Chapter 22 Ariana
ARIANA
As soon as Edda followed me into my room, she began asking a series of questions.
“What were the two of you laughing about when you walked in?” Her eyes narrowed as if accusing me of something. Coldness emitted from her, which had never been present before, at least never directed at me.
“I was trying to convince Erik to try my favorite dish,” I informed her, confused as to why she carried such negative air around her.
“Try it? You mean you plan on cooking for him, like a servant?” Her words nipped at me.
I straightened, startled by her demeanor. “No. It is more a show of friendship.”
“You think that Lysian King is your friend?” she asked smugly, folding her hands over her chest.
I expected Bavadrins to be wary of Lysians, especially after what happened in our city and to Fraser.
I knew it would be a challenge to move past everything.
But Edda was partially the reason I now found myself in this position.
Though she wanted me to play nice with the Lysians, Edda was bound to question them and their intentions.
However, I never expected to feel as though she questioned me.
The room we stood in was charged with an air of anger and distaste, all of it stemming from Edda. None of it made much sense.
I looked at the open balcony door, thankful for the warm breeze wafting in. However, it did little to warm Edda’s icy demeanor.
“I think he would prefer us to be friends rather than enemies. I don’t think they wish me or our people harm,” I said.
Erik was many things. Sometimes he clearly tried to make me uncomfortable, which was infuriating, but there was also a kindness to him.
Were the circumstances different, I believed that we could have been friends.
The more time I spent with him, the more I found the raw power oozing from him less threatening.
“Don’t be stupid,” Edda spat angrily. “They are using you. Any ounce of friendship you see in them is a false picture they paint to control you better so that they get what they want in the end. They care nothing for you.”
The way she spoke, her eyes rimmed with judgment, wounded me.
Why? Why are you saying this?
I was not someone easily hurt by words. My upbringing made certain of that.
But Edda was my weakness. She was never anything other than a pillar of strength for me to draw upon, until that moment.
The pillar cracked, crumbling, and the weight that I was left supporting was crushing.
Suddenly, the ground beneath my feet trembled, and my knees threatened to buckle.
“I do not need you lecturing me on any of this.” My voice grew callous. “You were the one who told me to come here, to not fight, promising that the Lysians would not harm me nor those I care for. And now you dare to speak as though you judge me. After all that I have been through.”
Edda scoffed, a cruel smile finding its way to her lips.
“You are still no more than a child. Tell me, do you fancy this Lysian King? Giggling like a little girl instead of behaving like the Leader Superior of the Bavadrins. Think he will protect you from the evils of the world? Because I can tell you he cannot do that for you. No one can truly protect you, not anymore, not with what is coming. You need to pull that head of yours from the clouds and start using it.”
Her words opened a wound within me. It took a long time for me to stop doubting myself.
Ever since my mother’s death, I began questioning myself and my existence.
Edda was the one who helped me the most, supporting and helping me grow from within.
She always had her odd ways, but she was also always nurturing.
Yet now, she’s trying to tear me to pieces? For what reason?
There had to be a reason.
I hid the pain within myself, locking it in some deep, dark corner of my mind, and surrounded it with fury.
“I do not need anyone’s protection, including yours,” I replied, sounding oddly calm though my heart cracked.
“Really?” It wasn’t just a question—it was a gauntlet thrown, a flicker of defiance that shimmered like the edge of a blade. Her gaze locked on mine, unyielding, as if daring me to falter under the weight of it.
“I have no idea what is going on with you today, Edda. But I will not be made to be some foolish girl by you. The fact that I do not absolutely hate the Lysians is not a weakness. I do not let prejudices cloud my judgment, and you should know that better than anyone, for you used to share that view with me.”
I paused, shaking my head gently in disbelief.
“I feel as though I have always been a decent judge of character, and I believe that there is an opportunity that we could work with the Lysians.” I took a step back from her, feeling as though I did not know the person before me.
“The way you have been behaving—so willingly offering Bavadrin lives as a sacrifice for farming parties, and this, now, today—never in my life have you spoken to me in such a way. I do not even recognize who you are. You are not the woman I grew up loving. Why are you doing this?”
A look of hurt briefly passed over Edda’s features before disappearing altogether. “This is who I have always been, child. I am doing what I always have: helping to direct you to do what is best for you.”
Though a sliver of something other than bitter peeked through her words, it did nothing to help the pain in my chest.
“You no longer have that authority. If I am chosen to ascend, then you will be an adviser, but you do not direct me anywhere. I will choose whether to heed your advice, and that privilege will only be if I don’t lose all recognition of who you are.
Frankly, Edda, you are scaring me. Never have you been so unnecessarily cruel. ”
Her black eyes were shadowed. She offered no explanation. No apology.
My voice lost some of its edge. “It’s clear that you are trying to hurt me, and I have no idea why. But I think it’s time for you to go now.”
Edda approached me without an ounce of emotion. I half expected her to say some sort of snarky remark. Instead, she raised her hand, placing a featherlight touch on my cheek. Tears swirled in her dark gaze, though she did not shed a single one.
She stunned me, for never in my life had I seen her with tear-glazed eyes.
“I am proud of you, Ariana,” she said before dropping her hand back to her side. “But you are right. I am only an adviser to you, nothing more.” A sad sort of smile softened her features and then she simply left, leaving me alone in my room, completely dumbfounded.
I am only an adviser to you, nothing more. Those words swirled in my mind, and they cut me deeper than anything else said.
Edda always had been so much more. She was a shelter from the storm, something warm within the cold. She was the family I chose. And with her words, she stole all of that, as though it were nothing. As though she was not the reason I survived all those years under Fraser’s rule.
Everything shifted.
I stood in the room motionless until I heard the door leading into the hall close and I knew Edda truly left. I remained there a few more heartbeats before finally finding the strength to move. Walking out to the balcony, I greedily took a deep breath of fresh air.
I was completely fine until I wasn’t. Tears filled my eyes till there was no more room and they spilled over. Edda never attacked me before. And though in life I experienced so much worse, her words were strangely more painful than most of the darkness I lived through.
She was my shield until that moment. At that instant, she became a blade that was shoved into my heart.
The door to Erik’s balcony opened with a soft creak.
“How much did you hear?” I pointlessly asked while continuing to look over at the distant forest, knowing with my balcony open and his keen ears that he heard everything.
Erik was not quick to answer. “Lysians were raised to hate and distrust the Bavadrins, just like the Bavadrins were taught the same of the Lysians,” he replied, trying to offer Edda some form of defense.
He believed that she acted so aggressively because I did not outright despise Lysians, but that was not the case.
“No.” I turned to find him standing in the center of his balcony. A short iron wall separated us. “You were just a convenient cover. She used it as a reason to attack me with her words. Edda’s mind is not clouded with prejudicial hate. Her point was to wound me. That was her goal.”
And she so easily succeeded.
“Why would she do that?” He moved silently until he stood next to me. The slightest hint of concern swirled in his deep blue eyes.
“Why would she try to sever the single tie I have to something familiar, something that has always felt safe, and to do it while I am trapped in a foreign and unknown land? I have no idea.”
He did not respond, and I filled the silent void myself.
“She is either pushing me away or she is testing me in some way.” The worst part was how incredibly alone I felt at that moment.
I was brought back to when I was a child who just lost her mother, learning how unsafe the cruel world could be.
The loneliness reclaimed its place within me.
My knuckles began turning white as I held on to the iron bar before me, squeezing it with everything I had in an attempt to crowd out those horrid feelings.
“Would you like to go for a walk?” Erik offered, his voice gentle.
“No, I wish to be alone right now,” I lied. That was so incredibly far from what I wanted, but he was a Lysian, and I was his prisoner. No matter how much kindness he tried to show, it would not make up for the fact that I was not free.
I refused to seek comfort from my imprisoner, no matter how tempting.
“Alright,” he finally answered and though his steps were silent, I felt it when he moved away from me. Did he have any idea how potent his presence was?
“Thank you for dinner. It was nice,” I said while looking out over the forest before me.
“I’m sorry, Ariana.” His voice was low but very much heard. I wondered what exactly he was sorry for.
With the soft click of his balcony door closing, my eyes filled with tears anew.
I stood there as they rolled down my cheeks, falling to the floor.
I was feeling sorry for myself and that only made things worse.
How pathetic I had become. Poor little Ariana.
Mother killed for her existence. Father an abusive and sick individual.
The person closest to family turned their back on her.
Her friends and her people living under the threat of the Lysians, and little Ariana stolen away from all of them.
Anger rose within me at how whiny my thoughts became. I grabbed on to that rage like a lifeline and the fire of it grew until it evaporated my tears.
No, I am not some sad, helpless girl. I said to myself.
I am a conjuror. I have strength.
I will return to my people and free myself of the invisible shackles placed on me.
I will lead the Bavadrins to a life void of the fear and oppression they had long endured.
Even if I lost Edda, I was not alone. The Spirit chose me as the next one to lead, and I would not fail. My mother’s death would not be in vain.
One way or another, I would change the path of the Bavadrins.
One way or another, I would change everything.