Chapter 35 #3
I wet my lips, embarrassed and suddenly very anxious.
“I’m sorry for bringing this to your door. You already have your own problems… the end of your engagement, your work, and I only brought more down on you.”
“I don’t regret bringing you here, Antonella. Actually, I’m relieved I saw you on that street…” He stopped and turned to me, bracing his arms on his thighs as he looked at me speculatively. “Where were you going?”
I blew out the air with a huff and sank into the comfort of the upholstery.
“I don’t know… I wasn’t thinking about anything when you stopped me.”
“I’m even more glad I found you.”
“The situation at the mansion has only gotten worse since I left the hospital.”
“You and Heithor…?”
“There is no Heithor and me, and I seriously doubt there ever will be again someday… I don’t want that anymore…
never again,” I whispered the last part to myself.
“I can’t get close to Lucca. He won’t let me.
Heithor thinks I’ll”—I breathed deeply, feeling the tears return—“he believes I could hurt my baby.”
His jaw hardened with anger.
“He can’t forbid you from being with the child.”
“I thought he couldn’t, but actually, he can.
As long as I don’t pursue my rights, Heithor can do whatever he wants.
” I jumped to my feet, too angry to stay seated, and began zigzagging through the living room.
“And because the mansion is his and I’m there almost as a favor, I have to obey his orders. And there’s the damned agreement.”
“Antonella…”
“It’s true. He made that very clear. Either I obey his demands or he throws me out. I can’t go near Lucca until the court determines it or a miracle happens and proves to that bastard asshole that I was the victim of that whore’s setup… Heithor is blind, acting like a bastard, and I…”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
“Do you know how hard it is to know I’m under the same roof as my son and can’t be with him?
Do you have any idea of the pain I feel?
It’s like a daily death, slow and painful…
Sometimes I hear him cry at night, and I die to go see him and know what’s happening, b-but I can’t do anything…
Or when I see him from far away during his sunbath… I…”
I fought the tears, without success.
Ben slid toward me, wrapping me in his arms gently. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry you’re going through all this. I didn’t expect…”
He went silent. There was nothing to say when only certain words could take away the weight and suffering I felt, words that didn’t depend on him.
So I told him about my attempt to talk to Heithor, my decision to go to court, and my outrage over Norah’s lies.
“Heithor isn’t stupid.”
“No, he’s an ass. A shitty detective.”
He shrugged.
“What’s obvious to someone inside the situation is never obvious to everyone else.”
“Heithor had a duty to… I don’t know, look further, use his head. Take into account what we lived through. What I showed him all that time. Anything!”
Ben held me tight until I felt calmer, but not less distressed, then guided me back to the chaise longue.
“You said he has evidence?”
“False evidence, you mean? Because that’s what it is, false evidence. I didn’t cause it. I didn’t trip. I didn’t step wrong. I was pushed by that lunatic.”
I accepted the glass of water he offered me.
“I don’t know what evidence it is. I was more concerned with defending myself and making him reason while trying not to go insane in the meantime.”
“I understand.”
“Dio, Lucca is almost three months old, and I haven’t even been able to nurse him!”
His features hardened as he ran a hand through his hair.
“Antonella, sweetheart, I don’t even know what to say. I wish I could say something that would bring you a little comfort, but… fuck… I… Shit.”
“No one can, except Heithor. And now the court. Just take this as an example and never repeat that scumbag’s actions if, by some act of fate, you’re ever in a situation similar to mine, because no mother deserves to go through what I’m going through.”
His face was serious as he listened to me.
“I could have forgiven him. Even after he left me abandoned in that hospital, I could have gotten past the hurt and forgiven him if Heithor had chosen to believe me when I left the hospital… if he had given me the benefit of the doubt… What he’s doing is cruel.”
“I’m sorry you’re going through this, Antonella. I didn’t think Heithor could go this far, not with you. This shouldn’t be happening.”
“The fact that he deposited the money and gave me the car, validating the agreement… Hmph! What am I saying? The agreement was valid, and he kept it even after…”
That was another thing that tore me apart.
Heithor had kept the agreement, even after we reconciled. A coincidence? I didn’t believe that. I believed only in his betrayal, because that was what it was. Heithor had betrayed me even when he claimed to be willing to restore our relationship.
“Don’t think that way.” Benjamin sat on the little table, leaned forward, and held my hands in his. “People make mistakes, do idiotic shit without thinking, but they can always fix it, redeem themselves. You did that. Everyone saw.”
“Only he didn’t.”
“Do you still love him? Sorry for my stupid question. Of course you love him. What I’m asking is: do you believe there can still be a reconciliation between you?”
“I don’t know, Ben. I’m crazy with rage, resentful.
I don’t know if I can ever forgive him. Honestly, that…
he and I don’t matter anymore… Right now, I’m more concerned with being able to have my son with me before the moment comes when I’m only a stranger to him…
And if that happens, I won’t bear it. I won’t. ”
“And your family? Your parents? What do they say about this?”
I let out a huffed laugh. “They don’t know. I didn’t tell them. They only know Lucca was born and”—I paused—“they believe Heithor and I need time to adjust to the baby’s arrival.”
“You lied to them.”
“I’m not proud of it. But what was I going to say? I won’t bring them into this.” I pulled my hand from his. “I heard from Gio that my parents reconciled right after Lucca was born. Rocco took mamma on a second honeymoon.”
“Antonella, you don’t have to go through this situation alone.”
“I don’t want to depend on anyone. It has never worked.
Every time I was idiot enough to let myself fall into that trap, I got screwed.
I know how it may sound, even tremendously stupid, but at least once, I want to do it myself.
My family is my last resort. I don’t need to bring them into my torment when they already have enough in their own lives and I can do this alone.
The lawyer assured me I have a chance of keeping my baby.
In the worst-case scenario, I would have the right to spend time with Lucca, even if only for short supervised periods. But that’s something, right?”
I detailed the meeting with the lawyer, and in the end, his words made me smile.
“You can come live here. As you can see, there’s plenty of space.”
“Oh, Ben, you don’t know how grateful I am to have you in my life. You’re being very kind. Thank you for the invitation. I need a place of my own, mine and my son’s. I just need to organize myself first so I don’t trip over my own feet again.”
“If you change your mind…”
“Grazie mille. You’re being an angel in my life, Ben. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been on that street.”
He made a face of distaste. “Let’s not think about that, okay?” I agreed with a nod. “I’d like to do more for you.”
“I know. Thank you for that too, and for listening to me… and believing me.” I hugged him with affection. “It was good to vent to someone.”
“Whenever you want.”
“All right, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore now.”
“Very well.” He looked at me seriously. “Then let’s talk about you leaving here.
If you don’t feel prepared to go back to the mansion yet, if you need a few days to get your head in order, you don’t have to go back.
Stay here. It would be nice to have company, someone to talk to at dinner after work. ”
“I don’t know, Ben… I don’t want to invade your life with my problems. It’s peaceful here, and I show up bringing this storm with me. It’s not fair.”
“That’s what friends are for. And don’t fool yourself, I’m a big rebellious boy. I like problems.” He winked playfully, and I let out a loose laugh.
I hesitated, weighing my options for a moment.
“Are you sure I won’t be in the way?”
“Absolutely. It would be a pleasure to have you as a roommate, even if only for a few days.”