Chapter 15 #2
“So what did you do with all that time?”
I shrug. "I like reading too.”
“Oh. If I thought my mom would like you before, now I’m sure she would.” I see a shadow cross her face. I can tell she’s missing her mother. But she quickly recovers. “What genre?”
“Ancient history mostly.”
“Huh. Really, why?”
“Well, a lot of my life hasn’t been peaches and cream, but some of those Greek guys had some really bad days.” Naomi and I share a half smile.
“That’s putting it mildly.”
I nod. “Exactly. Doesn’t make me feel so alone that hundreds or even thousands of years ago, some guy served a ruler he didn’t agree with alongside brothers that really had his back. Even if the gods never really favored him.”
I look at Naomi, who is clearly tickled by my unique choice in literature.
I know the gods never favored me.
But it sure feels like they might be taking a second look in my direction when I look at her.
She gets a strange look on her face. “Do you think about the Roman Empire every day?”
Her question puts the same strange look on my face. “How do you know that?”
She laughs, shaking her head. “Oh my God. Men.”
“What?”
She shifts. “There was this thing online. Men apparently think about the Roman Empire at least once a day or something. My feed was filled with girlfriends and wives asking their partners if they did, and each guy was like, ‘Yeah, of course.’”
“Huh. Well, I guess add me to that list.”
“But why? Why, Walker?” She laughs through her questions. And I love the joyful way she says my name.
“I don't know. Human beings built the greatest empire the world has ever known. It lasted a thousand years, which must have felt like an eternity back then, and then it was gone. I can’t really explain it. But nothing is too difficult to build. And nothing is too great to lose.”
Naomi makes a noise like she understands. However, I can’t comprehend how she can, given my complete lack of eloquence on the matter.
“What do you read?” I ask.
“Oh, maybe the exact opposite of what you read.”
“Which is?”
“Romance, mostly.”
“That’s sweet.”
“Sweet?” Naomi looks at me like I’m crazy.
“Yeah, people falling in love and getting married… and stuff…” The look Naomi gives me tells me I’m way off base. She laughs.
“Oh, Walker. Poor, innocent Walker. The books I read go way beyond kissing.” The “way” is stretched out, and in that long tone, I get her gist, and my mind is filled with all the dirty things she’s indicating. And they’re all with her. She turns nearly as pink as her tank top.
“Okay then,” I say, with a grin.
“Small-town romance is my Roman Empire.”
“But why?”
She pauses, her eyes on the horizon while she considers. “Even if the gods don’t favor you, it’s nice to think there’s something great worth building with someone else, even if you’re always at risk of losing it.”
There’s a gentle silence before she adds, “But with fucking.”
We both laugh. It’s still a strange music. Hers is beautiful, of course, but mine is a tune I haven’t heard in a long time.
Not until she brought it out.
Her laugh turns into a yawn, and I note the time.
“We should stop for the night.”
“I can drive for a while.”
I shake my head. “No, let’s rest. We still don’t have an exact location. We're better not rushing if we want to stay under the radar.”
“I don’t see any motels around.”
“It’s a nice night. You up for roughing it?”
Naomi grins and nods.
When I find a suitable desolate stretch of road, I pull the truck off the main highway. I navigate carefully over the uneven terrain until we're well hidden from casual passersby but still have clear paths back to the highway if needed.
"This should work," I say, killing the engine.
We climb out, and I lower the tailgate, spreading a tarp and some blankets in the truck bed.
We sit side by side, backs against the cab, looking up at the vast desert sky.
The volume is turned all the way down, and I’m not my past, and she’s not what she’s running from. We’re just a man and a woman. A pretty girl and the boy who can’t get her out of his head.
My mission to get to know her has been successful.
But my other one, where I hoped to find out more and discover that we’re not compatible, has been a complete failure.
The stars above us appear to blink on slowly, then suddenly all at once, as if someone's turned on a switch. Out here, away from city lights, the Milky Way stretches across the heavens like spilled paint.
"I forgot what this looks like," Naomi says quietly. "In Virginia, I could never see this many stars."
Her lips are slightly parted as she looks up. Soft, pillowy kissable lips. I’ve seen stars. I’d much rather look at her.
She turns to look at me. I expect her to pull back, ask what I’m doing staring at her so intently. But she doesn’t. Her lips remain parted, her breathing deep, and her eyes drop down to my lips.
My head falls toward hers and I think hers lifts subtly toward mine, like we’re caught in our own gravitational pull like the stars above.
The phone buzzes in my pocket. Startled by the noise we both pull back.
I fish it out, seeing the text from Static.
29.8500N 100.9800W
Coordinates. He's found El Centinela.
"We have a location," I tell Naomi, showing her the screen. She nods solemnly as she processes what this means. Everything we've been running toward is suddenly real, tangible.
The volume is now turned up again, and the timer is ticking. I put the phone away.
There’s a dark void in my gut. I know what I can do.
I know what I’m capable of. And I can’t let Naomi know just how much I’d be willing to sacrifice to keep her safe.
But going up against what we’re up against, I can’t promise that it’s going to end how she wants it to.
"I hope this turns out right," I say, my voice low against the quiet night.
"But this ain't one of your romances. The good guys don't always win. "
Naomi turns to me, her face half in shadow, half illuminated by starlight. There's steel in her voice when she answers.
"My father used to say something when I'd get scared about the cases he worked on. He'd say, 'They only win when the good guys stop trying.'" She looks up at the stars again. "I don't think I really understood what he meant until now."
I want to believe her. Want to believe that simply showing up and fighting back is enough. But I've seen too much, done too much to have faith in simple solutions to corrupt systems.
"Your father sounds like a good man."
"He was," she says.
We settle into our makeshift bed in the truck, side by side but not touching. The night air grows colder, and I hear Naomi shiver slightly beside me.
I reach for her. Wrap my arms around her. But only to give her warmth.
My mind spins. Did I almost kiss her? Did she want to kiss me? It already feels like a false memory. Something off in the distance, dark and blurry that lets your eyes play tricks on you.
No, I can’t hold her because I want her. I can’t kiss her. And she couldn’t possibly want to kiss me. A man like me can’t be with someone like her.
I stare up at the endless stars, feeling the weight of all my sins between us. There ain't enough hope in all the heavens for that.