Chapter 29
W ay to tread lightly.
Good job of being considerate of her feelings.
Of not pushing too much too fast.
Fuck it. Just ten minutes ago, she’d been fighting off tears because she’d been worried she’d upset Kent and now . . . now he was growling at her like a bear with a thorn in its paw and he couldn’t seem to stop himself.
But hideous?
Holy fuck. If she was any more beautiful then his head might explode.
The nightgown she wore was new. He didn’t know where she’d found something like . . . this. But it looked like something his grandmother wore.
And even that wasn’t helping him get his dick under control around her.
She’s recovering from being attacked. She’s in pain. She can’t even go to the bathroom on her own.
And you shouldn’t be lusting after her, you lame fucker.
Fuck.
Nothing was working.
He carried her out to the bed.
“I’m not allowed to put myself down?” she asked.
“No, you’re not. It’s a rule.”
“I have rules?”
Was that . . . enthusiasm in her voice? Most people didn’t want rules. Most Littles that he’d met really weren’t into rules.
“Have you ever had rules?” he asked.
“Everyone has rules,” she told him.
“I don’t mean society's rules or laws,” he told her. “I mean, just for you.” He set her down on the bed and then glanced around for a washcloth to wipe her hands.
“I, uh, I guess I must have.”
He wet the cloth and lathered up some soap, then returned to wash her hand.
“You guess?” he said.
She leaned back, staring up at him tiredly. Fuck, she looked exhausted and so pale that it worried him. She’d lost quite a bit of blood and it would take a while for her to recover, even with the blood transfusion.
“When I was younger, maybe. Before Mom got ill. After that . . .”
“Did you never have a curfew as a teenager? Things like no dating before sixteen?”
“I never dated. And I didn’t need a curfew as I didn’t have friends.”
“What?” It was hard to believe that someone as warm and kind as Devi didn’t have friends.
“I think I told you that I was a bit of an outcast at school. I was still grieving my mom and I kind of withdrew. Then by the time I came out of my grief, everyone else had their groups of friends and they weren’t interested in me.
I mean, nobody was really mean, but that was because most people didn’t know I existed.
Until a teacher started picking on me, that is.
Then people noticed me. But not in a good way.
She was a very mean woman who picked on me because of Rohan.
I think she . . . I think she wanted him. ”
“That’s fucking sick. Did you tell him that she was bullying you?”
“No, But Marcus did. He heard about what she was doing to me and told Rohan. He questioned me and then a few days later she was arrested. For having questionable images on her school computer. I don’t know if Rohan and Marcus did that.
But once she was gone, school was a lot better.
However, dear old Derick kept calling me Mouse which is the name she gave me. ”
“Asshole,” he grumbled.
“I’ve never been good at being able to, uh, hold on when I need to go to the toilet.
When I need to go . . . I need to go and she would take great enjoyment in telling me that I couldn’t have a hall pass.
Then I’d have to run to the toilet. I’d always get detention, of course.
And she’d always make some snide remarks to the class that would make them laugh. ”
“That fucking bitch.” He started pacing up and down and imaging all the ways he wanted to harm her.
How dare she bully any child, let alone a child in her care who was grieving her mother!
And because she was rebuffed by another child? She was a predator. She didn’t just deserve jail. That seemed too good for her.
“So I never had friends or a boyfriend in high school. So there was no need for a curfew, and even if I did, Derick wouldn’t have bothered with any rules. Heck, it’s unlikely he would have noticed. Rohan might have, but he was busy too.”
And she was on her own.
No rules because it seemed like no one cared enough about her to give her any. He didn’t count Rohan, he was a child too.
“Well, you’ll have them now,” he told her as he tucked her in tight around her lower body. “Because I want to keep you safe and healthy. Understand?”
“Because you care about me?”
“Yeah, baby. Because I care about you.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you care about me?” she asked, staring up at him.
It was obvious she was utterly exhausted and he wanted her to sleep, to relax and heal.
“I think the question is why wouldn’t someone care about you? You’re so easy to care about. You’re funny and sweet and a bit naughty.”
“I’m not naughty.”
“No? Salt in my coffee?” he reminded her.
“Oh. You deserved that. You were being very bossy.”
He leaned in, sitting on the side of the bed. “Because I was worried about you.”
Devi studied him for a long moment. “You were worried about me.”
“Yes, baby. And that meant that I got upset when I learned you’d been attacked.
And I said things that I maybe shouldn’t have.
Or I should have worded them differently.
But that won’t be happening again, since you’re going to have rules to keep you safe.
” He lightly ran his fingers through her hair.
It desperately needed to be washed and combed. He’d see to that tomorrow.
For now, he just wanted her to sleep. It was late. He’d tried to stay away for the night, but in the end he couldn’t do it.
Her eyes were closed and her breathing was growing deeper. Damn, he’d forgotten how good he was at this caregiving thing.
“If I’m not hideous, then how come I’m not allowed to look at myself in the mirror?” she suddenly asked.
Hayes shot his gaze down to her face. Fuck. “Because I don’t want you to be upset.”
She took in a deep breath.
“Where did the nightgown come from?” he asked, trying to distract her.
She glanced down at the lacy nightgown.
It was white, which really didn’t seem a good idea given her clumsiness. And it had long sleeves and he’d noticed that it went to the tops of her feet when she was standing.
It was old-fashioned and not anything he’d imagined her wearing.
“Silla bought it for me. I love it.” There was a defensive note in her voice. But also one of . . . wonder?
As though she couldn’t quite believe that Silla would buy her something. Why would she think that?
“You love it because she bought it for you?” he clarified.
“Yes, it was so kind of her. She bought it because she knew that all my stuff was in the trailer and the police are still processing it. And that the hospital gown might be scratchy and uncomfortable. She even pre-washed it to soften it up. It’s the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. ”
He eyed her for a second. “The most thoughtful thing, huh?”
She was killing him. She really was.
That couldn’t be the most thoughtful thing that someone had ever done for her.
“You’re not used to people doing nice things for you, huh, baby?”
“Oh no, that’s not true. People do nice things for me all the time.
Mac always gives me extra shifts if I need them and he drives me home if it’s too late for the bus.
He even offered to let me live with him when Rohan went to jail.
Sandy always makes me food if I’m hungry, even if I’ve already eaten or it’s at the start of my shift.
If I’m tired, Silla will take over some of my section for me and when we have time off together, we’ll often go out for an ice cream or she’ll come to pottery with me.
When I was younger and couldn’t afford pottery lessons, Michelle used to let me clean her studio in lieu of payment.
She’s helped out so much with this exhibition. ”
“I want to kill everyone who was ever mean to you. Seriously. I want a list of names.”
She smiled up at him.
He was cute when he got riled up.
Oops, there she went thinking he was cute again. He’d probably be insulted if she told him that.
A list of names. He was hilarious.
“Why does that make you smile?” he demanded.
“It would take you five years to get through the list,” she joked.
But he didn’t laugh.
Nope. His gaze narrowed and thunder filled his face. “Then it takes me five years. List. Now.”
Was he serious?
“Are you serious?” she asked.
He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. “Shit. No. Of course I’m not serious.”
Oh right.
That’s what she’d thought.
“You don’t have to give me the list right now. Take a few weeks. You need to recover. You shouldn’t be thinking about anything else but that.”
She waited for him to tell her that he was joking. But he didn’t. In fact, he looked very intense.
“You’re not . . . you can’t do that.”
“Sure I can. I’ll work my way through every one of those assholes until they regret the day they were born.”
“And I thought I had a thirst for revenge,” she muttered.
A look of interest filled his face. “You have a thirst for revenge, baby?”
Heck. Why did she say that? Now she was going to have to explain herself.
“Well, yes, you know that. Salt in the coffee, remember?” she said quickly.
“Hmm. Is that the only revenge you’ve ever partaken in?” he practically purred.
It was like he knew. But he couldn’t know, could he?
Nope. That was impossible. There was no way.
“Yes, I think so,” she lied. She didn’t let herself get worked up that often. Sometimes an old classmate came into the café or bar, but they usually didn’t recognize her. And she didn’t really blame anyone for laughing at her when she was younger.
“Hmm.” He didn’t look like he believed her.
There’s no way he knows. If he did, you’d be in a world of trouble.
As much as she hated keeping anything from him, she knew that no one could ever know.
“Another rule, while you’re recovering you’re not to get out of bed on your own. Understand? Can’t believe the nurse let you do that.”
“She didn’t let me do anything,” she told him before yawning. Her eyelids were just so darn heavy. “I can do what I want.”
Strange. She hadn’t been able to sleep before. She’d been completely wired, but now that Hayes was here she felt very sleepy.
Weird, right? It wasn’t like he was boring or anything. It was more that she could rest because she felt so safe with him around.
As though nothing was going to get to her because he was here, watching over her.
There was a beat of silence and she probably should have taken heed of that instead of just basking in this feeling of being able to do anything because someone else was looking out for her wellbeing for once.
“Do you mean that you just got up on your own, without asking for help? Did the nurse tell you to ask for help, little girl?”
Oh heck.
That ‘little girl’ did things to her that it really shouldn’t.
She was in trouble here.
“I’m gonna go to sleep now.”
“I just bet you are. We’ll save our chat for later. About things that you are and aren’t allowed to do. And the consequences for breaking the rules.”
She really was mostly asleep by then, so she told herself that she must have imagined those words.