Chapter 37
“ I think we need to talk about these rules,” Devi said with a scowl a while later.
It was dark outside and they’d been driving so long that her butt felt numb. But she wasn’t going to tell him that.
Knowing Hayes, he’d insist on pulling over so he could massage it or something.
She shifted on the seat, trying to ignore the pressure in her bladder. Even though they’d stopped several times to use the bathroom, she was still close to bursting.
“The rules?” he asked.
“Yes. I want to make sure I know them all. One of them is no calling myself names or saying bad things about myself.”
“Right.”
“But that has nothing to do with safety or health.”
“It affects your mental health,” he said. “And it’s blatantly untrue which means you’re lying.”
“Does the ‘no lying’ rule go both ways?”
“Of course,” he replied instantly.
All right, then.
“And you have to tell me if you need something.”
She wouldn’t be doing that unless it was something important. And she couldn’t imagine what she might need.
Well, except for a toilet. That would be awfully helpful right now.
For the first time in her adult life, she was kind of wishing for diapers. They hadn’t come across a service station or town in ages.
A cramp hit her lower tummy.
Oh no.
Was that a ‘I need to pee badly’ cramp? Or a ‘you’re already having a horrid time so your body is going to make it even worse because it hates you’ cramp?
If she was a betting person she’d go for the latter. Because, honestly, that just seemed to be her life at the moment.
“You need to keep yourself healthy and follow all safety rules. Which includes not leaving my cabin unless you are with me or someone I approve of.”
“I thought Sanctuary Ranch was well-guarded?”
“It is. Still not risking your safety to other people. All it takes is for someone to fuck up and the place could be breached.”
“You have control issues,” she told him.
“Less chance of things going wrong when I’m in charge,” he said.
“You can’t control the whole world.”
“Don’t want to control the whole world,” he replied. “Just need to control my part of it so that nothing goes wrong.”
Devi wanted to point out that that was impossible. But then she remembered what happened to his wife.
It was no wonder he wanted some form of control.
She also understood the reasons behind all these rules. May’s death had traumatized him. Devi wondered if she’d ever find someone to love her as much as he’d loved May.
She guessed he thought that surrounding her in ridiculous rules would help keep her safe. What she didn’t understand is why he cared so much. She wasn’t his wife. And she knew that he could never love her.
As much as she might wish he was truly her fiancé.
Don’t think about that right now.
Sighing, she shifted around.
“What’s wrong?” he demanded. “Are you in pain?”
“No. Not really.”
“Not really?” He turned his head to her. “Remember your rule about telling me what you need?”
She might have resisted telling him for longer if another cramp hadn’t caught her by surprise. Breathing through it, she leaned back as it eased.
“Toilet. Please.”
“Right.”
It was another five minutes before they reached a rest area. By that stage she was in a bad way. The pain was getting more intense and she desperately had to pee.
He got her out of the car and carried her to the bathroom.
“I can walk.”
“Not sure that’s true.” Hayes walked straight into one of the unisex toilets for wheelchair users and shut the door behind them, locking it.
“You can’t stay in here with me!”
“I’ve stayed in the bathroom plenty of times with you,” he pointed out.
“But not anymore. Out! Out. Please. I deserve some privacy. Out.”
To her shock, that actually worked.
At the door, he turned to her. “Leave this unlocked and if you need me, yell out.”
Then he was gone.
And she felt the stupid urge to burst into tears because she hadn’t actually wanted him to leave.
Oh Lord.
She was in big trouble here.
Come on, Devi. You don’t need to rely on Hayes to take care of you for everything.
No, but it sure was nice and her Little didn’t really understand this need for independence.
Pushing down her pants and panties with one hand, she noticed that her period had started.
Really? Could anything else go wrong?
Sitting on the toilet, she nearly cried as she finally peed, it was such a relief.
Ouch.
That actually hurt. Reaching for some toilet paper, she cleaned herself up.
Shoot. She didn’t have any sanitary products.
What was she going to do?
Suddenly, it just became all too much, and she burst into tears.
Well. This was going well, wasn’t it?
What the hell was going on with her?
Why would she tell him to leave? He hadn’t wanted to go. Every instinct had told him to stay and look after her.
But the look on her face . . . the tone of her voice . . . she’d seemed so desperate. So he’d walked out and left her in the bathroom.
To fend for herself.
Nope. This was wrong. He should be in there with her.
But was he being too controlling?
May had let him take charge when it came to her Little or in the bedroom, but that was about it. She’d never have let him come into the bathroom with her.
But maybe if he’d taken control more she’d still be alive.
Okay, even he knew that was stupid. But it just felt like if he controlled every aspect of her life that nothing would happen to Devi.
Do not scare that girl away with your bossy ways.
Right. Thanks for the helpful advice, May.
Devi needed him in ways that May never had.
May had an awesome upbringing with a family who had adored her.
And who had taught her how to take care of herself.
Devi had been looking after herself for most of her life, but she still didn’t know how to put herself first. How to protect herself and make sure that others didn’t take advantage of her.
That was his job now.
Not to mention that she was injured and possibly in danger.
It made his instincts go into hyperdrive.
“Hey, what’s going on? Why’re you pacing up and down the hallways like a bear with a sore paw. Where’s Devi?”
“Bathroom.”
Donovan’s face twisted into sympathy. “Too much junk food? Been there, done that. She need some medication to stop her up?”
Hayes gaped at him. What was he . . . oh. “I don’t think she’s having those kinds of problems.”
Well, what did he know, though? She could be and he was out here twisting his fingers together.
“Just go and get some more water for her, will you?” he grumbled.
“Say please,” Donovan said with a grin.
“I’ll say please by sticking my boot up your ass,” he grumbled.
“Aww, that’s a kind offer, but fisting isn’t really my thing. And I’m not into grouchy, older guys.”
“Donovan!” he snapped.
“Going, going, sheesh.”
Hayes took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
Stop acting like a grumpy asshole and do what you need to do to help her.
He knocked on the door. “Devi? You okay, baby?”
Was that a sniffle? Was she crying?
Right. That was it. “I’m coming in.”
“No, wait!” she cried as he walked in to find her stuffing toilet paper into her panties.
What the heck?
Her face was bright red and there were fat tears running down her cheeks. He fucking hated that she looked so miserable.
“Baby, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” he asked as he made sure the door was closed and locked behind him. “What are you doing?”
“I, um, God, this is ridiculous. I need to go and buy myself some products.”
Products? What was she talking about?
Oh.
Suddenly it clicked. But why hadn’t she just asked him? Then he thought about that for a moment. Devi wasn’t like May who would have just bluntly told him that she needed sanitary products. She’d grown up with a mom and two older sisters.
Who had Devi had? Had her mom still been alive when she’d gotten her period? Who got stuff for her after she died?
You need to tread carefully.
Yes, thanks for pointing out the obvious, weird voice in my head that sounds like my dead wife.
He instantly felt terrible for speaking that way to May.
Sorry.
Urgh. Yep, he was definitely losing his mind.
“What sort of products do you like? And be specific. I know there are certain brands that May hated.”
“I . . . what?” she asked.
He crouched in front of her, cupping her good cheek.
“Oh God. What are you doing?” she wailed. “I’m sitting on the toilet with my panties down at my knees and I . . . I have my period!”
It was said quickly. And she bit her lip, waiting, as though she thought that was some huge revelation and she wasn’t certain of his reaction.
He found himself having to hide a smile.
Poor baby girl thought this was a big deal. But it wasn’t even close to anything he would consider an issue.
“I know, baby,” he said in a matter-of-fact voice. “That’s why I asked you what you needed. You don’t have anything and we both know that toilet paper isn’t going to cut it.”
“It was just to get me by while I went out and bought some stuff.”
“And you don’t need to do that because I can go get the stuff for you. Tell me what you need.”
A small sob escaped her. A tendril of panic unfurled. He was supposed to be making things better, not worse.
“Or you can walk out there with paper-filled panties and pick what you want,” he told her.
“You . . . you have no idea how n-nice you are, do you?”
Nice? Him?
“Baby, the last word anyone would ever use to describe me is nice,” he told her.
“But you are.” She sniffled. “I don’t know anyone else who would . . . who would do this for me.”
He frowned. “What? Your brother wouldn’t go get you stuff for your period?”
“I don’t know. Maybe now. I never asked him to.”
“Was your mom alive when you got your first period?”
She bit her lip, then shook her head. “No, it came a couple of months after. But she’d prepared me for it.”
Fuck.
“Who helped you?” he asked.