Chapter Thirteen
Brock
Zeph and I had been dating for a few months, but the amount of time we spent together in the same room was nowhere near what it should have been. Work still consumed my life, and, while Zeph was really patient, I still felt bad about it. It was unfair to him.
I tried to call or video chat with him often, but it wasn’t the same as spending time together. We managed a long lunch here or there and a few quick dinners before getting back to work when we could. It was far from ideal.
The few times I was free and we were able to get together, I was exhausted.
Zeph, being amazing, instead of letting me feel guilty about it, dropped me off on the earlier side with a kiss, making me promise I would get some sleep.
I appreciated it, but I wanted more than a short date and a whole lot more than a kiss.
One morning, after waking up from a dream where he stopped seeing me because he thought I was not interested and making excuses, I logged in to work and put in for a couple of days off.
That wasn’t a first. But what was, was me refusing to take it back when requested.
I bookended my weekend, turning it intoa four-day break, and invited Daddy Zeph over to play.
That Friday, I spent the day cleaning. Zeph would’ve been fine with the way it was, but I wanted some semblance of order during our daddy/little time. That was selfishness on my part more than being a good host. I didn’t want to have him stop our playtime because he couldn’t find something.
I’d forgotten how good it felt to get organized again.
There were still piles of clutter—there always would be—such as mail I still had to go through, books I was at various stages of reading, that kind of thing.
But the place looked really good when I went to bed that night, and I was kicking myself for not tackling the task earlier.
The next morning, I got up early and went to the grocery store to stock up on little foods I liked. We hadn’t discussed these details, and I wanted things to be as easy for Zeph as they could be. I got dressed and set out my little plates, cups, bottles, toys, all of it, so it was easy to find.
Then came the hardest part—the waiting. We’d planned on having lunch together and then playing. Why did lunch feel so far away? Finally, there was a knock at my door. He was here.
When I opened it, he had a bag of takeout in one hand and a gift bag in the other.
“Come in.” I kissed his cheek, unsure if I was being too forward. His reassuring smile let me know I’d made the right call.
“I brought food, and this is for you.” He handed me the gift bag.
“Can I open it now?”
“Nope. That’s for later. Eat first. If you’re a good boy, you’ll get it afterward.”
He set it down on the kitchen counter and saw the little plates I’d laid out.
“Mm-hmm. Should we get you dressed first?”
I was still wearing my jeans and T-shirt, or so it looked. I wanted to be prepared for playing right away but also not make him uncomfortable if he wanted to ease into things.
“I am. I’m secret dressed.” I pulled off my shirt, exposing my onesie with the astronaut embroidered on the front and center, and then took off my jeans. Underneath, I had short shorts on and knee-high socks you wouldn’t be able to see until the jeans were gone.
I loved that Zeph didn’t mind when I talked little.
“Aren’t you a clever boy?” He plated up the food, his on a normal plate, mine on a little one, and we sat down at the table and talked about expectations for the day as we ate.
The food wasn’t particularly little, but nothing about my meal shouted fancy gourmet grown-up food either.
I devoured the chicken fingers and fries with ketchup because, yeah, I drowned them in the ketchup.
We talked about what we liked and didn’t like when it came to playing in this setting.
We’d only ever played at Chained, and Daddy Zeph was new to being a daddy.
It was important to both of us that we laid it all out there.
He was really easy to talk to, and not once did I feel embarrassed about anything, not even when he had to wipe ketchup off my nose.
“That was really good, Daddy Zeph, and I ate all of it. Prezzy time?”
“Absolutely. Why don’t you go sit on the couch? I’m just gonna clean up the dishes first.”
My initial reaction was to tell him not to. He was the guest, right? But he was also Daddy Zeph, now. And if Daddy Zeph said he was doing the dishes, he was doing the dishes.
I stared at the gift bag, waiting for him to come in, and the second he did, I had that tissue paper pulled out.
“I think somebody’s excited about their present.”
“Me. I’m excited.” I reached in and pulled out a plastic bag filled with plastic stars. At first, I was confused what they were for. And then it hit me. “These go on your ceiling, and they glow at night!”
“They do, sweet boy. What do you think? Do you like them?”
“I like them much, much, much.” I took out the paper inside, happy to see they were also easy to remove and I wouldn’t have to worry about damage.
“Can we put them up now, Daddy Zeph?”
“No. I think that’s for another day because I’m gonna need a big helper for that.” He tapped my nose. “And I think someone needs to let their little energy get settled first. Why don’t you show me all the things you set up?”
“Yes, Daddy Zeph.” I grabbed his hand. It would be a while before the day when I could drop the Zeph and he could just be Daddy, but I didn’t want to push too hard.
“This is my rocket-ship puzzle. It’s magnets, and they stick only in the right way, so you always push it together the way it’s supposed to. And there’s a little man inside, but you have to pull the top off to get him out. There’s no door, but in real space, you wouldn’t want a door.”
I was babbling on, and he listened as if I was telling him the most important information. It was easy to just fall into that space where I could just be excited and not have to hide who I was.
“And these are my bricks. And they’re really fun, but they’re hard to get apart, so there’s this tool here.” I handed him the separator. “So, if we play with these, you might have to take some and make them back apart again so that I can build because I make mistakes a lot.”
“Are they mistakes, or do you just change your mind?” he asked.
“Both, Daddy Zeph. They’re both.”
We went all over the room. I showed him my books, my stuffies, my movie collection, which I kept on VHS despite them starting to deteriorate.
There was something about being able to just put them in and let them go and not having to change settings or find the right spot to begin that made them more fun when I was playing alone.
“And over here are my crafts, but I don’t have glitter here.
I like glitter too much.” Lesson learned there.
At my last place, I had to pay money when I moved out because the glitter never went away.
“I try to save the glitter for when I’m out.
But there’s lots of stickers in there and crayons and watercolors and markers that even erase, so if you make a mistake, you can make it over. ”
“Wow, you have a lot of amazing things. What should we start with first?”
I was bouncing up and down, so excited, already in the right headspace for the day.
And he must’ve seen it too because, immediately after asking me what we wanted to do, he took it back by saying, “You know what? I think my sweet boy needs a story because he’s got lots and lots of wiggles, and it might help calm him down before we get playing. ”
I grabbed my favorite book and handed it to him. “This one.”
“Okay, sweet boy. Let’s sit on the couch together and read this one.”
I snuggled into his side as he read me the story. And by the time we got to the last page, I was deeper in little space than I’d ever been before and was ready to play.