Chapter 2
two
“Thanks so much for doing this at the last minute,” Ember says as she passes her son Silas into my arms. He wraps his arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly, and I hug him back.
“Don’t thank me. I didn’t have anything else to do tonight besides hang out with my favorite twins. Besides, when Eli is happy, so is my paycheck,” I smirk and she laughs.
Ember married my boss almost two years ago now, and he’s been a different person since she came into his life.
The once stoic and detached brute of a man I’d known since I moved to Grovewood now has polaroids of his wife and kids hanging in his station at the shop.
His flash sheets are often hidden behind his daughter’s crayon scribblings.
We should all be so lucky to find our soulmate in another person and it shows every day that he found his in Ember.
One by one, I’ve watched my friends find the great loves of their lives, and I’m so happy for them all. A small part of me, a part I keep buried deep in my core, wishes I could find someone like that for myself.
There was a time I thought Cooper was my soulmate. When I first met him, I was thirteen and thought the sun shined out of the man’s ass. By the time I was fifteen, I was elbow-deep in diapers, and the illusion I had about a happily ever after was already long gone.
“Ya know, I can always ask Amelia to watch the wonder twins. You should come with us!” Ember says, and I roll my eyes.
While I'm barely 32, my life is definitely not the same as the lives of my friends. The idea of grabbing a drink at the bar on a Friday night fills me with more anxiety than I’d care to admit.
I don’t look over my shoulder for Cooper’s shadow constantly anymore, but I still hear his voice in my head.
“You’re all used up, Lily.”
“Nobody will ever want you. You’re just lucky I'm still around.”
“They aren’t really your friends. They just feel sorry for you.”
I shake my head, pushing the thoughts from my mind.
“I’m perfectly happy spending the night with the most handsome man in Grovewood.” I tell her, kissing Silas’s cheek. He laughs, and my soul already feels lighter.
“Mama go? Mama go?” Scarlett, Ember’s daughter, asks as she toddles through the doorway.
“You'd better run before she cries. You know the mom guilt sets in when they cry,” I tell her, hoping she takes the out while Scarlett’s back is turned.
“You’re right, mama go.” She says, dropping their backpack at the door and hustling back to her jeep before a meltdown occurs.
I close the door with a smile. I love babysitting. It might make me the most boring person in this town, but I love kids. I love being a mama and an adopted auntie.
“Okay, Harding twins. How about some mac and cheese for dinner, huh? Maybe we’ll go crazy and have dino nugs too!
” I tell the twins, putting Silas down and watching them both beeline for my kitchen.
They know where the playdoh and paint are, all the best things their mom tells me I'm crazy for giving them.
“Nuggy, nuggy, nuggy, nuggy,” Scarlett says, her limited vocabulary already pretty solid.
I strap them both into the matching Ikea high chairs I invested in after the third time they spent the night at my house. Feeding one of them on my lap was difficult, but doable. There’s no way I could juggle them both.
I multitask, preheating the oven and opening the playdoh container for Silas while Scarlett seems to be singing a song about her nuggets now. This is the life on a Friday night, if you ask me.
The front door opens and closes, the sound of Jaxon's keys hooking onto the ring familiar to me by now.
“Hey honey, how was school?” I ask him, eliciting a grunt.
“Unfortunately, it’s still there, and I still have to go,” he says, and I roll my eyes.
The universe blessed me with a son who could do high school trig and calculus with little help, but spent 24/7 wishing he was in an art studio.
“Not too much longer, my boy. Graduation will be here before we know it,” I tell him, sadness seeping into my bones as the words leave my mouth.
It’s cliché as hell, but I swear it was yesterday the doctor put him in my arms after 26 hours of labor and an emergency c-section.
Now he’s taller than me, the features of a man present where his boyish face once sat.
My nose tingles as I shove the tears and emotion back down.
He hates when I get all nostalgic about his growing up.
Someday when he holds his own babies, he’ll understand. But for now, I’m just his lame mom.
“There are babies in this house,” he says, stopping as soon as he walks through the kitchen doorway.
“Why, yes, that is an excellent observation, Jaxon. However, they are almost two. So I’m not sure they qualify as babies anymore,” I say, handing Scarlett a purple crayon and watching her scribble furiously.
“Soooo…I’m gonna call Theo and see if they’re doing anything tonight. Cool if I spend the night over there?” He asks, and I laugh. He’s always quick to get the hell out of here whenever there’s diapers to be changed or tiny loud humans invade our home.
“Whatever you want to do, Jax. Just make sure I know where you are and what your plan is,” I tell him. He disappears towards his room, fingers furiously texting his friends his escape plan already.
My son, as kind and gentle as he is, has always been uneasy around babies. I pray for his future wife that trait doesn’t stick around.
Just as I put the pan of nuggets into the oven, he comes around the corner, helmet in hand.
“We’re heading to the quarry. I’ll text you as soon as I get there and when we leave to head back to Theo’s house.” He says, slinging his backpack across his back and planting a kiss on my cheek.
I should have known he would be itching to get on two wheels as soon as he passed his driving test. It wasn’t worth arguing or trying to stop him.
But I made sure he had the best protective gear I could afford.
Eli and Everett padded my paycheck when I told them what I was saving for, even though they adamantly denied that fact.
I’m lucky they care about my boy and only want the best for him.
“Look at me, Jaxon.” I grab a fistful of his black t-shirt and pull his attention from his phone.
“You do not drink tonight if you’re going to touch your bike.
You do not ride without your helmet. You do not allow anyone on the back of your bike without a helmet.
If you need a ride, you call me. Don’t fuck around, Jax.
I mean it. I like Theo, don’t change my mind. ”
I know my boy is responsible. But until the day I die, he’ll hear the same speech every time he leaves my house. He knows he’s all I’ve got. He nods, pulling out of my grasp and kissing my cheek.
“I know, Mom. I’ll be careful.” He says, sliding his helmet over his dark hair and waving over his shoulder as he walks out the front door. He was home less than ten minutes, but I guess I should get used to that. He’ll be leaving for college soon, if I can make it happen. I know it’s gonna gut me.
I hear the engine rev on his bike. As the sound fades, all the lights go out in my house.
The fucking breaker is always tripping, especially when I use the oven.
If I could afford a nicer place, I would.
But unfortunately, it is what it is. The twins play relatively quietly, thankfully unaffected by the sudden darkness.
I turn on the flashlight I keep in the kitchen for occasions such as these.
Opening the breaker box in the pantry, I see the culprit.
A hint of burned electrical wires hits my nose, and I try resetting it.
A pop sounds, sparks flashing as a yelp involuntarily squeaks out of my lips.
This is beyond my ability to fix while I have the twins.
I know what I need to do, but damn, I wish I had a better alternative. I hate relying on someone else, anyone else, to help me.
I slide my phone from my pocket, pulling up Beckett’s number, and it barely rings once before he picks up.
“I need help.”