Chapter 9
My father’s expressionless eyes fixed on my belly.
“What…?”
Rocco fell silent, his chest rising and falling with his breathing.
He lowered his head and shook it as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants.
And when he looked at me again, his gaze level with mine, he smiled.
Skeptical and cold. Other emotions crossed his eyes, but I preferred not to try to identify them.
His silence weighed on me, oppressing me endlessly.
The calm in his biting tone when Dad finally spoke in impeccable English made me swallow hard, and my heart falter, climbing into my throat.
“You really are pregnant.”
The statement scared me even more. “Papà, I-I…” I tried, but my almost nonexistent voice vanished.
“Pregnant, Antonella?”
I lifted my hands, the shopping bags held in front of my belly.
“There is no reason to try to hide something so obvious. When did you intend to tell me? Your mother? If you ever had any intention of doing so, because judging by the filthy behavior you’ve had, the last thing you would do was inform us about this absurd pregnancy.
Maybe you were waiting to give birth and then act as if nothing had happened, continuing to deceive everyone? ”
As the words flowed from his lips, he walked toward me. One step at a time. Diminishing me. My eyes swelled with his statements, with his sure approach. He could very well have been carved from marble.
“What? Did you really think I didn’t know everything you’d been getting up to here over the past year?
That I would simply stand by with my arms crossed?
That I would be foolish enough to rest easy, believing you were behaving like the respectable young woman your mother and I taught you to be?
Doing only what you came here to do, while you refused, inventing excuses left and right not to visit your family?
” The shopping bags slipped from my hands and reached the floor with a soft thud.
Nerves snapping while the pulse of my heart vibrated through my skin.
“I knew, Antonella. I knew about all the filth. But as much anger and indignation as I felt over your deplorable conduct, I overlooked it until I discovered you had dug your own grave. Knowing the filth you were getting up to here, acting like a dirty whore, did not enrage me as much as knowing you were pregnant. Still, that fury cannot compare to the shame I felt at being your father every time you spoke with me and your mother, spitting lies. Saying you had nothing to tell us when questioned. Do you remember that we spoke a little while ago, cara mia?”
Martha placed herself in front of him before he reached me.
“Rocco, let’s calm down…”
“Do not interfere, Martha!” he thundered in a frighteningly calm voice.
His icy gaze never left me. “This is a matter between father and daughter. And unless you want to beg me for forgiveness and try to explain your negligence in failing to care for my daughter as you promised me, and in failing to have the decency to warn me of her transgressions, I suggest you be quiet and stay in your place. Your interference has already done too much damage to my family.”
“I’m sorry I failed to meet your expectations. Unfortunately, I am not endowed with perfection, I do not control everything, nor do I have the illusion that I do.”
His eyes freed mine to pierce Martha.
I dropped my ashamed gaze to the floor. Mortified didn’t even begin to describe my state. I was humiliated, devastated.
Martha continued firmly:
“I cared for her the way I promised you I would, just as I have done with my daughter. There were mistakes, some things did not go as planned, è vero. But mistakes are inevitable. There is no way to ensure that everything will go the way we planned. You should know that.” Papà laughed, low and hard, turning his back on her and moving away, as if he needed that distance to contain himself.
“As for the pregnancy, that was something only Antonella could tell you. And honestly, today I’m not at all surprised she didn’t.
Maybe if you did not terrify her, as you are doing now, and had shown her she could trust you, that she would find support instead of stones, she would have told you at the very beginning. ”
He turned back, his gaze pissed.
“So my fault is your negligence and this little girl’s lack of character?”
“Not at all. There are no culprits here, unless my role was to lock Antonella in a dark room or unless she was blessed with perfection. She is pregnant, Rocco. A little early for her age, yes, but that is no reason for you to react this way. I understand your disappointment and hurt. After all, we always want the best for our children, within what we believe is best and most correct. Unfortunately, however good our intentions may be, what is best for us is not always best for them. Just as we did in our youth, they will also make their own mistakes and successes. It is our place to guide them so they do not stumble so much, and as I have told you, we cannot control everything around us, nor can we assign our child a life or a dream that belongs only to us.”
My breath froze in my lungs.
Dad stayed silent, looking at Martha as if she had hit him over the head with a stone.
“Your role was to care for my daughter and make sure something like this did not happen. If you could not control her, you should have informed me of that, because I would have taken the necessary measures immediately. And I guarantee you, Martha, none of this would have happened.” He looked at me, and I trembled in terror.
“Do you have nothing to say? Apologies? Forgiveness?”
His last word made me react unexpectedly and firmly.
“I’m not going to ask forgiveness for my son.”
“Your son?” he shouted, taking a step in my direction.
“Do you at least know who the father is?”
“Yes, Dad. I know who he is, and I believe you do too, since you’ve been investigating me.
” I could barely hide my shock at hearing the harshness in my own voice.
I had never spoken to him that way. His mask slipped, but he recovered very quickly.
“I’m sorry for the things I did, for bringing shame to you and to our family.
Believe me, I’m not proud of the things I did either.
And I ask forgiveness for not telling you anything sooner about the pregnancy, and for deceiving you and Mom.
I’m sorry I wasn’t the perfect daughter you expected, but I will not and cannot ask forgiveness for my baby when he was the best thing that ever happened to me. ”
“If that were so, you would not have deceived us. I believe the American air has not done you much good if you’re saying something so contradictory to me…”
He interrupted himself by answering the phone, which was ringing, and hung up.
I felt Pietra at my side, squeezing my hand.
Rocco looked at me for a long moment, not bothering to hide his disappointment. More contained, he said in his usual absent tone:
“I did not come here to argue with you, but to give you one last chance to fix all the shit you’ve done.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re coming with me right now.”
“I can’t travel without authorization from my doctor, and I don’t believe she’ll authorize it. Even if she did, I wouldn’t go. I can’t go to Italy now.”
“You’re not going to Italy.”
“W-What?”
I let go of Pietra and rested my hand on my belly as I took an unsteady step forward.
“I cannot be a laughingstock before our friends and the sensationalist tabloids that would die for a scandal like this. Nor will I allow our family to be exposed to ridicule. No one has to pay for a mistake of yours. We have a name to uphold, Antonella. One you do not care much about, but that holds great value and respect in society. The name that finances your luxuries and whims. I will not risk our family becoming the central subject of whispers in the circles at events we have to attend because the Vicenti heiress did not know how to keep her legs closed.”
Why was he hurting me this way?
He continued as if making a business deal:
“You will stay at a friend of mine’s house in the Hamptons.
He is out of the country this time of year and won’t mind lending me the property.
You will have a nurse at your disposal, as well as a driver to take you to appointments and to the hospital when the time comes. Afterward, you will return to Italy.”
“My baby?”
“He has a father.”
“You want me to give up my son?”
“You can have others when your life is on track and you’re married to a man who matches you.
Don’t misunderstand me, Antonella, but as a father, I cannot share in this madness and watch you throw your life in the trash…
There isn’t much to think about, Antonella.
You have no job, no money of your own. You haven’t graduated yet.
What are you going to give this child without my help?
How will you take care of him without my money?
The best thing for him is to stay with his father and if…
” I became virtually deaf to his words and heard nothing else.
I didn’t know what to feel. A mix of feelings collided inside me, leaving me stunned.
I only came back to reality when his firm tone sounded grave in my ears. “So, Antonella? What do you choose?”
I hardened, hurt and angry. “If you, as my father, cannot support me in this madness, as you call it, then neither can I, as a mother, go along with your correction. Thank you for the offer, but I’m staying with my son.”
“Is that your final word?”
I didn’t waver. “Yes.”
My throat hurt, my nose clogged.
“Very well, Antonella. I hope you have the decency not to shame me more than you already have. Do not count on me or any other Vicenti for anything whatsoever. You will not see another cent of my money, because from now on I…”