Chapter 14
Fourteen
Jack
It’s the worst thing that could have happened, losing our fawn. When we got the call, my heart broke into a thousand pieces.
I never knew I wanted to be a dad so badly, but now that my chance is gone, I feel empty. My home life is a disaster and we have nothing to show for it, no hope left for the future.
Even now, I’m not sure why I went with them.
I probably shouldn’t have come. This is something delicate, something better handled by Arthur and Bennett, who know Bree already and have a relationship with her.
My only relationship with her is having sex with her in that room, then telling her to get out of my house and never come back. She won’t want to see me right now.
Guilt churns in my belly as we approach the apartment complex. But I had to do this—to come and see her, to make sure she’s all right. Something inside me demanded it. Losing a fawn… that’s not something anyone should go through by themselves. As one of the fathers, it’s my responsibility to her.
My emotions are a tangle as we park and get out of the car. I let Arthur and Bennett go first as they head to her apartment. None of the lights are on inside.
Arthur knocks gently on the door, then we wait. But there’s no answer. He knocks a little harder this time and calls out, “Bree, it’s me.”
We wait another thirty seconds before the door finally cracks open. A small face appears in the gap.
“Mangelli?” Bree asks, her voice scratchy. “Why are you here?”
“I came to check on you. Please, let me in.”
She opens the door a little wider, and her eyes land on me. She instantly recoils, pulling the door almost closed again.
I hold up my hands in surrender, hoping she doesn’t lock us out just because I came along.
“It’s nothing nefarious,” I say. “I can go sit in the car instead.”
Green eyes watch me from the darkness, studying me. At last, she lets out a resigned sigh and pushes the door open for us. Then she turns and retreats into the dark apartment.
Arthur shoots me a look that says I’d better behave myself, and I find his fierce protectiveness interesting and new.
He searches the wall for a light and flips it on as Bree finds her way to the kitchen table. She slides into a chair, pulls her feet up onto it, and wraps her arms defensively around her knees.
“What do you guys want?” she asks in a tired voice. “I feel like shit and I don’t need to feel like more shit.”
“I’m not here for that.” Arthur pulls out a chair and scoots it beside her, then sits down. She’s dressed in wrinkly pajamas, her hair mussed around her face, her round cheeks red. I wonder if they’re always like that. “I’m here to make sure you’re all right. We got the news.”
“I’m sure you did.” She pulls her knees in tighter. “But I’m fine. Okay? Just fine. They gave me this pill, and I’ve been bleeding like a motherfucker”—she winces as she says it—“but everything will be okay when it’s all said and done.”
Even I can tell every word out of her mouth is a lie and I barely know her. She’s fraying, held together with duct tape, protecting herself.
From me.
Arthur sets his hand on top of hers. “It’s all right if it’s not fine,” he says gently. “I’m not fine. I’m very, very not fine.”
Her eyes lift, and there’s an immeasurable sadness in them. He takes both of her hands in his palms and looks right into her eyes, in a fierce way I’ve never seen before.
“All my hopes and dreams were in that fawn. In the one we made with you.” He bends his head, ears drooping. “It meant everything to me, Bree.”
She sniffles, and her eyes moisten as she strokes Arthur’s hands. I feel like an invader watching this moment play out, this tenderness between them I never even saw form.
“I’m sorry,” Bree whispers, reaching out to stroke his ear. “I don’t know what happened.” Then she breaks into tears, and they rend my heart in half.
“There was so much blood,” she says in a choked voice. “What did I do wrong?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” says Bennett, approaching her from the side. He strokes her shoulder. “No one did. It just happens.”
“But why did it happen to me?” She looks so helpless and small.
“I don’t know.” He crouches down so he’s looking up into her eyes. “Just a terrible fluke.”
The tears stream faster down her face, leaving red tracks. “I’m sorry,” she mutters, tucking her face between her knees. “I’m so sorry.”
What does she have to be sorry for? When I step forward, everyone freezes, looking up at me. I am the intruder here, the undesirable presence. Surely nothing I say will help, but I have to try, because the way she’s crying is ripping my heart in half.
“This isn’t your fault.” I sit down at the other end of the table, doing my best not to be intimidating. “Not at all. So please don’t be sorry.”
Bree doesn’t look up. She’s not interested in what I have to say, and I don’t blame her. But Arthur and Bennett are right, and she shouldn’t have to go through this by herself.
I even wonder if the stress of what happened that night at dinner is to blame. Maybe I did this by treating her so callously, by denying my instincts.
“I’m the one who’s sorry,” I continue. “I was cruel, and I took my hurt out on you. The way I behaved was terrible. I regret it.”
At last, she lifts her head, but the fight has drained out of her.
“It doesn’t matter now,” she says, defeated. “We have no relationship anymore. You guys can leave.”
Arthur wastes no time in wrapping his arms around her, tugging her closer to him.
“Of course we have a relationship,” he says, his voice breaking with the force of his emotion. “Losing the fawn doesn’t change that.”
Bennett runs his hands through her hair, and I find myself envying them. That closeness, that intimacy, is what I’ve been missing for weeks now.
“We care about you, Bree,” Bennett says, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. “We always will.”
I push down my jealousy. Seeing this, I realize how much I have hurt all three of them by demanding they stay apart.
My husbands care deeply for this woman, and I cut her out with a knife.
Sure, I had my reasons to be upset, but what I did that night…
I need to atone for that. To show I can be trusted.
“Have you eaten?” I ask, drawing their attention.
Bree’s mouth works, but no sound comes out at first. Then she shakes her head. “No. Not today.”
I glance out the window, where it’s gone dark out.
“All day?” I whip out my phone and pull up a delivery app. “I’m ordering dinner.”
Bree
Whatever I expected when the three of them showed up at my doorstep, it wasn’t this. Jack wanders off into the living room as he orders some food for me, not even asking what I want. Not that I could put it into words if he did. My whole body is an empty hole.
I haven’t said it aloud, but the cramps are almost unbearable. I’m wearing two pads at once to staunch the blood flow, and I feel like a husk of myself.
Bennett and Mangelli don’t leave my side. Bennett gets me water while Mangelli keeps his arms wrapped around me, rooting me to him. I didn’t know how comforting it would be to have them here, and now I don’t want to let them go.
I can’t nurse that feeling, though. They’ll leave once they feel like they’ve met their responsibility to me, and that will be that. Jack will make sure of it. He’s only acting contrite because of the miscarriage. It has nothing to do with me.
Soon, the food arrives and all three of them sit at the table while I eat awkwardly. It tastes like ash, but at least it’s something.
When I’m finished, I sit back and sigh. “You guys can go,” I say. “I’m really all right.”
Mangelli furrows his brow. “I’m not leaving.” Then he shoots a look at Jack. “I’m staying the night.”
“Then I am, too,” says Bennett, puffing his chest out.
Jack exhales and closes his eyes. “I’ll sleep on the couch. If that’s all right with you, Bree.”
What? He wants to stay over, too? I don’t know how I feel about that. He hates me. Why would I want him under my roof?
But I don’t have the energy right now to fight. I nod wordlessly and get up from the table. Mangelli handles the leftovers while Bennett walks with me down the hall to my bedroom.
I’m going to lose many nights’ work because of this, and payments from DreamTogether will stop. The stipend was nice while it lasted, I suppose.
I flop down on my bed, drained and exhausted. Bennett moves the blankets out from underneath me, then crawls in beside me before tucking me in. Mangelli appears soon after, and he helps himself to the other side of the bed, even though it’s just a queen.
“Get some rest,” he says, brushing a lock of hair away from my face. “We’ll be here with you until morning.”
When I look up, Jack stands in the doorway, a regretful look on his face. Then he dips his head respectfully and vanishes.
With Bennett and Mangelli both curled up against me, it’s easy to fall asleep.
Arthur
I may not be in the throes of rutting season anymore, but Bree still smells magical. There’s a sour note to it now, but it’s all her.
She wakes up in the middle of the night gasping and hurries to the bathroom. When she returns, she has deep bags under her eyes, like this event has sucked all the life out of her. She crawls back in bed and I encircle her with my arms, trying to show her I’ll always be here for her.
When morning finally arrives, I let Bree and Bennett keep sleeping as I find my way into the kitchen. Hopefully she has something I can cook up for breakfast.
Jack is sitting up on the couch, looking out the window. He turns his head and offers me a halfway smile.
“Is she doing okay?” he asks.
“I don’t know.”
Picking through the refrigerator, I finally find some eggs and breakfast sausage, along with a big carton of orange juice. There are also hash browns in the freezer, so I set about cooking all of it. I’ll buy her more groceries later today.
Jack sits down at the table while I prepare the food, his shoulders hunched forward.
“What do I do?” he asks suddenly, his expression pleading. “How do I… how do I fix this, Arthur?”
I’m surprised by his question. I didn’t think he was truly interested in repairing anything.
“Being here is a good first step.” I flip over the potato shreds in the pan, then turn the sausages. “I’m glad you came.”
“I had to.” Jack’s gaze drifts to the hallway. “What about her? She hates me now. For good reason.”
“If I know anything about Bree, it’s that she doesn’t hate you. But she seems afraid.”
Jack’s shoulders hunch. “Fuck.”
“You’re going to have to let her come to you, I think. Just be there for her. Show her she can trust you.”
He nods in understanding, and I leave him to chew it over.
Soon, Bennett and Bree both emerge from the bedroom. Bennett yawns, stretching his arms high over his head.
“Smells good in here,” he says as he takes a seat at the table.
Bree peers into the kitchen. “What are you up to, Mangelli?”
“Cooking all your food.” I give her an apologetic smile. “I’ll replace it when I go grocery shopping.”
She purses her lips. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Just let me, okay?” I leave the stovetop to approach her, putting my hands on her shoulders so she has to look me in the face. “I want to take care of you.”
Her eyes glisten, but then she shakes her head to clear it away. “Thank you,” she whispers, and I pull her into a tight hug.
“Go sit and I’ll feed you soon,” I say, kissing her once on the forehead before sending her away.
I don’t care what Jack wants. Now that I’m back at Bree’s side again, I’m never leaving it.