Chapter 6
“Did he kick?”
“You felt it?”
“Shouldn’t I have?”
“That’s not it… It’s just that no one has ever felt him move except me,” I murmured, dazed, feeling my little one wander around inside my belly.
Thor’s smile was blinding.
“So, technically, this is the first time he’s moved?”
“Yes,” I conceded, smiling.
His eyes shone with deep emotion.
I fell for him even more. The love I felt for him and for our boy swelled in my chest so much I thought it might burst.
While I watched Thor have his moment with my belly, I couldn’t believe how foolish I had been to let him go, not to have tried, not to have yielded even a little so we could face that torment together.
If Thor had been with me, everything would have been easier.
I knew that now. But it was a little late for regret.
The mistakes were tattooed on my soul. Eternalized in his mind.
As much as I hated to admit it, Norah gave him what I had always denied him.
Thor deserved to be happy, even if it was with her.
Still…
I wanted him so much. It didn’t matter if it was selfish of me. My heart didn’t care if I had made him suffer in the past, it was interested in the here and now—and now, I wanted Thor. I loved him more than anything. He was mine.
The knot gripped my throat, and I breathed deeply, blinking the tears away. I didn’t want to fall apart in front of him. It would be embarrassing.
“Does it hurt when he moves?”
“No.”
“Uncomfortable?”
“No.”
“What does it feel like?”
“It’s strange… but at the same time it gives me this sense of well-being… of happiness… I don’t know how to explain it properly. It’s just… good. Very good.”
“We’ll be good parents.”
The statement caught me off guard, and I froze.
A simple sentence, but so full of meaning.
And suddenly, everything changed.
Thor looked at my mouth. I licked my lips, nervous under that unwavering attention.
His gaze followed the movement with interest, then fixed on my eyes.
Eye to eye. It was a shock. Pure magnetism.
It swallowed me alive. This was very different from the other moments of closeness we had experienced since his return.
It was intimate and personal. There were no distractions to break the spell.
It was only him and me. Both of us painfully aware of each other, and neither of us backing away.
My pulse picked up drastically.
My knees were weak and my stomach hollow.
I wanted to look away, separate myself from him, end that anguished turmoil boiling inside me.
It made my fingers sweat. But the farthest I went was lowering my gaze to his lips and admiring them.
I caught his Adam’s apple moving, then leveled our gazes again, as if obeying some higher law.
The air grew thick. I trembled, caught off guard, when I felt his warm palm settle along the side of my face.
I swallowed hard. I was wrapped up in him, as if I’d been enchanted and couldn’t resist leaning my face into his hand.
My lips parted when his thumb chased my lower lip.
His scrutiny followed the slow glide, then moved up, connecting our gazes.
This had to be some kind of secret test.
I wished I knew how I was doing. I thought I was doing well. My heart still hadn’t exploded. No fainting. But I was getting very close.
My chest rose and fell with heavy breaths.
And when Thor bent his head, I only closed my eyes and waited, wildly, mortally, anxious. I absorbed the warm brush of his breath, his woody scent, the fresh exhale cushioning my lips before I felt the softness of his mouth pressed to mine.
I wanted to smile and cry at the same time.
It wasn’t a dream or a fantasy.
It was real.
It was actually happening!
Thor held me, his lips moving over mine without deepening, without demand or insistence, only gentleness and patience, chasing my fears away. He sucked my lower lip between his, stretching it softly. Melting me down to the bone. I sighed, only to panic a second later when I felt him pulling away.
I hadn’t had enough yet. I never would.
Desperate, I didn’t think. I only acted.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, fingers in his hair, forcing him to stay and give me more. Thor answered me with enthusiasm, pulling me tighter and kissing me hard.
So real. So sensual. So wet.
Thor stole my breath. I liked that. That he could possess me with only that kiss.
For that moment alone, everything seemed right.
The fears and problems didn’t exist. Only him and me.
Us. There was something desperate in his movements, something full of longing, or maybe it was only a reflection of my own emotions.
Thor pulled away too soon.
I grumbled softly before I could stop myself.
He laughed under his breath and gave my lower lip a little bite.
I sighed, opening my eyes, dizzy with the sensation.
His dark expression, his intensity… I was taken by a dizzying feeling. Heat coursed through my veins, filling my chest with pleasure.
I rose onto my toes, seeking his mouth again…
“Thor, love?”
I opened my eyes, widening them, and froze. Mortified. Incredulous. My thoughts fled; even words disappeared.
Footsteps approached, each sound sinking my heart lower.
Suddenly, I felt bitter with hurt and anger.
I pulled back, feeling his hands slide along the sides of my body—my eyes drenched—and he still tried to stop me.
I shook my head, denying him, the disbelief, my own idiocy.
I lowered my gaze, humiliated.
In silence, I turned to leave.
“Ella?”
The note of apology made me bristle even more.
I looked over my shoulder, my arm stretched behind me, his hand closed around my wrist. I waited, and it felt like an eternity… Then Thor loosened his grip, and I fled.
***
I exhaled hard, shaking my head, then focused on the mirror.
The reflection was someone defeated. Pitiful. I was pale, listless, my eyes swollen and red, with huge dark circles beneath them.
The urge to cry lurked. I resisted.
It’s the price.
It was the price, and I didn’t like paying it. But the road I had traveled had been so long and thorny. However difficult, I couldn’t turn back now. The effort I had made didn’t deserve a cowardly decline at this stage of the game. Neither did my son.
The truth was, I had my chance and hadn’t known how to use it. But I wouldn’t make the same mistake with my son. I wouldn’t allow myself to.
I finished my makeup, covering the traces of the painful night.
I found Pietra in the living room, sprawled on the couch with her head in Martha’s lap. The jerk was on the opposite side, in the armchair, with his back to me.
“Pietra, can we go?”
“Buongiorno, cara,” Martha said, smiling. “How was your night? We already had breakfast. You took a while to come down. Are you hungry? I’ll ask Mariah to make you a nice porridge. There’s fresh bread too. I made it myself.”
I declined with a wave of my hand and a smile that didn’t reach my eyes.
“I’d love to, but I’m running a little late.”
“You can’t go without eating.”
“I won’t,” I assured her. “I’ll eat something on the way.”
“Oh, babe, I’m not going today. Nathan is taking me out on the boat. I’m just waiting for him to get back from the workshop so we can go. Which should be… now.”
Nathan materialized in the living room as if someone had prayed for his presence.
“Va bene,” I grumbled, making a move to leave.
“Isn’t Mr. Boris’s test today?” Pietra looked at her boyfriend. “Do you mind if I go take her, baby? I’ll be there and back really quick.”
“It’s all right, Pietra. Go on your outing and have fun,” I said. “Later I’ll see with Mr. Boris how I can make up the test.”
God! This was soooooooo ridiculous!
All because Heithor wanted to play the role of macho lunatic.
“I’ll take you.”
Speak of the devil…
He stood, and I devoted a furious look to him.
“No.”
“You’d rather miss the test?”
“I’d rather not have your company.”
“Va bene. I’ll take you,” Pietra soothed.
Our heads snapped toward her at the same time.
“No!”
“No!”
Pietra raised her hands. “Oooooookay.”
Heithor and I leveled our irritated gazes again. I was aware of the audience watching the little show, but I didn’t care. Neither did he.
“I’ll get a taxi.”
“We already talked about that,” he said, his voice incredibly calm.
I stomped my foot. “And we didn’t come to an agreement!”
“Your memory is short. Mine isn’t. You’re going with me, and that’s enough.”
I clenched my teeth, swallowing curses, and turned toward the garage.
Time was laughing in my face. Seriously. A ride to campus had never taken so long. I kept my mouth shut and my bored gaze on the window, watching the morning traffic flow ever since we left the mansion. Heithor copied me until we stopped at a traffic light.
“Sorry about yesterday. That…”
“Didn’t happen,” I completed flatly.
He huffed. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
“I understand you’re hurt and want to ignore what happened between us, but, Ella, that doesn’t change the fact that it happened.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And I added acidly, “The light changed. Pay attention and drive faster. I’m already late, and you driving like this doesn’t help.”
“I’m within the speed limit.” The car moved. “I’m not going to put us at risk just because you’re irritated with me. And you know damn well what I’m talking about. You want to pretend you don’t? Fine. I’m not doing that… We kissed.”
“We kissed, and so what? If I remember correctly, it wasn’t the first time. My belly is here to prove we’ve done much more than that.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw his fingers tighten on the steering wheel.
“It was just another kiss. There’s no reason to talk about it.”
“Just another kiss? It wasn’t ‘just another kiss,’ Antonella, and you know that better than I do,” he growled. “Lie to yourself, not to me.”
“What do you want me to say, exactly?”