Chapter 90 #2
I just smiled and ran my hand up her thigh, brushing over—but not yet going under—her underwear. Her face gasped in pleasure.
“Have I answered your question?” I said right back.
It was like I had her on a yo-yo and I could command her to do whatever I wanted. Never mind that everything you just said was bullshit. Never mind that you actually were seeing someone else. Never mind that you’re not yet over that person.
And do you really think that Layla has moved on that quickly? She came back to you after everything with her uncle. Do you think she just snapped her fingers and said “that’s it?” Do you really think you wouldn’t get another chance if you tried to get it?
The voice in my head that I needed to go back to Layla wasn’t getting quieter the further I got with Sarah; it was actually getting louder. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I needed to take some time off and come back to Sarah if she came here in the summer.
But then Sarah came over and put her hand on my crotch, stiffening my cock in a matter of seconds, and those concerns went right out the window.
“Look,” I said. “I’m not a particularly patient gentleman.
I can be, but when I see opportunity, I believe in seizing it at all costs.
You and I, right now, are not going to be able to remain in these clothes even if we remain here.
You have the body of a goddess, and I must worship the goddess and give her the proper respect and prayers.
What’s say you and I bust out of here so that I can get on my knees and perform some rituals to show my worship? ”
The words were a little corny, but Sarah gobbled them up. I swore she looked like she was going to orgasm just from the way I spoke—I could have compared our inevitable sexual encounter to making yeast rise and she would have found it erotic and arousing.
“You are one dirty, naughty boy, Chance,” she said. “You are also one lucky fucker that I’m in some mood to fuck tonight.”
Holy shit! Now that’s a Sarah Hill I didn’t know existed!
“Let’s go,” she said. “I’ll leave cash—”
I already had her beat as soon as she said “let’s go.
” I threw a fifty dollar bill on the counter, grabbed her hand, and yanked her upstairs, ignoring the fact that my dick was bulging through my pants.
I had an Uber on the way, arriving in less than three minutes, which was three minutes too long.
I needed to be inside Sarah, and I needed to be inside her now.
If I didn’t have such respect for her and her stature in my life, I probably would have just fucked her in the bar bathroom.
As it was, when we got to the street, she leaned against me, purring, whispering all sorts of naughty, delightful things she was going to do to my body. I found myself…
Not really listening to her.
It was one thing to flirt, tease, and even kiss in a bar.
It was another to cross over the line, take her back to my place, and fuck her on the very couch that I had had sex with Layla on just days before—and then asked Layla to wait on her job so we could try and be together.
If I did this, if I fucked Sarah here and now, that was truly shutting the door forever on what Layla and I could be.
And while that door might have seemed shut for good after what happened this morning, I knew in my heart I could still get Layla back. I knew her too well—she wasn’t going to move on fully until she was in a new city, and even then…
But then Sarah reached up to kiss my lips, and I ignored all of those thoughts. There would be plenty of women after Layla, anyways. Sure, she would be a great memory and go down as one of the most interesting stories I ever had, but she didn’t have to be the one.
But she is right now.
Our Uber arrived and we piled in like two high schoolers coming from prom, horny and all over each other. Our Uber driver didn’t even bother to tell us to put our seatbelts on; we just trusted him not to crash the car as we groped, kissed, and bit each other.
Like the last time, I left the guy a pretty massive tip when we got back to my place. Sarah grabbed my hand and led me to the elevator.
“My God, this is actually happening,” she said as we got on the elevator. “My only regret is this didn’t happen sooner.”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
I picked her up by her ass and kissed her, pushing past the elevator doors and a couple of onlookers as we made our way to my room. I didn’t give a fuck what my neighbors thought; I’d fucked Layla against a window before, what was some kissing in the halls?
Layla…
I put her down and had my arm slung around her as we made our way to the apartment doors. I swung it open, shut it behind me with my foot, and stripped myself of my suit as Sarah kicked her heels off.
We stumbled toward the bedroom.
You’re getting very close to the point of no return, Chance…
We tore at each other’s clothes. I had Sarah topless, and her perfect breasts were exactly what I had always wanted.
No, you always wanted love. You have that with Layla if you try hard enough.
She kissed my neck and started to work her way down my bare chest.
You better stop her, Chance. You better fucking stop her. Once she sucks you or fucks you, there’s no going back. You’re going to prove Layla’s point, and you’re never going to see her again.
“Ten years,” Sarah said as she started to unzip my pants. “You were right, Chance. When you want something, you do go all in for it.”
Is this what you really need? Do you really need to fuck Sarah? What do you have to prove, you fool?
Do you want to be a player, or do you want love?
Sarah tugged my pants off. I had on just my boxers. Her hands reached for my crotch.
Last chance, buddy. If you ever want a chance at love, you better—
“Wait.”
I scooted up the bed. Sarah, also only in her underwear, looked at me stunned. I felt embarrassed as all hell that I was actually doing this. I was actually stopping myself.
But I knew the guilt would be too much to bear. I still had to try and make it work with Layla. I couldn’t let a misunderstanding ruin us. She hadn’t let it stop her before, and I couldn’t let it stop me now.
“Sarah,” I said, putting my head in my hands as I sat on my shins. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry. I’m such a dick. But… I didn’t tell you the full truth for why I didn’t go in on it Saturday.”
I gulped as Sarah, to her credit, sat patiently and without judgment on her face.
“There was a girl I was seeing that I was trying to figure things out with,” I said.
“I thought when you emailed me that I would just have breakfast or coffee with you. But when I saw you, I felt like I had a chance to avenge what had happened at a young age. Like I could make up for lost time. But I told myself I wouldn’t do anything with you until I had figured it out with the other girl. ”
I sighed. I mentally prepared myself for Sarah to slap the shit out of me. I fully deserved whatever she gave me—which still wouldn’t have hurt as much as destroying Layla’s belief in me had I actually gone all the way with Sarah.
“I saw her this morning, and she said it wouldn’t work out.
So I said fuck it, let me come to you. I wanted to sleep with you so that I could get over my past, get over us not working out.
But… that was disrespectful to you, it’s disrespectful to Layla, and it’s lying to myself.
Sarah, I… I wasn’t going to fuck you. I was going to fuck the ideal of you so that the insecure side of me would feel insecure.
But that would be like trying to close a wound together with Elmer’s glue.
It would only work in the short term and just cause more pain in the long run. ”
Sarah came closer to me, but it didn’t seem like she was doing so to tempt me. She put her hands on my knees, but it was a more tender gesture than anything sexual.
“That, and I’m not ready to let Layla go,” I said. “If I had been a real man—and a real man is what you deserve—I would have told this all to you from the start, and then you wouldn’t have wasted your time with me. But—”
“It wasn’t a waste of time,” Sarah said softly. “Chance, I wanted to see you not just because you’re a hot guy. I wanted to see you because you’re a great guy. And a hot guy, but you get it.”
I smirked at her cute joke.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just… I led you on in ways that you shouldn’t have, and—”
“But I was a willing participant, Chance,” Sarah said. “We both have things we’re trying to figure out right now. When I came out tonight, I figured that if we had sex, we’d at least have some fun while trying to figure things out. It’s OK if you don’t. Really. I still want to be your friend.”
I couldn’t believe how well Sarah was taking this.
“I want to be your friend too,” I said. “I just… I’m sorry.
I have to do everything I can to exhaust it with Layla.
If it doesn’t work out… I mean, I don’t want to make it sound like you’re my backup.
But with Layla, it’s all in right now. I can’t even consider anyone else until I work everything out.
And if not? Then I’ll go all in with you if you want. ”
“We’ll see when that time comes,” Sarah said with a smile. “But right now, you gotta go do what you can for her.”
“Yeah,” I said softly.
Sarah held her arms out for a hug, and I took it. Her breasts pushed up against my chest, and her near-naked body on mine had me tempted to throw her down to the bed and pick up where we left off.
But… I had to do this for myself.
I had to prove that I had the self-control not to sleep with someone else just because something had gone wrong—especially when that someone was Sarah Hill.
I had to prove that I could move on from Sarah and her legacy in my life by means other than sex or dating her.
I had to prove, most of all, that I meant it when I said I was going all-in with Layla.
I knew that this moment might ultimately prove futile. I knew there was a decent chance that even if I came to Layla and she knew what I passed up, she would still say no.
But I had learned to say yes to self-control and self-respect. I had learned to say yes to growth. And that was the best kind of yes I could have had.
“You’re welcome to sleep on the couch,” I said. “It’s mighty comfortable.”
“No, that’s alright,” Sarah said. “I don’t—”
“Can I at least call you an Uber then?”
Sarah nodded with a gentle smile. I patted her shoulder gently, clasped it tight, and then got up as I found my clothes. Sarah did the same, and we put everything on back in silence.
The walk down to the front of the apartment was awkwardly quiet.
I couldn’t blame her. I was sure that in her shoes, she was wondering if she had fucked up somehow or wasn’t attractive.
I wished there was a way that I could make her feel better, but I had to chose between Sarah and Layla, and as much as I had never anticipated it being this way, the answer was Layla.
When we got outside, the Uber was two minutes away. I stood by Sarah, smiling at her.
“You know, you will always be the one that got away,” I said with a smile.
“Really?” she said.
But I learned that it was OK that you got away. I learned that I had to let you go so I could be with the one that’s still here.
“You’re a very special person to me, Sarah,” I said.
“When you come back to New York City—if you do come back here, if you do pursue your acting career—you call for coffee. And no more bullshit. I won’t hide anything from you.
If we can give this a third roll of the dice, we will.
And if not, you’re still an amazing human being. ”
The Uber then turned the corner, giving me perhaps fifteen more seconds before Sarah, once again, stepped out of my life; before Sarah, once again, left me without me having slept with her or dated her.
But I wasn’t the crying, desperate twelve year old kid anymore.
I was an adult.
It was tough. But I was OK.
“Keep in touch, Sarah,” I said. “Promise me.”
She smiled warmly as she embraced me.
“I will,” she said. “I’ll see you soon, Chance.”
I believed her entirely when she said it. And the best part was, I knew now I could see her not as Sarah Hill, the girl I had to fuck to make up for childhood failures, but as Sarah Hill, a wonderful human being.
“Good night, Sarah.”