Chapter 37
37
I spend the entire flight to LA replaying the fight with Ellie in my mind and comparing Bryce’s version of the phone call to Eliza’s. How could I not give her a chance to explain? Especially after screwing up the visit with her grandmother so royally. I never even found out what the big news was.
I have no idea how I am going to face my sister after everything that went down. The two of us are normally pretty close, but I have felt the distance lately. I don’t know if Ellie told her what happened or if those rumors her dad mentioned reached her. I guess we’ll find out when she comes to the show tonight.
As always, Lainey gets there early and insists on zhuzhing up the outfits wardrobe selected. After changing Grayson’s t-shirt and forcing a leather bracelet on Declan, she makes her way to me. It’s hard to tell by her demeanor if she knows anything. Lainey has the best poker face of us all. She had to get around not only two parents but also three big brothers .
Without a word, she pulls a hat out from behind her back. I eye it dubiously.
“Relax, there isn’t a fake spider in it,” she chides. Clue number one she may have talked to Ellie: the fake spider ASMR incident.
“That’d be a dumb prank,” I say, trying to play off the comment.
“Wouldn’t it?” is her only reply. Touché, Laines.
“I take it you want me back in a ball cap?”
“I don’t, the people do.” Placing it on my head, she nods in approval and then eyes the basket of snacks on my dressing table. “There are lots of voodoo chips in there. That’s curious.” Is it hot in here? I am sweating.
“Lainey! Leave him alone. We know you talked to Ellie,” Declan chastises.
“You know nothing!”
“If you hadn’t talked to her, you’d be up our ass asking where she was. And if you thought it was any reason other than the truth, you would have demanded she come back.”
“You are such a fun-sucker, Declan,” she whines.
“Hasn’t the man been through enough? We can’t have him passing out before the show,” Grayson coos to pacify her. I don’t know why he is trying to make her feel better. I am the one on the verge of a stroke.
“Fine,” she says, flopping down on our couch after grabbing a bag of said chips.
“Fine? You don’t have more to say about that?” I ask cautiously.
“About what? You dating my bestie behind my back or you accusing her of being a backstabbing wench?”
“You called her a wench?” Grayson asks.
“No, I did not.”
“Tomayto, tomahto,” Lainey replies. “Which one do you want my thoughts on? ”
“Both?” I reply in answer to her question. Even I can hear the uncertainty in my voice. I shouldn't be afraid of my little sister, but I am.
“Am I mad you dated my best friend? No. She may have thought she hid it well, but I’ve known she had a crush on you forever. She forgets I know all of her tells. It didn’t bother me back then because she never acted on it and you were oblivious, not to mention too old for us.”
“And now?”
“And now I think you guys would be a perfect couple if you would get your heads out of your asses.”
Grayson snickers beside me, earning him a glare from Lainey. “I could start on your failures in love if you would prefer?”
“No, thank you,” he replies, ducking his head.
“Even with my head out of my ass, I think it’s too late,” I admit.
“Maybe it is.” She shrugs.
“Is it?” It’s one thing to think it—it’s another thing to know it. I’d be focused on Lainey’s reaction being negative. I hadn’t considered what I’d do if she was okay with us dating. Now that I know she is, I can’t help but wonder if it’s a moot point.
“I’m not getting in the middle of this. You two are both grown adults. You’re capable of deciding what you want all on your own. Would I love to have Ellie as a sister? Of course. But if that isn’t in the cards for you two, then I will make my peace.”
“And your thoughts on the ‘wench’ part?” I recall the latter part of her question.
“Oh that.” Unexpectedly, Lainey pinches my nipple and twists hard.
“Ouch! Damn it, that hurt.”
“It was supposed to,” she deadpans. “How could you ever think Ellie would be using you or this family? She has practically been a Ryder for fifteen years.”
“I don’t know. Emotions were high already from her being mad at me and then Eliza filled my head with nonsense. I let things get away from me.”
“You think?”
“What do I do now?” I ask solemnly. I’ve never wanted to give someone a second chance before. Technically, this is still her first chance but regardless, I have no idea how to get her back. I don’t know how she feels about me. She could hate me for all I know.
“Now you wait.”
“Wait? That’s your big advice?”
“I’m sorry. Did you not want my help? You know how Ellie is. She needs time to process and digest, make a pro-con list. No matter what, you won’t get anywhere over the phone. You may as well wait until you’re back in Nashville and can see her in person.”
That’s fair. I can’t think of anything I can do virtually that would fix the mess we made. We need to sit down and talk through things like adults. What does it say about my commitment that I’m throwing in the towel at the first sign of trouble?
After two sold-out shows, we finally make it back to Nashville. I want to go to Ellie’s immediately and sweep her off her feet. But after a long and stressful week, I know I will be better served after a good night’s sleep.
The first thing I do when I get back to my house is scream bloody murder. Standing in the middle of my kitchen is a silhouette. Flipping on the lights, I find it is a full size cut out of Lainey. When my heart stops racing, make my way over to it and find a note attached .
Jack,
I’m sorry if this cutout scares the bejesus out of you. Lainey insisted you would love it. I think it was more for her, but she is the only insider I have, so I’m going to air on the side of believing her. I have a lot I want to say to you, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to hear it. If you do, check the cloud folder you sent me and click on the latest audio. I thought you deserved a chance to see why I like them so much.
Yours,
Wildflower
Making a mental note to text Lainey about the heart attack her cut out caused. I pull out my phone and go to the folder. Clicking on a file name, “The Apology,” the knot in my chest loosens at the sound of Ellie’s voice.
Hey, Rock Star. I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you. I know you might think I didn’t based on how we left things, but you’d be wrong.
The time away has given me time to reflect and as easy as it would be to blame our disagreement on you for jumping to conclusions you should have known weren’t true, that wouldn’t be fair. I have as much culpability, if not more in what went down.
I should have been more forthcoming with you about a lot of things. I was enjoying our time together so much that I kept putting everything off to be the problem of future Ellie. As easy as that was in the moment, it has sucked now that I am future Ellie. I did us both a disservice by not facing my concerns with you head on and allowing you to do the same.
I care about you deeply. I always have, but now that I know you, really know you. I can safely say that my childhood crush has turned into a grown up love. I know we haven’t said that word and it’s too soon, but you’ve had my heart since I was ten years old. I think it’s time you knew that.
I know this is a lot to take in. Take all the time you need. When you’re ready, I would love to talk about how future Ellie and future Jack could share that future together.
This audio is everything I didn’t know I needed. I was fully prepared to fall on my sword for the things that I had done. I wasn’t prepared for her to do the same or to realize how much that means to me. We both had faults in our breakup. But hopefully together we can overcome our issues and move forward.
I’ve put off all my plans, but now it’s time to set them into motion again so I can be the man Ellie deserves, a man she can be proud to call hers. I finally realize that doesn’t mean having goals to get her to love me. She does that already. It means having goals because she loves me. She’s my recharging station as much as I am hers. I need to give her the opportunity to support me the same way I want to support her.