Chapter 59 #2
“I stole his cake,” she confesses, her eyes awash with tears. “I lied about it. And then I kept lying about it because it was funny to watch him run around questioning everyone and freaking out about it. I feel like such a terrible person—”
The announcement system crackles to life, interrupting Raven midsentence.
“Attention, all base personnel.”
Kallister’s voice sends an icy shiver down my spine.
“As many of you have already heard, we suffered a tragic loss tonight. Mako Wilsen was killed in what appears to be a ridgehowler attack that also nearly claimed the life of Hawkins Jost. The circumstances are—”
What?
“Nearly” claimed the life of Hawkins Jost?
Hawkins is still alive?
I quickly poke Saint’s mind. I expect he won’t be able to link, but he surprises me by responding.
“Before you ask, I just found out.”
“He survived?” I say, dread shooting up my throat.
“Seems so. He had a weak pulse when we brought his body back. Brion tried to heal him, but he’s not strong enough.
” Brion is one of the healers who lives in the valley.
Kallister must have dispatched him to the Dagger after Fiona’s death.
“He’s in the regen chamber, but we don’t know if that’ll work, either.
There was a ton of damage to his throat. ”
“He’s not awake, though?”
“No. Won’t be for a long while. The chamber currently shows a twelve-hour treatment.”
Twelve hours? Hawkins is in bad shape, then. A regen for a broken arm usually takes less than an hour. Cancer treatments, less than a week. Twelve hours is a long time for a wound.
“Is it awful that I hope he dies?” I ask Saint.
“No. We’ve all been hoping for that for years.”
“Did Kallister believe your story when you spoke to him?”
“Appears so.”
“ ‘Appears’? Can’t you plant a seed in his head telling him he believes you?”
“No. Persuasion doesn’t work on Kallister.”
That surprises me. “So you’ve tried it on him before?”
“A few times. It doesn’t work on everyone. Planting ideas is an art. You can plant the seed, but that doesn’t mean it always takes root.”
I’m desperate to learn more about this ability of his, but I know now is not the time, so I don’t object when he breaks the link. I try to focus on the rest of Kallister’s announcement.
“…a memorial service tomorrow afternoon to honor Mako’s life, along with our dear Fiona and all the other lives we lost during the attack on Bramble Base. They will be greatly missed. For now, I ask that you respect everyone’s grieving process but remain focused on your duties.”
The PA system clicks off.
I need to talk to Gray. Saint. Maybe Tana, too. We have to figure out what to do about Kallister, but nobody is getting back to me. As I slip under the blanket, I send Gray another message, but it goes unanswered.
Just as I resign myself to the fact that he officially wants nothing to do with me, a knock sounds on my door.
I hurry to answer it, emotion flooding my chest when I see his face.
He looks tired. Sad. But still handsome as ever. He doesn’t make a move to touch me, so I simply back up and let him enter.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” he says roughly, peering past me at my rumpled covers in the glow of the bedside lamp. “It’s barely ten. I didn’t think you’d be—”
“No. I wasn’t sleeping. Come in. I want to go back to my blanket.”
I climb into bed again, because there’s been an unending chill in my bones since I watched Mako plummet to his death.
Tonight was…devastating.
Gray looks pretty devastated himself. He sinks on the edge of the bed, angling his body toward me. “I can’t believe Mako is gone.”
“I know.” The knot in my throat threatens to choke me. “We need to talk about—”
He cuts me off with a soft groan.
“I’m sorry,” he says, so quiet I barely hear him.
“For what?”
“For being a prickhole to you all day.”
“No. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
I scoot closer to him. I want to wrap my arms around him, but I’m worried he’ll push me away. I settle for holding his hand.
The lamplight casts shadows on his face, emphasizing the dark circles under his eyes. His grief hangs heavy in the air. I need to tell him what happened with Mako and Hawkins, but he has his own stuff to unload first.
“You should’ve told me about your parents.” His voice is low.
“I know. I was afraid. I didn’t want you to hate me for what they did.”
He searches my face. “You honestly believed I’d hate you? That I would view you any differently if I knew?”
I blink. “You don’t?”
“Fuck, Wren, of course not. You’re not responsible for your parents’ crimes.”
“But…the way you reacted in the Temple. You looked so disgusted…so angry…”
“I was angry because you kept it from me. But I could never hate you.” His throat works as he swallows. “I love you.”
The confession lingers between us.
“I’m sorry if I made you feel like I blamed you for what your parents did. Because I don’t.” He cups my cheek, his thumb gently stroking. “If I’m being honest, I never spent much time thinking about the Tin Block Traitors or obsessing about them, like some of the other Ridge survivors.”
“Like Luisa’s dad.”
“Seth needs someone to blame,” Gray says simply. “And it’s easy to channel all that rage to the Mods who betrayed us.”
“But they’re not the ones to blame?” I ask, confused.
“They deserve some of it, yes. But so do the bombers, the pilots, the Command soldiers. The Company is responsible for what happened. Your parents were just cogs in a war machine.” His hand slides into my hair, threading through the thick strands.
“I could never hate you,” he whispers, resting his forehead against mine.
I drag in a trembling breath and finally wrap my arms around him. As he holds me, I feel the steady beating of his heart against my breasts and the warmth of his palm stroking my lower back.
I think I love him, too.
No, I know I do.
It’s not quite what it was with Cross, but it’s there, and it’s real.
I never gave the idea much thought, but if you’d asked me before tonight, I would’ve told you it was impossible to love two people at once. Now I’m not so certain. Because maybe the heart can hold space for more than one love.
The kind of love that anchors you and sees right into the messy core of you.
Or the kind that pulls you toward growth and a better version of yourself.
Our minds always seek to simplify the world around us in order to make sense of it, but maybe the heart isn’t meant to be confined to one neat and tidy category. Your heart doesn’t have to make sense, because love doesn’t fucking make sense.
“I’m scared,” I say against Gray’s chest.
He pulls back. “Scared of what?”
“Saying it back.” The words come out in a rush.
“Saying you love me.”
I nod, tears stinging my eyelids.
“Because a part of you will always belong to him.”
My hands fall from his chest. “Yes.”
He doesn’t even blink at the answer. Doesn’t flinch. All he says is, “I know.”
My gaze finds his. I expect to see anger or resentment, but all I find is acceptance and understanding.
“I’m not asking you to forget him. I hope that eventually, you will. That he’ll just be a distant memory that doesn’t have any hold on you.” Emotion ripples through his voice. “And I hope that one day I’ll be able to give you every part of me, too. But neither of us is there yet.”
I absorb his words. They make me feel better, knowing he’s still holding something back, that we both are.
I meet Gray’s eyes again. “I do love you. I don’t know when it happened, but sometime during this year, you sort of grew on me.”
He gives me a faint smile. “I know exactly what you mean.”
The past isn’t something I can erase. Cross owns a piece of my heart. I can’t not love him, not when he’s been a part of me since I was six years old. But there’s space in there for Gray, too.
He bends his head and presses his lips to mine. It’s soft. Sweet.
I lean into him, clinging hard. “Ace?”
“Hmm?” he says against my hair.
“This is probably going to ruin the moment, but…” I swallow. “I’m the one who almost killed Hawkins.”
There’s a beat of silence. Then he startles me by laughing.
“Of course.” He sighs.
Before I can explain, both our comms buzz at the same time. Frowning, he reaches for his and checks the screen. He spits out an outraged curse a second later.
“What is it?” I ask in concern.
Without a word, he twists the comm to show me the Dagger-wide alert from our new leader.
To: All Blue Dagger Base Personnel
From: Kallister Ash
As I’m sure most of you are already aware, earlier this afternoon Order Five was invoked and subsequently passed. The Authority has been disbanded, and Adrienne Knox has been removed from leadership and detained in the cells.
After thorough review and consideration of the events surrounding the Bramble Base ambush, I’ve concluded that the prisoner’s reckless actions directly resulted in catastrophic and irreparable damage.
Anything less than the highest punishment would be a failure of our duty to the lives we lost that night.
As such, Adrienne Knox has been sentenced for the high crime of treason and will be executed at midnight.