Chapter 20
Look, it’s not easy to have a Serious Relationship Announcement in a house full of idiots.
It’s been fourteen days since the park. Fourteen days since Miles threw punches and Reid kicked a guy’s ribs in.
The doll’s been retired. Not permanently—they made that clear—but no more parks, no more strangers, no more cruising for random guys to use me. That was Grant’s call, actually. He brought it up at breakfast two days after The Incident, coffee in hand, still in his boxers.
“No more randos,” he said. “Someone else shows up thinking they can put hands on Kit like that, next time Miles might actually kill someone.”
Miles was at the table, not looking up. His knuckles were still bandaged.
“I wouldn’t kill anyone.”
“You would,” Reid countered from his seat. “I’d help.”
They looked at each other, and shared a ‘hell, yeah, we would’ look.
Always weird to see them agreeing to things.
Now it’s Sunday morning.
I’m sandwiched between Miles and Reid on the couch.
One of my legs is draped over Reid’s lap while Miles has his arm across the back of the couch, his fingers playing with the hairs at my nape.
We’ve been doing this for two weeks now.
This quiet version of a relationship. Just them, me, and the weird little domestic bubble we’ve built.
But Grant’s been making this face more and more lately, like he knows. Finn’s been opening his mouth to say something, and then closing it. I think he knows too.
So yeah. Time to rip the band-aid off.
“We’re together,” I announce suddenly. “Reid, Miles and I are together.”
The living room goes quiet for exactly one and a half seconds.
Then Finn explodes.
“I knew it!” He launches off the other couch. “I fucking knew it! Grant you owe me twenty bucks! I told you. I said—”
“When did I even bet against you?” Grant says from the recliner. He’s got his coffee mug in one hand and his phone in the other. He looks like he wants to throw them both at Finn. “I said it was obvious.”
Walker is just staring at us with his mouth slightly open. He’s holding a Pop-Tart halfway to his face—unfrosted, because he’s a psychopath.
“Hold on,” he says slowly. “Hold the entire fuck on. You’re telling me that for the past two weeks you were banging these two dipshits and you didn’t think to include me?”
Miles raises one eyebrow. “Dude, we’re telling you we’re together. As in boyfriends.”
“Yeah?!” Walker says like ‘duh?’ “I feel like I should be Kit’s boyfriend at this point too.”
Grant chokes on his coffee.
Finn makes a sound like a deflating balloon, and sits down again.
“Walker,” I say, because I don’t really know what else to say. “Buddy. Pal. My guy.”
“I’m serious.”
“You don’t even like men.”
“Well, I like you and you’re a man.” He takes a bite of his Pop-Tart and continues with his mouth full, “That has to be worth something.”
“That’s not how sexuality works,” Reid explains, gently.
“Okay, but hear me out. If I only want to fuck Kit, and Kit is a guy, does that make me gay? Or does it make me Kit-sexual?”
“Oh my God,” Finn whispers.
“I’m asking a legitimate question about the nature of attraction and identity here, bro,” Walker gestures at me with his Pop-Tart crust. “Because here’s the thing. I love using the doll’s dildo in my ass, too. Love it. But I don’t think that makes me gay.”
Silence.
Then Finn asks the important question. “What the fuck is the doll dildo?”
“You know,” Miles says, nodding toward my crotch. “The dildo.”
I can’t help but smirk and spread my legs wider so they can all admire the dildo in question.
“Bro! What the fuck?!” Finn stands up just to make sure he’s expressing himself fully. He does that when he’s genuinely shocked. “Are you telling us you’ve been pegging yourself with the doll’s… dildo?”
“It’s a very good dildo, man. I’m not ashamed.” Walker crosses his arms. “But just because I like getting my ass absolutely wrecked by it doesn’t mean I see myself as gay.”
“That doesn’t make you gay,” Miles says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Sexuality isn’t about what you do with your body, it’s about who you’re attracted to.”
“Okay, so then I’m not gay because I’m mostly attracted to women.”
“That’s right.”
“But I also think Reid is hot.”
Reid stares at him.
“Objectively,” Walker adds quickly. “Like, objectively hot. I’m not trying to date you.”
“Thank God,” Reid says.
“Does that make me bi?”
“Walker,” Grant says, very serious. “Do you want to kiss Kit?”
“I mean. Yeah. He’s my boyfriend.”
I snort.
“Do you want to kiss Miles?” Grant asks, still very seriously, which I think it’s a total superpower.
Walker looks at Miles. Miles stares back.
“No,” Walker says finally. “Miles has pretty privilege, but he’s also terrifying and I feel like he’d judge my form.”
That’s fair.
“Yeah, I think you’re bi,” Grant decides. “Or you’re straight and you just think some guys look hot. It’s a spectrum for all I know.”
Walker considers this. “Okay. Yeah. I’m bi.” He bites his tart again. “And I’m Kit’s boyfriend.”
“You’re not,” Reid says.
“Yet.”
Grant snorts, then turns to me. “This is your boyfriend now too, apparently. Congratulations, bro.”
“Thanks?” I say, and then I laugh when Reid glares at me.
Finn has recovered from his shock and is now sitting cross-legged on the floor. “This is the best day of my life.”
“Okay,” I say, because I need to regain control of this situation before it achieves orbit. “First of all, Walker. You’re not my boyfriend.”
Walker’s face falls so dramatically I almost feel bad.
“Yet,” I add, because I’m weak and he looks like a kicked golden retriever.
His face lights up again. “A chance is a chance.”
“We’ll talk about it later when you’ve figured out if you actually want to be with a man or if you just like to bottom.”
“Wait,” Finn says. He points at me. “Are you bi?”
“Yeah.”
He points at Miles. “Are you bi?”
“Yeah.”
He points at Reid. “Bi?”
“Gay,” Reid says.
Everyone turns to look at Reid. I do too because that’s news to me.
“Since when?” I ask.
“Since always.”
“Since always?”
“I’ve been gay my entire life, yes.”
“Bro—!” Finn is audibly delighted. “You’ve never said that. You’ve never said anything about it.”
“I didn’t think it required an announcement.”
“It kind of does!”
“I’m gay,” Reid says flatly. “There. Announced.”
“Holy shit,” Finn says, holding his head and looking like a complete maniac. “The house is queer.”
“Wait, so you’re gay.” Walker gapes at Reid.
“I just said—”
“So you like guys?”
“That’s what gay means.”
“So when I said I thought you were hot—”
“Walker, I swear to God!”
“That means something different now.”
“It doesn’t.”
“You could theoretically be into me.”
“I’m not.”
“But theoretically—”
“Walker. I’m not into you.”
“Yet.”
Yes, this is better than any sitcom.
Finn rises to his feet again. “Okay, wait guys. The most important thing here is that Miles is queer.”
“How is that important?” I ask quickly because I’m having a lot of fun right now. Fuck, I wish I had popped some popcorn.
“He’s the least queer-coded guy I’ve ever met, and I hang with Walker’s gym bros,” he says, grinning wide. “There’s no way you’ll survive a pride parade dressing like that, man. You’ll get kicked out.”
“I’ve been to pride many times,” Miles says.
“Where? In your head?”
“No, dickhead. In Chicago. Multiple times.”
“Why?”
Miles looks at him like he’s completely convinced Finn just lost his last remaining brain cell.
Then he looks around the room and realizes the rest of the house is wearing the exact same blank expression.
Rolling his eyes, he pulls out his phone, scrolls for a second, and flips the screen toward us.
The photo shows him smiling between two women. One is a tall Asian woman who looks exactly like him, with high cheekbones, dark hair, and a little smirk. The other is shorter, with curly hair and a big smile, her arm wrapped tight around Miles’ waist.
“My moms,” Miles says. “And my little sister. She’s taking the photo.”
The room goes dead silent again.
I’m learning a ton of wild shit today.
“Your moms?” Grant says slowly.
“Yeah.”
“Like... your parents?”
“Yeah.”
“Both of them?”
“Yeah.”
Finn leans forward. “You have two moms? How the fuck did you never mention that?”
“I’ve told you! Multiple times.”
“I would’ve remembered that!”
“I even have a family photo on my desk! You’re my roommate, dude.”
Walker squints at the screen. “Not gonna lie, bro. I thought that was your girlfriend from back home. The shorter one.”
Miles stares at him. “You thought my mom was my girlfriend?”
“She looks young!”
“She’s forty-eight.”
Finn cackles. “You thought Miles was hooking up with a tiny MILF?”
“I mean, I would.”
Miles throws his phone at Walker, who barely dodges in time. “She’s my mother!”
“Okay, and? She’s still hot. No offense.”
“Guys!” Grant rubs his temples. “Can we finish the original announcement?”
“Right. My bad.” I sit up straighter. “So. Miles, Reid, and me. We’re officially dating.”
“So the doll is just... for them now?”
“The doll,” I say, loving how we’ve all accepted this nickname, “is operating under new rules from now on.”
Grant leans forward. “What kind of rules?”
“First,” Reid says. “The doll will be used only in controlled environments. Only with people we know and trust.”
“No more strangers,” Miles explains.
“Second. Anyone in this house who wants a turn gets tested every two months. Zero exceptions.”
Finn raises his hand. “Do I have to get tested? I’m not even fucking anyone else.”
“You’ll still be using the doll,” Reid says. “You’ll be exposed to the same things.”
“Fair.”
“Third,” Reid continues, and looks pointedly at Walker. “No more standby mode.”
“What?” Walker’s head snaps up. “No way. That was the best part.”
“We decided the nights belong to us,” I say quietly, for some reason feeling a little shy. “They’re for Kit, not the doll.”
Walker’s expression softens at that. “Yeah. Okay. It won’t change much anyway. Since I’m your boyfriend.”
“We haven’t agreed to that yet.”
“I’m wearing you down, babe. I play the long game.”
Grant looks over at me with pure pity. “Bro, you’ve created a monster.”
“I didn’t create anything. He came like this.”
“Anyway,” Finn says, clapping his hands together. “Now that we’ve established that Walker wants to be Kit’s bottom boyfriend, can we address the elephant in the room? The fact that Reid and Miles are completely fine sharing a boyfriend?”
Miles tilts his head. “Why wouldn’t we be?”
“Because most people aren’t okay with that?”
“We aren’t most people,” Reid says.
And that’s the bottom line.
We’re not most people. I’m definitely not most people, and the fact that Miles and Reid are completely on board with that is insane. How lucky can a guy be? I feel like I really hit the jackpot finding people who accept me with all the flaws and freakiness.
“Okay,” Finn says slowly. “But like. How does it work? Do you have a schedule? Do you fight over who gets Kit on Tuesdays? Is there another app?”
I laugh despite myself. “No app.”
“So what are the rules for you guys?” Grant asks, looking genuinely curious. “Are you two actually cool with sharing, or are you just playing along because it’s what Kit wants?”
Miles and Reid look at each other. They’ve been doing that constantly lately—this whole silent conversation thing that makes me feel like I’m dating twins, and every time it happens I feel one step closer to buying them matching outfits.
“It’s Kit’s choice,” Miles says finally. “Not ours. He decides what he wants.”
“And what if he decides he wants a piece of Walker too?” Finn pushes, with a grin. He’s an asshole like that.
“Then we talk about it.” Reid’s voice is steady, but I catch the vein on his jaw doing the thing. “Like adults.”
Grant finishes his coffee, and looks at me with actual warmth underneath all that gruff exterior. “For what it’s worth, I’m happy for all three of you. Even if you’re all complete dumbasses.”
I feel the last bit of tension completely leave my chest.
“Appreciate it, bro.”
“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get sappy.”
Finn scrambles off the floor and straight-up launches his body at the couch, landing half across my lap and half over Reid’s chest.
“Group hug, bitches! I’m so fucking happy! This is officially the greatest moment in the house’s history!”
“Get the fuck off me,” Reid grunts, but he doesn’t actually shove him off.
Miles is practically beaming. I realize how much I love seeing Miles smile. He’s happy. We’re happy.
And then Walker says, “So can I be Kit’s boyfriend now or what?”
“No,” Reid says.
“Tomorrow?”
“Dude.”
“Wednesday?”
I throw a pillow at his face. He catches it and grins.
This is my reality now, I guess. Three boyfriends. Two of them actual boyfriends, one of them a human golden retriever with boundary issues. A house full of idiots who somehow became family. And a doll nickname that I’m going to take to my grave.
I wouldn’t change a thing.