Chapter 18 Elaina #2
“Gods, look how wet you are,” he growls softly, leaning forward. “Go on, little dove—part your lips and let me see you touch your clit.”
I do as he asks, using my first and ring finger, I part my nether lips.
Then I begin teasing my swollen, aching bud with my middle finger.
I stroke around and around it but settle on the right side, which is somehow more sensitive.
I don’t touch it directly—the sensation is too intense.
The sides of the little button are where the most pleasure is—at least for me.
“Hmm, I see you don’t touch your clit directly—is there a reason for that?” Xaren’s deep voice is a low growl of pure interest and he’s moved closer to me on the bed.
“It…it’s too intense,” I pant. My hips are jerking a little as the pleasure builds. It’s hard to hold still when it feels so good.
“So this little clit is sensitive, is she?” He licks one fingertip and uses it to press lightly against my aching button.
“Oh!” I gasp and my hips buck up involuntarily. “Oh, please!” I gasp, but I’m not sure what I’m asking for.
“Here, let me.” He brushes my hand aside and begins circling my clit himself, teasing me lightly, the same way I’d been teasing myself. Somehow the feeling of his fingers on me is different than when I touch myself. It’s more intense somehow—maybe because he’s looking into my eyes as he touches me.
“Oh, Xaren!” I moan as he strokes me.
“Now, tell me the truth,” he growls softly. “You only want me to take you because you fear what will happen if you don’t get a baby in your belly soon—isn’t that right?”
“Not…not exactly,” I pant. Goddess of Mercy, why do his fingers feel so good? So much different from my own?
“But that’s part of it—right?” he asks.
Mutely, I nod. I can’t deny it fully—that would be a lie and I’m no good at lying, as I’ve said.
“Tell me the other part,” he demands. “Tell me why you came down here with the intent to seduce me tonight.”
“Because…” I’m panting now. “Because the Royal Physician is to examine me tomorrow and if…if I’m still intact, the Queen will…will have me whipped.”
Saying it out loud rather puts a damper on my mood. I’m still feeling pleasure from his light, skillful touch, but now I’m thinking of the whip again with its sharp metal pieces.
Xaren’s face darkens, but he doesn’t stop touching me. In fact, he moves to lay beside me on the bed and wraps one arm around me as he continues his relentless teasing of my clit.
“I won’t take you tonight, little dove,” he growls, looking down at me. “I cannot. But I can be sure you won’t be whipped tomorrow.”
“How…how can you do that?” I ask, panting.
“Like this.” Without warning, he stops touching my clit and slips two long fingers into me instead.
Before I can even cry out, there’s a short, sharp pain and then I feel warmth flowing from me.
“There.” Xaren withdraws his fingers and I see that they’re bloody. He sits up and pulls out a pocket handkerchief and wipes them casually while I lay there, looking at him, halfway between pain and pleasure.
“What…I mean, what…?” I can’t quite make the words come out.
“I took care of your maiden barrier for you,” he informs me. “You’re no longer intact.”
“I…” I’m still not sure what to say. “Thank you, I think?” I pant out at last. I’m not in pain anymore—except for a bit of a dull ache inside. But it’s less painful than the cramps I have once a month. Honestly, I’m surprised at how little losing my barrier hurt.
“You’re welcome, little dove. There, you see—you’ve lost your maiden barrier without having to endure me taking you.”
His words are bitter and I can tell he thinks he’s done me a favor by not taking me—not subjecting me to his body on mine or his cock inside me.
How can I tell him I don’t feel that way—that I don’t find him repulsive or horrifying, which is clearly how he sees himself?
“Xaren…” I sit up and scoot closer to him, because he has moved away from me.
“My job is done—you’ve gotten what you came for,” he growls. “Why don’t you leave now, little dove? You can sleep more comfortably in your own rooms.”
“I don’t want to leave,” I say softly. “Why did you use your fingers on me instead of your…you know, your male parts?”
He laughs bitterly.
“Are you complaining? I spared you, little dove. Who wants a monster rutting in them? Not you, I assume.”
“You’re not a monster and you shouldn’t assume things,” I say. I reach for the curtain of hair that covers his bad side—the side where his Drake is trying to come out. But before I can sweep it aside, his hand is on my wrist, squeezing so hard it hurts.
“Don’t,” he bites out. “I showed you once and I saw how you reacted. You don’t need to look again.”
“You scared me that first night,” I say indignantly. “You didn’t give me a chance to know you. Please…” I make my voice softer. “You’re hurting me.”
“Forgive me.” He loosens his grip at once but doesn’t drop his hand. He still holds me firmly, not allowing me access to his face.
“Please let me look,” I say pleadingly. “You shouldn’t hide this part of yourself—not from me. I’m your wife.”
“Through no fault or desire of your own,” he says, but at last he drops his hand. “Very well. If you want to see how hideous I am again.”
“I don’t find you hideous.” I push the curtain of hair aside, looking at the jagged scar that mars the side of his face once more. The burning gold Drake eye follows my moves, the slitted pupil narrowing as it looks at me suspiciously.
I take in the scar…the golden eye…the glossy black scales around the edges where his Drake has come partway out.
It’s strange—no doubt of that—but I don’t see it as ugly, not anymore.
It’s just Xaren—this is a part of him. Part of the same man who rescued me when my horse went mad, who took my whipping, who stood up to the Queen on my behalf.
He’s been protecting me almost from the very first—putting himself between me and danger. How can I help having feelings for him now?
Carefully, I lean closer and press my lips to the scar where it starts just above his eyebrow.
Xaren’s breath catches in his throat and he jerks…but doesn’t quite move away from me.
I let my lips linger and then I kiss lower, continuing down the path the knife made in his face.
He closes his eye to let me kiss him there and I feel the soft brush of his lashes against my lips.
I kiss down his cheek and his strong, bristly jaw and I end with a soft kiss right on his lips.
I don’t know quite what I’m doing—I only know I want to prove to him that he’s not hideous and that I care for him.
His breathing is hoarse and uneven when I pull away and I see that his eyes are uncertain.
“Why…why did you do that?” he asks, his deep voice coming out unsteady.
“To show you how I feel,” I murmur, looking him in the eyes. “Yes, I came tonight because I fear the Queen’s wrath. But also…I want to be with you. You’ve been protecting me from the moment I came here.”
“So you came to me out of gratitude.” His voice has turned bitter again. “That’s not much better than fear as a motive, little dove.”
“Gratitude is part of it,” I admit calmly.
“The start of it, maybe. But all emotions must start somewhere.” I stroke my hand through his hair, pushing it back from the scarred side of his face.
“I enjoyed spending time with you today,” I tell him.
“And I rather thought you enjoyed my company as well. I hope so, anyway.”
“You are…not too difficult to be with,” he admits gruffly. Which is as good as I’ll get, I sense.
“Thank you,” I say, smiling and I kiss his cheek again.
“You only want me to take you in order to get you pregnant, though,” he says, frowning.
“Two things can be true at once,” I point out. “Yes, I need to get a baby in my belly, but also, I want you to be the one to do it. Even if Dorian was not…as he is…I would still choose you.”
He laughs bitterly.
“You’d prefer the dark, scarred brother over the golden boy—the favored son?”
“Dorian is favored by your mother because the two of them are cut from the same cloth,” I tell him.
“There’s something wrong with them—something lacking.
Their hearts are dead.” I put a hand on his bare chest. “Yours is alive—though scarred, it still beats. You felt for me—cared what happened to me. You’ve saved me over and over.
Can you blame me for having feelings for you? ”
“Feelings?” He cocks an eyebrow at me. “Don’t tell me you’re falling in love with me, little dove.”
“Heavens no,” I say dryly, though his words make my heart beat harder. “But I no longer fear you as I did. And I like your company. Also…” I press my face to the side of his throat daringly and inhale deeply, taking in his dark, spicy scent. “You smell amazing.”
He gives a short, gruff laugh but I feel a tremor go through his big body as I drop a gentle kiss on his throat.
“Gods, little dove…your lips are so soft.”
“Other parts of me are soft too.” I lift one of his big hands and press it to my breast. He cups me instinctively and I feel his thumb sweep across my nipple, which makes me moan and shiver with pleasure.
Then, abruptly, he pulls away.
“I can’t take you—not tonight. Maybe not ever,” he blurts out and I see something in his eyes—perhaps shadows of his past. Pain that is too difficult to bear, coming to the surface to torment him. Goddess of Mercy, what those kidnappers must have done to him…it doesn’t bear thinking of.
“Can you at least kiss me?” I ask gently, stroking his cheek. “And maybe touch me again, as you were doing earlier? You…left me wanting, you know.”
I let a faint edge of longing enter my voice. The sharp little pain of losing my maidenhead is gone completely now but I still feel the throbbing need that was building before he took it.
Xaren looks at me, searching my eyes and face as though looking to be sure I’m being sincere.
“Truly—that’s what you want?”
“I want you,” I say softly. “Or as much of you as you feel you can let me have.”