Chapter 33
D evi woke up with a gasp.
Terror held her in its grasp and she couldn’t breathe. She coughed, choking.
“Devi! Fuck, baby! Breathe. Just breathe.”
Hayes was suddenly there, helping her sit up as he rubbed her back. He grasped hold of her good hand, squeezing it tight.
“Fucking well breathe, Devi!”
And for some insane reason her body actually obeyed him. She took one shallow breath.
“And again. Be a good girl for Daddy. Take another breath. That’s it. Good. Again. Slow it down. In. Hold. Out. And again.”
She slowed her breathing down, aware that she was shaking and that she was growing cold due to the sweat drying on her skin.
Eww. Gross.
She still couldn’t remember the dream, but it had obviously been a bad one.
“That’s it. Good girl. You’re doing so well.”
Urgh, she really, really liked being praised.
All she was doing was breathing, though. It really wasn’t that big of a deal.
For some reason, he lifted her up and then he sat down on the bed with her in his lap.
His arms came around her and he held her tight, careful not to brush against her sore arm.
“There you are, baby. It’s all right. You’re okay. I have you.”
She closed her eyes for a long moment, just taking in the moment. The feeling of him holding her, keeping her safe.
“You’re all right. Daddy has you.”
Be my Daddy forever. Please.
She bit back the words. She had no right to ask that of him.
“Can you tell me what the nightmare was about?” he asked.
“I don’t . . . I don’t really remember. I guess it was probably about the other night.”
He rocked her back and forth and she pressed her good cheek against his chest as she brought her thumb to her mouth and sucked.
“Poor baby. That’s it. Take your comfort.”
Sometimes, she sucked her thumb to comfort herself. But she hoped no one came in.
“Don’t worry. I have you.”
Devi wasn’t sure how long they sat there, but if she hadn’t had to pee, she’d have been happy to sit there all afternoon.
Knowing she wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer, she started wriggling on his lap. She didn’t think about removing her thumb and telling him what she wanted.
She just thought that he should know.
“Does my baby girl need to go pee?”
Strangely, she shook her head. Huh? What was wrong with her? She did need to pee. Really badly.
So why did you shake your head?
“I think you do. You should tell Daddy if you need to go potty,” he murmured.
Potty? She didn’t potty! She was a big girl.
Devi huffed out a breath and sucked on her thumb harder.
“Do you need to go potty?”
That was just too much. She took her thumb from her mouth. “It’s not potty, Daddy. Big girls go toilet.”
“I don’t think my girl is as big a girl as she thinks she is. I think she might be a baby.”
Rude.
But she didn’t protest, she merely put her thumb back in her mouth as she allowed him to carry her to the bathroom.
Yes. Allowed.
And then she allowed him to pull down her pants and panties and put her on the toilet.
Just like she allowed him to clean her up. It was all with her permission. When he tried to carry her back into the bedroom without washing her hands, she pointed at the sink.
“No. You’re not going over there,” he told her.
He couldn’t keep all mirrors from her.
“You’re so incredibly beautiful. I just . . . I don’t want you hurting.” He carried her back into the room and then washed her hands with a cloth. “Understand?”
She nodded. She guessed there was plenty of time for her to look at her face.
“I do need to talk to you, though.” Sitting on the bed, he faced her, his expression serious.
Her stomach twisted into a knot. She didn’t like the sound of that conversation. Actually, she thought she might just avoid it all together.
Her brain wasn’t ready to handle anything else. Being in Little headspace was freaking bliss. It meant that Hayes had to do all the worrying, while she got to just . . . be.
Okay, so it was a nice thought, but she couldn’t live forever in Little headspace.
“Not ready to come back, huh? Well, I suppose this could wait . . .”
A knock on the door interrupted him and he sighed as he glanced over.
“Or maybe not.” There was real regret in his face as he looked at her. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I promise, once this is all fixed up and all of this crap is over with that you can be Little for as long as you want. All right?”
She slid her thumb from her mouth with a nod. “It’s okay.”
Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against her forehead. Her heart skipped a beat. For a moment she’d thought that he might kiss her on the lips.
Silly girl.
He got off the bed and opened the door. Kent walked in with an attractive, younger guy who was dressed in a crisp white shirt and black pressed pants. His hair was perfectly combed and he was clean-shaven.
Who was he?
“Devi, this is Liam. I might have mentioned him before, I think,” Hayes said.
She would have replied . . . except she’d just spotted what Liam was holding in his hand.
Her backpack.
“What . . . what are you doing with my backpack?” she asked in a hoarse whisper.
“The police finally released your home to us this morning,” Kent told her. “Liam and I went through it to salvage what we could of your stuff and to see if there was anything the police missed.”
“We found this.” Liam told her, holding up her worn backpack. “The stuff had been dumped out, but it seems that no one realized it has a secret pocket.”
She licked her lips. “In . . . in high school some of the boys were real dicks. They’d tip girls backpacks up. Rohan got that backpack for me so I could hide things in it. Not that I had a lot to hide . . . I’m rambling.”
She stared from one to the other and she just knew.
“You found my stationery.”
“Yeah, baby, we did. What were you thinking?” Hayes demanded.
“Hayes, easy,” Kent told him.
“No! I can’t be easy.”
Oh God.
He was really mad. Her breathing started coming in fast pants.
“She needs to know how serious this is!” Hayes added.
“You should speak in a quieter voice since you are scaring her,” Liam said matter-of-factly. “At least, she appears frightened. Her pupils are wide, her breathing is fast, and she has grown pale.”
“Fuck! Shit.” Hayes moved to her, gathering her up into his arms carefully. She pushed her face into him as she wrapped her legs around his waist and her good arm around his neck.
“I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” she cried.
“It’s just . . . he’s such an asshole. I knew he could have done better for Rohan, it was like he didn’t even care.
And Rohan is all I have and I got so mad every time I visited him.
Stein took all of our money. Rohan had to sell his car and his apartment and he gave that .
. . that rat every cent and he didn’t even try! ”
Hayes started rocking her, hushing her. But she couldn’t stop now. She was on a roll.
“I would visit Rohan on a Sunday and then I’d take a bus to a different area of the city and I’d just pour my feelings out to that bastard and send him the letter. I kept stamps and paper and envelopes in my backpack. I should have mixed up the stationery.”
“Yes, that would probably have been smarter if you’d wished to remain anonymous and get away with this,” Liam said in a monotone voice.
A sob broke from her lips.
“Shit, Liam,” Hayes said. “Do you have to be so blunt?”
“That was blunt?” Liam asked. “I thought I was just telling the truth.”
“It’s all right, baby. Don’t cry,” Hayes whispered.
“I’m going to go to jail!” she wailed. “I think I’m entitled to cry.”
There was silence other than her small sobs, which she gradually got under control.
The tension in the room was weird. Leaning back, she stared up at Hayes, then over to Liam and Kent.
She expected them to look angry or disgusted.
Instead, Liam appeared blank, Kent seemed sympathetic, and Hayes looked shocked.
“What is it?” she asked as Kent walked over and grabbed some tissues holding them out to her.
Hayes shifted her weight to one arm so he could grab them. Then he wiped her face and held them to her nose. “Blow.”
Liam watched in interest. Which was slightly strange, although she didn’t get any weird vibes from him.
“Blow?” she repeated.
“Yes, blow.”
She stared at the tissue in shock. What was happening right now?
“I believe he wants you to blow your nose on the tissue,” Liam told her. “Why he wouldn’t let you do it . . . well, it could be one of those Daddy things. Or maybe it’s a Hayes thing. I’m not certain. Kent, do you hold the tissue when Abby needs to blow her nose?”
Kent sighed. “Liam, that’s one of those things you probably shouldn’t ask about.”
“Hmm. Noted.”
“Blow,” Hayes commanded.
This time she blew her nose. Gross.
“Jail?” Hayes said after pulling the tissue away from her nose. “I can’t believe you think I would allow you to go to jail.”
What?
“I . . . I . . . isn’t that why you’re all here?”
“Why would we bring this to you if we wanted you to go to jail?” Liam asked. “We’d simply go to the police and have them arrest you. Although with how incompetent the local police force around here is, there’s only around a seventy-five percent chance that they would actually arrest you.”
She sifted through that information for the important parts. “I’m not going to jail?”
“Of course you’re not going to jail!” Hayes barked, making her jump.
“Hayes,” Kent said in a warning voice. “You’re scaring her.”
But he wasn’t. She’d much rather he just give it to her straight. She buried her face back into his chest and started to cry again. Silently, this time.
“So the letters were posted on Sunday,” Liam said. “That’s why they usually arrived on a Tuesday. We were right to think that they were related to one of Stein’s failed cases. He really did bungle your brother’s case. But then, you know that.”
A sob escaped.
“Um, oh, don’t worry though,” Liam added quickly. “Gwen is very good at her job. I’m sure she will get your brother out soon.”
Devi drew back and let Hayes wipe her nose and cheeks again.