Chapter 41
“Come in.”
Twisting the door handle felt ten times heavier than it should.
This was it. No going back after this.
Stepping into Zara’s office, I tried to keep myself calm. Using breathing exercises and constantly reminding myself that this was the right thing to do, I managed to put one foot in front of the other.
Being back in her office, a flood of memories threatened to break through the walls in my mind. Adam died in this room. Zara told me she didn’t trust me right here.
This is exactly where everything began, and funnily enough, where it was about to end.
I steadied my trembling fingers and fought back the urge to turn and run.
“Dr. Dade, I didn’t expect to see you back for another two days.” Zara motioned to the chair opposite her desk. “How was your trip?”
Amazing. Life-changing. Worth every second.
As much as I hated the reasons we went to Montana, I’d always remember it as the place Livi finally broke her most important rule for me.
We left the night of the wedding, catching the next flight back to New York, and, true to her word, the second we landed, she started putting the life she wanted into motion.
She contacted her lawyer friend, who advised her on how to step away from Treasured Moments correctly. By the time we arrived back at her apartment, Livi had already submitted her official one-month resignation notice to Fernando.
Next, she turned to me.
Being back in New York meant that I was about to start my treatment at Spring Hope. One-month intensive therapy. One month of hell with the hope of salvation at the end.
But before I could even attempt to think about it, I needed to tell Zara the truth.
I took the job out of desperation, for my own selfish reasons, without truly considering whether I was right for it.
In all honesty, I wasn’t.
I was far from ready to take on an Attending position. I needed to take time to get my own shit in order, to stop fighting my daily demons, before trying to do my job and help others.
My own mental stability was as important as the patients I cared for.
It just took someone coming into my life to make me realize that.
“We cut our trip short.” I took a seat. “Livi had some work things she needed to take care of, and so did I.”
“And what work things are those?”
Inhaling deeply, I flattened the palms of my hands atop my legs. “I’m here to inform you that I am quitting.”
Zara blinked.
In the almost year I’d known her, I’d only ever seen her indifferent or angry; hell, a smile was a rarity, but seeing her surprised was like witnessing a dying star.
“You’re quitting,” she repeated. “May I ask why?”
“Personal reasons.”
She drummed her nails against her desk. “Such as.”
“Four months ago, you questioned if I was right for this job, never mind the Attending position. You implied I was hiding something, that there was something deeper going on in my life.”
She remained silent.
“You were right.” A weight dislodged itself from my chest. “Adam hired me to help me. He pulled me out of a hole that threatened to bury me. He saw I was struggling, a struggle that he knew all too well from his son.”
Realization settled across Zara’s face.
I expected anger or disgust. Hell, I expected her to scream and threaten to have me removed by security, or to threaten me with malpractice.
Each one of those things I deserved.
What I didn’t expect was for her lips to turn downward and a pang of what resembled sympathy to crack through her icy mask.
“I left Canada, hoping to run away from my problems, but turns out these types of problems don’t go away without help,” I huffed a weak attempt at a chuckle.
“But I’m done running. I’m done fighting with myself every day and convincing myself I can do this all alone.
I’m ready to get proper and professional help. ”
“What facility will you be going to?”
My throat bobbed. “Spring Hope.”
Zara nodded slowly. “It’s a good place; they are the best at what they do.” Reaching into her desk, she grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. “How long is your program?”
“One month intensive to start.” I rolled my lips together. “Then we will see how I manage after that.”
She wrote something down on the paper.
Part of me wanted her to chew and spit me out, to yell at me until blue in the face.
“I don’t accept your resignation,” she said without warning. “As of today, you are suspended for three months on full pay.”
She had to be playing a joke on me, a fucking mean one, but a joke all the same.
“Zara, you can’t—”
“Are you really going to try and tell me what I can or can’t do?” A threat of a smile teased her lips. “Once you have finished your program and are signed off, you will return to work under a trial period.”
A trial period was more than I deserved. But it was the perfect chance to prove myself to her.
“I understand.”
“We’ll have the trial period last six months, and if I see no issues, then we will make the Attending position permanent.”
Wait a second.
I blinked in disbelief.
Okay, now she definitely was fucking with me.
“This is what I want from my doctors, from my senior team, Elliott,” Zara said. “Honesty. Openness. Trust. And realizing that there is more to life than a job. I get we are doctors, and our patients come first, but never at the expense of our own lives.”
Unable to do anything else, I nodded, dumbfounded.
This was not how I thought this meeting would go.
Maybe this was a dream? Maybe I passed out unconscious outside her office?
“Please keep in touch as much as you can, Elliott.” She stood from her desk. “And I hope that you come out the other side the man you deserve to be.”
I spent my whole life hiding away the things that threatened to ruin me. I convinced myself that if anyone knew the truth, they’d high-tail it the other direction.
After all, Cassandra did exactly that.
But as I left the hospital and spotted Livi waiting for me after dropping in to see her dad, I realized something. My problems did not define me, and just because one person wasn’t in a strong enough position to handle them didn’t mean everyone else felt the same.
Livi. Frederic. Adam. Olly. Zara.
Not a single one of them turned their back on me.
“How did it go?” Livi asked. “Was it awful? Was she a royal bitch? Do you want me to go in there and kick her ass?”
“You’re cute when you threaten violence for me.”
“Cute?! What good is cute whenever I need to kick some butt? Cute is not going to cut it. I need to be terrifying, a force to be reckoned with.”
I chuckled. “You’re all those things, Peaches, promise.”
She rolled her eyes playfully. “C’mon, spill the soup, was it that bad?”
“The opposite, actually. She has suspended me on full pay and offered me the Attending position once I am ready to return to work.”
Grinning from ear to ear, she threw herself into my arms. “That’s amazing news! And to think I was half a second away from kicking her office door down.”
Holding her tightly, I buried my face into the crook of her neck.
“Dios mío, I am so proud of you, Elliott. It took so much fucking courage to do what you did.”
Strangely, I was a little proud of myself, too.
A year ago, if anyone asked me to do what I did, I’d have laughed in their face and ran away.
But I wasn’t that person anymore.
More importantly, I didn’t want to be that person anymore.
And I was going to fight like hell to ensure that I never let myself become that person again.
Walking back to my apartment, Livi nervously played with the strands of her hair. “I have a confession.”
My stomach twisted.
“Please don’t fall out with me.” She motioned to the car sitting outside my apartment block. “Just please, please remember this came from a place of nothing but love.”
I frowned, watching the driver and passenger car doors open. For the second time today, I was left dumbfounded as Frederic and Jaxon got out of the car.
“You called them.”
She chewed on her bottom lip. “Technically, I called Frederic. He called Jaxon, who called Olly, but his flight back from Montana got delayed.”
My eldest brothers stared at me with a mixture of concern and uncertainty.
A lump wedged itself into the base of my throat. “Why?”
“Because airlines are sick and twisted organizations. I swear they delay flights as a power trip, a way to lord above us all. I’m telling you, it’s all one big conspiracy.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know,” she sighed softly. “Look, I rang them because you’re about to start something big and scary tomorrow.
It’s the first step to putting the pieces of the life you deserve together, and I adore you so freaking much for having the strength to do it.
Seriously, the courage it takes for someone to seek help is inspiring. ”
Turning from my siblings, I looked at her.
“And you deserve to have the people who love you, who want only the best for you, to be here every step of the way.”
She’d done this for me.
Merde, how did I end up with someone as good as her?
“Please don’t be mad,” she said quietly. “They want to be here for you. But if you need, I can send them away?”
Mad? I was the furthest thing from it.
The fact she thought about surrounding me with the people who mattered most, knowing I’d never do it myself—it wasn’t small.
It wasn’t merely a simple gesture.
Frankly, for me, it was everything.
“I’m not mad at you, I promise,” I said after a beat. “And I don’t want you to send them away. You were right in calling them.”
She exhaled heavily in relief. “Oh, gracias al cielo.”
Look, I got that my brothers and I weren’t exactly the Brady Bunch. However, if we had any hope of changing that, we needed to start showing up for each other.
I had a lot of bridges to build with those I let down.
Frederic was at the top of that list, but Jaxon and Olly were on it too.
“I’m not mad,” I repeated. “Honestly? I’m grateful. For all of this. For you. For standing by me through this, and for showing me that I don’t have to do this alone anymore.”
Tears glistened in her eyes.
“I know I’ve said it before, but I will continue to say it every goddamn day we are together: you’ve changed my life for the better, Livi.”
“Just like you changed mine.” She pushed up onto her tiptoes and brought her mouth to meet mine. “Te quiero, Elliott.”
“I love you too,” I murmured, “and I’m never letting you go. Not now. Not ever. You’re stuck with me.”
“Being stuck with you sounds awfully like a good way to spend the rest of my life.”
Without her, I wouldn’t be standing on the edge of tomorrow. I wouldn’t be ready to walk into rehab, to finally face myself and what I’d been running from.
“Are you two finished yet?” Frederic called over. “I’ve been needing to piss for over an hour.”
“Tu es impossible, Frederic,” Jaxon muttered.
“It’s the truth,” Frederic shrugged. “Do you want me to piss on the side of the street like a dog? Non, I don’t think so.”
Livi laughed, stealing one last kiss from me before ushering my brothers into the apartment.
All I could do was watch them.
Every single one of them, the people who refused to give up on me, no matter how many times I’d tried to give up on myself.
Livi always claimed I was saving her, but little did she know she was the one who saved me.
And I couldn’t wait to start my life anew and spend the rest of my days showing her how eternally grateful I was that she came into my life and broke all her rules for me.