Chapter 7
“Jojo have to talk Rek sometimes,”
Rek grumbled as he followed after me like the world’s largest confused, chronically pissy puppy, and I pretended to ignore him.
“Or what, you’ll report me missing and hope I claim you? Again? Or accuse me of flirting with every single being I come into contact with? Again?”
I quipped nastily, breaking my silent streak with him. “Oh no, wait, you’ve already been doing that!”
“Where Jo find sleepies?”
Rek mumblingly rumbled. “No go Joanie huts. No go hidey. Rek no find. Look everywhere. Where my Jojo go?”
he mutteringly demanded to know, knowing there were far too many ears to be coming at me with BS like that, and in public of all places.
“Listen up, bleach-squatch, ‘cause I’m only gonna say this once!”
Leaning in, I hiss-whispered, “You screwed up. You have no inclination to fix things, things I simply can’t live with! Joanie has standards. Joanie won’t be giving in on this. Joanie would like to know where her damn ring has gone! Where has all of my fucking tea been disappearing to?! How the hell are you getting into my hut, you oversized furball? Where is all of my shit disappearing to?!”
Rek was silent for a long moment. Finally, he gave a grunt, following it up with, “Jojo sleeps with cousin Rosie?”
His brow pulled down, uncertainty slipping into those pretty green eyes.
“Ohmyfarkin- Youmakemeso- GRRRR! ”
Settling for jabbing him hard enough in the chest to make him wince, bare his teeth at me in silent indignation, and take several steps back from me, a far cry from the thrashing I wanted to land on the man-boy, I spun around, basket loaded to the brim over one arm, and angrily trudged off towards my current destination.
“No go Rosie’s then?”
he called after me.
Lifting my hand, I flipped him the bird over my shoulder. The snarl he let loose had my lips quirking, but I was still at a roiling boil on the inside. Fuzz butt done messed up and he wasn’t in much of a hurry to fix it. You hurt my heart, you heartless prick! Wake up and fix it already!
God knows I would have bent over backwards to fix things with him if I’d been the screw up. For once I could confidently say, it was all fucking him, not me.
“Booger’s?”
he asked, following at a safer distance than previously— out of striking distance.
“How’s about, none of your business?”
I chirped with a patently false, syrupy sweetness that was far too over the top to believe.
“Reddie’s? Daidsee’s?”
he kept on.
Greeting beasties as I passed, I stopped as one of Dorothy’s mates called me over to ask how I was doing and Rek kept up. “Do you hear anything? Gosh, sometimes I think I’m hearing this, like, really tiny, tinny, annoying voice, but then it’s like, poof, my garden of fecks is fresh out and I just can’t seem to…”
Moussau glanced between us and then grinned. “No hear no tindy, tiny thing,”
he agreed, laughing when Rek growled but didn’t otherwise speak.
As I bid him a good rest of his day and left, he said something to Rek that had my grumpy shadow snarling back in answer.
Maybe Moussau was telling him to knock it off and leave me alone. That would be lovely. Some time apart might do us both some good.
When I’d traveled a fair distance and the inquisition didn’t pick back up, I glanced over my shoulder to find myself alone. A pang of something I didn’t want to define hit then, but I shoved it down, along with all the other crap I’d grown so good at repressing.
Makes this next part easier, I thought, skipping the rest of the way up to my next victim’s door. Grabbing one of the smellier herbs from my basket, I smacked it about my person until I was sure I was good and doused with herby goodness. One, this herb was pungent and would easily mask my smell for long enough to hopefully get an answer, and, two, he might think it’s food.
Giving up any pretense of being ladylike, I lifted a balled fist to the thick wooden door of the wonky looking dome shaped hut too close to the river’s edge and gave it a good pounding. I kept it up, quiet as a mouse but for my fist smacking wood. I knew better by now.
Bum-bum threw his door open, wild gaze darting around, teeth bared, a snarl in his throat. Looking more than a little wildeyed and disheveled, smelling mighty fine if I did say so myself, that strangely enticing, potent Yeti musk, I grinned knowingly up at him when his gaze finally dipped a bit farther south than a Yeti’s height would be.
“So… not to bother you or anything, and, gee, thanks heaps for all your help, you know, with the false missing person’s alarm, the scary demon beast protection thing, and just how generally awesome you are- Oh, and speaking of awesome, I’ve a favor to ask. Just a favor, mind you, but I know you’re just the Yeti to do it!”
Before he could get a word in edgewise at my rambling mouthful, I finished with a flourish. “Pretend to be interested in wooing me? PLEASE! Prettyprettyplease! I’ll love you forever and super owe you big time? Best Bum-bum there ever was-was?”
It took him a minute. I could see those wheels turning as he slowly puzzled that hot mess all out. His lips parted, looking like he was about to speak, then he’d scowl, grunt, start to garble something, to stop, then start that fun rollercoaster all over again.
“No,”
he said finally, looking like I’d just asked him to commit murder with me and dance with dismembered body parts.
“Oh, come on! You’re the furred beast for the job! Perfect for it!”
I pleaded. “C’mon, Snow Patrol, I’m not asking you to dip anything anywhere near the gumbo pot! I’m just asking you to act like you wanna! Pretend woo me, that’s all. Please-please-pretty-pretty-please-please, with rainbow sprinkles, whipped cream, hot fudge, and a cherry on top?!”
My boot wedged into the doorway, making it impossible for him to slam the door on me and escape. “I’m desperate, I’ll do anything?!”
“NO!”
Bum-bum jerked to the left, growled, then sort of fell forward, like he was being pulled by unseen forces. With a snarl, his hands went to his head and he bellowed, “NO!”
Lifting a hand absently, it shot out.
A direct hit— I flew backwards with the force of it, skidding along the snow and ice, kissing the bank of the river, basket and goodies within going every which way in the process.
“Ow,”
I muttered at the door that was just slammed in my face. Wincing, I groaned as I picked myself up off the ground. “Didn’t have to do me like that, puff ball…”
Loudly, I asked, “Was it the Snow Patrol thing or the pretend you wanna love me thing?”
Maybe it was mentioning my gumbo pot that had triggered him…? Who knew. Big bad whatevers, my ass. These furry fools were skittish as fuck.
Groaning as I gathered up my things, I frowned at the butt sized skid mark in the snow I’d made. “Special snow angel,”
I joked, shaking my head as I made to take off.
My gaze kept going back to Bum-bum’s place as I hobbled my way elsewhere.
Booger had said no to a pretend wooing, too. I wasn’t about to ask Gopher, who had finally returned from his family visit. A family I was aware of only in passing since Gopher was pretty tightlipped about his kin. That had left Bum-bum, the last of this very unBrady bunch.
Like hell was I going to approach Odix for a wingman. I’d tortured the fella enough. No need to confuse him further.
My expression pinched as I limped my way back towards Rosa’s. I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to make it.
“What happen you?”
a male asked as I limped by.
Nosy newt.
“Nunya. Mind ya business,”
I mutteringly answered over my shoulder, not bothering to look up as I adjusted the spilled items in my basket into some semblance of order.
He said something else but I’d hobbled past him fast enough I felt comfortable pretending I hadn’t heard him. His voice sounded familiar but I couldn’t place it. Eh- didn’t matter.
“What happen?”
Rek barked as he spied me rounding a hut, looking like he was lurking, waiting in the wings, business as usual.
Debating on whether or not to answer him, a wealth of relief hitting me at seeing him being his snoopy assed usual self and not wanting to acknowledge this, I grunted out, “I fell.”
“Jojoknee fall?”
he repeated.
“Anyone hear an echo?”
I snarked, determined to ignore him and walk past him.
“Walks funny,”
he observed.
“No shit,”
I muttered, wincing with every step. I needed to get off my feet, rest my sore ass and aching hip, but first I meant to deliver this basket to Rosa in thanks for letting me crash at her place. I hadn’t told her why I’d needed to crash and she wasn’t of a mind to ask— maybe it was something in my voice, I dunno —I was hoping she’d assume I was a little home sick— Earth sick —or whatever, and leave it at that. Either way, this basket of goodies was my thank you and it was going to make it there. Period.
“Stubborn,”
Rek grumbled.
Like I’d asked him to or some shit, Rek ignored my squawks to fuck off at his approach, and scooped me up.
“I have to deliver this!”
I bellowed, clutching my basket to me tight.
“No,”
he said simply, like he had some kinda freaking say. Bossy… overbearing…
“I have to!”
I insisted, squirming to get out of his arms to the point he nearly dropped me.
A large hand cracked across my ass, causing me to gasp, then growl.
“Soon,”
I thought I heard him mutter under his breath as he inhaled my scent.
“Like fuck, fock sucket! I mean, pock fucket- I mean- Grrr! Damn it, you know what I mean!”
I barked, to Rek’s sudden, loud, boisterous laughter.
“It’s not that funny,”
I muttered as I forced my own laughter back. My lips pinched, pursed, to keep my smile pinned into a frown.
“Where take foods?”
he finally asked, eyeing me.
“Rosa’s,”
I admitted, glancing anywhere but at him.
“Rosie-lindly’s?”
His loud gulp was audible, the rumble he let out, pleased with this information, made my stomach churn.
“Don’t get all excited, you raggedy sock monkey. She doesn’t even like you.”
My cheeks burned at just how petty and prissy I sounded, the addition of him being able to smell just how jealous I was at the thought of him getting all gaga over Rosa, deepening my humiliation.
“No want my Jojo cudzin,”
he said seriously, scowling instead of gloating like I’d been expecting.
“Sure do purr a lot for someone who doesn’t,”
I added under my breath, again looking anywhere but at him.
“Jojomine…”
he rumbled out softly.
I didn’t need this right now. Weeks and weeks and weeks, we’ve been doing this dance. When would I fucking give up? When would he? “Look, I have shit to do so I can go ice my ass. I don’t need-”
My basket was jerked from my hands, shoved over a furry arm, a gruffly commanded, “Shuts up. We go,”
softly snapped at me, and we were on our way.
“You’d just love that, wouldn’t you?”
I muttered as I folded my arms over my chest and scowled at the tips of my boots. “Say, what happened when Kirch realized you’d skipped out on your dude’s trip and came crawling back to me? How’d that go?”
“No jellies. Rek no want Rose-hop-blindly. Rek wants Jojo-knee,”
he swore. If he didn’t sound so put out I’d have thought it a sweet reassurance. “No more ask males play woo my Jojo. Rek no likes it,”
he added with a heated look my way. “Jojo no want dems. No play with males. Make grumblies.”
My cheeks blushed so hard it hurt. So he’d figured that out, had he? Lovely. I couldn’t pretend to be somewhere else or ask some Yeti to pretend to woo me, without his knowledge. It kinda put a big ol’ dent in my half-baked scheme to get him jealous enough to cave and accept me as I am, profess his undying love for me, give my ring back so I could give it to him all proper like and shit, and we’d live happily, heckling the shit out of each other as it suited us, make up sex galore, ever after.
Pfft. In my dreams.
Only in my dreams if he thought this shit was all perfectly normal. Wearing me down, hoping I’ll cave, that’s all I was going to get from him.
Oh, how far I’ve fallen.
Did that make me any better than him that I was slipping into his pattern of stupid schemes?
Shame hit me like a ton of bricks.
Fuck.
“I don’t know why I thought to try, it’s not like you care,”
I haughtily huffed and puffed.
“Rek care,”
he snapped at me, shooting death glares my way that I would even say such a thing.
“I want my ring back, stalker,”
I snapped right back.
“Rek ates it. My Jojo wants it? Comes and gets it, boobs,”
he snarked back, set me down, then turned to wiggle his ass at me.
“Boobs?”
I blurted, struggling not to burst out laughing. If he’d actually eaten that ring, I’d eat my lipstick. So full of crap. And, “Boobs?”
“What that? Rek hears tinsy, tinesy voices. What say? Thinks I hear? What that an ecched-o,”
the idiot went on, pausing in his butt wiggle dance.
My hand lifted, smacking heavily over that thick rump I’d playfully bitten on more than one occasion. I’d plead the fifth, my boot had a mind of its own, I thought as I lifted it and shoved it into that wriggling booty. “You’re a boob-boobs. However your deranged ass meant that. You shut up.”
With a soft growl as he flew forward, caught himself, then spun around just in time to get a good look at my finger as my hand lifted to wave it at him, he caught the tip of my digit, nipped it, then kissed the spot before I could pull my hand back.
“You can’t… do that,”
I mumbled stupidly as he reclaimed me, sweeping me off my feet, quite literally, yet again.
“Rek do whatever Rek want,”
he countered. He had that smirky smile on his face I both loved and hated. He knew he was getting to me.
To quote my cousin, shittle sticks.
“Tell me something I don’t know,”
I shot back.
“Rek loves him’s Jojo-mine.”
While we’d been bickering, my dedicated pain in the ass had taken a bit of a detour to Rosa’s place, toting me off towards a wooded area nearby. Bushes and trees, as far as the eye can see.
Did he just- He can’t- “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. You shouldn’t flap crap out of your trap if it’s garbage. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap. You can’t just Band-Aid a boo-boo by saying you love me. It doesn’t work that way- Hey, are you even listening to me?”
I replied slowly, absently, as I got a good look around. “Where the hell are we, muck mouth? Where did you-”
“My Jojo talks too much. Always talkies. Talk-talk-talk,”
he mocked in a perfect imitation of my annoyed voice. Giving up trying to get me to comply, he adjusted his hold on me and would have continued on like that but I got loud. He’d put me the hell down or I’d be letting the world know where we’d toddled off to.
“Hey, screw you, butt turd!”
I railed, glad of it when he dipped as if to set me on my feet.
It was not to be, and my hobbling, wobbly escape was thwarted.
“Mine,”
he rumbled out, setting me on my feet to pick me right back up, using my surprise to deftly arrange us so he was between my legs, gripping my knees, hefting me up.
Snarling, in my face, he pressed my back into a tree until the bark bit at me, even through my snow jacket. “Loves you,”
he bit out, baring his teeth at me, making sure I understood, crystal clear— he said it, he fucking meant it.
When I glared at him, just sat there all trussed up, nowhere to go, and gave him a death glare right back, his chest began to rumble with his discontent.
“S’posed say it back,”
he rumbled out harshly.
Nipping at his nose, smirking when he jerked back, I snorted as I informed him, “You expect me to just give in, just like that?”
My hand lifted and I snapped it in right in his smarmy face. “After all of your bull?! I don’t have to do shit!”
Wary of this being yet another attempt on his part to force me into doing what he wanted, some crazy scheme, a trick to get me to comply, I held firm.
“Rek pretties says it,”
he huffed out finally. “My Jojo say she wants, but Rek knowed. Rek knowed.”
“You don’t know smack, Jack,”
I quipped, turning my cheek as I crossed my arms. It was more of a protective gesture, hugging my middle for dear life, resisting the urge to give in. I adored him like this, all Let me fucking love you, bitch . It’s what I’ve wanted, been dying for the turdlet to admit, isn’t it?
And yet the self-consciousness bubbling up inside me only seemed to grow, the harder, harsher, he insisted he loved me. Didn’t I want him to mean it and hold firm, not toss it at me to get what he wants?
Did he mean it? Truly? I mean, I knew he did, but did he in the all the ways he should? Was I overanalyzing this? Beating that dead-
Warm fingers gripped my jaw, forcing me to meet that glowing green gaze.
“Jojo-mine. Only Rek’s,”
he purred.
“Joanie is Joanie’s. Joanie will do as she pleases and Rek can go fu-”
His hand tightened. Leaning in, he nuzzled my face as he effectively muffled my curses. Those nuzzles soon turned to kisses and he began peppering them down the exposed side of my throat as his fingers digging into my throat loosened. A soft gasp escaped me as he hit just the right spot. “Mine,”
he persisted, as I slowly melted, trembling in place, at his onslaught.
“I’ll never be your perfect female,”
I reminded him, struggling not to fall under his spell. “Perish the thought, you big boob.”
A soft rumble found its way up his throat, vibrating his chest. Sharp teeth carefully nipped at my sensitive flesh, making me jump.
My hands had unfolded at some point from their crossed position, I couldn’t quite recall when, and were now gripping thick biceps tight.
“My Jojo,”
he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper, a cajoling purr.
Fuck me. “This doesn’t mean anything!”
I insisted. “We’re still broken up!”
“My Jojo broken?”
His purr was outrageous. “Rek fix. Tell Rek were my Jojomine broken.”
“Fuck you,”
I gasped out, even as I fully gave in.
Slowly, and I wasn’t sure when I’d started to join in along with him, his hips had started to rock, and mine had followed along. It happened so gradually and I was being expertly distracted, before I really took stock of what the hell I was doing, but before I knew it my ass was bumping and grinding back against him, outright dry humping him, and I’d lost all sense of reason.
Releasing my jaw, he took my lips, eating at my mouth, a deep, satisfied rumble filling his chest when I finally said fuck all and fully gave over, thick fingers clamping down onto my hips.
“Pants on,”
I panted out as I came up for air and he returned to tormenting me to death, laving and placing biting kisses along the column of my throat. “This is a hate fuck, simple as that. Let’s not make it more complicated than it needs to be.”
About to start growling at the obstacle, he stopped just as fast. “Fine. Pants stays,”
he rumbled out quickly, too quickly, sliding a hand between us to work it up and down the crotch of my pants teasingly.
A small whimper left me as he rubbed me just right, making me want to rescind my hastily made statement.
“Oh- That feels- That’s- So good. Right there,”
I whispered as my hips followed his ministrations, eager to chase that sensation.
When he started pressing harder, his cock soon joining in on the fun, I wondered if I might come from that alone. The sound of the clawed tips of his fingers scraping along the seam grew louder and loud, until I felt it.
So horny at this point I was willing to risk some major irritation hard fucking his fingers through my pants, I didn’t say a gods be damned word as the crotch of my pants split, then my panties as a claw quickly hooked onto the fabric to slice through that next, and then he was there, seeking my waiting heat, finding it, to pause until I took the bait and eagerly pressed the head of him to my waiting heat, to slide right home.