Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Felix looks down at me, and all I can do is stare back, uncertain of what happens now.
I’ve never initiated with them before. I’m not even entirely sure that’s what I was doing when I kissed him, at least not consciously. But the way he’s looking at me, all I want now is to kiss him again, properly, and more.
Felix very carefully places the bookmark between the pages and sets the book down on the side table. Then he hooks a finger under my chin and brings my lips back to his for a kiss.
It starts sweet and gentle, but it’s been a long day and we’re only halfway through it.
I can’t imagine how stressful it’s been for them as competitors.
Meeting and sitting with their parents has been challenging enough for me, and I’m sure it’s nowhere near the amount of pressure they feel. This is the release we need.
Shifting up onto my knees, I swing one leg over Felix’s lap so I’m straddling him.
This is a much easier way to kiss, and now my hands can be involved too.
They slide right into his hair of their own accord.
I love how silky it is, and that he is allowing me to touch him.
I’m still learning all of this and I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing, but based on the rapidly-hardening cock twitching beneath me, I think I might be doing okay.
I pull back to look in Felix’s eyes. They’re dark and appreciative, but he doesn’t reach out to bring me back in for another kiss. My eyes slide to Lukas, who is still quietly sitting on the other side of the bed, watching.
Last night, I was touched by both Sebastian and Elliot at the same time. What would it feel like to be touched by Lukas and Felix at the same time too?
But if I want that, I think I’m going to have to ask for it. Especially with the way Lukas is sitting so far away and not taking any initiative.
I trail my hands down from Felix’s hair to rest on the lightning bolt slashing across his red shirt. “Lukas, do you want to come closer?”
Without a word, Lukas shifts closer on the bed so he’s leaning against the headboard right next to Felix, their shoulders touching.
I hesitate, my previous boldness fading. It’s scary to say, out loud, that I want this. I want two of them. At the same time.
Gathering my courage, I drop my left hand to the top of Lukas’s thigh. I’m not brave enough to rest it on the bulge in his pants, but I get as close as I dare.
“You can touch me,” says Lukas, apparently reading my mind. He moves my hand from his thigh to place it on his growing erection. “I won’t bite unless you want me too.”
Surely he’s kidding. But he winks and smiles before releasing my hand, allowing me to move away if I want.
Glancing back over to Felix, I inch my fingers over Lukas’s groin and slowly undo his pants. I have to use both hands, and the zipper is loud in the otherwise silent room, but neither of the guys stop me. I glance back at Felix, who just smiles and rests his hands on my own thighs.
So this is happening. I’m really doing this. Of my own accord and by my own initiative.
Lukas lifts his hips slightly to allow me to reach into his boxers and tug them down in the front.
His cock springs free and I wrap my fingers around it.
It’s a little girthier than Elliot’s or Sebastian’s, but not quite as long.
Bringing my gaze up to Lukas’s, I keep my eyes on his as I slowly lick my palm before wrapping my fingers around him again and giving his cock a gentle, testing stroke.
“Look at you, being so brave,” he says, leaning over to capture my lips in a searing kiss.
“Such a good girl,” agrees Felix, his hands moving to my waist and sliding me forward and back on his lap, right along the length of his cock, still tucked into his own pants.
“Thank you,” I murmur against Lukas’s lips. The praise makes my chest expand with warmth.
I take advantage of the pause to switch back to kissing Felix. I don’t think I have a favorite of these guys to kiss, they’re all good, but different from one another. Lukas is teasing me with little nibbles, but Felix is being soft and sweet.
I maintain the rhythm of my hips moving against Felix as he slides his hands up under my sweater to palm my breasts.
“You’re so gorgeous,” he murmurs, slipping his thumbs beneath the top of my tank to flick over my hardening nipples. One of the perks of having small breasts during sweater weather is not having to wear a bra, and I’m immensely grateful to past me for not bothering with one this morning. “So soft.”
“Do you want to fuck me?” As soon as the words leave my lips, I freeze. My hand stills on Lukas’s cock, flying up to cover my mouth. I can’t believe I just said that.
Felix, too, is frozen. Can I take the words back?
Rewind time and unsay them? I mean, we all know that’s where this little list project is going to end up eventually, so it’s not like I want to take it back forever, but Felix isn’t saying anything and they’re all looking at me and suddenly all my bravado from a few moments ago with Lukas is gone, and all I want is to disappear into a hole and never come out.
I shift to climb off Felix’s lap. I might not be able to take the words back, but I can definitely go hide somewhere until they leave for their next competition event. It’s not a plan, exactly, but it’s all I’ve got right now.
“Wait,” says Felix, snapping out of his stupor to grab my waist and stop me from climbing off the bed. “Where are you going?”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, not meeting his eye. My face is hot and tears of embarrassment are stinging the backs of my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
“You can always ask us questions,” Felix tells me, dipping his head to try to catch my eye.
“But if you ask something,” says Lukas, taking one of my hands in both of his, “you have to wait for an answer.”
“You froze,” I mumble, still not able to make myself look up. “You didn’t say anything.”
“Your question surprised me,” says Felix, rubbing his thumbs up and down along the sides of my stomach. “That’s all.”
“And if he’s not interested,” adds Lukas, “I am.”
“You are?” This is what finally makes me look at them, my eyes snapping up to meet Lukas’s green ones. Is he just saying that to make me feel better? He’s never lied before that I’ve seen, so he must mean it.
“Of course,” says Lukas, moving to sit behind me, straddling Felix’s shins, and wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “We want to help you cross every item off your list. We just didn’t have it on the schedule for this weekend, so we weren’t expecting you to be ready for it so soon.”
“But it’s the main thing on my list,” I counter.
It feels like they’ve been inching me along, and I’m not sure how long I’m going to be in their lives.
They graduate in a couple of months. That’s plenty of time to tackle the smaller items, and believe me, I want to check off as many of those as possible with these guys, but that’s the big one and I’m ready.
“Don’t you want to ease into it instead? Small steps to the big goal?” Lukas nuzzles kisses along the side of my neck.
“It’s like finishing the biggest part of the project before knocking out the extra credit,” I tell him.
Besides, I’ve already grown more attached to them in the past few weeks than I ever intended.
The sweeter they are, the more chance I have of falling for them.
And I can’t do that. I need to protect myself.
That’s the whole reason I agreed to this whole thing in the first place.
“We still have another event this afternoon,” says Felix, bringing my attention back to him. “We wouldn’t be able to stay in bed the rest of the day cuddling with you.”
Sebastian and Elliot have been quiet this entire time, but now Sebastian speaks up. “It wouldn’t be fair to you, to do that and then have to go back downstairs right away,” he says, shaking his head.
“We want to be able to make sure you feel cared for after.” Elliot’s face is so earnest, I consider caving, but now that my embarrassment has abated, I’m back to feeling like I want to take charge and get my way.
“How about a compromise?” I ask, rolling my hips so I grind against the bulge in Felix’s pants. I’m not playing fair, but I also don’t care. “What if we do it now, even though you can’t stay after, but then we also do it later and you can take care of me afterward as much as you want?”
Felix groans and grabs my hips to stop the motion. “So your compromise is that we get laid twice instead of once?”
“Yep.”
“And there is absolutely no way we can talk you into just waiting until tonight so we can make you feel as special as you are?” His fingers tighten on my hips when I try to rock against him again.
“Absolutely none.” I’ve made my choice, and I’m determined to go through with it. I’m also horny enough that I don’t care about cuddling after, I just need an orgasm.
“Okay,” says Felix, dropping his hands to his sides, freeing me, and his head back onto the headboard. “I guess we’ll fuck you twice today then.”
“Really?” I hadn’t thought they would give in this easily. I lean forward and press my lips to his, the kiss quickly becoming greedy. When I pull back, I’m breathless. “Thank you.”
Felix chuckles, pulling me toward him so our foreheads are touching. “You’re welcome,” he says, his voice soft. “Do you know who you want to be your first?”
“I have to make that decision?” I’d assumed they would have decided this already since they’d planned out everything else between us. Shouldn’t the calendar already have this information? Even if we’re moving it ahead by a few days?
“Of course. It’s a big decision,” says Elliot. “If that means you don’t want to do it today, that’s okay. You can have a few days to think about it, if you want.”
“Maybe next weekend we can sit down and talk about it,” agrees Sebastian.