Chapter 11
Grayson
I’m halfway across town on the way to Halsey’s place when Maddox answers on the third ring.
“I kissed the fucking nanny.”
The silence hangs long enough for me to wonder if the connection’s shit. “Is that… bad?”
I stare through the windshield, gripping the wheel tighter. “Yes.”
Maddox snorts. Actually snorts. “I mean, depends how you look at it.”
“There is no angle where this looks good.”
“I can think of a few.”
Of course he can. It’s funny to him because it isn’t happening to him.
He’s not the one who laid down the rule.
He’s not the one who looked a woman in the eye, told her this arrangement would be serious, then folded into unprofessionalism the first time he was alone with her and she looked up at him like that.
“How bad?” he asks, amusement still thick in his voice.
I exhale hard through my nose. “Pool cover startled her. She jumped, grabbed onto me, and before I could make a single smart decision, I kissed her.”
Maddox lets out a low whistle. “Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“And she froze.”
That wipes some of the humor out of him. “Froze as in, surprised?”
“Froze as in, I kissed my employee and she looked like I’d confused the ever-living shit out of her.” My jaw tightens. “Then I made it worse.”
“How?”
I drag a hand over my mouth at a red light. “I told her it wouldn’t happen again. Told her I’d prefer to keep it professional.”
Maddox goes quiet for half a second, then barks out a laugh anyway. “Jesus Christ, Grayson.”
“Don’t.”
“You kissed her and then gave her an HR speech? Like she was the one who kissed you?”
“I was trying to contain the damage.”
“Bet you sounded like an asshole.”
I don’t answer.
“That means you did.”
I hit the indicator and turn onto Halsey’s street. “I didn’t have a better option.”
“You definitely did. Several, actually.”
“Helpful.”
Maddox sighs. “Just be one of those guys who fucks the nanny. There’s, like, entire porn categories for it, I think. It’s common.”
“She’s my employee, Mad.”
“Yeah, but it’s not like you have actual HR at home.”
“No, I don’t, but I do at work, where she also works.”
He hums, deeply unhelpful. “That is complicated.”
Complicated doesn’t begin to cover it.
I hired a designer who is too smart for my peace of mind and too fucking pretty for her own good, then somehow let the situation evolve until she’s also living in my house.
I’m responsible for her salary, her job, her living situation.
I’m the one who drew the hard line. I’m the one who said nothing could happen.
Then the first time we’re alone, I put my mouth on hers like I’ve lost all basic decency.
“How the hell am I supposed to avoid doing that again?” I mutter.
Maddox’s laugh comes back immediately. “Now we’re getting to the real issue.”
I pull up outside Halsey’s place and put the car in park. “There is no real issue. There is one issue, and it’s that I need to get my shit together.”
“You need to stop wanting to fuck your nanny.”
“I never said—” I cut myself off, cursing under my breath. “Fine. Yes. I want to fuck her, and you’re right, I need to stop wanting that.”
I look toward the townhouse. One of the downstairs lights is on. Penelope’s probably already by the door, coat half-zipped, shouting that my car is outside.
My chest tightens the way it always does before I deal with Halsey.
“I have to go.”
“More nanny issues?” Maddox croons.
I let out a humorless laugh. “Nah. Ex-wife.”
“Good fucking luck, Gray.”
The line clicks dead.
I sit there for one more second, hand still wrapped around the phone, and tell myself to lock it all down.
Whatever happened by the pool stays there.
Carly is Penelope’s nanny.
Carly is my employee.
Carly is off-limits.
No more mistakes.
I get out of the car and head for the front door.
Halsey opens it before I knock, like she’s been watching through the sidelight waiting for the exact moment she can make my evening worse.
She looks immaculate, of course. Cream sweater, bleached blonde hair glossy and pulled up in a bun, like she’s on her way to a date instead of handing off the child she’s supposed to be sharing custody of.
“Right on time,” she says.
I glance past her. “Where’s Pen?”
“In the living room, finishing a cartoon.” Her gaze slides over me, cool and assessing. “She told me there’s a new nanny.”
There it is. “Here we go.”
“How many does that make now?” she asks, leaning one shoulder against the doorframe. “You really do go through them.”
I keep my voice even because Penelope is somewhere inside and because Halsey enjoys any crack in my composure like it’s a personal goal of hers. “It’s harder to keep help when I need them as often as I do.”
Her mouth curves. “Poor you.”
“When only one parent actually follows the custody schedule, it tends to make planning childcare harder.”
Her expression changes by a fraction. Most people wouldn’t catch it. But I do. I know her too well, inside and out, spent too much of my life on her. “Don’t start acting like I’m some deadbeat because I have a life.”
A hot reply climbs up my throat. I force it back down. “Penelope needs consistency,” I say.
“And too many women cycling in and out of her daily life is consistency?” Halsey asks. “That can’t be good for her, Grayson. It’s confusing. I think other people would say the same.”
There’s a sweetness to the words that would fool anyone who hadn’t lived with her.
I know exactly what sits under them. A threat — the same threat she throws at me any chance she gets, disguised in words or shouted behind closed doors.
She loves dangling the idea of taking me to court over my head any chance she gets.
I can’t imagine it’s because she wants more time with Penelope. She probably just wants an even bigger cut of my money.
“She does have a new nanny,” I confirm carefully. “Carly is qualified, and she’ll be staying. I’ve fully vetted her and Pen loves her.”
Halsey’s eyes narrow almost imperceptibly. “Carly.”
I hate that I hear the satisfaction in her tone when she repeats the name, as if now she has something specific to file away and use later if the mood strikes.
“She seems to have made an impression,” she says.
Before I can answer, Penelope comes barreling around the corner in pink leggings and one sock, her coat hanging open and backpack half falling off one shoulder.
“Daddy!”
The word hits me square in the chest, and everything in me shifts on instinct.
I crouch before she can launch herself badly enough to knock us both over. She collides with me anyway, arms around my neck, warm and perfect and my entire heart in a very small body.
“Hey, bug,” I grin, zipping her coat the rest of the way before grabbing her shoes. She presents her feet one at a time for me to slip them on. “You ready?”
She nods enthusiastically. “I watched two episodes of Bluey and Mom let me have gummies.”
“Living large, huh?”
She beams.
I stand, taking her backpack from her, and keep my face neutral as I lock my eyes on Halsey. “She eaten real food or just gummies?”
“No. She was being picky. Told her she could just eat with you instead.”
Penelope is too busy telling me about a dog she saw out the window to notice the way my shoulders lock. “It’s almost bedtime, Hals.”
“Yeah, well, you didn’t warn me that she’s on a pizza kick and refuses to eat anything else.”
“You would know that if you just—” I cut myself off, taking a deep breath to keep from arguing in front of Pen. “I’ll handle it. Good night.”
Her smile is small, forced. “Good night, Gray. Bye, baby.”
By the time I’ve buckled Penny into the back seat and pulled away from the curb, my jaw aches from how hard I’ve been clenching it.
“Daddy?”
I glance in the rearview mirror.
Penelope is hugging her stuffed rabbit to her chest, watching me with those huge serious eyes that see more than they should.
“Yeah, princess?”
“Is Carly at home?”
I huff a breath that I try to make sound effortless. “Yeah, she is. But it’s a little late and she’s not working tonight. I’m sure she’d be happy to say hi, though.”
She hums to herself like she’s content with that. “I like Carly.”
I keep my eyes on the road, trying not to clench my jaw too hard. “Yeah?”
“She’s pretty,” Penelope says matter-of-factly. “And she talked to me like I’m big. Not like I’m a baby. I like that.”
A laugh almost gets out of me despite everything. “Yeah, you’ve always hated it when people baby-talk you.”
Penelope kicks her feet against the seat. “And she smelled nice.”
I tighten my grip on the wheel.
“She’s funny too,” Penelope adds. “Can she stay a long time?”
There’s a worry under the question that guts me. I know what she’s really asking. Is this one leaving too? Is this one another temporary person in the revolving door?
I look at her in the mirror again.
“Yes,” I say, and make my voice as certain as I can. “She’s staying.”
Penelope settles back with an approving nod like that answers everything that matters. Maybe for tonight, it does.
I turn my attention back to the road and stare through the sweep of headlights over dark pavement.
She’s staying. She has to stay. I owe it to Pen to not have someone else disappear, which means I don’t get to act like a man who can afford one more lapse in judgment.
No kissing Carly.
No thinking about fucking Carly.
No remembering the startled little sound she made when she grabbed onto me, the feel of her hands twisted in my sweater, the way her mouth felt under mine for that one brief, catastrophic second.
I exhale slowly and tighten my grip on the steering wheel.
Absolutely no fucking the nanny. Not when Penelope already likes her. Not when Carly needs this job. Not when I need her in two different roles I should never have combined in the first place.
I made this mess.
Now I get to lie in it without touching her again.