Chapter 4
four
It’s been two weeks since Beckett came back and cut a huge hole in my wall to replace half the guts of the electrical panel.
He took his time explaining every step to Jaxon, who had never shown an interest in anything remotely electrical before that day.
But I know he just enjoys spending time with Beck.
I don’t blame him. His father was never the life-lesson kind of dad I always hoped he would be.
Beckett told me no less than a dozen times during the process that I needed to find a new place to live. I tried to take his words for what they were, a friend concerned about my well-being and the safety of my son. But it still made my hackles rise to hear his criticism.
I know we live in a dump, but it’s my dump.
My house may be shitty, but it’s the only thing I’ve ever been able to provide all on my own.
No matter what anyone says, I’m proud of myself for that.
I spend every day making sure my son has everything he needs, and I don’t need anyone’s help to accomplish that. Except…sometimes I do.
I know what it feels like to be indebted to a man.
To feel you owe him for the air in your lungs, for the privilege of opening your eyes every morning.
I promised myself the day I left Cooper I would never allow anyone to make me feel so small ever again.
I won’t ever put myself in the position to be taken advantage of like that again.
As much as I would love to say everything was Cooper’s fault, it wasn’t.
I had every opportunity to leave long before I did.
I could have packed our life into my car and left before Jaxon saw the real evil that lived inside his father.
But the idea of “what if” suffocated me every single day.
What if he came after me and the punishment was ten times worse?
What if he came for my son and I never saw them again?
What if I tried to get away, to start over, and I could never outrun him?
If I’m honest with myself, I still battle these thoughts every day.
I love the life I’ve built here in Grovewood.
Although I keep them at arm’s length, I love the family I’ve found here.
Even though Eli and Everett are technically my bosses, they brought me into their families.
They trust me with their children. And they don’t even know my real name.
Sadness sinks deep into my gut like a heavy stone falling deeper and deeper into the abyss.
I hate lying to the people I love. I hate forcing my son to hide things about himself and our life.
The only thing I’ve ever wanted was to keep him safe, to make sure he never knew what the back of his father's hand felt like against his face. If I have to live my life on the outskirts of my friend group forever to do that, then that’s what I’ll do.
The bell above the door to Grovewood Ink chimes, and Ember and Kelsea come strolling in arm in arm.
They say every blonde needs a dark-haired bestie, and these two are that idea personified.
Kelsea, the raven-haired goddess that she is, is married to Everett, Ember’s twin brother.
The twisted branches of this family tree would be so confusing to anyone who’s never met all of them, but the roots run deep.
“Mama Willow, how’s your day going?” Kelsea says, her bright smile lighting up the room.
“Oh, you know, just living the dream.” There’s a hint of sarcasm in my voice, but I do mean it. Living my own life with Jaxon, relatively free from the horrors of the past, truly is my dream. Do I wish we didn’t have to look over our shoulders? Of course, but every day gets a little easier.
Part of me wants to believe that Cooper quit looking as soon as he realized we weren’t coming back.
The rational part of me knows that would never happen.
Cooper was a possessive man, and as far as he was concerned, we were his property.
He’ll come for us someday. Hopefully by then, my boy will be long gone.
I’ll protect him with my last breath if that’s what it comes to before I ever let Coop sink his claws into him.
“Earth to Willow?” Ember’s voice breaks through the fog in my mind. I force a smile onto my face, even though I’m sure they all see right through me.
“Sorry, just distracted. Did you guys need help with something? Or were you just coming to keep me company?” I ask.
“Mostly coming to drool,” Kelsea says, leaning against the wall outside her husband’s room. “God, that man is perfection.” She mumbles, and Ember gags.
“That man is my brother, so please don’t make me throw up,” Ember jokes.
Kelsea and Ember have been best friends since college, but nobody could’ve predicted Kelsea would fall in love with Ember’s brother. It’s a tangled mess of family and friends, love, and history in this shop, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
I think back on the few friends I had back home, if you could even call them that.
The girls who hung around the club were happy to fuck anybody’s man, married or not.
The wives never really approved of me, I’m sure because Cooper told lies about me.
Honestly, I was glad to be rid of that life and everyone in it.
Everyone except Allie.
When Cooper and I got married, Allie was the only one who saw him for who he truly was.
She was married to Dex, the sergeant at arms for Satan’s Renegades.
Her husband was the biggest man I’d ever seen in my life, but had the kindest heart.
She warned me time and time again that Cooper wasn’t like some of the others, that he was meaner and colder.
But I didn’t listen. After I left, the rumor mill went crazy wondering what really happened.
Half the club left because they knew what he’d done, the other half stayed for what they thought I’d done to him.
I may never see Allie again in this life, but I’m forever grateful for the part she played in helping me get away. I know it could’ve cost her everything.
My eyes burn with unshed tears, the way they always do when I think about the parts of my life Cooper took from me.
Maybe that’s the reason I won’t let Beckett get too close.
I can’t risk having the freedom I worked so hard to create ripped away from me ever again.
After you’ve seen the things I’ve seen, it’s so hard not to see everyone as a threat.
“I said Eli’s mom is in town. She’s kicking us out tonight to spend some quality time with the dynamic duo and Kelsea’s tiny terror, so we don’t need your expert babysitting skills.
” Ember says, smirking at me. I know what she’s gonna ask before the words even leave her lips, and I cringe internally.
“Oh, so Willow is coming out with us? Perfect!” Kelsea says, avoiding the question altogether.
I scoff out a laugh, loving how bold these women are. I wish I had even a fraction of their confidence. Ember sees the resistance in my eyes before I say a word.
“Come on, Will. I’m really starting to think you don’t like us. It’s just dancing, I promise. It’ll be so fun! Everybody’s coming, and I promise a good time is guaranteed.” Ember says, leaning on the counter, giving me the biggest puppy dog eyes I’ve ever seen.
“Fine! Maybe. Maybe I can go as long as Jaxon doesn’t need me for anything and the guys don’t mind. Maybe…” I tell her, and she high-fives Kelsea like this was their plan all along.
“Oh, you didn’t hear? They’re closing early tonight. It’s Helo’s birthday, so we’re all going together!” Kelsea says, a mischievous look in her eyes.
“What? Nobody told me that!” I sighed.
“Yeah…BABE, YOU’RE CLOSING EARLY!” Kelsea yells to the back and I stifle a laugh.
“YES, GODDESS!” Everett’s muffled response comes through his half-open station door, and I smirk. The man is obsessed with his wife, and it’s a beautiful thing.
How had I missed the fact that it was Beckett’s birthday?
He’d been texting every few days to make sure the lights were still on in my house, yet he just failed to mention this?
I love birthdays. I haven’t celebrated mine in nearly a decade, but I’ve always gone way over the top for Jaxon’s.
I would’ve gone above and beyond for Beckett, especially with everything he’s done for me.
I want to go home and spend another night alone staring at my empty house, wondering why I can’t seem to fill the void in my mind. But I can’t pass up the opportunity to thank him for everything.
“Fine, fine. I’ll be there,” I say, hoping I have something minimally embarrassing to wear.