Chapter 1 #2
“Scusa. I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m irritated, in a bad mood, and everything else you can imagine, but not at you… I’m sorry, I just… I’m so sorry.”
I let my shoulders drop and sighed in defeat.
I thought I heard him murmur something, but I let it go.
I turned, facing the sea, and fixed my gaze on the horizon.
“Listen, Antonella, I didn’t know Mr. Castellammare would be back until yesterday afternoon when I got his call. We—I mean, you and I didn’t see each other after that, and I didn’t…”
“It’s all right, Ben. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
We settled into a long silence.
“Do you think I look really ugly?”
“You’re the most stunning pregnant woman I’ve ever seen, Antonella.”
“I must be the only one you’ve ever seen,” I teased.
“You’re the only one I see,” he said, gallant.
My ego gave a little leap, while I turned purple, unsure of the meaning behind his words, if there was one. But I didn’t think about it.
I avoided my return to the mansion as long as I could.
I was afraid, but also anxious to go. Because even though I was angry at that idiot, and certain jealousy would eat me alive when I saw him with the bitch, a part of me wanted to see him again, to be in the same space, to have him within reach of my eyes…
… To ease the ache of missing him from afar.
God, I only wanted to be close to him, but I also wanted to flay him alive.
***
Saturday
“Antonella, wait, please. I want to talk to you.”
The silence weighed down the room when I stopped on my way to the kitchen. I shouldn’t have. I stared at Norah without disguising my disgust at her rotten presence. She came closer.
“We have nothing to talk about,” I growled.
“I just want to apologize for yesterday. It wasn’t my intention to offend you or make you uncomfortable. Forgive me. I truly am sorry. Listen, you’re going to have my boyfriend’s child, and I think it would be good if we got along and…”
“Try that when hell freezes over.”
“I just think we…”
“Stay away from me and don’t talk to me.” I turned my back on her.
“Apparently, my sister-in-law was wrong.”
“Excuse me?”
“I thought motherhood really had helped you mature…”
The next thing anyone heard was my hand crashing against her face, turning it with the impact. I was too focused on my anger to pay attention to the pain in my hand.
A murmur of voices exploded. I didn’t move my hateful gaze from the bitch, who stared at me furiously with one hand over her reddened cheek.
“You are not worthy of my manners or whatever the fuck I may have acquired, Norah. As long as I live, you will never, ever put your filthy fingers on my son. You can fool whatever idiot you want with this good-Samaritan act of yours, but not me. Not anymore.”
“For God’s sake, are you crazy?”
“Do you really think I forgot what you did?”
“Girl, you are completely out of your mind. I’ve never done anything to deserve this much hatred from you. You definitely need treatment. It isn’t normal to go around attacking people like this.”
“Stay away from me,” I hissed.
That night, when I returned from Deborah’s house, I was tired and my ankles were swollen. I left Pietra, who had insisted on accompanying me to the birthday party of her supposed archenemy, and launched myself upstairs.
And what a surprise it was to be intercepted by the albino bitch.
My gaze hardened coldly. “Let go of my arm now!”
“What do you think you’re doing, girl?”
“I’m not going to say it again, Norah.”
She let go, and I pulled my arm free at the same time.
A bath wouldn’t be enough to remove her filth from my skin. I tried to get past her and, again, was blocked by her outstretched arm.
“I know exactly what you’re trying to do,” she said. “So don’t waste your time. It isn’t going to work. I won’t let it.”
“A psychiatrist would be a good option for you.”
“You think you’re so smart, don’t you?”
“Are you insane? What the hell is your problem?”
“You are my problem. You and this fake act of repentance. You think this will take Thor from me? Please! Get real and do yourself a favor. Stop acting ridiculous and act the way you always have, the way you really are. Thor is mine. He always has been and always will be.”
“And why are you so worried?” I shot back, mocking. “No, please, allow me to answer… You’re freaking out because not even you believe your own words, am I right? Deep down—actually, not that deep—you know, Norah, that he’s only with you because I kicked him aside.”
“Stop pretending and forget Thor and whatever silly thing you had.”
Her threatening tone slapped my control away.
“Or what? What are you going to do? Kill me?”
“Maybe.”
“I pity you. You’ll always live off other people’s crumbs, Norah… off my crumbs. Always left with what remains, with what’s broken. You’ll never have anything or anyone complete, entirely yours.”
“I have Heithor. All of him.”
I stiffened at the malice in her voice.
I didn’t want to think about the meaning behind that tone. I didn’t want to think of them like that, but it was useless to fight the sordid images.
My eyes burned and revulsion rose.
I breathed in deeply, fighting tears, staring at her with deadly hatred.
She went on, smiling:
“I have his love, in our own way, cultivated with affection, with respect. We have something special, something beyond your understanding. But what do you know about that? You’re just an easy cunt.”
“Do you keep repeating that to see if you can make yourself believe it? Fine, keep going. Who knows, maybe one day you’ll actually believe what you say.
Because whether you like it or not, there is only one reality, and it won’t change just because you want it to.
You have what I chose to leave for you, Norah.
You have the leftovers, the broken pieces, nothing more than that.
You feel threatened and you’re trying to threaten me because deep down you know Heithor is only with you because I kicked him aside, because I left him… ”
“No, Antonella.” She took a step forward, a full hand taller than me, bending over me, her face bare, her eyes glassy and fixed.
“You didn’t leave anything. I did. I allowed it because I know sometimes he needs to release all that testosterone.
Not anymore. Thor has always been mine, only mine. Stay out of my way.”
Norah left me, but her words stayed, pulsing inside me.