Chapter 26
I had my baby shower, complete with games and Lucca’s name written on my belly in lipstick, my hair a mess, my feet swollen, and I was happier than a pig in mud.
Then I finally found the bed.
Thor was with me. We had bathed together in the tub, where we talked about the event and his night out with the guys, and then we lay down. I was on my side while he massaged my lower back with his fingertips.
“Did you talk to your mother today?”
“She called in the middle of the shower, and we talked for a few moments.” He waited, and I took a deep breath. “The same as always. She asked if I was all right, about Lucca, you, if I needed anything… Nothing had changed.”
“You need to tell her what you feel.”
He always said that…
“I don’t want to pressure her. I think I’ve already given her enough to bear.”
…And I had too.
“It isn’t like that, Ella,” he said tenderly.
“She’s interested in the pregnancy, the baby, you…
us… and she advises you, from what you tell me.
It may not be like before, but she took the first step.
You should take the second. Maybe that’s the only thing missing for you to go back to what you were before. ”
“I already asked for forgiveness, and not just once. It didn’t help.”
“Do it again, and this time, don’t hold anything back. Lay everything out. She was still processing the news and hurt when you started speaking again. Selena has had time to absorb it… So the next time you talk, be completely honest.”
I exhaled at length, loving the relief his fingers brought. “Va bene. Can we sleep? I’m dead tired, and the pain isn’t bothering me anymore.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Thank you for the massage.”
He gave me a sweet kiss.
“Whenever you want.”
***
“We’ll visit them soon,” Thor said, trying to comfort me when I broke down in tears, watching the jet take off.
My chest tightened with longing for home…
I sighed heavily and smiled faintly at the realization.
…No. I was only missing everyone. Not home. I could never go back home again, because I was already home. In my own home.
There, with Thor hugging me against the left side of his chest and Pietra on the other side, holding on to us. This was my family now. My own family.
***
December arrived, and with it, the discomforts of the eighth month of pregnancy.
But not even that surpassed the anxiety about the birth.
I was dying to meet Lucca. To know whom he would look more like, or whether he was an exact mix of Thor and me.
To kiss him and adore every inch of him.
However, I didn’t live only on anticipation, but also on fear for the baby and for myself.
It was much closer now. Which caused me the occasional day of absolute terror, complete with a waterfall of tears and sobs.
Poor Thor was turning into a true saint.
Standing firm through my fear spirals, calming and encouraging me.
He tried however he could to ease the discomfort I felt in my body, especially my back and feet, but his fingers couldn’t always work their magic.
There were days when I forbade him to touch me.
It irritated the hell out of me. I knew he wasn’t to blame and only wanted to help me, but I couldn’t help feeling on edge.
There were days when all I wanted was to lie down and stay quiet, and above all, motionless when I finally found a comfortable position. Which turned out to be hateful and difficult. I was short of breath, in pain, and everything else.
It was a good thing I wasn’t going to classes anymore.
Sometimes, I had normal days. Days when the Tasmanian devil lodged in my body gave me a truce and allowed me to have a normal day, like today.
Soon, I would have my last appointment with Marcela, because the next time we met would be to welcome Lucca.
The house was all lit and decorated for Christmas. Presents were piling up under the tree. Lucca, however, was the only present I wanted to unwrap.
I finished my makeup, then returned to the bedroom.
Thor had gone out and informed me by phone that Ben would take me to the clinic, where he would meet me, because there wouldn’t be time for him to come to the mansion and for us to go together without being late. I had no idea what he was doing, but it had to be very important.
I did a quick check in the mirror, taking a minute to admire my enormous belly. My Lucca knocked harder at the door with every passing day… Then I left.