Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
The matriarch of the Calhoun family was kneading dough in the kitchen when I came into the ranch house.
“Hi,” I said. “Do you mind if I use the bathroom?”
“Of course not,” Jo said. “Right through there.” She pointed.
I ducked into the bathroom and pulled out my phone.
My heart was still racing after my interaction with Stratton, so I did the only thing I could think of.
I called Ethan.
It rang three times and was about to go to voicemail when he finally picked up.
“Hey, babe,” he greeted. “How are you?”
“I’m good . . . doing a photo shoot today.”
“Oh, right. How’s it going?”
“It’s off to a rocky start. I had to fill in for the bride. And we had to find a new groom.”
“You’re kidding. What happened to the models?”
“They got into a fight and refused to do the shoot together, so I stepped in. It’s way too late to reschedule anything, so we just have to figure it out.”
“Who did they find as the groom?” he asked.
“Oh, just some guy,” I said evasively. “Someone from Huckleberry Hill.”
“A townie saves the day?”
My nose wrinkled at the word. “Yeah.”
“Oh. Well . . . good.”
We fell silent, and I realized our silences were no longer comfortable. I wondered if they’d ever been comfortable.
“You sound distracted,” I said eventually.
“Hmm? Oh, sorry, babe. I’m getting ready for this meeting in an hour. You mind if I call you when I’m done?”
“Oh. Yeah, sure, that’s fine.”
“Great. Hope the shoot goes well. Talk to you later.”
We hung up and I stared at my screen for a moment.
When was the last time we’d said I love you?
Come to think of it, when was the last time either of us had even made an effort to be in the same state as the other one? I couldn’t remember the last time either of us suggested a weekend visit.
As much as I hated it, Stratton was right. So was Arden, for that matter. She’d been bugging me to break up with Ethan for weeks. Actually, since the moment we decided to do long distance without an end date in mind.
She said he wanted to have his crepe and eat it too.
And I was the crepe.
I knew what he was doing. He was keeping things open ended until he was good and ready to fully commit. But when would that be? A year? Three? Five? It was just as likely that he’d find someone else and dump me after making me wait for months or even years for him.
It was a waste of my time, a waste of my life. He was married to his job, and that didn’t leave a lot of room for me and a life together.
I was tired of being second string, and I wasn’t willing to accept it anymore.
And until today, I hadn’t realized that.
I looked in the mirror and turned my head sideways, appreciating my brown hair and its messy hairstyle. My makeup was on point, but there was a noticeable flush to my skin that had something to do with Stratton . . .
The intimacy that swelled between us while we pretended to be bride and groom was undeniable, and it was something I’d never had with Ethan. Ever.
My hands were clammy and I washed them to warm them up before opening the door to the bathroom.
Jo was setting the loaf into a banneton to let it rise.
“Your home is beautiful,” I said. “Thank you so much for letting us have the photoshoot here.”
“You’re welcome.” She smiled. “How’s Stratton working out as a stand-in groom?”
“Oh, I think he’s better than the original.”
“Is he now?” she murmured. “He’s a good man. He’s worked for us for three years already and shows no signs of leaving. I think that’s important, don’t you?”
“What’s important?” I asked.
“Commitment.”
“Oh, right.” I looked over my shoulder toward the door, wondering what Arden and Stratton were talking about. “All right, well, I better get back out there before Arden kills me.”
“When you finish the shoot, come in for some tea.”
“Thank you,” I said. “We will.”
I headed back outside and a spark of jealousy blasted through my veins when I saw my attractive best friend laughing with Stratton.
They made a cute couple. She was blonde and willowy. He was dark haired and muscular.
“Oh good, you’re back,” Arden said when she saw me, her smile faltering. “You okay?”
“Dandy,” I said my tone flat. “Do I have to get up on the horse again?”
“No. I’d like to take some photos of you both on the ground, with the horse near you.” She frowned. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yes,” I lied.
I attempted to shake off my darkening mood, but it was rapidly taking hold. Turning away from her, I placed my hand on Honeysuckle’s nose and stared into her brown eyes.
“Uh oh. Gremlin mode activated,” Stratton teased.
My lips flickered for just a moment as if they wanted to tug themselves up into a smile, but they stayed steadfastly down.
“Now that we’re getting married,” Stratton began, “we should talk about the hard things.”
“Oh?” I asked, hating that I was being pulled into flirtatious banter that had my insides humming. “What hard things?”
“Well, I don’t know your middle name. Or how old you are. Or how many babies you want.”
I nearly choked on my tongue when I thought about a little baby with Stratton’s dark hair and blue eyes.
And then I thought about how one would go about making said baby . . .
My insides liquified with need.
“Anne. Twenty-three. Four.”
He raised his brows at me, a slow grin spreading across his face. “Four?”
“I always wanted a big family. I’m an only child.”
So was Ethan.
I shoved thoughts of him aside.
“Now you,” I commanded, stroking Honeysuckle’s neck.
“Wilson, thirty, and we’ll have as many mini-gremlins as you want.”
“Fuck,” I muttered.
I was done for.