Chapter Ten
Abauna laid still as possible in the darkness of the cold cave they’d found for shelter. She even quieted her breathing so she wouldn’t disturb Rolan as he slept. He must have been exhausted after sleeping in the chair the night before, because he fell asleep faster than she could count to ten.
She, however, couldn’t find slumber. Her mind was too restless and the chill of the cave left her shivering through her robes.
She’d learned much about her strange groom today. Some of it surprising and delightful. Some of it gut wrenching and foul.
He was a sweet soul underneath all those layers of harshness and destroyed pride. Lonely, and wanting to learn, and wishing to please. It was no wonder the Empress managed to get her claws in him so deeply.
But for what purpose did she impose her cruelty on him? He gave Abauna no indication that he was the feral savage the people claimed him to be. Different, yes. Beastly? Only in visage, not in deed.
Abauna had expected him to despise her for their banishment. Abandon her. Instead, he’d asked permission to remain. Even bargained with her when she tried to free him. And when she’d offered to complete their union… he’d rebuffed.
I will never wish you to defile yourself with me.
His words had sounded harsh to her ears. Rubbed her all wrong. Defile. It was a word the Empress had used. As if anyone who chose to lay with him would be doing so as a great sacrifice. Even her, his given bride, who had vowed to relieve his body.
It was her duty. Even if the mere idea stole her breath away with panic.
The prospect of fulfilling her role in their partnership gave her great hope that she wasn’t the failure others claimed her to be. Just like he wasn’t a savage.
People could be wrong, she was quickly learning.
Especially the masses.
They could be wholly wrong.
She watched him now as he slept, her gaze honing in on his face. While he appeared monstrous in the light of day, he looked almost… cuddly now, with the deeply furrowed brow missing from his expression, and without his disturbingly expressive eyes reaching for understanding.
Yes, he seemed soft now. Like a pup or cub.
Oh, that was all wrong, wasn’t it? Comparing him to an animal. Even a beloved one. She highly doubted he’d appreciate the thought. Especially because she got the impression he very much wanted to be considered a man.
Though when she questioned him about his hair, he’d chosen to call it fur instead.
A burst of cold wind made its way through the barrier of tree limbs he’d set at the cave entrance, forcing a hard shiver from her.
She was so very cold, breathing into her cupped hand to thaw her icy fingertips, and she wondered if it phased him at all. Likely not with all that fur beneath his clothing.
She inched closer to him, suddenly grateful that he was partially blocking the breeze with his big body.
I will lie beside you with my back to the opening. That way if any danger comes, it will meet me first.
The fact that he’d put her first, ahead of himself, made her heart soften toward him.
I enjoy the way you think, bride.
Right now, she could say the same.
She was even starting to think she might come to like him as a person. Had any been more pleasant toward her? No. And he had plenty of reasons to be standoffish or rude. He’d been neither.
Only supportive. Encouraging. Complimentary. And… grateful.
It didn’t take much to make her feel special. So little in fact, that a few nice words had her feeling like they could be friends. And since she’d never had a friend, he would be her very first.
Was that odd? Were husbands and wives meant to also be friends?
She didn’t know.
Another gust blew past the opening, making the limbs creak. She nearly whimpered at the way it bled through her gown as if the heavy metallic material was nothing.
So cold. Dear Ancients, help me not to freeze to death this night.
Still, Rolan seemed unfazed by it. What she wouldn’t give to have his fur for herself right now.
Without thinking, she stretched her icy fingers across the short distance that separated them, until her hand pressed to his chest. Through the fabric of the tunic, she could feel heat radiating from him.
She inched closer, scooting to the edge of the cloak he’d laid for her on the ground.
Oh, he was warm. So very warm.
If she could get close enough, maybe she could make it through the night.
Would he mind if she just…
She folded her hands against his heated chest, tucking her head under his chin. And she forgot whatever misgivings she might’ve had before, because for the first time since the sun set, she could feel her fingers again. The chattering of her teeth ceased. The clench of her bones relaxed.
Rolan’s chest vibrated with an odd sound and she went perfectly still, thinking she’d woken him. But when he didn’t move and his breathing didn’t change, she realized he was still at rest.
What was that sound?
It was faint, but rolling and muted. As if it came from the back of his throat. And without effort, since he was fast asleep.
As if he was… purring.
It was the last thought she had as she finally warmed enough to fall asleep.
***
Abauna perched on the body of a fallen tree, eating the juicy purple berries her groom had found for her. She didn’t know what they were called, but they’d been acceptable as food in the Hold. Though here, they tasted somewhat different. Perhaps because they grew wild instead of in a water-garden.
Or perhaps because she’d been hungry enough to eat dirt and find it palatable.
She watched him as he gathered more berries from the bush, stashing them in a bundle of fabric she’d tied into a bag. It was nearly full, and he seemed pleased with the find.
As soon as she finished eating, she would fashion another bag for him to fill. That way there would be enough for their journey.
She wasn’t sure how far they’d need to travel before they found a better place to shelter, and neither was he. In order to keep the dread at bay, she was choosing to see it as an adventure. Playful almost. What could they discover instead of what must they find.
For just a while, it would do them both good to forget about their troubles and instead focus on the anticipation of the new life before them.
Especially after what happened upon waking in the cave.
Their morning had gotten off to a rough start when she was pulled from the soundest sleep she’d experienced in many moons by his sputtered, frantic apologies.
Sometime in the night, he’d put his arms around her, bringing her closer to his heat. Half asleep, she remembered being enveloped by his warmth and not minding at all. She might have even burrowed closer, she couldn’t be sure.
But when he woke to find the position they were in, he was convinced he’d done something wrong.
“I’m s-sorry…bride, please forgive me.” She’d opened her eyes to find his wide and riddled with panic. And again, that fear from before, as he released her with a slight shove. As if she was made of poison.
Or perhaps he was.
“Don’t be afraid, bride,” he’d said, holding both hands in the air for her to see. “I didn’t mean to touch…. It was an accident. I won’t hurt you.”
He confounded her.
Her groom was so brave in the temple, before the Empress and her court and the Ancients, not hesitating to stand up to them. But alone with Abauna, he’d shown fear. Twice now.
And expected her to be afraid as well…
Perhaps the answer hid in that kernel of information.
“It will never happen again,” he’d said as she sat up, rubbing her eyes to get her bearings. “I vow it. We will sleep farther apart so that I cannot reach for you. Yes, that will work. I’ll go now so you can know you are safe.”
He rolled to his feet and kicked his way past the cave opening before she could form words to explain what had occurred in the middle of the night.
She’d listened to him pace outside while she gathered their supplies in the cache and then straightened her gown and shook the dust off his cloak. When she met him outside to return it, his gaze fell to her warily. As if he expected a verbal lashing.
Instead, she gave him a confession.
“I must tell you something, groom.”
He had straightened, pushing his shoulders back like he was prepared for whatever punishment she saw fit. Poor, sweet male. She’d had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing at his brave expression.
“It is I who snuggled with you last night while we slept.”
His expression turned severe, brow furrowing into hard slashes above his eyes, and suddenly, the situation had seemed less humorous.
Until he said, “What is snuggled?”
Unable to help herself, laughter bubbled up her throat to choke her, the sound catching him unexpected, and he jerked backward as if he’d been slapped. Which only made her laugh harder.
Perhaps the stress of their situation was getting to her, but the laughter felt good. It felt free. And she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt the desire to even giggle, much less full-on belly laugh.
“Bride?” His voice had remained wary, but inquisitive too. “Why do you laugh?”
“Because you… you’re so… so…”
“What am I?” he pushed, his intense curiosity forcing her to grow serious again.
“You’re funny, I guess.”
He’d tilted his head to one side, taking in the information.
“Because you snuggled me?”
“No, no.” She’d laughed again at his confusion, and he didn’t seem impressed. “Snuggling doesn’t make you funny.”
“Will you explain it to me?”
She’d pressed her lips together before answering. Partly to tamp down her wayward giggles, but mostly because she wasn’t ready to explain her reasons for getting close.
Because she didn’t wholly understand them herself.
It went beyond being cold, didn’t it?
“I will,” she’d promised. “But after we’ve eaten.”
His eyes had dipped to her midsection, something unnamable flashing in them.
“Yes, you must eat.” Reaching for her cache, he’d flung it over his shoulder before scanning their woodsy surroundings. “Come, let us look for sustenance.”
Now that they’d found it, she’d have to think of something to say. And fast.
She continued feasting as Rolan made his way over to her with his bag full of berries. It was cool beneath the cover of trees, and darker than she was used to, but glints of daylight filtered through the canopy of branches above them. As it did, little specks of yellow dotted his fur, making it seem to glitter and shine.
His—coat?—was kind of beautiful in its own way.
“I have gathered enough berries to get you through the day, bride,” he said, setting them on the log beside her.
“And yourself?” she asked.
He lowered his gaze so she couldn’t read his expressive eyes. “I have eaten as I’ve gathered. But only when I was sure there would be enough for you.”
Abauna paused with a berry halfway to her lips. Did he not think she would want him fed? As if she would just eat her fill and watch as he went hungry?
Why did he think so poorly of her?
Or… maybe it wasn’t her, but himself. As if he wasn’t worthy of the food. Or of help. Or of common decency.
She thought of his words before he’d fallen asleep. Thank you for bandaging my wound and seeing that it doesn’t become infected. You have been a good wife to me.
Monster. Savage. Labels so casually thrown about.
Is this what they called people who’d never been cared for?
What would happen if a so-called monster was shown affection instead of scorn?
“There’s plenty here,” she said. “And enough to take with us on our journey. Don’t deprive yourself.”
He crossed his thick arms over his chest, lifting his chin in a stubborn gesture.
“I know how to see to my needs.”
She raised a skeptical eyebrow before letting her gaze fall to the place where the bandage hid beneath his tunic. She was about to remind him that he hadn’t done such a great job caring for himself yesterday—but she was interrupted by the low rumble of his stomach.
“Are you hungry, groom?”
He didn’t move a muscle, ignoring the sound altogether.
She couldn’t help but grin. “You are, aren’t you? Sit, we will share this bag and then I’ll help you gather more.” She patted the log beside her.
He hesitated, looking perplexed until she tilted her head to urge him down.
“All right, but you will explain snuggled to me now, as you promised.”
Oh. Damn.
Abauna nodded. “Of course. Once your stomach stops making that noise.”
This caused him to fist a heaping handful of berries, and shove them in his mouth at once. She shook her head, popping another plump fruit into her own. Eager to learn, was he?
When the bag was half gone and she couldn’t stall any longer, she opted for the simplest explanation she could conjure.
“Last night, it was cold inside the cave. Much colder than I’m used to and… I noticed you didn’t seem affected by it.” She glanced sideways to find his brow furrowed into a deep frown. Returning her attention to the bag of berries, she continued. “Makes sense, of course. With your fur and all, you’re more protected from the elements. But it rattled me with shivers and I wasn’t sure how I’d get through the night with every gust of wind stealing my breath with its chill.”
“I’m very sorry, bride,” he said softly, and she could hear the ring of regret in his voice. “I did not mean to miss this. Had I known—”
She shook her head to stop him, and let the rest blurt from her mouth before she lost all nerve. “I noticed that the closer I got to you, the more I could pull from your warmth. So I pressed my body to yours and the shivers stopped and I was able to sleep.”
He was quiet for a beat. “This is snuggling?”
She nodded, still avoiding his gaze, but her cheeks felt like they were on fire.
“Body to body contact that’s not for mating. Like… like a hug. You didn’t seem to mind, so I continued. And sometime in the night, your arms pulled me in, keeping me even warmer. So… it wasn’t you who caused the contact, groom. It was me.”
Silence dipped between them like a heavy veil, and she ate more berries just to give her mouth something to do.
“I am proud to have aided you so,” he said finally. His voice was quiet, almost nonexistent, but this time it rang of something warm instead of failure. Like the little peeks of daylight through the trees.
She turned to look at him and saw that he sat a little straighter, his shoulders a little higher. Proud indeed. His entire expression had changed. He didn’t seem worried now, he seemed… pleased.
“We may do it again, if you need—”
“Ohhh, no. No, I will know better for next time, and we will prepare. We can make a fire perhaps. Or I can use some of the cloth from the cache to add layers beneath my gown.”
He tilted his head in that curious way, his eyes roaming her face.
“Did you find it unpleasant?” he asked. “Snuggling with me?”
“Well…” He deserved the truth. “No. It was not unpleasant.” In fact, she’d never felt safer. Not even in her own bed in the Hold. That was a revelation, wasn’t it? She felt safer in the wild with her beast, far away from the city they called home and the society that shaped them.
His expression lifted again, his dark eyes looking almost… happy?
It caused a strange, nervous flutter in her middle.
“It is easy for me to warm you, bride. So I will do it whenever needed.” When she opened her mouth to argue, he added, “As my vows require.”
His vows. Of course.
How could she deny him that when they’d made a deal?
Partners. Each would fulfill their roles.
That was what she’d wanted. Never a burden…
“Very well,” she agreed, and he quite nearly beamed.
What would he look like if he smiled?she found herself wondering as they finished off the berries and prepared to continue their journey.