Chapter 39 Erik #3
With a sigh, I took a seat, still holding several sheets in my hands.
His frustration was something I was deeply familiar with.
I had examined all these same documents for months now, always hoping to find some new bit of information that had previously been overlooked.
It constantly felt like I was on the edge of that discovery only to find myself unable to grasp at anything substantial.
“Go take a break. None of this is going anywhere,” I said, answering his anger with a knowing sigh.
Kole nodded with an air of defeat.
“Here, I could use a break too.” I stood, discarding the sheets onto the table, and titling my head towards the door in invitation.
Kole followed a step behind me, but when he moved towards Eislyn, his pace slowed.
Once in the hall, I turned to look at him, but his attention was not on me. He stopped.
Though he did not say anything, Eislyn went still, clearly sensing that he stood somewhere behind her.
She kept her eyes on the table before her while he kept his on the wall by the door, even as he spoke to her.
“There is something I need to say, or I am afraid I may not get another chance to say it.”
There was a brief moment of hesitation before he continued.
“Years ago, I found something in you that made me feel more alive than I had ever felt in my life. You didn’t just see me; you saw through me—every flaw, every fear, every broken piece—and somehow, you chose to love me anyway.
And I swore to protect you till my dying breath. ”
He paused for a heartbeat before continuing.
“Then Iona happened. I never expected her to . . . I did not know how to react. You were so angry, and I gave you space for your anger to subside. That decision is now the greatest regret of my life.” Kole raked his hands through his hair as if frustrated.
I should have left. Let them have this moment in private. Yet I could not bring myself to move. They had not spoken in years, truly spoken. The risk of this going horribly wrong kept me in place.
Kole’s gaze fell to the ground as if the weight of his words were too heavy to keep his head up.
“I swore to protect you, to put your heart above all else. And yet, through my silence, I made you feel as though I didn’t care.
My silence became a weapon, a wound I never intended to inflict.
The anger I’ve carried for so long blinded me, made it easier to ignore the part I played in what came after.
I see it now—I was the one who first broke the vows we made. The one who failed you.”
He drew in a heavy breath. “This knowledge haunts me. It’s a torment I cannot escape.
I wish to apologize, but no words could capture the depth of my regret.
You need to know this, Eislyn: you are the only one I have ever truly wanted in my life.
I would have died for you then, without hesitation, and I would still lay down my life for you today.
My heart has always been yours, and no anger, no pain, could ever fill the void you’ve left behind.
Not anymore. I’m so sorry, Eislyn” He then simply walked out of the room without even waiting to hear a reply.
Kole did not meet my eye when he strode past me.
Eislyn stood utterly still for several heartbeats before finally placing her hands on the table before her. She shifted her weight so that half of it was distributed to her hands as if her legs could not hold her anymore. A tremble shook through her.
I went to her.
“Hey.” My hand rested gently on Eislyn’s shoulder, a small gesture that shattered the fragile dam holding her together.
She spun toward me, her face crumpling as the weight of it all hit her.
Her legs buckled, and I caught her, pulling her close.
“It’s okay.” Never in my years of knowing her had I seen a single tear from her, even as children, until that very moment as she sobbed in my arms. She began shaking.
“I thought he didn’t care,” she whispered between breaths.
“He has always cared,” I said. She pushed me away. Regaining the strength in her legs, she paced towards the exit.
Once at the door, Eislyn turned back around with a look of horror in her tear-filled eyes.
“What have I done?” Her hand went to her stomach.
It was as if, for the first time, she realized she was not the only one pained by the events of their past. “I’m going to be sick.
” Distressed blue eyes looked back up at me.
“How can you not hate me? He is your best friend.”
“You both are,” I answered.
“Erik, what have I done?” The tears spilled over, running down her face. I moved towards her, but she stepped out of reach, shaking her head in disbelief. “I should go.” She pivoted, racing out of the room.
Years had passed since the icy anger first crystallized between Eislyn and Kole, growing colder and more unyielding with time.
At first, I had hoped it might thaw, that the tension between them would ease.
But instead, the frost only deepened, and the dust of neglect settled on that impenetrable wall of ice.
Their pain, sharp and bitter, fed the divide, refusing to fade—until now.
At last, that dreadful wall had melted, but it left a raw, aching heap of unresolved pain.