Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
By the time Amanda made it to the school office, the bell rang.
Students soon filled the hallways with a cacophony of noises as they eagerly chatted and laughed with their friends.
Despite the loss of Paul Archer, the kids’ excitement could still be felt.
They were free for the day, and many, if not all, would be eager to get out and enjoy the rest of the beautiful summer day.
Despite loss and tragedy, life carried on, the world continued to spin.
Amanda saw the door marked Student Counselor was shut. That person would be earning their paycheck today with grieving students reeling in shock. At least, Amanda hoped those who needed a sounding board would take advantage of speaking with them.
Anna Ward greeted Amanda with a smile, but it was tight and didn’t reach her eyes like it normally did. “I’m sure that Ms. Sparks and Zoe will be arriving soon,” Anna told her.
Amanda nodded her thank-you. Her mind was distracted with thoughts about what was coming.
All she wanted to do was hug Zoe and suck her pain away.
If only that were possible. Grief was one of those things that couldn’t be ignored or avoided.
It was a painful process that a person needed to go through.
It was also a course unique to the individual.
The best Amanda could do was be there for Zoe.
A few students filtered into the offices, and the counselor’s door opened. A woman in her mid-forties let out a girl about twelve. Her face was blotched, and her eyes puffy from crying. She kept her gaze protected and focused on the floor.
Amanda turned again to the main door at the sound of Zoe’s voice. She was with a pretty woman in her late twenties with blond hair styled straight and reaching her shoulders. Amanda assumed she was Ms. Sparks.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Amanda touched Zoe’s shoulder and moved in to hug her, but Zoe squirmed out of reach. Injured, Amanda pulled back. “Zoe?”
She shook her head and didn’t meet Amanda’s eye.
“Amanda Steele?” the woman said.
“I am. Ms. Sparks?” Amanda straightened to full height, stunned by Zoe’s reaction to her. Wounded, not her personal pride as much as what Zoe’s behavior told her. Amanda was all too familiar with the cold repercussions of grief. The indiscriminate anger that lashed out at everyone within range.
“Please call me Lila.” She suggested Amanda and Zoe follow her and took them into a meeting room with a conference table with seating for six. “Sit wherever you would like. Zoe, you might want to sit next to your mother.”
Zoe didn’t say a word and didn’t so much as look in Amanda’s direction. She dropped into a chair at the end of the table. Amanda sat in the one on her right, and Zoe turned her body slightly away from her.
“Thank you for coming in, Ms. Steele,” Lila began.
“Please call me Amanda.”
Lila dipped her head. “Zoe seems to be having a hard time with the news of Mr. Archer’s murder.”
“Why didn’t you tell me his family was taken too?” Zoe leveled the accusation at Amanda. Her eyes were ablaze as they now met Amanda’s gaze.
Amanda had her reasons. To start, she was trying to protect the girl from too much tragic news.
She figured disclosing Archer’s murder was the priority.
Why pile on more by telling her about Valerie and Brooke?
And why was the school disclosing that information?
It pissed her off that they had. These were children.
She appreciated it wasn’t possible to shield them from everything, but telling them about the murder of their teacher would have been sufficient.
“Zoe, I knew your primary concern was Mr. Archer’s welfare. ”
“You’re trying to find out who killed him and took his family, right?”
“Yes, Trent and I are doing everything within our power.”
Zoe stuck out her chin and crossed her arms. Amanda looked back at Lila.
“I have a feeling that I’ve stumbled in on something I have no knowledge about,” Lila began. “Zoe, it might be best if you give your mother and me time to talk alone.”
“She’s not my mother.”
Lila’s gaze snapped to Amanda’s, and there was no time to hide the impact of Zoe’s words. Amanda’s eyes instantly burned with tears.
“Of course she is.” The teacher spoke softly, turning her gaze from Amanda and respecting her space.
“No, she’s not.” Zoe shot Amanda a sideways glare.
Lila stood and prodded Zoe. “It might be best if you waited outside while I speak with Amanda.”
The teacher’s transition from referring to her as Zoe’s mother to using her name pierced like a hornet’s stinger.
But Amanda didn’t want any more secrets from her daughter.
Whatever the teacher had to say to her, she could say in front of Zoe.
Also Amanda couldn’t bear the thought of letting Zoe out of her sight.
“She’s fine to stay. Please, just continue.
” Her words came out, carried on a breath.
“If you’re certain?” Lila asked, angling her head.
Amanda would love to say she and Zoe didn’t keep secrets from each other, but in Zoe’s current mood, the girl would argue that. After all, Amanda had held back from sharing information. “I am.”
“Very well, then.” Lila returned to where she had been sitting.
“After the assembly and the announcement, the class was given an assignment to write about a vivid memory they had from when they were younger. It was supposed to be a happy recollection, but Zoe refused to adhere to the guidelines of the exercise.” Lila glanced at Zoe, as did Amanda.
The girl wasn’t looking at either of them, and her jaw was clenched tight.
“Zoe wrote a dark piece. Did you want to tell your mother what you wrote about, or do you want me to?”
“I don’t care,” Zoe pushed out.
Lila sought out Amanda’s gaze and said nothing, yet spoke volumes.
Amanda leaned toward Zoe. “What did you write about?”
Zoe continued to stare into space.
“Sweetheart—”
“I’m not your sweetheart,” Zoe spat, “and I want to go home.”
“We can soon,” Amanda told her.
“No, I mean my real home with my real mom and dad.” Tears beaded in the girl’s eyes.
This was Amanda’s fear come to life. Paul Archer’s murder had triggered a backslide. “Zoe, you know they’re gone.”
“No, they’re here. They’re always here.” She pounded a hand to her chest. “You told me that. Or did you lie?”
“I did tell you that, and they are. But your home is with me now.”
The tears broke loose, spilling down Zoe’s cheeks.
The pain her daughter was going through was too hard to witness. Amanda glanced away and found the teacher watching her, her forehead creased. She doesn’t know… “Zoe’s parents were both murdered over four years ago.”
“I saw everything,” Zoe inserted at a low volume.
Lila sat back, eyes wide, mouth gaped open. No words came out while seconds ticked off, marked by subtle thunks from the clock on the wall. “Zoe, I’m so sorry I accused you of making up a story and for all you’ve been through.”
Zoe shrugged. “Sometimes bad things happen. That’s what I’ve heard Amanda say before.”
And I’m back to Amanda… Zoe had just started calling her Mom last month, after four years together. And just like that, the progress they’d made was wiped out. “Sadly, they do.”
“Uh-huh.” Zoe nudged out her chin and faced Lila. “She lost her husband and first daughter.”
Amanda hadn’t told her about the unborn son she’d lost or that she could no longer have children. It never seemed like something Zoe needed to know, but it might be time for another conversation for the sake of transparency.
Lila looked at Amanda. “It sounds like both of you have been through an awful lot.”
“Would you share what you wrote with me, Zoe?” Amanda tried again. Though she gathered it was about her parents’ murders, she wanted to hear it from Zoe, even read what she wrote for herself.
She hopped off her chair, dug into her backpack, and pushed a folder toward Amanda.
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
Zoe scowled and didn’t retake her seat. “Can we go now?”
“I think that sounds like a good idea.”
Amanda thanked the teacher for calling this meeting. As ugly as all of this was, it shed light on how her daughter was really doing. Not well at all. But at the end of the day, Amanda’s desire to fix things meant nothing.