Brir (Wanderers Between Worlds #2)

Chapter 4

Amarillo, Texas

April

Merrick

I crossed my arms over my chest, my eyes closed, as I relaxed on the roof of the hotel that I had already cleared. A few days ago, I returned to what used to be Texas. I couldn’t stay in New Pharia, not with Arya. My heart still held too much resentment towards her. I had lost too much.

The journey back had been quiet. I often found my thoughts wandering back to Arya, her face, and the bitter words that we’d exchanged. She had been my closest friend until the day our world was destroyed.

The heartache was still too fresh, too raw for me to dull its edge with time or distance. In the silence of my mind, I could still hear her voice echoing, each word driving a new barb into the open wound that was my heart.

The memory of digging through the rubble was so strong. I could still smell the dust that was in the air. I felt the weight of his blood on my hands and the pain that brought me to my knees as I cradled my dead mate in my arms. My dead youngling at my feet with their lifeless eyes looking up toward the sky.

Grabbing the dagger from Lirien’s hip hadn't been hard, ready to join my mate in the after. To be by his side again.

Arya had pinned me down and taken away the choice of following my mate into the after. Knocking me unconscious before I could take my life with my own hand. When I came to, she sat next to me in the rubble. Lirien’s and Althea’s bodies were just feet away from us. I was almost positive she had used her gift to lessen that hurt, even if she said that was impossible, but the words she spoke to me that day had stung even more than anything else.

“Lirien would have been ashamed of you.” Arya had snarled at me before she got up and left me still lying in the rubble that had been my home.

Despite the lingering pain, I pushed the memory to the back of my mind as I focused on my current surroundings, looking up at the bright sky of this world.

She wasn’t wrong . I would have been.

That voice made me roll my eyes before I narrowed my stare up at the bright sky of this planet. When I first heard that voice in my head, I thought I was slowly going insane, but Elex, the healer who had come to Pharia, had assured me it was just my mind coming to terms with my mate’s death, but that voice never stopped answering me.

That’s because you haven’t met him yet.

“And who exactly would I be meeting?” I grumbled under my breath, rolling my eyes again.

For the last ten years, it was Lirien’s memory that kept me sane. His voice. His spirit. I couldn’t tell if losing him had actually made my mind fracture, and I truly was insane. Now I just heard his ghost. I wasn’t sure if Elex was right anymore about this being my mind’s way of healing from the break of our bond. The world had lost something special the day his heart stopped beating.

Everywhere in New Pharia, I still saw things Lirien would have loved. Meta’s gardens in one of the fields, Nidra’s Lepot herd, the people who had survived the rupture, and their resilience after losing our world—they would have all fascinated him.

Lirien would have loved this planet; I found myself thinking—not for the first time—as my eyes traced over the different colors in the sky and the way the clouds moved. His fascination with the wonders of our world was infectious, and it was impossible not to miss that enthusiasm now.

“You should have seen it,” I murmured, my voice barely more than a whisper. “You should be here.”

I am here. I do see it.

I shook the thought out of my head. It felt better out here by myself, with just my memories. The sun warmed my scales as I lay on the top of the hotel. My tail flicked lazily between my spread legs.

My thoughts were clouded, even outside the city. There was nothing to do out here but find survivors of our world and humans who didn’t hate us and were looking for a new home. I huffed at that, though. Most humans hated us as if it were our fault they had destroyed our world.

He doesn’t hate you.

“You need to drop this, Lirien.” I scolded the ghost in my mind. “I still have no idea who you’re talking about.”

You’ll see.

“You’ve said that for years, Lirien. Pushed me to find this person. There is never anyone there,” I huffed, closing my eyes again. “I’m tired, Lirien. I just want this all to end.”

You can’t hold a grudge this long, Merrick. It’s not good for you .

A soft, sarcastic chuckle escaped me, the sound more bitter than intended. “A grudge? No, this isn’t a grudge.”

Then what is it?

“Memories,” I told the ghost that wouldn't stop haunting me.

I could remember it all too clearly. The destruction, the chaos, the lives lost… and Arya’s betrayal. How she’d forced me away from Lirien. She’d taken away my one solace, my one chance to follow him into the after.

These aren’t memories. You’re holding onto the hurt.

“What do you expect me to do, Lirien? Just forgive them for what they took from me,” I spat out loud to the voice that constantly plagued me. “We would have welcomed them into our homes if things had been reversed. Damn it, you would have been the first to stand in line to feed them. They tried to kill us. They don’t even care what their machine took from us. So yes, I have held a grudge.” My tail lashed for a moment in irritation. Despite everything we faced, I knew most humans couldn’t be that bad. I had only met a few who didn’t run from me and even fewer who wanted to return to Pharia City. Lirien wasn’t wrong. I held a grudge because they had taken everything from me, and somehow, I was the monster.

You can’t hold onto me forever, Merrick.

Lirien’s voice filtered through my thoughts.

“Yes, I can,” I told him. “I should be there with you and our youngling.”

I felt his loss again, the way I had when he first left me, an incurable wound that time could not heal. If I closed my eyes, I could still feel the phantom sensation of his touch, the soft caress of his hand against my scales. It was both a balm and a torment, a reminder of what I’d lost and would never have again.

There is no guilt in living, and you don’t want to be here. You’re needed there. Arya needs you. He needs you.

I could feel Lirien’s sadness, and it made my chest tight. I turned my head on my arms and saw him lying beside me. His dark blue scales gleamed in this light. I could see him clear as day. The way he would have smiled at me. He would have propped his head up on his hand as he lay on his side, tail thudding against the rooftops.

“Stop it,” I murmured, my voice hoarse with grief. “Don’t use your memory to manipulate me.”

I will do what I must to make sure you’re happy again.

I could almost hear Lirien’s laughter echoing in my mind, so soft and warm. He had been my everything.

I sighed again and turned my face back to the sky, closing my eyes to the bright sun. He would have loved this place.

I would have. His response filtered through my mind again.

The pain of not having him with me was etched into my very soul.

You don’t need me anymore, Merrick. You need to move on. You’re holding onto something that you shouldn’t. It’s eating you.

“No, all I need is you. You were so much more than just my bonded, Lirien. You were my friend. I don’t know how to do this anymore without you,” I told the memory that lay next to me.

Oh, Merrick, you were always so much stronger than me. You’re fearless. I couldn’t even leave Therestral. You always had to get the things I needed. You have so much to give, Merrick. You have to get up now, or you’ll lose your chance.

I could almost hear the sigh of sadness that he would have made looking out the window of our home at the trees just beyond the walls. The forest had always triggered him. He never felt safe out there but loved being close to nature. Tears threatened my eyes. I knew he would want me to move on. We had talked about it before, but how could I? Lirien and I had been bond mates. I had imprinted on him, and he on me. That was something you just didn’t walk away from.

The sound of crunching metal echoed around me, making me jump and ripping me right out of my memories of our home. I jolted to my feet and peered over the edge of the roof. Down below was a human walking and talking with a Rizuga.

The creature's black scales gleamed as it walked beside the human. Its feline face radiated pride as it showed its companion a dead bird. With its long tail swishing, it waited for the human's praises.

I tore my eyes from the pair and spun around to look where I had just been lying, but Lirien wasn’t lying there, no matter what my mind wanted. I sighed and looked back over the roof.

The Rizuga was almost as tall as the man. The human waved away the creature as he continued walking, pointing to a building and making for the exit ramp that led them off the highway. I watched as the Rizuga tossed a dead bird up into the air before slamming its strong jaws closed on it. It devoured the snack before padding back up to the human.

There he is, right on time.

“Him?” I questioned the ghost of the man standing next to me now. “Is that the man you have wanted me to find?”

Lirien didn’t answer me this time. He smiled softly at me before leaning his forearms against the top of the wall, looking down at the human walking on the highway. His tail flipped in a way that told me he was excited. I looked back at the man on the ground.

What was a human doing here with a Rizuga? My eyes followed them as they went under the overpass before my body was moving. I bent down, grabbed my Kitous off the ground, and swung it onto my back, the memory fabric holding it in place.

I had to see the man Lirien had wanted me to find for these last few years. I moved to the door that led to the stairs and took them down two at a time. My long legs ate up the distance before I thudded onto the ground on the first floor. Most of these buildings were empty, but some were home to animals now. Some creatures that would be very happy to eat me. I avoided them as much as possible because I didn’t like killing things that were just protecting their home.

Humans had abandoned most of these cities after they’d dropped bombs on them. They tried to destroy some of the creatures that had come through the holes torn between our worlds. Half of the city was in ruins now.

I exited the hotel doors. My hand shot out to catch the door by its edge so it didn’t slam against the wall and alert the human and his Rizuga of my presence. I ran across the street and headed in the same direction that the human had gone.

I slowed down when I reached the overpass, seeing them just up ahead. My head tilted out of curiosity. The Rizuga looked tiny compared to how big they could get, so it was probably very young. I watched the large creature bumping its head against the human’s shoulder, playing with the smaller man.

This Rizuga seemed to have bonded with the human, which wasn’t easy. The creatures were notoriously untrustworthy of others. Small packs of wild Rizugae existed before the rupture, but most of the species had been hunted viciously. Arya protected them now.

The human’s laughter carried far as he talked to the creature, and they made their way into the abandoned store with its large metal gates up.

I hurried down what remained of the crumbling road, tail flicking back and forth in a fluid motion. I watched the human with his Rizuga companion disappear into one of the dilapidated buildings. Curiosity prodded at me, tugging me towards them.

I hesitated at the store entrance, my instincts urging me to throw caution to the wind and storm into the abandoned store. A small part of me wanted to turn back, to retreat to the solitude of the rooftop, to wallow in the grief that clung to me like a second skin. But Lirien had pushed so hard for me to find him, and here he was. But more so, something about the sound of the human’s voice intrigued me, sparking interest in a way that nothing else had since Lirien’s departure.

Without further debate, I followed him into the store, keeping quiet as I grabbed onto the metal that crisscrossed between the two bars at the end of the enormous shelving unit and climbed it like a ladder so that I could watch the human from a distance as he walked around the store. The tall shelves allowed me to have a good advantage. I watched as he picked up a youngling’s toy, looking at it as if it brought back memories before he set it back in the box. I hid behind a pallet of items when I saw his head tilt up a little to scan the top shelves. The human’s boots crunched on dust and dirt under his feet as he walked away and down another store aisle. I waited where I was, watching for him to reappear. I stared after him curiously. It was strange to have a human in these cities. Most avoided them because they were now overrun with monsters.

A burst of music played through the store, and I saw the human dance happily in the aisle. A smile pulled at my face. Lirien used to do that when he would solve a tricky puzzle. That need to show his emotions with his whole being after he had accomplished something. My tail flicked a little faster as my heart sped up.

“Lirien would’ve liked him,” I murmured to myself, watching as the pair disappeared into the abandoned store.

I do. He is beautiful, Merrick. He is perfect for you in every way.

I couldn’t help but agree. A pang of loneliness eased a little at the sight. It was as if being reminded of Lirien brought back all the warmth of his presence and the gaping void his absence had left behind. My heart felt heavy, but not with the same familiar grief. No, it was more than that—it was a longing for something I knew I couldn’t have again, a yearning so intense that I physically ached.

I took a deep breath, my eyes never leaving the human. There was something about him that held my complete attention. His laughter filled the air of the old store, echoing off the dusted shelves and cracked tiles. He moved with an energy that was lively and melancholy, like he was trying to savor every little moment while carrying the weight of unspoken sorrows.

“Who are you?” I whispered to myself.

The human’s actions, full of life and energy, tugged at the edges of my grief, pulling me momentarily out of my sorrow. I continued to observe him from my secret perch, my curiosity growing with each passing moment. His movements were fluid and graceful for a human, full of an infectious vitality. Lirien would have adored him.

He would have made a beautiful third. I will regret not being able to share him with you.

The words echoed in my mind, a ghostly whisper that sent a shiver through me. I watched as the human turned the corner, disappearing from view. My heart pounded in my chest, hammering against the wall of stoicism I had built up over time from Lirien’s loss.

The intrusive thought startled me, yet I knew it was not unfounded. My heart raced, and my claws twitched with an unsettling mix of anxiety and unexpected longing.

The human pushed a cart around the store, filling it as he walked through the aisles. The Rizuga kept pace, its muscular frame moving with grace.

Watching the man pick out new clothes brought to my attention how dirty he was, but the Rizuga’s scales gleamed. The creature was clean and well taken care of, but the human’s things were in tatters—holes in his clothing and a broken strap on his backpack. I could feel my brows pull together in confusion as I studied him.

He could use a few good meals, Merrick. Look how thin he is. That is a sin for such a beautiful body.

Unlike the human I watched, the Rizuga wasn’t thin, which was surprising for a kit without a pack. If I had to guess, it was well-loved by the human. Watching the man pull the shirt off his thin frame deepened my frown. I knew humans weren’t supposed to be that thin. I had seen the humans who lived at the trader outposts and Pharia City. He wasn’t malnourished, and I could see the definition of his muscles, but he was thinner than what was healthy for their species. My eyes traveled back to the Rizuga, noting how well her form was filled out. I wondered how often the human had gone without so that the Rizuga could have eaten.

My heart twisted slightly at the thought. That was something Lirien used to do. He was always giving, always putting others before himself. The human seemed to have a similar spirit, and it was both comforting and painful in a way I couldn’t quite put into words.

I watched him try on different clothes, each revealing more of his lean, muscular physique. My gaze lingered on how his skin stretched taut over his frame, the play of light and shadow accentuating the curve of his arms and the flat plane of his stomach. I could almost feel the warmth radiating from him, a stark contrast to the cold emptiness of my existence.

He continued rummaging, peering into old boxes and crates. Occasionally, he would let out a slight sound of delight, pulling out some long-forgotten trinket or piece of equipment and carefully placing it in his cart. His eyes held a bright, hopeful gleam, even as dirt streaked across his face, starkly contrasting his thinness.

His Rizuga companion occasionally lifted its large head, sniffing at the air or tilting an ear toward some unseen noise. Yet through it all, the creature seemed content with the human, its large head bumping his shoulder affectionately, and I could see how much the Rizuga had bonded to the human. The pair never moved far from the other.

The human never looked up as I watched from my vantage point on the high shelf in the shadows. He emptied his bag and packed his things into a new one from the shelf. The tattered rags he wore were not suitable anymore next to the new pack, so he changed his clothes right in the middle of the store. When his hands went to his belt, I raised an eyebrow as his pants hit the ground, along with his underwear giving me a fantastic view of his shapely ass. Lean hips, I could imagine wrapping my hands around.

Look at how beautiful his skin is. I bet your red scales will look marvelous wrapped around him. I would have loved watching you fuck him. To see you claim him.

I looked back at the human as he bent over and stripped the tattered clothing off his legs before he kicked them under the table. My fingers twitched for a second like they wanted to run along the skin that I was seeing. I wanted to trail my fingers up his spine. I pushed the thought away as Lirien’s laughter filled my head.

Fuck Merrick. He has a nice ass.

Lirien’s voice filtered back over me. I turned to see Lirien standing next to another pallet with a half smile, arms crossed over his chest, just leering at the man.

There’s no tail for you to hold onto, though. You’re going to have to get creative. Show him everything we can do.

“Shut up, Lirien,” I murmured, watching as the human dressed in new clothes. My heart pounded in my chest as I took in the sight of him partly naked. Lirien’s laughter filled my mind. He loved the look of the human below us.

I tore my gaze from the man to focus on Lirien momentarily. His blue scales and shiny tail flipping in that way that always meant he was excited. He didn’t look back at me, focusing on the human, a small smile on his lips. His arms crossed across him, and his thumb rubbed the scar on his neck that I loved to bite down on when we were fucking.

He is stunning, Merrick. You lucky fuck.

I couldn’t help but look back at the man. I had to agree with Lirien. The man was gorgeous. The sight of the human’s naked body stirred something inside me, something I didn’t want to admit. A surge of desire coursed through my veins, making my heart race and my tail twitch ever so slightly. I watched as he held up different sets of clothing against his body, his face contorted in concentration as he appraised their suitability.

He has a great body.

Lirien’s voice filtered through my mind again as I watched as he stood there naked, opening packages and pulling things out before setting them back down in the cart. I couldn’t help but agree.

“Don’t give me that shit, Lirien.” I rolled my eyes again. Yes, the man was surprisingly easy to look at, but he was still a human.

He is also exactly your type. You can’t hide anything from me. You and I both know you want him, even if he is human.

I narrowed my eyes at him before looking back at the man. “I’m just curious about him. That’s all.”

You’re staring at him like a creep. Like you would devour him if he just asked you nicely. You’re more than just curious. You can’t lie to me.

I ignored that comment but didn’t stop watching the man get dressed, unable to pull my eyes from the skin that was on display. The Rizuga sat on her haunches, relaxed in the store. His muscles flexed as he pulled the new shirt over his head. I could tell from here it was too big for him. The fabric hung off his frame even though the garment fit him nicely in the shoulders. He needed more to eat. I did have that stash of food from clearing the houses when I got bored out here. I could find a way to leave him some.

You should just invite him back with you.

Lirien’s smug voice tried to convince me. That wasn’t happening. I wouldn’t be doing that, for sure. I didn’t trust humans, and I bet he wouldn’t trust me either.

He is adorable. Lirien’s voice came again. I bet your tail would look beautiful wrapped around his dick. Remember when you used to fuck me with your tail while you rode my cock.

“Don’t start,” I whispered back. I did not want to get pulled back into those memories.

But look at him, Merrick. He is so tiny. I bet he weighs almost nothing. Just imagine what it would be like to bend him over. Or how he would look riding your cock. Or against a wall. You forget I know exactly how you like it, how you would toss him around. Put him exactly where you would want him. I bet he would let you.

“You’re terrible, Lirien. Stop.” The worst part is that everything he was saying was true. Lirien had always just said what he was thinking. No matter the company. He always embarrassed the shit out of me with that dirty mouth of his. But I also couldn’t help but agree with him. He had said what I was thinking. The images ran through my mind, making my cock twitch with interest for the first time since Lirien was still alive. Yet a part of me couldn’t help but be drawn in by the human’s actions. Another part of me almost felt sick with those thoughts. I wouldn’t dishonor Lirien’s memory that way.

Or would you let him breed you like you breed me?

“Enough,” I growled out. His words pushed me too far. His smile made me more agitated. I couldn’t think of the man in front of me like that, even if it made my cock twitch with interest for the first time in many years. “How can you be ok with talking about me fucking him?”

Because I’m dead, Merrick, and you deserve happiness. He will bring that back to you.

“It doesn’t matter that you are no longer here, Lirien. I won’t do that to your memory.” I drew my gaze from the man and turned my back to him. I took a seat against the pallet of items on the shelf.

It should, but you’re holding onto my memories so tightly you can’t move on. Lirien’s voice was a snarling whisper in my head this time, his presence chilling the air beside me. He would have been so angry with me, but I didn’t know how to let him go.

I’m not here to watch you mope around forever. I’m here because you need to move on, Merrick. You need to live.

“I am living!” I protested, but my voice sounded feeble even to my ears.

Are you? Because all I see is you holed up, scavenging and observing instead of participating. That was not the Merrick I knew.

“But I’m not the Merrick you knew!” I spat out, gripping the edge of the pallet until my fingers turned white. “That Merrick died when you did!”

There was a long pause before Lirien spoke again. His words came slow and soft, like they were being dragged out of him against his will.

Perhaps … he conceded, his voice echoing in my mind.

But maybe it’s time for that Merrick to come back to life because he didn’t die with us. This world needs that Merrick. The one that I knew. The one that used to love me and would have protected our world to his last breath.

“No!” I interjected. “It’s not that simple. Our world is dead, Lirien. Nothing is the same now. I’m not the same without you.”

Isn’t it? Lirien challenged. What happened may have changed you, but you are the same man. You have so much to give, firelight.

The nickname made my jaw clench. He only ever used it when he wanted to win an argument. He knew I would always give him anything he wanted.

An awkward silence followed his question. My chest tightened as I pondered his words. The thought of moving on felt like a betrayal to the memory of Lirien, to the love we had shared.

I let out a weary sigh before forcing myself to look back at the human, who was now fully dressed and surveying his new attire with an air of satisfaction.

The man below us was completely oblivious to the exchange between Lirien and me. He continued to search through the store. His newly donned shirt hung too large for his form, yet he seemed content. A pang of sadness hit me at the thought.

The Rizuga nudged its head against the man’s hand, earning it a soft pat on the head. The sight brought a small smile to my face. It was… endearing.

“You’re ridiculous, Lirien,” I returned my attention to him. “I can’t be with him.”

Lirien just laughed harder, his eyes sparkling with mischief. He knew exactly what he was doing and enjoyed every minute of it.

I love you. I always will, but even you can’t stop fate.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Lirien,” I asked him. His words made my heart feel like it was bleeding right into my chest. I missed this man so much that it felt hard to breathe. You’ll see.

He’s adorable, and you’re fortunate—just remember that.

I rolled my eyes. If I didn’t stop doing that, I would probably damage them. Lirien would have found humans cute—things he would have just picked up and carried around. He would have loved them. Lirien and human curiosity would have gone hand in hand. He always had to ask why something happened—why the sky fell or how the flowers bloomed. He always had to know.

I climbed down the shelf silently as I watched the unusual pair make their way to the doors again, a new bag on the human’s back.

“Let’s go explore the other stores and see if we can find a pet store,” the human told the Rizuga, giving her a loving pat. His voice was soft and affectionate for the giant beast.

I had no idea why he would need to go to a pet store, but that was the second time he mentioned it. The slight sound of his surprise that escaped his lips made my heart beat just a little faster, and I hurried towards the exit to see what was wrong.

The human stood almost at the edge of the abandoned parking lot, with the Rizuga looking ahead of them at a Fajīkirin. Its long brown fur ruffled in the hot breeze, and its long, spindly legs moved it across the land. I watched the creature’s long tongue wrap around the power line it was walking next to. The human had one hand on the collar of the Rizuga as if to hold her back.

“What the hell is that thing?” I heard him whisper to the Rizuga. Human curiosity at its finest. He couldn’t look away from the impressive creature. “Do you think it will try to eat us?”

That made me laugh out loud, giving away my presence. He spun around, pulling out a knife he had on his belt. The Rizuga’s scales rattled from the shock as she turned to face me, lips pulled back in a furious snarl, showing me all her teeth.

I watched as the human’s eyes widened in surprise as he took me in. His knife wavered slightly in his grip. He took a step back, uncertainty flickering across his face.

“That’s a Fajīkirin. Don’t worry, human—they don’t eat meat,” I told the human, trying to reassure him.

I pulled my eyes away from the Rizuga to look at the man before me. I met his dark brown eyes, and suddenly, they were all I could see. I watched his pupils widen to adjust to the shadows I was standing in, eating up the beautiful color that held my gaze. The world seemed to stop for a second. Sound faded until all I could hear was the blood whooshing in my ears from my heart beating in my chest, the blood pumping faster through my veins.

I wanted to reach out to him, my fingers twitching to wrap protectively around him, to show him that he didn’t have to be afraid, but I couldn’t. I just stood there stunned, with a stupid smile on my face.

His eyes were locked on me, wide and unblinking. There was an innocence in his gaze that stirred something deep within me.

Warmth filled my body. My mind hummed with energy as the world clicked into place. My cock hardened in seconds and slid out of my slit. The feeling brought me back to my body. I stood there with a frozen smile plastered on my face as my mind imprinted on a new Keala.

Congratulations, Merrick.

I couldn’t tear my eyes from him even as I watched him lunge forward to grab hold of Rizuga’s collar, which was a stupid move. Rizugae were immensely strong. It would have pulled him right off his feet if it had wanted to move forward and attack me.

But the creature did not charge. Instead, its vibrant scales shimmered in the sunlight as it assessed me, eyes glinting with an intelligence that made me feel almost as if I were under a microscope. The same way all the Rizugea with Arya had always made me feel.

What are you waiting for, Merrick? Reassure him. Talk to him. Do fucking something. Lirien’s voice came again, but it was more frantic. Don’t just stare at him like a lunatic .

“I mean you no harm, human.” I watched his eyes scan my body.

Oh gods, this is just like when we first got together. It was painful then, and it’s worse now. You’re worse at this now. How is this even possible?

The Rizuga’s growling voice made it known that they were a threat. If I had to guess, she was a kit, just a few years old. Then my mind was back on the man in front of me.

“I won’t harm your human friend, Rizuga,” I reassured the giant creature. I wouldn’t dare go against her. I was fast, but with one swipe of those claws, she could gut me if I wasn’t careful. She had no idea the man before me was my Keala and would protect her bonded to her last breath. It was in her nature. “And she would never let me hurt you, little human.” I watched his face sour.

Merrick, come on. You can’t be this bad at this. You’ve done this before. You’ve had a Keala. Come on, love. Lirien scolded me in my head. I could almost imagine him with his face in his hands. I could feel my throat bob as I tried to swallow the saliva that filled my mouth.

I knew this feeling. I knew what it meant. What it was like to imprint on another, but I didn’t know how to react to the human. He also didn’t seem to be responding the same way that my people would have. He should be happy right now. Instead, he was scowling at me. He should be setting down that weapon and coming over to greet me.

I tried to smile at him again, but as his eyes were drawn to my mouth, I saw the fear in them. He took a step away, pulling the Rizuga back. Remembering my pointed teeth, I closed my mouth, forgetting that humans found my species somewhat disturbing.

Humans don’t imprint with one another, remember? They build bonds. They choose to be mates. Haven’t you learned anything from Elex and Peter?

I watched as the human’s hazel eyes darted between me and the Fajīkirin, uncertainty etched deep into his sun-kissed face. His grip on the Rizuga’s collar tightened, and his knuckles turned white with tension.

“What’s your name?” he asked me. His voice sent a shiver down my spine, drawing me back to him. I needed to make him feel comfortable with me.

“I am Merrick, and who might you be?” and I found I really wanted to know. Fates, did I want to know the name of the man who now held my heart, who made my blood stir for the first time in ten years.

“We’re sorry, Merrick. We didn’t mean to trespass on your territory,” he said, ignoring my question. I saw a bead of sweat run down his face. “We will leave.”

I cocked my head to the side. Was he nervous?

Of course, he is nervous. I doubt he has seen many of our kind.

“You don’t need to leave. This isn’t my land; I don’t have a problem with you being here. I was merely curious about you,’’ I tried to explain, though I didn’t think he would have liked it if I told him I had been following him for the last hour.

“What is your name, human?” I felt guilty for wanting to know when Lirien’s voice filtered through my mind.

There is no guilt in this, Merrick. Embrace it. You need him. You don’t need me anymore.

“We are just here looking for supplies,” he told me, ignoring my question. His eyes were hard. He would fight me if he had to, but I would never be able to hurt him. “Not looking for friends.”

I looked him over again, noting the short knife in a loose grasp at his side, but I didn’t see any other weapons. My heart beat faster with nervous energy. I knew the creatures that lurked in this city.

“You came into an abandoned city,” I asked. “With just a knife?” I gestured towards it. Worry for the man before me starting to gnaw at my insides. “Do you know what lives here?” There was no way this human would have ventured into a city with no weapons if he had.

“We can handle ourselves just fine, asshole,” he spat back at me.

I blinked before tilting my head in confusion. I had no idea what I had done to make him so hostile.

You insulted him, Merrick. You made it seem like he was stupid and couldn’t defend himself. How are you this bad at this? Lirien’s voice sounded more irritated.

Before I could fix my mistake, the man spoke again.

“If you’re not going to try to eat us, we’re leaving,” he said before turning on his heel and pulling the Rizuga with him. She followed with just a second of hesitation. His statement also confused me. Why would I want to eat him? Would he have stayed if I had said I would eat him? I was so confused.

Merrick, what are you doing? Get the fuck out of your head. Go after him! Don’t let him leave. Lirien’s angry tone screamed through my mind again.

What did Lirien want from me? It wasn’t like I could force the human to stay here.

Of course, you can. You’re bigger than him. Make him stay. Pin him down.

“That would be wrong,” I spoke out loud but moved to watch the human walk away, leaning against a pillar to watch him leave. His face turned to look at me back over his shoulder, and I again got lost in his rich brown eyes. “And the Rizuga would probably eat me.”

You can’t just let a bond mate walk away from you.

“What choice do I have?” I turned my head and looked at Lirien, who was staring at me with anger etched on his features, hands on his hips, and tail lashing. Maybe it was better that I let him walk away. I had failed one Keala.

If you let him walk away, he will die in this city, and you will have broken your vow to me again. Lirien snarled, hands on his hips, eyes holding so much fire that it made my chest hurt. I was so tired of staying here with the memories of Lirien, but could I chase the Keala who could heal my heart?

“I never… ” I started to reply, but Lirien’s snarly voice cut off my thoughts.

You did—that day in the flower fields. You promised me that you would find another if something happened to me. You swore to me, Merrick.

“I didn’t think I would lose you when I made that promise.” I looked over, and he just stood there, slack-jawed and tail whipping around his body in his fury. “You can’t hold me to it.”

I can and I will. The old Merrick wouldn’t have even dared to break his vow.

“What choice do I have?” I told my dead Keala. My eyes were drawn back to the man walking away. My heart felt so heavy. I was being pulled in an impossible direction. Stay with the memories of the man who I had loved so deeply or take a chance on someone who could heal the cuts that still bled.

Then, Lirien changed tactics. Instead of attacking my honor, he made me feel bad for the man and spoke all my fears out loud.

Look at him, Merrick. Humans are small. They are fragile. We have seen what the creatures from our world can do to them. They are defenseless—no natural protection. If you don’t protect him, he will die here. That knife isn’t going to be enough if he runs into trouble. You know it, and I know it. You would never have left me to defend myself. You would leave him?

“He has the Rizuga, Lirien. He will be fine.” Even as the words left my mouth, they felt wrong. I itched to run up next to him to ensure he was safe, but was I betraying Lirien by going after the human?

That’s not the Merrick I knew. You would have never left my safety to chance. Lirien said in my mind. He was right. I would never have let Lirien go off where there was possible danger.

“I already told you, Lirien. You took him with you.” Even though my heart wanted me to run after the man, my feet remained rooted on the cement ground where I stood.

If you let this opportunity pass you by, you will bring shame to our memory. We promised each other, Merrick, that if anything happened to one of us, we would move on. Don’t go back on your word now.

“I love you both so much, Lirien.” My hands balled up, my claws biting into my palms. "How can you ask this of me?”

There was a pause that made me look up at Lirien. Tears now shimmered on his blue-scaled cheeks. He was so upset with me. Hands balled into fists. He looked like he was about to hit me, and I couldn’t blame him. I would have been so angry with him if those words had left his mouth. The anger poured off his memory. I couldn’t stand the look of disappointment on his face, so I tore my eyes from his and looked back at the human, getting farther away.

And we love you. So much. I love you and know you loved me, but you deserve every bit of this peace. You’ve given up so much. Please don’t let him walk away. Please don’t let another thing pass you by. I need you to let me go and be happy again. I need you to set yourself free of this guilt. Don’t make me beat your ass.

I felt hands push me forward, making me stumble a few steps. I looked behind me to find that Lirien leaned against the cement pillar where I had just stood. His arms crossed, and he smiled.

Go.

Before I could make another argument, my feet were moving on their own as if I were drawn to the human by an invisible string. My legs pumped as I jogged to catch up with the man who was my new Keala.

“What… are you doing?” the human asked as I stopped, taking my place at his side, my gaze flicking to the knife at his side and then back to the path ahead. There was a tense silence, and I could feel him watching me intently. I steeled myself against the prickling sensation of his eyes on my skin, pushing down any concerns I had once had. Lirien was right. It was time I lived again. He had pushed me to move forward. I could do this. I could move on. I had to keep my word because he wouldn’t let me live any other way.

“I’m coming with you,” I smiled before looking over my shoulder. Lirien leaned against the pillar that I had just been standing against, tears running down his face, a massive smile on his lips, head tilted to the side, one hand over his heart before he raised his other dark blue tinted scaly hand to wave a final farewell at me. My eyes filled with silent tears.

I nodded, a single tear trailing down my cheek that I brushed away quickly before returning my attention to the path ahead. The human beside me was silent momentarily, eyes wide with surprise.

“What?” the human said. His voice came out high and broke at the end of the word. The sound drew my attention back to him as I blinked away the tears and gave him a genuine smile. I could see the fury in his eyes that I would dare just invite myself alone with them. His Rizuga companion bumped her head against my hand, begging for pats, which I gave with enthusiasm. “No, you’re not,” he argued, his fists balled up at his side.

Taking Lirien’s last advice, I smiled down arrogantly at the smaller man. “You can’t stop me, human.”