Chapter 7 #2
My chest constricted, each word piercing me like embedded shrapnel.
The kitchen light suddenly seemed too bright, the air too thin.
All of my carefully constructed defenses, and here I was bleeding out all over Quinn’s kitchen floor, the taste of copper flooding my mouth as I bit the inside of my cheek.
“You know what haunts me?” I stared into my glass, the amber liquid catching the light.
“That day. Thirteen years old, standing on Una’s porch, watching my father’s taillights disappear down that mountain road.
” My knuckles whitened around the glass.
“He couldn’t even look me in the eye when he left.
Just said, ‘You’ll understand someday,’ like that explained everything. ”
Quinn’s expression darkened. “A mate bond gone wrong can destroy a man.”
“It doesn’t give him the right to destroy his kid in the process,” Emmett muttered.
Emmett’s words lanced through me, opening wounds I thought had scarred over decades ago.
My throat closed, that familiar childhood helplessness washing over me, standing on Una’s porch, backpack clutched in white-knuckled fingers, watching the only parent I had left drive off without a backward glance.
“That’s why I walked away from her in Kenya,” I said, the confession scraping my throat raw.
“I saw her standing there, and all I could think was, what if I become him? What if I claim her, and then something happens and I just…” I swallowed hard, the Home-Brew suddenly bitter on my tongue.
“I couldn’t risk doing to her what he did to me. ”
The kitchen went dead silent. Jasper’s lips, usually curved in that cocky grin that made him irresistible to the Ridge’s female population, had flattened into a thin line. His eyes, normally dancing with mischief, had gone dark and still as he stared into his glass.
“So I convinced myself I was protecting her.” My laugh held no humor, just decades of regret crystallized into sound. “That I was saving her from a man who carried my father’s weakness in his blood. That she deserved better than someone who might destroy her—or be destroyed by loving her.”
But we were wrong, my wolf said through our mental link. We are not our father. Our fear has cost us time with our mate.
“The worst part?” I said, meeting Quinn’s knowing gaze, seeing understanding there that cut like a knife.
“I was a coward. I ran from the mate bond, convinced I was making a noble sacrifice, when really I was just terrified of becoming my father, of either hurting her or being destroyed by losing her.”
Suddenly, I was back in Kenya, the memory so vivid I could taste the dust in the air.
The hyena’s neck snapped with a sickening crack as I slammed into it mid-leap. My wolf’s satisfaction at the kill was immediate but short-lived as I turned toward the woman I’d just saved.
She stood with her back against an acacia tree, research notes scattered around her feet, her scent—sweet, spicy, uniquely female—hitting me like a physical blow. My wolf stilled completely for the first time in my life, recognition crashing into us both with the force of a lightning strike.
Mate.
The word resonated through every cell in my body as I shifted forms without conscious thought, bones cracking and reforming until I stood before her as a man. Naked. Vulnerable. Completely unprepared for the tidal wave of emotion crashing over me.
She was beautiful, all dark skin and fierce intelligence, her hazel eyes wide with a mixture of fear and something else. Something primal and knowing.
Her scent intensified, sweet notes of arousal cutting through the savanna heat. The bond between us flared to life, weaving invisible connections between my soul and hers.
“Fuck,” I growled, the word torn from somewhere deep and instinctive. “You’re my fated mate.”
My wolf surged forward, howling with joy and triumph. Mine. Ours. Finally. The perfect mate the universe had crafted just for us. My body responded instantly.
But as I stepped toward her, my father’s broken face flashed before my eyes, the hollowness after my mother died, the way the mate bond had destroyed him so completely he’d abandoned his own son.
The terror of that memory collided with the joy of finding my fated mate, creating a war inside me that tore me apart.
If I claimed her now, would I become him? Would I destroy her? Would I lose myself if I ever lost her?
“There is a probability of zero for encountering one’s fated mate in a random location,” she said.
“Apparently, fate doesn’t give a shit about probabilities,” I replied, moving closer despite the screaming in my head. Her scent was intoxicating, intelligence and strength and sweet female arousal wrapped in a package that called to everything primal in me.
“Jesus,” I breathed, inhaling deeply as her lust spiked. “I can smell your arousal.”
She lifted her chin with a defiance that made my wolf growl with approval. Strong. Perfect. Ours.
“You’re my fated mate,” she said simply. “Biology doesn’t lie, even when it’s inconvenient.”
My hand lifted of its own accord, fingers trembling as they hovered near her cheek. One touch. That’s all it would take to seal this connection. One touch, and she would be mine forever.
And I would be hers.
I didn’t even know her name. She didn’t know mine. We were strangers recognizing each other on the most primal level, yet we hadn’t exchanged the most basic information humans shared when they met.
I was about to reject a woman whose name I’d never asked for, whose life I knew nothing about, all because of a fear that gripped me tighter than any enemy ever had.
My father’s hollow eyes. His final words before he walked away. “I can’t do this without her. I can’t be half a person.”
Fear crashed through me with such force it stole my breath. Not fear of her, but fear of what claiming her would mean. Fear of the vulnerability it would create. Fear of becoming my father, either hurting her or being destroyed by losing her.
I jerked back like she’d burned me, forcing ice into my veins where fire had been raging moments before.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, the words like knives in my throat. “I won’t claim you.”
The shock and pain that flashed across her face nearly broke me. My wolf howled in protest, clawing at my insides, fighting to reclaim control. To take what was ours. But my human fear was stronger.
“What?” she asked, the word barely audible.
I turned away, each step physically painful, like walking on broken glass. My body screamed at me to turn back, to claim what the universe had given us.
“Find someone else,” I called over my shoulder, my voice cracking as the mate bond stretched between us, already beginning to fray with distance.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” she snarled. “You just told me I’m your fated mate, and now you’re walking away?”
Every instinct in my body demanded I turn back. Claim her. Make her ours. My wolf was in agony, fighting my control with everything he had.
“That’s right,” I forced myself to say, my voice hollow.
“No.” The word exploded from her. “Absolutely not. You don’t get to drop the fated mate bomb and then just leave.”
“Watch me,” I said without looking back, afraid that if I met her eyes again, my resolve would crumble.
“Wait!” she called, her voice breaking on the word.
Each step increased the physical pain tearing through my chest as the partially formed bond stretched and began to tear.
“At least tell me why!” she shouted after me. “You owe me that much!”
I kept walking, my body rigid with the effort of fighting my wolf’s desperate attempts to turn back. Ten paces away, I couldn’t resist anymore. I stopped, half turning to look at her one last time.
She stood framed against the acacia tree, beautiful and fierce even in her confusion and pain. For three heartbeats, I considered going back. Telling her everything. About my father. About my fears. About why I wasn’t worthy of a mate.
But pride and terror won out. I shifted forms before my resolve could weaken further, bones cracking and reforming as I dropped to all fours. My wolf form took over, and I ran into the tall grass, howling my grief to a sky that didn’t care.
I ran until my lungs burned and my paws bled, trying to outrun the terrible mistake I’d just made. The mate bond throbbed like an open wound, my wolf’s anguish a physical pain I couldn’t escape.
What have we done? my wolf moaned. We’ve lost her. We’ve lost everything.
“I would have destroyed us both slowly instead of quickly,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper as the memory faded. “And now I’m paying the price. In trying to avoid my father’s fate, I created a different kind of destruction for myself.”
“Fuck,” Rhett breathed, understanding dawning in his eyes.
“So when I met Rozi and recognized that she was my fated mate, all I could think about was my father’s broken face when he abandoned me,” I said. “All I could see was that same devastating bond forming between us, and I panicked.”
The pack exchanged glances, finally understanding the full scope of my guilt.
“I walked away from Rozi because I didn’t believe I deserved a mate,” I said. “Because I was terrified of becoming my father. Because I convinced myself I was protecting her from me.”
But now we know better, my inner wolf said. We understand what we were missing. What we need. What makes us whole. Rozi. Our fated mate.
The silence stretched between us, heavy with implications and unspoken accusations.
“Doesn’t matter now,” I said, downing another shot. “Rozi made it clear she wants nothing to do with me beyond professional necessity. She hates me.”
“She’s hurt because you rejected her,” Emmett said.
“There’s a difference between hatred and pain. What I saw tonight was pain,” Quinn replied.
“The pain I caused,” I replied.
We want to nuzzle her neck, my inner wolf said. To bring her fresh kills and curl around her while she sleeps, keep her safe and warm.