” Josh offers.
“No,” Hank says, shaking his head as he speaks. “I need to talk to all three of you.” He leads us to the living room and gestures toward the couch. “Have a seat.”
I sit down in the middle while Luke and Josh sit on either side of me. They each take one of my hands and hold them tightly.
Hank stands across from us for a moment like he's gathering courage. Then he starts talking.
“I loved you,” he says. My chest tightens at the way he says loved. “So damn much.” He lifts his hand and rubs it along the back of his neck as he takes a step to the side. “And when I said I couldn’t share… I meant it. I didn’t know how.”
I open my mouth to speak but he raises his hand. “Please… just let me say this. I need to get it all out.”
So I don’t speak. I bite my tongue and hold back, letting him finish what he needs to say before I go running out the front door.
He drags a hand down his face.
“I handled everything wrong. Every single part of it. Instead of talkin’... Instead of trying to understand what you were saying and how you felt, I pushed you away.”
His eyes drop to the floor, almost as though he’s ashamed or he can’t look me in the eyes for what he needs to say.
“And I tried to punish you for it. I wanted you to hurt as much as I did.”
My chest aches hearing the regret in his voice. But it doesn’t change anything. He doesn’t want a relationship with me, at least the kind I need.
“There are things I need to be honest about,” he continues. “Because if I’m going to say this, I’m not lying anymore.” He takes a breath. “First, I didn’t do anything with Jennalyn. But…” Hank swallows hard and starts pacing in front of me. “I did cross a line once with one of the club girls.”
My stomach twists. A club girl. I can feel the tears welling in my eyes.
“It didn’t mean anything. I couldn’t even…” he pauses, letting his head fall backward as he growls. “Fuck. Vee, I couldn't even get it up without thinking about you.” His voice drops. “And I hated myself the second it was over.”
Silence fills the room.
“I’m telling you because I want to be completely honest with you.” His eyes lift back to mine. “When you were kidnapped, I realized what life would be like without you. And I hated it.”
He lets out a shaky breath as he lifts his hands and rubs his palms together.
“I’ve been going to therapy. Seeing the therapist that Ash saw. I’m trying to figure out why I react the way I do. But most importantly, how to deal with things without lashing out, or saying things I can’t take back.”
Luke and Josh both look surprised when I shift my eyes to them. Like this is the first they’ve heard this.
Hank steps closer to us. “I know you’re pregnant.”
My eyes shoot to Luke and Josh.
“It’s not their fault. I confronted Luke because you were getting sick at work. He told me because I was upset and accused him of not caring about you.” He shifts his attention to Luke. “I’m sorry. I know I said I wouldn’t say anything, but it has to do with why I asked you here.”
He steps over to the entertainment center and picks up a piece of paper.
“As much as I wish I could be your baby’s father… I’m not.” Something in my chest cracks. “But I still want to make sure you don't want for anything. That the baby doesn’t.”
He steps over to me and hands me a piece of paper that has a key attached to it.
“I set up a nursery. If you don’t like it, you can change anything you want. If you want a different crib, let me know and I’ll get it.”
“I don’t understand,” I tell him.
“The three of you are also going to need more room.”
I unfold the paper enough to see an address. This address.
“This house,” he says quietly. “It’s yours.”
Tears start pouring down my face again.
“I hope someday you can forgive me,” he continues softly. “For everything I did.” His eyes linger on me one last time. “But for now, I’m giving you what you asked for.” His voice drops to a whisper. “Space. I love you, Vee. Now and always. I just wish I had my shit together earlier.”
With those final words, he turns and leaves, shutting the door behind him.
All I can do is cry. I don’t know if it’s pregnancy hormones or what, but I feel like I’m losing him all over again.
Josh squeezes my hand gently. “Go after him, baby,” he murmurs.
I look up at him through tears, then to Luke who’s smiling at me, a shit-eating grin on his face.
“We always saw him as part of this,” he says. “Part of us.”
Are they saying what I think they are?
“You don’t need our permission,” Josh adds softly. “But you have our blessing.”